Awakening
by bbwraven
Summary: Rockstar Edward Cullen is going to Forks for much needed R&R with family and friends. He didn't expect to find old flame Bella Swan dealing with an abusive husband. Can he put his bruised ego aside to be there for Bella, risking his heart to her again?
1. Forget You

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own this, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyers. I was inspired by Kings of Leon and encouraged & guided by the awesome Jane Bond. And to my Twilight Sisterhood girls who've been nothing but supportive of my journey. This is my first attempt at FF so please be gentle......(((hugs))) **

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**Forget you**

By Edward Cullen

**_No one really knows I'm the walking dead_**

**_But the shell of my human self will never forget_**

**_The moment my life ceased_**

**_As is I have some crazed disease_**

**_I need to wipe away your memory……._**

**_I will forget your name,_**

**_I will forget your name,_**

**_I will erase every memory I have of you,_**

**_I'll pretend those moments weren't even true._**

**_I'll figure out how live again,_**

**_I'll learn how to stand_**

**_I'm standing here in the rain,_**

**_Your words causing so much pain,_**

**_You walk back into the house as I'm standing there_**

**_Pouring my heart out_**

**_And you walked away!_**

**_But I will forget your name…_**

**_I will forget you exist_**

**_I will learn to live….again_**

The stage lights were still down and the roar of the crowd was overwhelming but at the same time soothing. The longer I waited the louder they screamed my name. Closing my eyes I began to strum my guitar, the audience quiet compared to what I was hearing now, in my head. Feeding off their need I played her song, the one that started it all. No one knew these words tormented me, I just knew they craved them as if they were drug addicts and I was their dealer.

But I'm no dealer, I'm Edward Cullen.

As I started to sing, I stripped my soul bare with her song and it seemed appropriate as I glanced up, that I see her sitting in the crowd just as the house lights came on exposing the audience. Staring at her, my heart started pounding in my chest and my voice choked. I couldn't finish and as if the crowd knew it they continued to sing the words 'I will forget your name, I will erase every memory I have of you'.

Jasper came to my side with questions in his eyes that I couldn't answer. I was barely playing, my hands loosely strumming my guitar. I felt like I was in a drunken stupor. Trying to snap out of it, I motioned for Emmett to take the solos and like a kid in a candy store he went for it like the pro I knew my brother was.

I turned towards Rose on drums; she's was giving me a disapproving look. Yeah, I was going to have to hear about it later, she hates it when I fuck up.

Alice mouthed, 'are you ok?' I simply shrugged still feeling dazed.

"Seriously are you ok?" Jasper asked me, sounding concerned.

"Just saw a ghost" was all I could muster.

Jasper knew immediately what I was talking about, after all he was the only one who knew what this song was really about. Fuck her, I thought to myself, this is my show.

Since everything was already off they were waiting for my signal, I motioned for Jasper to slow down the tempo and the others were to follow suit just as Emmett finished his solo.

I began to sing a slower version of the chorus that became my mantra.

**I'll forget your name**

**I'll forget your name**

**I will erase every memory I have of you**

"This has been a great show, it's great to be back home" I yelled and the crowd went wild screaming my name. I even heard a 'Rose show me your rack' that made me chuckle and I knew Rose would just roll her eyes if she heard that.

"You have been great audience! Hell you guys don't need me to finish this song." The crowd was screaming for more.

"Want to help me take it out?" A collective roar went through the arena. "Ok, you know the chorus repeat it twice after I finish....ok here we go."

I sang the chorus hoping she knew it was for her and I signaled for the band to fade until the audience was done singing and to start up to re-fade as usual. Then I pointed to the audience and they were singing the words so loud it practically shook the stage.

It never failed after singing this song that the ache in my heart became so bad that I couldn't breathe. There was a reason it was the last song of the night, I was simply no good after singing it. Seeing her in the audience reopened that ache.

After the song ended, it was time to take our bows. Even though I was technically a solo act everyone knew Cullen was a band. With Rose and Emmett on my left, Alice and Jasper on my right we took our final bow. The flashes were going off. I smiled and even bent over to the audience and shook a few hands.

Peering into the crowd, I saw a young girl about 7 years old trying to give me a little bear with guitar. The crowd was overhelming her and not wanting to her to get trampled I leaned over and pulled her on stage as security held the crowd back.

"I made this for you", she said as she pushed the bear in my hands. She looked out into the crowd, with her eyes growing wide. "This is so scary." She looked at me then, her eyes narrowing and the sidelong glance she gave me was so joyful. She threw her small arms around my neck and squeezed. "I love the fun-fun song".

I chuckled because most people were in a state of shock at my behavior and silly songs. Emmett thought it was funny to post the drunken videos on YouTube but tonight I needed a pick me up so I sang it live. I was able to keep it PG since I was sober and she seemed to enjoy it.

"Thank you." I whispered in her ear as I hugged her back. I handed her back to security, grabbed the bear and walked off stage. I don't usually keep toys but I was planning on keeping this one, plus the bear had a miniature white shirt, pinstripe vest and the Cullen crest over the heart. The Cullen Crest is simply a part of me; I always try to keep the gifts from fans that include the crest.

As I exited the stage I saw a fuming Rose angrily puffing on a cigarette. Once she saw me she was ready to pounce.

"Fuck Edward why did you go all fucktard on us? You know that song, I've even heard you fucking sing that song in your fucking sleep" she yelled.

"Not now Rose!" I muttered roughly, my words reflecting my mood.

I began to walk away, but before I could escape my mom grabbed me and threw herself into my arms giggling.

"Sweetie you were so good!" she exclaimed.

"Thanks Mom but before we get all huggy and stuff, let me shower first, I don't want to get sweat all over you", I chuckled. I was drenched in sweat and I knew I was going to start to stink if I didn't shower soon.

"Oh posh! You're my baby", she said grabbing my face and kissing my forehead.

Oh great, I'm her baby. Dear Lord did I really agree to spend the next 8 weeks with my parents? I must have been really home sick or something when I offered up that brilliant idea.

"Esme, let the boy go shower", my father said gently removing my mom.

I was giving my dad a silent thank you when he motioned with his hand to his mouth that she'd been drinking. Yeah, mom drinking is pure comedy. She can't drink to save her life.

"Great show son. We'll be in the community room", my father added.

The Community Room was the spot we designated to meet up with family and friends after a show. Which also meant mom was going to have more drinks; I was willing to bet that Emmett would have his camera ready.

"Ok give me a few and I'll meet you there", I said running for my private dressing room. I was excited to see my parents, but I never thought I would be excited to hang out with them, especially when I told my dad I wasn't going to medical school but instead taking the record deal that was basically thrown at me 4 years ago.

I was pretty sure he felt partially responsible since he was the one who cut me off financially. He refused to pay for anything other than tuition after I trashed a hotel room with my frat buddies during my junior year of college. So, I started singing, playing guitar or piano at any local college bar that needed someone. I didn't know there were actual record execs that came to watched performances. Once, when one of the singers was too drunk to go on the bar owner of a place I frequent most called me to sing. A record exec happened to be there had seen me a few times before over the course of a year. The next thing I knew I was playing at small venues, and before I could blink a real deal was presented.

Thinking about the original band the record label set me up with made me chuckle. They were whiners who were angry that they didn't have a say on my song writing process since I had creative control. After one week and a failed performance in Phoenix I fired them. I immediately called my best friend Jasper to play bass and my brother Emmett, who was still recovering from a career ending injury from the NFL, to play lead guitar. I was still trying to find a drummer when Emmett suggested his ex-fiancée Rose and thankfully there hasn't been any awkwardness between the two. My sister Alice, who refused to be left out, appointed herself my stylist and occassional keyboardist.

Placing my new favorite toy on the table, I shed my clothes, grabbed a towel and hopped in the shower. As the hot water hit my skin, I finally allowed myself to think about seeing her in the audience tonight. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and drifted back, I could still see those deep brown eyes that always reminded me of chocolate, and her long mahogany hair that smelled like flowers. She had a bottom lip was slightly larger than the top. I could remember kissing those lips for hours and her excited moans when we'd made love. I shouldn't have allowed myself to think about her that way. With images of her flashing through my mind my erection was quickly becoming uncomfortable.

Once I put myself at ease, I finished my shower and got dressed. Alice, my self-appointed stylist, pre-approved my jeans, white wife beater layered with an overly priced flannel shirt, black and white Converse. I was going to throw on my favorite baseball cap but remembered it was packed with my items I sent back to my parent's house. Fortunately, my hair dries pretty fast so I made quick work of my hair applying Frederic Fekkai's Glossing Cream, my one girlie product and the only thing that helps tame my out of control curls. As I was running the glossing cream through my hair I made a mental note to tag Leah while I was in town. Hopefully she could squeeze in time for a cut. I was getting a little shaggier than usual.

Taking a final glance in the mirror I put on my game face and made my way to find my family.

When I entered into the Community Room the first person I saw was one of my good friend's Jacob Black and his fiancée, Leah. I hadn't seen Jake in 6 months since he and Leah joined the band for a week in London and Paris, which he took full advantage of, so it was also where they got engaged.

Jake sauntered over when he noticed me.

"Bout time you brought your ugly mug down here", he said gathering me in a bro embrace. Jake was 5 inches taller than my 6'2 and just as big as Emmett if not bigger.

"Fucker!"

I turned and gave Leah a brief hug and kiss on the cheek. "Hey beautiful, are you sure want to marry this fucktard? I just want you to realize that the option to runaway with me is still there", I said jokingly.

"And have your fans scratch out my eyes, no thank you", she laughed. I took her in my arms and twirled her until her back was against my chest. I wrap my arms around her waist and kissed her neck. As I glanced up I saw the stunned expression on Jake's face.

"Sorry Jake, I'm gonna steal your lady one day", I said smiling.

"HA!" Jake laughed and grabbed Leah. "You can try if you want Cullen but the lady is mine!" He bent her over and gave her an intimate kiss. I grinned and looked away.

"Jake, stop being a possessive ass. You know he can never steal me away from you", Leah snorted, "Plus, I refuse to be the source of his next angry song".

"Ouch Leah" I said grabbing my heart.

Just then, I saw _her_ standing by the bar, it looked like she was texting someone, she slowly glanced up, blinked a few times and gave me a shy smile.

Bella was here.

Bella, the woman I could never replace.

Bella, the woman I was trying to forget.


	2. Trapped

**Disclaimer: **

I do not own Twilight (but it owns me), that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers.

I have to give so much praise to my beta Ms Bond, she's had to deal with my emo ass for weeks. She's my personal 007 and has saved me from the bad guys – Writer's Block. She will let me know when I've gone too far or when I need to step it up. And I can't forget my Twilight Sister Vanessa for constantly saying "Shut the fuck up Plaine, just do it already!".

**WARNING: This is not a pretty chapter. **

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"Izzy, your ass better have my damn breakfast on the table by the time I get out of the shower!" I heard James yell before he slammed the bathroom door. I scrambled out of bed, but the sheets were twisted around my legs and I fell onto the floor. Great! The last thing I needed was to have James angry at me. He hadn't had an 'episode' in almost a week, which was the longest he had gone since we had gotten married 4 years ago.

As quickly as I could, I dressed and dashed into the kitchen. Putting the skillet on to warm up, I went to the refrigerator to get 2 eggs and some bacon. I grabbed the loaf of bread to make toast and worked fast knowing he would be in the kitchen at any moment. Just as I was plating his food, he walked into the kitchen and took his place at the head of the table. I placed his plate in front of him and felt the relief wash through me that I had made the deadline. I walked back over to clean the counter and noticed 2 things as I heard the plate hit the wall. Holy Fuck!

I. forgot. the toast. I probably could have gotten away with that, but I had also forgotten the coffee. How the fuck did I forget the coffee? This was not good. Knowing I needed to face the music, I turned around and could immediately see that this was going to be a bad morning.

James glared at me and quietly spoke, "Is this how you treat me after I allow you to party it up in Seattle?" I really hated when spoke that way and my insides started to shake.

"James, I'm sorry..." I knew it was useless to apologize but I hoped he would actually hear me this time. "I really do appreciate you letting me attend the concert with Jacob and Leah; we wished you'd have joined us." I was lying through my teeth. I had been on top of the fucking world to be away from him, even it meant seeing the man I gave up to stay in this place I presently call Hell.

"Really, Izzy? So this is how you repay me? You disregard your chores- very simple chores I might add", he spoke as he closed the distance between us.

I was trapped, the counter was behind me and he was in front of me.

"I'm sorry baby." I held out my hands to try to soothe him. I was doubtful it would work, but sometimes I got lucky and he calmed down. "I just wanted to get your food on the table quickly, so it would be hot for you", I started to plead as he continued to move forward, and I knew it was useless. Before I could take a breath he swung his arm around and back handed me. It felt like my head wanted to do a 360. I could taste blood in my mouth and I start to fall. He reached down and grabbed me by my hair, practically dragging me to the bedroom. All the pleading and tears didn't make him stop. I suddenly heard a whoosh, and I knew he was going to beat me with his belt. As the leather continuously slapped into my skin I prayed to God asking forgiveness for angering him. I lost count of how many times he struck me, I just knew I no longer had the strength to fight. I arched inward trying to relieve the pain and could feel the welts start to rise all over my body.

"Next time I say have breakfast ready – it better be ready" he huffed finally stopping his furious whipping; using the belt seemed to tire him out more quickly than his fist.

I mumbled a teary "I'm sorry", I was thankful that my hair covered my face, so he couldn't see my tears as I tried to control the sniffling that seemed to set him off as well.

"I'll be home around 5:30, this place better be clean by the time I return", he said as he put his belt back on and proceeded to head to work.

Once I knew he was gone I let the tears flow again. Why did I stay? Jake asked me this constantly and Leah had asked me so many times she had finally given up. I couldn't get them to understand why I felt that I owed James and his family. They took me in when my father Charlie was killed in a routine traffic stop. His family put a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table and spending money in my pocket. They did this when they could have turned me over to the state, and I was forever grateful for being allowed to stay in Forks. Little did I know that I would have to pay with my soul.

I could feel the stiffness starting to set in as I slowly got up off the bedroom floor. Wincing with each step I made my way into the bathroom and started to fill the tub with warm water. I slowly and painfully undressed, avoiding the mirror as I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I turned off the water and before getting into the tub I forced myself to look. I no longer recognized my body; it was bruised and battered.

Turning away from the mirror I shuffled to the tub, and stiffly lowered myself in. I felt the all too familiar aches and pains that my 24 year old body kept suffering; they left me feeling so old.

I knew 4 years ago when I told Edward to take the record deal I was making mistake. But with the pressure from James and his father Bill, I was married to James a week later.

James had always been a little intimidating and I had been able to hold my own, but after we were married it all changed. If he felt I was being a smart ass, he'd let me know he didn't like it. He'd push me against the wall and tell me I was embarrassing him or he'd grab my arm so tightly that I had bruises within the hour.

The first time he out right punched me was 9 months after we were married. He was upset that I didn't have dinner ready. I was explaining to him that I had had to work late and to just order a pizza.

"I don't want a fuckin' pizza Izzy! I expect to come home to a hot meal" he roared.

I was sitting on the couch with my head in my hands nursing a headache. "Well we can't have what we want all the time. Just order the damn pizza James and please stop bitching about it." I never opened my eyes, I never heard him, until he yanked my hair.

"I don't want a fuckin' pizza Izzy. You will go into that kitchen and make my dinner". He was seething. I had never seen him quite this way before.

At first I was in shock, and then I got pissed and tried pushing him off me. "Get off of me James! This isn't funny and I'm not in the mood to cook". I almost got away from him when I felt his fist hit my arm. I hit him back, then he slapped me and as if it was automatic I slapped him back. I was able to slither away from him by crawling on the floor and I was trying to get up when he kicked me in the stomach. He knocked the wind out of me, grabbed me by my hair and dragged me to the kitchen.

"You have 30 minutes to put something on the table" he said and walked out. I was shaking so much I could barely think, I didn't know what to make of what was happening.

Looking back now, I knew I should have left but…I stayed. I hoped it would get better, the few friends I had were gone, except Jake. He almost went to prison for me after he and James got in a fight when he found out what James had done to me. Fortunately, James said he'd drop the charges if I stayed. Leah would have killed me if Jake went to jail. I took the deal and asked Jake to allow me to fix my marriage. We didn't speak for 6 months. Those were the longest six months of my life.

One Friday, James left to go on a rare business trip and was gone for 2 days. Once I knew he was safely in the air I got in my Jeep and made my way to La Push. I found Jake in his garage working under the hood of a car. He didn't say anything to me or even acknowledge I was there. I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Trying to save face I turned around and headed back to my Jeep.

"Wait!!" Jake yelled as I was getting into my car. I stepped back out, closed the door and hesitantly looked up at Jake. It was drizzling as it usually did in Forks but it didn't hide the fact he had tears in his eyes. I had made Jake cry, I did this to my friend, my best friend. He gathered me in his arms and lifted me off the ground. He must have held me for 10 minutes.

"You're to NEVER do that again!" he said, his voice husky.

"I couldn't let him send you to jail Jake", I said, my voice cracking. He put me back on the ground and looked me in the eyes, not ashamed of his tears.

"If I have to go to prison to keep you safe I will! You're my family, don't you get that?" he said gently.

Reaching up I grabbed his face in my hands.

"I need you free. I need to know you're here on this reservation or down in Seattle. That keeps me going. If anything happened to you, I wouldn't survive. ok?" I had to make him understand. He was my quiet strength. "Let me handle this, I know its fucked up right now but I will get out of this".

He gathered me into another tight embrace, "Alive?" he asked quietly, and then buried his face into my neck. I could feel his warm tears slid onto my neck.

"I hope so" I murmured in his ear. Jake growled not liking my answer.

Not ready to let me go he kept me in his embrace and carried me into the house. I took my place at the table in the kitchen as Jake dug a cinnamon roll out of the pan on the counter and placed it on a plate for me. By the looks of it, Sue, Leah's mom made it. She was a fantastic cook and always making all sorts of confections. Jake got one for himself and took a seat across from me barely eating, which was rare for him. The man could eat a horse on a bad day. That's when I looked at him, I mean really looked at him and noticed he'd lost weight. He was not doing so well. I wrapped my small hands against his large palms, and gave them a gentle squeeze. He finally looked up at me and gave a half smirk, his face seemed to relax. We sat there for another half hour in a comfortable silence, not talking, just being together before we headed back to the garage so he could finish working.

Even though he worked on cars from home he still didn't like to keep his customer's cars long. So, I sat on the couch and started to read one of Leah's magazines when I heard a familiar voice coming from the stereo.

"Ohmigod, is that-?" I asked unable to finish saying his name. Jake sent me one his first real smiles.

"Yeah, that's Edward, the airplay for the band has increased in the last few weeks", he said with pride in his voice.

"Wow, I'm just shocked to hear him on the radio already", I said quietly as I listened to Edward sing. His voice was rough, yet soothing; I embraced it like a hug.

I left La Push that afternoon needing to be home when James called. Once I spoke to him and he finished his interrogation, I went back to hang out my friends on the reservation. I felt like a soldier returning home from war only, to be deployed a week later.

I spent all weekend with Jake and it killed me to have to leave.

James was due home on Sunday evening. Jake walked me to the car that afternoon and told me he would call me every day to make sure I was OK. I argued vehemently with him. I didn't want the rock the already shaky boat, so it was settled that I would send him a text every other day. He would just have to be satisfied with that for now.

The return of Jake in my life meant war for me at home; it was a war I fought with all my strength. The result was 2 cracked ribs, a fractured elbow, and a broken arm which had to be reset twice. Every time the hospital staff saw me they immediately called Dr. Cullen It didn't matter which ER doctor was on staff he was there to make sure I was OK. But looking at him was difficult due to the fact I knew who his son was.

The Forks Police Department had to come out to my house way too many times. The men who used to work with my dad tried to help me leave, but something kept me tied to my prison. For some reason and I didn't know what, I knew I wouldn't make it much longer. I was pretty sure I had not been bruise free in more than a year.

I even had thoughts of suicide but knew that's not what I really wanted.

Besides, I couldn't do that to Jake, I owed him more than that. He had been there when everyone else had given up. If it were up to Jake he'd move me to the reservation today. But when I finally did leave James, I knew I would need to vacate Washington all together. At this point Antarctica was looking mighty appealing. I needed to make my break soon because if I didn't, I wouldn't make it to my 25th birthday.

I lifted my hands up out of the water and looked at them. I had been in the tub so long my fingers were starting to prune. I carefully got up out of the tub and grabbed a towel off the rack. As I dried off I glanced at the clock and saw it was barely 10 am. Not caring to go to the kitchen to clean up the mess from breakfast, I decided I was going back to bed. I put on a loose fitting cotton gown before I crawled under the covers and I sent Jake a text. I never mention anymore if and when I have an episode with James, it only sets him off. I set my phone alarm for 2 hrs, grabbed the iPod Jake gave me for Christmas, that James is unaware of, and listened to Edward sing. I wasn't supposed to listen to Cullen because James knew of my time with Edward but Jake downloaded for me anyway.

I closed my eyes and drifted, as Edward sang me to sleep.


	3. Constant Melody

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers is the owner of all that is Twilight. **

**Music: Bobby Long is referenced cause he ROCKS! please check him out. **

**I have to give special thanks to Ms. Bond my beta whom I drive nuts with my potty mouth and bad grammer. Luv u lots, Janie! And a special shout out to Ilsuocantante for listing Awakening in her Fan Fic Rec Blog! Thanks! Check it out www(.)twilightsisterhood(.)blogspot(.)com/2009/09/wws-fic-rec-friday_18(.)html**

**Again, Thanks for reading!! **

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One of the odd beauties of living in Forks is the constant rain. It can be a hard rain, where it creates it's on own beat, or it can be a soft rain that has reminiscence of a back rub. The sky is always cloudy, so sleeping in is easier, but today the room is too bright, which meant a rare day of sunshine.

Since continuing my self induced sleep coma was out, I opened my eyes. I remembered my Dad coming in a few times to check on me, making sure I hadn't OD'ed on some drug. I vaguely recall muttering it was an all natural combination of hang over and pure exhaustion.

I raised my head to take a look around the room, happy to see mom had listened to my request and not redecorated. All I needed was a bed, a couch and my guitars. Closing my eyes I fell onto my back while running my fingers through my hair.

The sunlight wasn't the only reason I woke up, it was this melody that I couldn't maintain. It had been like this for months, I'd find a melody or lyric and when I'd try to get it to replay nothing would happen. I shook my head trying to get rid of the cob webs and figured it was time for a shower, which hadn't seen since I left the arena; it would be a welcome relief.

When I saw Bella the other night had I forgotten how beautiful she was, but at the same time she seemed so much more fragile, and she seemed to have lost a tremendous amount of weight. Not that there was much to her before, but she was noticeably thinner. I knew I couldn't be out right rude but I had to talk to her.

I had seen her talking to my dad and I noticed they were having a serious discussion that ended as soon I approached.

"Hey Dad where's Mom?" I asked.

"She's talking with Alice and Rose about an upcoming shopping trip when Ali and Jazz return from L.A. Edward, do you know -" he asked.

"Bella Swan?" I smirked "Yeah, I met her awhile back" I finished. I noticed her cheeks were red from embarrassment.

"Yeah, it's been a while" she said quietly, her voice had always been a little low but now it was more reserved.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize you knew Edward", he said to her with a frown.

"Yeah, I met him when he was first offered the record deal 4 years ago" she said, biting her lip. Her nervousness seemed to be increasing and I wasn't sure what to make of her behavior.

"Yeah, we met at La Push, the summer I told you I wasn't going to med school" I said with a wicked grin.

"Ahh, yes that was a very stressful time" he said with a slight laugh.

Looking at my father I asked, "How do you know Bella?" my father looked at Bella, and she suddenly had a deer in head lights look on her face.

He caught my gaze and gave a half smile "Bella was a patient of mine" and took a sip of his drink. I knew there was more going on, I'd have to ask him when we were alone.

Emmett made his way over with Jake following up behind him, they were carrying shots. Emmett handed me one and tried to hand one to Bella, but she seemed to be cringing away from him. Jake grabbed one and handed it to her to cover up her behavior. What. The. Fuck? I know Emmett's size could be intimidating, but compared to Jake he was pretty normal. Weird. Alice, Jasper, Mom, Rose and Leah had joined us. We did a salute and took our shots. Just as I finished mine I saw Bella still had her eyes closed, again I was struck by her fragile beauty.

After several drinks and a few more rounds of shots, the band had to go outside to greet a few dozen fans who waited. I was in a very good mood I stayed out there for about an hour. I was pretty sure we got everyone who wanted a picture or autograph. Jake had to play body guard a couple times when a few over anxious fans got to be too much. I'm pretty cool with taking pictures as long as you don't get too handsy and touch my ass. There were some members of the paparazzi taking pictures but not too overwhelming.

I was the only one who decided to stay local so we headed to the W Hotel where we were staying for the night. Sam, Embree, Paul and Seth joined us in the suite since they couldn't make it to the concert. Even though we had just played Jasper pulled out a guitar and started singing, just covers, nothing we've recorded or original and we all joined in at some point. I noticed whenever Jake played Bella had the most serene smile on her face, more relaxed I'd seen her the entire evening. Around 2 am Jake, Leah and Bella left.

"JB we have plenty of room, if you need to crash" I told him as I walked him to the door.

"I would, but I have to get her back" he said with a grimace, he gestured towards Bella.

"What? Would her husband would throw a fit if she's not home?" I said jokingly but the look on Jake's face stopped me from laughing any further. He looked as if he could barely contain his anger.

"You have no fucking idea" he said in a low growl and walked off to the elevator where Leah and Bella were waiting for him. I saw him take Leah's hand and gently rub Bella's back as she stared at her shoes. Something was definitely up.

Alice poked her head out to see what I was looking at, she saw Jake usher Bella and Leah into the elevator.

"Are you going to see her while you're in town?" she asked. I looked down at my sister with a frown; she smiled a knowing smile and then went back into the suite.

I knew it would be an all nighter since Alice and Jasper were leaving on an early flight to Los Angeles, my younger sister has felt deprived since she hasn't been able to shop since we were in Italy seven months ago. I felt bad for her fiancée Jasper, but he had been a good sport about the whole thing. Emmett was going surfing in Hawaii, he's been an avid surfer since he attended UCLA, and has been trying to get me out there, but I wipe out too much. It's hard to believe someone as big as Emmett could be so graceful on a board. And Rosalie was going places unknown. She told us it was none our business, but I knew she wouldn't go anywhere without telling her twin brother Jasper. They were different as day and night but in sync on some other level. Jasper is one of those rare people who's able to connect to anyone male, female, young, and old. I nicknamed him Zen Master; Phil Jackson has nothing on Jasper.

I finally got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, and then I stepped into the shower and let the hot water cascade over my body. I tried not to think of Bella but it was difficult. I felt myself instantly harden. Dammit I was not jacking off to some married woman I couldn't have. But remembering that look on her face when Jake was singing wouldn't leave my mind. It reminded me how much I missed her, how much I craved her. I felt that familiar ache and wondered why I planned to torment myself this way by coming home. Even though Jake never mentioned her part of me knew she didn't leave Forks.

I started singing my Freddy Kruger rhyme. One, two Freddy's coming for you, Three Four better lock your door, Five Six….shit what was that part. I looked around the shower for my shampoo and conditioner before I realized I had left it packed in my suitcase. Well Shit! I glanced around again searching for something, anything... thank you, Mom! Thankfully my mother had also become a Fekkai freak so I didn't have to get out of the shower and search for my shampoo and conditioner. With my body and hair clean I stepped out the shower and dried off. Even though I had 3 days growth, I decided to forgo the shave, I'm on vacation. Since I started doing music with Em, he made me work out even more than ever due to writers block. I have to say the results are pretty good. I'm muscular but still lean; after the strenuous Abs work out I now have a six pack. Fuck yeah! Not bad for a kid they used to call scrawny.

Wrapping the towel around my waist I went back to my room, but couldn't find any of my clothes, I went into the guest room my mom usually designated for our tour trunks I went in search of something to wear. Just as I was leaving my room I did a double take. There was nothing more disturbing then seeing ones mother in denim short shorts, a tight tank top, and the ladybug Converse that Alice bought her for Mother's Day.

"Does your husband know you're wearing that outfit?" I asked her walking into the spare room. She smiled, with her hair in a ponytail, she looked no more than 30, and it was hard to believe she had 3 grown children.

"Yes, he does and it happens to be one of his favorite outfits" she said with a saucy grin, while putting away clothes.

"Aw, Ma why you gotta say stuff like that to me? Ew!" I said rubbing the heels of my hands on eyes as if I were trying to erase the image. She just laughed and handed me my boxers, socks, jeans, white long sleeve and a dark green tee shirt.

"Here, go get dressed; we wouldn't want the paparazzi to get a shot of you running around the house butt nekkid. Unless you're into that kind of thing, son?" she said in her most innocent voice.

"Shit! How many?" I asked her.

"The first day seven but it's dwindled down to 2 as of this morning." she said. "Very nice young men, I let them use the gate house to wash up".

I stared at my mother in disbelief.

"Mom, you can't invite them on the property", I exclaimed. She was too fucking nice sometimes, and it drove me nuts. I proceeded to put my clothes on as she rearranged the ones in my trunk. "Seriously Mom, don't let them take advantage; no more inviting them to use the gate house".

Looking around, I realized my mother had washed every article of clothing that was in the trunks for Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmett, and me. I know they planned to come by in a few weeks to figure out what was going to be cleaned or thrown out.

"Mom, please tell me you did not wash all our clothes", I asked her incredulously as I put on my favorite black and white Converse.

"Well....you were asleep and your father _has_ been working crazy hours, plus he's been a bear to deal with", she said quickly.

_Yeah, now I know where Alice gets it_.

"Besides I didn't wash EVERYTHING, there were some items that YOU need to take to Meyer's Cleaners. I told Stephanie you will have an autographed CD and photo when you bring in the stuff". She finished batting her eyes at me "I took the liberty of to loading the Suburban for you". She proceeded to walk out the room.

"So that means no breakfast?" I asked trying to sound innocent as I followed her down the stairs.

"Sorry sweetie you're going to have to stop at the diner. Besides its lunch time and your dad is on his way home, so you need to leave", she said impatiently as she handed me my black beanie, my messenger bag, phones, keys to the Suburban and my acoustic guitar.

"This is why I'm in therapy".

"No you're in therapy because you bottle up your emotions," she placed a kiss on my cheek and kicked me out of the house. "Jake is expecting you. See you for dinner honey," she said as she slammed the door in my face. My mom just kicked my out of the house so she could have sex! EWW!!!!

I dropped off the 5 large garbage bags to Meyers cleaners and promised to bring the signed CD when I came back to pick up everything.

I then headed out to La Push, I always loved it when I reached the limits that lead me to into the Quileute Reservation, there was a tranquil presence and the culture that just screamed to me. I found parking close to Jake's house and grabbed my bag and guitar. Jake was talking to what seemed like a difficult customer, he nodded to me and I gestured towards the beach.

As I was walking the melody popped in my head. It was louder than I ever heard it before; once I reached the large tree bark I sat down and opened my case. I tried to recreate the melody in my head. After about 15 minutes I let out a frustrated scream and few Fuck's. That's when I noticed Bella sitting on the opposite bark, she was scrunched down so low in the sand I didn't notice her at first but when I looked up at her she immediately looked frighten.

"Hey Bella, sorry about that," I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened my eyes Bella still had that frightened look in her eyes. Did she think I was going to hurt her? "I didn't see you there," I said, since she hadn't said a word yet.

"It's okay, I thought I was alone and was stunned" she finally said. I could barely hear her. Her hair was like a tangled curtain so I couldn't make out her face too clearly. We sat in silence for another few minutes; she seemed lost in her own thoughts.

"So what have you been up to?" I finally asked. The quiet was getting to me.

"Not much," she replied. Okay this is worse than pulling teeth. Her phone rang and she let out a heavy sigh.

"Hi, James."

Oh shit, it's the husband. I thought

"I'm with Jake" she grimaced with her head bowed her face was completely out of view. "It was sunny out and I hadn't seen Jake since-" she paused "Yes I took care of that last week-"

I could see a smiling Jake jogging his way to us and Bella jumped up and when he saw her on the phone his smile disappeared.

"Yes. Yes. I promise. Okay have a good day,"

she hung up her phone. We were all silent for a moment. The wind picked up a little and her hair started to whip around her face, when she moved it back I noticed her lips were swollen. I looked away trying not to stare, but I didn't remember her lips being that large when I saw her at the show the other night. Maybe Bella is into those cosmetic lip injections? Just great.

"What the hell happened to your face?" Oh shit, did I say that out loud? Bella looked at me with a stunned expression her cheeks flaming.

"I fell" she said quietly and hid behind her hair. Jake snorted and rolled his eyes "Yeah right". He was looking furious again. Bella walked away not saying a word.

I felt like the biggest ass in the world. Jake and I walked in silence for a while each lost in thought.

"Damn, I didn't mean to say that" I told Jake right before we got to his house a few minutes later.

"You didn't say anything wrong, you just stated the obvious"

"I thought she got some lip injections, I hate that crap"

"I wish it was that" Jake said shaking his head. He took a deep breath as if to calm himself. "We'll talk about it later when I'm calmer" he said then walked into the house.

I walked in behind Jake and that damn melody started softly in my head. My hands were itching to grab my guitar, but my stomach over ruled by letting out a loud growl. Sue, Leah's mom made a mini feast with fried chicken, potato salad, macaroni and cheese, corn on the cob, pulled BBQ pork and my favorite Hawaiian King rolls. For dessert there were chocolate chip cookies and apple tarts all set out in a buffet style.

Grabbing a cookie in one hand and her hand in another I said "Sue, I think I love you" and gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek.

"I figured the food on the road wasn't that great. And Esme said you've been sleeping and hadn't eaten when I spoke to her this morning. Plus you're a little scrawny and need some meat fat on those bones."

"Hey!" I screeched.

Jake let out a boisterous laugh, even Bella let out a low chuckle. Sue gave me a peck on the cheek made her way back to work. "Be sure to save some for the guys, they'll be here in about an hour".

After our massive pig out Jake had to tend to one of his customers. I ended up in Jake's Den with Bella who got online watching some YouTube videos. My stomach was satisfied but the melody blaring in my head was loud and clear. I grabbed my guitar and started playing but as usual the melody was off.

"How can I write a CD when I have had writer's block?", I mumbled to myself.

"Maybe you're not using the right instrument" Bella said quietly. She's was still online not even looking at me. "It's the same melody you were playing on the beach and every time you got a certain twist in the melody you start over".

"I always use my acoustic to write a song, its how I write all my songs"

"Yeah, but its not working, now is it?" she said in a deadpanned voice.

She was right, it wasn't working. I started strumming my guitar again, replaying the melody for another few minutes and as usual I was stuck. I then started playing Dead & Gone by Bobby Long and began singing. I noticed Bella was no longer looking at the computer she was watching me.

"Is that new?" she asked.

"Not mine. Belongs to singer Bobby Long, awesome song writer", I said.

"I've never heard of him" she said quietly.

"He's unsigned. But he has a crap load of stuff on Youtube. And he has an EP" I finished. I looked up to see her grinning at me.

"Do I detect a man crush?"

"Oh puleeze! Why would you say that?"

"You're totally pimping him like a teenage girl with a new crush."

"Am not!"

"Are too!!" she started giggling. It was great to see her carefree laugh, I missed hearing that laugh.

"You can laugh but he's really good. I just miss playing a melody and creating something." Bella just stared at me with a faint smile.

"Then you should listen to the melody", she said softly.

"Bella, that's what I've been doing for months and nothing. I hear it and nothing", I said in a frustrated voice.

"No, I said LISTEN. I have no doubt you've heard it but have you LISTENED to the melody?" I was thoroughly confused and I was pretty sure it was evident on my face. "Sometimes in order to hear you must first listen. Then you nurturer it, don't dominate it or smother it. Just listen".

Oh shit, she was right. I wanted to kiss her right then and there; if this was 4 years ago I would have done just that. I was lost in her chocolate brown eyes and I couldn't pull away. The back door slamming broke the spell.

Jake returned to the den with Sam, Paul and Seth, they each had a plate, sat down and devoured Sue's food. Bella's phone rang again and she stepped out side to take her phone call. I assumed it was her husband again, after a few minutes Jake followed her outside. I caught up with Sam about the new business he started with Paul and Embree. Seth didn't add much to the conversation, he just sat and listened but he had a bored look on his face. They stayed for another fifteen minutes, and then they had to get back to the office. They did pack some food for Embree since he had to stay back and man the fort. I walked towards the garage when I heard Jake and Bella talking, the door was closed so their conversation was slightly muffled.

"Fuck Bella, did you think I wasn't going to notice?" Jake yelled.

"Shh, Jake keep your voice down! I just didn't think it was noticeable".

"Why the fuck should I keep my voice down? Bella for fuck sake if Edward can notice than the whole damn world can see it! Shit Bells when did this happen?"

Bella mumbled something.

"Why?"

I couldn't hear what Bella was saying but Jake was not liking her answers.

"Have you seen Carlisle?" Jake asked I stiffened.

"Jake I'm not calling him for every little thing. I can handle a swollen lip" she fired back.

"You say it like it's a fucking bee sting Bella."

"It's NOTHING" she yelled.

"No Bells, its something" Jake said softly.

"Jake I don't want to argue with you, please let this go" she pleaded.

"That's the problem, I've been looking away too far long", he said slowly.

"You know he'd make good on his threat. Please?"

Jake let out a long tired sigh. "Ok" he said softly. "Let me walk you to the car".

I walked into the garage while Jake escorted Bella to her car, trying to wrap my mind around the conversation I just overheard. Jake walked back in and went over to the car he just serviced placing his hands on the hood.

"What happen to Bella?" I finally asked. Jake turned and looked at me as he leaned against the car. He scrubbed his face with his hands.

"What do you think happened?" he questioned I just shook my head.

"Come on Edward! Take off those fucking rose colored glasses and look around you!" he growled.

Jake looked he wanted to hit someone, and at that moment I was an easy target.

"You're biggest worry is whether or not you can write a damn song. My biggest worry is whether or not I get a call from your dad telling me Bella is dead". He took a deep breath. "Don't you fucking get it? She didn't fall off a ladder or what ever lame story she told you. Her husband did that."

"Tell him to stop", was all I could think to say. Jake laughed at me.

"You don't think I haven't tried Edward! Last time I did I was stuck in jail for a month! His family owns one of the toughest law firms in the state and they made sure those charges were going to stick."

"Jake, when were you in jail?" I asked, completely stunned.

"Three years ago. She'd been married a little over a year and I hadn't heard from her for a few days, so while I was in town I stopped at her place. At first she wouldn't open the door but I was persistent and when she did I nearly lost my mind. The side of her face was black and blue; she looked like a scared little girl. Every time I asked what happened she'd just cry and shake. I figured James was cheating and it was his mistress. I was shocked to hear James was the one who hit her." He glared at me with a murderous look in his eyes. "I was trying to get Bella out of the house when he drove up. And I just pounded on him. Some of Charlie's old buddies were trying to delay the paper work but his fucking cousins Jane and Alec Ramsey put pressure on the D.A. and the bail was so high the Rez couldn't do anything. I was just stuck there. Bella pretty much begged on my behalf he eventually dropped the charges. Bella's one request was that I not interfere in her marriage."

I gaped at Jake, not help?

"Fuck! Is she insane? Jake you know you could have called us!" I yelled.

"Edward, I couldn't come to you. I knew you took Bella's marriage hard", Jake just shook his head and gave me a half assed chuckle. "Besides there was no getting around the Nazi twins".

"That's no excuse, I would have helped….besides, I didn't think you knew about that summer," I admitted.

"Yeah you tried to hide it, but I saw you guys making out one day, I was going to talk to you it, but she came to me about her issues with James, so it was a moot point."

We were lost in our own thoughts for a while. I knew I needed to talk to my father, I knew he couldn't say too much due to patient/doctor confidentiality, but I needed to try. I couldn't wrap my mind around what Jake had told me.

"Why did you tell me today, Jake?" I asked.

"I really don't know, I'm just….just….frustrated….." he trailed off.

"Edward, I love my life in La Push, I've never wanted anything else. I know how important my role is to my people, and I take it very seriously. Knowing Leah has the same commitment to the land and people makes it that much more exciting. It makes me excited to start my life with her, but how do I abandon the woman I consider a sister? She's not even one of my 'people'? Leah has been understanding, but she wants our life to begin, we want to start a family, but I know I will constantly worry about Bella. And the sad part is I'm all she's got and I have to abandon her. I'd go to jail for her, I'm willing to lay my life for her cause she's family, but she won't budge. She used to try to fight back but each day she gets stuck there and starting to think it's nothing. I never know if I'm going to get a call from your dad telling me she's dead. I dread seeing his number come across my caller id. Sometimes I have fucking panic attacks. And if I even yell at that fucker my ass is back in jail", he looked right at me. "Edward I wish my fucking problem was writers block. I wish my biggest problem was worrying if I should spend the summer in Spain or LA, hell Timbuktu! But my biggest worry is if my the woman I love, like a sister, makes it through the night or the woman I want to be the mother of my children, is going to give up on us because I'm not giving our relationship enough effort", he said in a defeated voice, looking 10 years older than his 24 years.

Jake's customer returned then, ceasing our conversation. I packed my gear and went home. Driving through Forks I took in the beautiful lush green trees I took for granted as a teenager. Learning that behind all this beauty something dark and painful was bubbling under made my heart ache. I made my way on to my parent's estate, waiting for the relief I usually felt to wash over me. The paparazzi were still present and snapped a few pictures. I threw up my usual peace sign and made my way to the garage. Taking a deep breath I made my way to my room.

***********

I woke up craving a cigarette, I didn't sleep well, and normally being home on my parent's estate I felt safe and relaxed. But last night I was tense and couldn't stop thinking about everything Jake had told me, and there was this seething anger building. I felt as if I was suffocating, the need to calm my nerves was on overload. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and head for the patio that was off the side of the house, hoping my mom didn't smell the smoke. I'd get the smoking lecture again and then she'd tell my dad and last thing I needed to see was pictures of black lungs. As I approached the patio I realized someone had beaten me out there. When I stepped outside the person out there smoking was the last one I'd ever expected to see ….my father. His eyes were closed deep in thought.

"Dad?" I call to him quietly.

He opened his eyes and gave me a tired half grin. "Hey Son, out for a stroll?" he asked softly.

"Yeah that's what it is?" I think the confusion was in my eyes.

He took a drag and blew out the smoke. "I only indulge when I'm stressed, so let's keep this between us" and he threw me his pack. I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag and sat across from him. His eyes were closed again. Before I could ask him what was wrong he spoke.

"You'd think being an ER doctor is easier because you fix your patient, and send them on their way with instructions on how not to do it again" he looked up at me with his sad blue eyes, pained and confused. "It's the days when you get a patient so many times a month, knowing they're lying to you, and refuse help. They're so defeated, they lose hope…..what do I do then?" he asked me. I had never seen my father so vulnerable.

"I think if you continue to have hope, and allow them to see there's something else out there, they'll start to listen", was all I could think to say, taking another drag.

"Son, I've used all the resources I could ethically use. My hands are tied, so I wait till they return back the ER", he said.

"Dad?"

My dad looked at me with tired eyes. "What if it was Alice? What would you do then?", I asked, gave up the pretense of not knowing who he was talking about.

"Personally I would have put a hit out him, if it was Alice. Otherwise I would keep fighting till she sees reason", he said. "She seemed to get along with Alice the other night. So, I'm hoping they can become friends."

"Sounds good, but Alice might be a little reluctant, you'll need incentive", I said.

"Son, I may have been at the hospital more than your t-ball games and Alice's recitals, but I know what motivates you. Don't worry I've got your sister covered", he said as he put out his cigarette. "Good Night Edward".

"Night Dad", I said as he made his way into the house.

I lit another cigarette, when the melody started fucking with my head again. I thought back to what Bella said, as I walked quickly to the house stubbing out my cigarette. I went down to my music room, flicked the switch and there she stood before me, rarely used since I was 14, my baby grand piano. I tapped a few keys and tonight for the first time in 10 years I was grateful my mother kept the piano and had it tuned regularly.

I sat down on the bench, trying to recapture the melody, but it still didn't sound right. I was about to give up, when I realized I was forcing it. I starting playing compositions I hadn't played in years, a song I written for my parent's, that I had never been able to put words to, it was just something that reminded me of them.

The frustration was peaking again, I lit another cigarette and started to make my way back upstairs. When I reached the top I took a deep drag, slowly blew out the smoke, and walked back down stairs again. I grabbed Rose's old ash tray near an amp, and sat back at the piano and listened. I listened how the melody was strong and dramatic yet soft and soothing, like a lullaby.

And I finally understood why it was hard to play this song; it was because images of her flashed through my mind. The first time she smiled at me, the first time she sang a song not caring that she was slightly off key. I remembered when she fell asleep in my arms when we watched a movie, her reading a book, or me teaching her how to play guitar. All these moments I tried to forget. Remembering how she made me tongue tied, how she made me forget every other woman, and she made me want to be a better man.

My hands shook as I placed them on the keys.

I played the melody that had been haunting me for months. It wasn't perfect, but it was so close my heart started to race. I felt the tears well up remembering my Bella, my sweet Bella. I wept those silent tears knowing, that my Bella no longer existed, the haunted woman is a reminisce of what she use to be.

My blood boiled with anger, the melody no longer soothing, but dark and angry. The rage was consuming me. I jumped up from the piano, shaking.

I took another drag on my cigarette. The rage still burned inside me but now it was more contained.


	4. Instant Message

I have to give a big Thank You to my beta Ms. Bond, she not only has to deal with my horrible grammar but my excessive use of the word Shit.

So thank her by checking out her story Becoming Bella http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/5366270/1/becomingbella

I know most of you already read I Get Off by Britpacksuccubus but if haven't and you're looking for something that will make you tingle check out I Get Off!

http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/5234938/7/IGETOFF

Mary J. Blige's "The One" is Alice's theme song, when I heard it, I could see Alice spoke to me.

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, the wonderful Stephanie Meyers. **_

* * *

_**The One**_

**Them other girls you done been with **

**None of them got nothing on me**

**Hating on my style, they ain't got nothing on me**

**Nothing on me**

**Way I walk, the way I talk, my swagga**

**Look around, every dude wanna have her**

**I ain't saying that I'm the best, but I'm the best**

**Hey Baby, you need that**

**-**_**Mary J. Blige**_

*********************

I groaned when my cell phone vibrated. Laying across Jasper I picked up the God forsaken thing. I knew who the text was from before I even saw the caller ID. The one person I should have never taught to text, my father, Carlisle Cullen.

_Ace, _

_Pls will you do me this favor? _

_Dad_

I hated it when my dad tried to make me hang out with people, I put an end to his friendly play dates, when I had to deal with the crazy twins, Jane and Alec Ramsey. They were just plain creepy, the whole family was ick-ville. He had been determined lately for me to hang out with one his patients, Bella. She must be some loser if he's trying to recruit friends for someone over the age of 15.

_Dad,_

_We'll discuss when I return to Forks. I'm on VACA! _

_Ace_

Just as I was dropping off to sleep, the phone vibrated again. FUCK!!

_Ace,_

_What's VACA? _

_Dad_

I had to laugh.

_Daddy,_

_VACATION!! Something you better think about or Mom is going to be pissed!_

_Ace_

I felt Jasper's arms circle my waist; he repositioned me and gave me my morning kiss. Fuck morning breath, I kept thinking, and started giggling. His hands in my hair, he started to massage my scalp and his lips met mine again. No more giggles, just me and Jasper. It never failed how he calmed my over hyper ways. When our kissed ended I remained straddling him, my head over his heart, it was nice and strong.

"I don't want to go yet," I said softly.

"More shopping?" he said jokingly.

"No, silly I'm actually all shopped out" I said.

"Excuse me Miss, but I'm looking for my fiancee Mary Alice Cullen. Have you seen her?" He kissed my hair. "What's wrong babe?" he asked.

"I just want another day of us. When we get to Forks, it's going to be about the family, and the band." I hated that I sounded so ungrateful. Jasper's career as a songwriter was really taking off, Edward was entrusting him to helm the next CD, and with Edward's writers block most of the pressure would be on him.

"Is it wrong to want Jasper and Alice time?" I asked quietly.

"No babe. I'm perfectly happy with Jasper and Alice time" his Texan accent more pronounced when he was tired.

He brushed his calloused fingers up and down my spine; I was in my own personal heaven. Every girl should have a man who treats her like a princess, even when she's being an unreasonable bitch. I'm not perfect and Jasper gets that.

He looked at me letting out a big sigh and tightened his arms around me; I kissed his chest and drifted off to sleep.

**************************

"Alice can I see you in my office?" my father asked me softly, two days later. I was surprised he waited this long, considering all the emails and text messages.

"Sure Dad" I said, as I followed him down to his office. I was going to have to decline this 'play date' he was trying to set up. This was ridiculous.

"Have a seat sweetie" he gestured to one of the chairs in front of his desk. I sat down and stared at him, with a bored look on my face that Rosalie had taught me. I remembered to sigh so I could sound bothered, and not rude.

"I'm hoping while you're here on vacation, you can meet up with Bella Ramsey", he said softly. I wondered to myself if she was related to the Ick twins. "She didn't have many friends outside Jake Black's circle".

"Daddy, if she's friends with Jake, then she's good. She won't need me." I said.

"Mary Alice, I wouldn't ask if this wasn't important." FUCK he called me Mary Alice, not Alice or even Ace but Mary Alice, he wasn't going to give up.

"Dad, remember last time you tried to make me do this, it ended with Jane Ramsey whacking off a chunk of my hair? And you want me to go back into that same family, to be friendly?" I said, shaking my head no. "Sorry dad, not going to do it", I stood up, prepared to leave the room.

"Sit Mary Alice", my father said in a controlled voice, which was empty of emotion. I've only heard my father use that voice when he'd caught me making out with Parker Webber in the back room. I sat back down, and my father placed a small box in front of me. "I hope this changes your mind Mary Alice", he said quietly.

I opened the box, and my heart stopped. I looked at my father; his face was cool and unreadable.

"Is this legit?" I asked him.

"Yes, its legit." he said.

"What do I have to do?" I asked, staring into the box.

"Just take Bella out for lunch and some shopping" he said and passed me his cell phone with Bella's number already highlighted.

"Dad, I'll call her later today".

"But my dearest Mary Alice, if you don't call right now, you can't keep your gift", he said with a smug smile. When did my father start playing Mr. Conniving?

I looked down into the box, it was beautiful. I always wanted one, now it was here; I wondered if this was how new mothers felt when they first looked at their newborns. I looked down once more, and stretched my hand down. I dialed Bella Ramsey, she answered on the third ring.

"Hi Dr. Cullen", she said whispered timidly. _Great,_ _this was going to be fun_, I looked down for inspiration.

"Hey Bella, its Alice Cullen", I said cheerfully. I might as well put that pixie shit out there.

"Oh, hey Alice", she sounded as surprised as I felt.

"I'm heading out to Port Angeles for a little shopping, and wanted to know if you wanted to come with me?" I finally spit out.

"Um...I don't know...."Bella replied, sounding uneasy. She hated the play dates too. There was a rustling in the background and I thought I heard someone,it must have been be her husband.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun, a girl's day! And I need it!" I rushed.

"Um, could you hold on?" it sounded as if she covered the mouthpiece. "Unfortunately, I have to be back home by 4", she said quietly.

"Oh, I'll have you back by then! I can pick you up around 9:30", I said. I needed to close this deal, and not have her back out. "See you then!" I said and hung up the phone.

"Done", I said to my father, as I scrolled through his contact list and forwarded her info to my phone.

I finally looked at him, I thought he'd have a smug look on his face, but instead there was only a look of relief.

"Thank you, Ace", he said as he stood up. He gave me a kiss on the forehead. Not that my dad was never affectionate, but this was an odd moment. I grabbed his hand before he turned to leave.

"Daddy, what's going on?" I asked.

"Nothing sweetie, just enjoy your gift and have a good day with Isabella", he said. I looked down at my gift and sighed; I'd always wanted one, and couldn't wait to use it. It was beautiful, with my full name on it, Mary Alice Cullen. Imagine that, my name on an American Express Black Card.

"Thank you, Daddy! Does Mom know you have this?" I had to ask.

My father chuckled, "Of course, she's the one who told me what it was", he said as we left his office. "Please remember, you can only use it when you're with Isabella". _BACK THE FUCK UP__._

"What?" I asked.

"That's the stipulation Mary Alice", he said, and continued down the stairs.

"That's not fair!" I said, nearing tantrum mode. She wasn't even his kid. Or was she? "Dad, she's your bastard and you haven't told us yet," I said in a hushed tone.

My father looked at me as if I had struck him; he grabbed me by the arm and got really close to my face. "I've NEVER cheated on your mother, and for you to make that kind of accusation, is just a fucking slap in the face Mary Alice. I have my reasons for asking you to do this. If you can't fucking handle this, I will find someone else who can", he said in a even harsher, low tone. I had never seen my father like this, he was usually the most calm person, even when Edward and Emmett had gotten into trouble he had never lost his composure. He abruptly let me go, and walked back to his office.

I blinked back the tears, I knew I hurt his feelings, and needed to apologize. I walked back into his office, not bothering to knock. He was standing, looking out the window with his hands in is hair. He looked a lot like Edward at that moment.

"Dad", I said softly. "I shouldn't have said that".

My father turned to me and shook his head as he came over to me.

"Baby, I should apologize." He embraced me, "I'm sorry I lost my temper, there is no excuse. Because, if someone had done that to you, I would have beaten them within an inch of their lives. Have fun with the card" He gave me another peck on the fore head. "Go buy a car if you want", he joked.

We made another attempt to leave his office; at the foot of the stairs, I reached over and gave my dad a peck on the cheek. "Love you Daddy" I said, and ran to the music room to see Jasper.

Jasper was tuning his guitar when I walked down the steps. He looked up and smiled. I walked over and gave him a kiss. I felt better after those tense moments with my dad.

"Did your dad take it well when you turned him down?" he asked as he resumed tuning the guitar. I grinned and reached in my pocket, flashing my gift in front of him. He recognized the infamous Black card and started laughing.

"Wow, Carlisle has learned a few tricks along the way", he said, and started strumming his guitar to a melody I'd heard him work on before. "So, when do you have to meet up with Bella?" he finally asked.

I pulled out my phone to check the time. "I have to leave here in about 20 minutes, she has to be back at 4", I replied.

I loved watching Jasper play guitar, with his eyes, closed I took in his lanky well muscled body, encased in loose fitting jeans, and a fitted DCMA tee shirt. His wild wavy blond hair was in a sloppy ponytail. His eyes, were a cornflower blue, that I easily got lost in. I loved everything about him, his eyes, his mouth, hell I even adored his feet. Because if I were being honest, for a guy, he had great feet. Ugh! If I didn't get a move on NOW I was going to jump him.

As if sensing my time was up, he opened his eyes and smiled. I walked over and gave him a gentle kiss. His soft lips met mine and I literally felt my toes curl.

"Love you," he whispered. "Please drive safely and no more than 10 miles over the speed limit."

"Love you too, but I can only promise to be careful." I turned around and started to walk out of the house and towards the Suburban.

************************

Bella was waiting for me, because she was down the walk just as I parked the Suburban, followed by a tall blond guy. He was wearing a typical blue office shirt, dark grey pants, and he had blue beady eyes-Definitely the husband. I put my truck in park, hopped out, and met her half way. I reached over, gave her my best smile and quick hug "Hey Bella, thanks for joining me", I said.

"Sure, no problem, thanks for inviting me", she replied with a slight smile. The man, then approached. "James, this is Alice Cullen, Alice, this is my husband, James Ramsey" she said nervously. He placed hand on her shoulder, and she visibly tensed up.

"Nice to meet you James" I said cheerfully. I may be a bitch, but my mother did teach me manners, so I extended my hand out to him.

"Nice to meet you too Alice", he grabbed my hand and squeezed it way too tight. One of my biggest pet peeves is a bad hand shake, too strong or weak, it just irritates me. I reciprocated with an even tighter squeeze; most people don't expect someone with as stature as small as mine to have that kind of strength, he obviously wasn't either. I just smiled at him; I couldn't tell if he was trying to intimidate me or not. I wanted to tell him that shit didn't work on me, but I kept myself in check. You could be a foot taller or same size but try to step to me I'd take you down. One of the perks of having Emmett as a brother was that he taught me how to fight, I just continued to smile.

"So, what's the plan for today?" he asked.

"Oh, just lunch and a little shopping", I said with a smirk.

"Anyone else joining?" he inquired. I looked at Bella, who was staring at her shoes.

"No….it's just me and Bella today. Rose hasn't returned from Hawaii, and my mom was called into work, but she gave us a rain check for next week", I said smiling at Bella.

"Where exactly are you going?"

"Landings Mall, in Port Angeles".

"I see, I see. Where are you going for lunch?" he inquired further. "What time will you be back?"

"Bella said she needed to be back by 4, so 4." I said hoping the 20 questions were over.

"Ok, well you ladies have a good time", he said once my answers satisfied him. Bella and I watched him walk to his car and drive off. Once James was out of sight Bella seemed more visibly relaxed. She gave me a shy smile, and we made our way to the Suburban.

We didn't speak much on the way to Port Angeles; I think my driving was scaring her, so to relax things a bit, I turned on my iPod. Lately, I've been obsessing with 'the One' by Mary J Blige, and I just had to sing it at the top of my lungs. Bella glanced at me and tried to hide her grin.

"What?" I asked.

"I just didn't see you as a Mary J Blige fan", she said.

"Yeah, I may look Gwen Stefani, but I'm all about the R&B, rap, pop genre", I said. She glanced over at me to take in my red-plaid skinny pants, white Cami, black leather jacket, and 5 inch ankle boots. I rarely wear red since it clashes with my dark magenta red hair, but lately I haven't cared too much. I was just happy it decided to curl, instead of frizz like it normally does.

"You're kidding, right?" Bella was laughing.

"It's true! Its how Emmett and I used to bond, then Edward and I would bond with Rock. I just can't do his classical stuff, unless I have insomnia", I finished.

For some odd reason the truck got really silent, Bella had seemed retreat into her quiet mode. To fill the un-natural void I started rambling about my recent trip to Los Angeles.

"You know, I when I went to L.A., I found this amazing jacket, but when I got it home, I realized it didn't fit the vibe of Rose or myself. I swear, I hate that! I find these great items, but making them work doesn't always go as planned", I said in a rush, I heard Bella chuckle, at least I knew she was listening.

"So, what have you been up to you since I saw you last?" I inquired. We didn't talk much after the concert, but I figured it was a good way to get her to start talking.

"Not much, I just hung out with Jake", she said quietly. If she kept speaking that low I'd have to turn the radio off.

"I need to get out to La Push while I'm home. I can't believe how much I miss that place when I'm on the road".

We were quiet again, and I didn't know how to make the conversation flow.

"So, how long have you been married?" I inquired, she tensed up. _Oh, touchy subject…_

"Four years", she said looking out the window.

Ok, hubby isn't a good subject; then again if my husband was as creepy as hers, I wouldn't talk about him either. Thank goodness Jasper was nothing like James, people love to be around Jasper.

"Cool" was all I could think to say.

The drive to Port Angeles usually takes about 45 minutes, but the way I drove I was able to get us there in less than 30.

We entered the Port Angeles shopping district and I went into a few new boutiques. As much as I wanted to just shop for myself, I knew I needed to start preparing for a few photo shoots that were lined up this summer. This particular store, called Eclipse showed a lot of promise for both the band, and me. I was grabbing a few items for me and Bella, when Lady Gaga's 'Beautiful Dirty Rich' came on. I started to strut across the store like a contestant, on America's Next Top Model, pulling clothes off the rack and tossing them over my arm, which made the sales girl laugh.

I chose some great tops and a couple dresses for Bella, and was trying to usher her into the dressing room, but she was resisting me.

"Alice, I don't know about these things", she said frowning, trying to put the items back on the rack. What she did choose, was a God awful flannel shirt, which was thicker and bulkier than the one she was currently wearing, and again ill-fitting.

"Bella, you look like a lumber jack. Looking like a girl is important otherwise, one day, someone might mistake you for a man. Trust me, I'm a stylist, and you need this outfit." I said this as I thrust more items in her hands.

"I understand, but I don't wear stuff like this" she protested.

"Bella, just try it on! You don't have to buy it, stop being a brat about it. Geez" I said harshly.

Bella's face was beet red from embarrassment, and she angrily stomped off to the dressing room. The girl had a decent frame, she could wear almost anything, and she choose to wear ill-fitting clothes. Women like that made no sense to me. I found a few new items that would be good for the cool Forks summers, and I went back to the dressing room Bella was changing in. Since it was just the two of us in the store, I just walked into where she was changing.

"Bella, I found -"I couldn't finish. A majority of Bella's back was covered in purplish and green bruises; some areas were yellow as if they're almost healed. With her hair up, I could see red marks on her shoulders. As she turned to face me, I could see her torso had marks that resembled a foot , as if she'd been stomped on. The bruising seemed to be everywhere; even her arms and legs were covered with marks.

"Alice, get out of here!" she screamed, trying to cover herself, I still couldn't speak. All I could do was stare, as if I was a dazed. I felt myself being pushed and looked up to see Bella trying to get me out of the dressing room. I could see her face was flushed, and there were tears in her eyes; I saw her lips moving, as if she was trying to tell me something.

Once I was out the changing room I still couldn't move, I could barely breathe. It was all starting to make sense. I could remember over the years my father, talking about treating woman who'd been abused; it always affected him, leaving him defeated. Some, he was able to help, and others he'd lost to the on going battle.

Why did I feel like I was drowning? Was this how my father felt sometimes? I walked over to the register, and handed the sales girl my card. Purchasing something always made me feel better; it was the only thing that made sense. I went through the store just grabbing items, not checking sizes; I just picked up what ever whatever my hand landed it on. I went back to the register and the sales girl continued to ring me up. But the feeling never left me, why?

"Ms. Cullen?" I looked up at the sales girl trying to my attention so I could sign the credit card slip.

"Sorry about that", I said.

I signed my name, I usually loved this part, but this time I just felt like throwing up. I saw Bella waiting for me out side outside the store. Her eyes were closed, her face was still slightly flushed, and her arms were wrapped around her body, as if she was trying to hold herself up.

I was still in shocked at what I'd seen in the dressing room. Her husband had to have done that to her, there was no question in my mind. I still wasn't sure what to say to her. What does someone say to someone about something about that? This was out of my usual realm. As I walked out of the store Bella started walking ahead of me, heading back towards the exit, when I heard my name being called.

I turned to see a teen wearing a Cullen hoodie, approaching me along with 3 other girls. "Are you THE Alice Cullen from the band Cullen?" she asked. I looked at her, seeing her excitement and I nodded yes.

"Ohmigod you're so tiny! Like a real life pixie!" tall weird girl #2 said.

I put on my fake pixie smile and just giggled. They asked me about Edward, and I just said he was home relaxing. The truth of it was in reality, Edward was holed up in the music room not speaking to anyone. They went on and on about shit in the tabloids, then I almost lost it. Weird Girl #2 actually ruffled my hair, like I was a kid. I looked at Bella who was standing off to the side, she caught my shocked expression and came over.

"Okay ladies, Alice and I need to get some shopping done" She grabbed my arm, and led me into to some random store. I was fuming.

"Sorry, but when I saw that girl ruffle your hair, you looked like you wanted to shank her." I glanced at Bella and started laughing, wow, considering what transpired in the last 15 minutes before she had still found a way to make me laugh. There was more to this Bella girl than I originally thought.

"Thank you, I appreciate the rescue. I hate that pixie shit. Yeah, I'm small, but I'm not some human size fairy", I told her rolling my eyes. "But it's my role in the band", I finished.

"We all play roles" she said quietly, Bella understood. I linked our arms and walked towards another store.

"And sometimes, we have to stop playing and come back to reality" I replied. I knew I had to change my image, but that could wait, someone calling me a fucking pixie was nothing compared to Bella's situation.

I tried to lead Bella to another store, but she stopped in her tracks. When I looked at her I could see the tears in her eyes again. Brave Bella was gone scared Bella had returned.

"Do you want to go?" I asked quietly, she nodded her head and we made our way back to the truck. We didn't say anything on the way back to Forks, and I felt like an ass. I don't know why, but I did. I felt like I let her down somehow, I know I let my father down, but why did I feel this strongly about someone I barely knew. I glanced over and I could see Bella huddled in her seat next to me looking out the window.

Again, I asked myself why would someone do this to her? And more importantly, why did she stay?

In my mind I could see the bruises clearly, as if she was standing right before me in just her underwear again. The various colors of red, purple, yellow and green markings looked painful, it explained why she wore the baggy jeans, loose shirts, even why she kept her face hidden behind her hair.

We arrived back in Forks less than 40 minutes later, I barely stopped the truck before Bella hopped out and ran into her house. I drove away from Bella's, trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. She wasn't a bad person, very quiet and shy actually, she was someone I would like on sight. How could her husband do this? No one deserved the bruises I saw. My heart started to pound, I could see my hands visibly shaking. There was no faking it now that I was alone, I just needed to get home and everything would be ok.

I saw the lane that lead to my family homestead, but the ease I desired had yet to come. As expected, my father's Mercedes was missing, as well as my mom's F-150 pick-up. I carelessly parked the Suburban, and jumped out; leaving the shopping bags, running to my room hoping Jasper was there. When I found the room empty, I immediately picked up my phone and called him; he answered on the second ring.

"Babe, where are you?" I asked urgently.

"In our spot out back, are you ok?" he asked, as I was racing down the stairs, exiting the back patio towards the creek.

"I just need you" I clicked off, and ran in search of Jasper. I saw him walking towards me, and he lifted me in his arms when I reached him. He cradled me to him as he walked me the rest of way to our spot near the creek, and sat us both down without once breaking contact.

I was shaking so badly and I could feel his hands rubbing my back trying to soothe me. When I looked up at him, I realized the tears I had been holding back were finally coming down. Jasper had a worried look on his face, he tried to wipe the tears away, but they were streaming down my face too quickly for him to do much good.

"Babe, you're scaring me", he whispered, I felt his hands in my hair, he was trying to massage my scalp, to calm me, but it wasn't working. I clutched his neck, crying into it while trying to get my breathing under control.

I don't know how long we sat that way, and I knew he was getting uncomfortable but he never released me. I finally relented on my death grip, and Jasper handed me his handkerchief. I smiled, because he could be so old fashion sometimes, so sweet. Then I started thinking about Bella again and my smile faded.

"Talk to me babe", he whispered gently rubbing my cheek.

"We were shopping…I selected a few items for Bella to try on, I knew she didn't want to, I insulted her wardrobe, and I pretty much threw her in the changing room." I could feel my cheeks turn red from embarrassment, remembering how I humiliated her. "She finally went into the dressing room to try on a few items; I went out to the floor and found a few more things, I didn't think about it, I went into my usual mode. I just walked right into her fitting room; I do this to Mom and Rose so much, I think nothing of it. But, I shouldn't have done that to Bella." The tears returned, and I could barely breathe, the image was burned in my head forever.

"Jazz, she was covered in bruises! I don't think there was a spot on her back that didn't have a bruise. And she went ballistic on me when I walked in, as she had every right to", I could barely get the words out and Jasper just held on to me.

"She didn't say a word to me on the way home, not that I asked questions, I was too stunned. That's how bad I am Jazz, I didn't ask questions, nor did I offer anything. Why did Dad ask me to do this? He should have sent you", I wailed.

Jasper chucked. "I don't think Bella would have been comfortable with me, but, I think Carlisle asked you, because you're more intuitive than you realize. Ask anyone who gets to know you; they know they can come to you for advice, for something other than clothes." He hugged me again, my head still resting on his chest, I could hear his heart.

"What do I do?" I asked.

"You just be Alice, be the compassionate person I fell in love with, that friend she can count on when she thinks there's no one else. Just be you, Ace Cullen", he said quietly. I knew I could count on Jasper to make me human again, I knew he was right. We walked hand and hand back to the house. As we were walking, I realized Jasper had his first writers meeting with Edward.

"How did you meeting go with Edward", I asked.

"Not good. He's in a foul mood, like he has been for the last few days. But basically, out of the 6 songs I presented, he only liked one."

_Great Edward was in the tortured artist mode today, and I was not in the mood to deal with him__. _

"I can't believe it, they were good songs!" I was starting to get frustrated, not only was I having a shitty day, but so was Jasper. I gave his hand a squeeze. As we were walking in Jasper stopped me.

"Don't tell Edward about seeing Bella's bruises, he knows her, and I don't think he'd be able to handle that information", he whispered.

I nodded my ok to him indicating that I understood. We were at the top of the stairs when Edward came out of his room.

"Hey Ace, Jasper, you want to go for a run?" Edward asked.

He must be more stressed out than I realized, tortured artist Edward liked to brood, not move. That was what I needed, to escape my demons like Edward, demons rarely shared with anyone. Edward looked up at me, his green eyes looked painful.

"I can't, right now", Jasper said, putting his arms around me being comforting, and right then I knew what I needed to do.

"Babe, go with Edward, I need to run a quick errand", I said quickly, ideas running through my head.

"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked.

"Yes, our talk helped", I reached over and gave him a peck on the cheek, and ran to the room where our trunks were located. I found the shopping bag I was looking for, and ran back outside to the Suburban.

The drive to Bella's took less than 5 minutes; I grabbed the shopping bag, and made my way to her door. I knocked, hearing movement in the house, but she didn't answer. I knocked again, louder this time and finally, few seconds later, she opened the door, her eyes were red and puffy.

"Can I come in?" I asked. She opened the screen door and stepped aside to let me in, partially hiding behind the door. I was surprised to see the ultra modern furniture, it was cold and sterile, there was nothing warm or homey about the house. It didn't fit Bella at all.

I took a seat on the couch, and patted the spot next to me. Bella slowly took a seat looking ahead, not making eye contact. I handed her the Chanel bag, she didn't open it, just held onto it, still avoiding my eyes.

"Remember that jacket I was telling you about earlier? Well, I got home and realized it would look much better on you, than me or Rose.

"Bella, I wanted to apologize for my behavior at Eclipse today" I said, Bella finally looked at me with a frown. "I'm used to shopping with Rose and my mom, where we just barge in each other's dressing rooms. We're really open that way."

"Don't worry about it" she said quietly, her voice thick with tears. Her hair created a curtain and I was unable to see her eyes, so I pushed her hair behind her ear, I could feel her flinch. Oh dear God, she actually thought I was going to hit her.

"Bella, I'm not going to bullshit around about what I saw. Your husband is physically abusing you, and I will not pretend to understand or relate. But, I want to be your friend; you can count on me to be there for you, if you need to vent, if you need refuge, anything, you can count on me. And even though I travel a lot you can always call me. If you can't get a hold of me you call my parents, they will help you until I can hop on the next plane home.

"I'm not just saying this, I mean it. You are not alone, do you understand me? You have me, you know my dad is on your side, you have Jake, Jasper and Emmett will be there for you too. And my mom! Lord she may not let you go, so if you need her, she's there! And even moody ass Edward will be there for you. If you want to leave today, I'll help you, if you want to leave tomorrow just say the word. But sweetie, please understand, you need to leave soon." I finished, gathered her into a tight hug and let her cry. She held in so much, and to hear her release the pain was one step closer to her healing.

I felt a tie to Bella that I couldn't explain, like a sister I never had. As close as I was to Rose there was a part of her that she always kept to herself, she even closed herself off to her twin brother.

"Alice?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Thank you"

"Anytime sweetie", I continued to hold her until her phone rang. Sighing heavily, she picked up her phone from the coffee table and answered.

"Hi James", she said sounding tired. I could hear him mumble something, "I was watching Titanic", she sniffed. "yes, dinner will be ready in 20 minutes" she closed her eyes when he spoke "Ok, see you in a few minutes". Her eyes were still closed when she said. "He's on his way home".

I stood and kissed the top of her head. "I'll see you tomorrow, after he leaves for work".

"Alice I can't, I went out today, he'll be calling me constantly to see where I'm at. I'll just call you in a couple of days, okay?" she said quickly looking nervous.

"If I don't hear from you by 10 am _tomorrow_ I'm coming over here. Got it missy?" I finally got a real smile out of her.

"Got it" she said. I gave her one last hug and drove home. I felt better than I did this afternoon, but I had this urge to open a can of whoop ass on her husband. Moments like this, I wish I was as musically talented as Edward, then, I could put this nervous energy into something constructive.

When I got in the house I went down to the music room, Jasper and Edward were making notes on the board. It looked like they'd come to some sort of agreement about the songs. I made my way to Rose's practice drum set, and picked up the sticks. I fiddled around a bit, playing a few beats, but I had limited skills on the drums. As if sensing my urge to hit something, Edward plugged in his guitar and was already strapped in. He started strumming the opening chords to Notions by Kings of Leon, and before I knew it I was singing the opening lines:

_I gotta notion to say what doesn't feel right  
Got an answer in your story today  
It gave me a sign that didn't feel right_

So don't knock it, don't knock it  
You've been here before  
So don't knock it, don't knock it  
You've been here before

My voice started cracking, and tears started sliding down my cheeks, I started sobbing and it was too much for me to continue, both Jasper and Edward rushed to my side.

"Guys, stop, I'm fine, I'm just being a girl", I said trying to wave them off as Jasper guided me away from the drums, he sat me in his lap and wrapped his arms around me. Edward took a seat on the coffee table in front of us.

"How bad was it?" Edward asked, he looked at me with his piercing green eyes and I realized he knew. He lit a cigarette and took a deep drag.

"Bad", I whispered. Edward continued to smoke as he told us about his conversation with Jacob. She was trying to protect Jake but had forgotten to take care of herself.

"She's coming with us when we leave".

"She's leaving him?" Edward said.

"If I have to hog tie her and put her on a plane she will, but if she doesn't leave soon she won't survive another summer", with all her bruising there was no way…

Edward's expression went stoic, he stood up without a word and walked out the music room. Jasper's arms comforted me from my internal demons.


	5. Unexpected Solace

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight it belongs to the awesome Stephanie Meyers. **

**Special Thank you's to my beta Ms. Bond for dealing with me and my constant mood swings. I LOVE, LOVE you! Check out her Fic, Becoming Bella http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/s/5366270/6/**

**And thank you to my Medical Advisor , Kelli. **

**Tell me what you think, good or bad....I can take it. **

* * *

The day started off bad, I could barely move after my latest episode with James but I forced myself to get up this morning to make his breakfast. I was planning on sitting back and resting, but Alice called with an unexpected shopping invite.

Unfortunately, James heard me on the phone and had to make his presence known by asking questions. Part of me wanted to decline the invitation, but another part of me wanted to play the normal girl and go shopping with a friend. After I ended my phone call with Alice, I took an extra dose of Tylenol with codeine, it was mild enough that I could function and took away some of the pain, not all of it, but enough to keep moving.

What I didn't expect was for James to stay and meet Alice. He was giving her the third degree and I was mortified, thankfully, she never mentioned it.

I was having a hard time believing I was going to Port Angeles with Alice Cullen, Edward's sister. I vaguely remembered her from high school, we didn't hang out in the same 'clique' but when you're the Chief's daughter you don't have a lot of friends. And the few that I did have at the time I lost contact with since marrying James.

The shopping excursion was actually going well, I was having a good time and Alice really seemed like a nice person, but it all changed when we went into the new boutique 'Eclipse' and _that's_ when bitchy Alice arrived. One minute she was being nice and the next insulting. It was like she and James shared a tip sheet on 'How to make Bella feel like shit', not that the items she'd chosen were bad, they were actually very nice and tasteful but with _my_ bruises there was no way I could wear anything she chose.

I was just going to go in the fitting room, pretend to try on the outfits and leave when I saw the full length deep purple strapless dress. It was so simple and feminine, not at all my usual style at all, but I hadn't felt like a woman in so long and I decided to try it on. I was standing there in my bra and panties, suddenly afraid, as I was looking at my latest bruise from James in the harsh light. It's not like I had never seen the bruises before, but under these lights it was more vibrant, more real. I grabbed the dress and was about to put it on when Alice opened the door and walked in.

It felt like the floor was pulled out from underneath me. She just stood there and stared not saying a word for the longest time. By then, I found my voice and told her to leave, but she wouldn't budge. I had to push her out of the room, and with my side hurting it took what little strength I had left. I dressed quickly, the movement making me nauseous. I just wanted to go home. I walked out of the store, clutching my side, I hoped she got the message and headed to the truck.

Before we could even get 20 feet from the store, the damn fan girls surrounded Alice. Like the good rock star she was, she put on a happy face, but she had what appeared to be a fake smile. After a while one of the teens ruffled her hair and I swear I thought she was going to punch her. That's the last thing I needed, Alice getting arrested for assault and Edward blaming me for ruining his band's image, so I grabbed her and whisked her away.

As we walked to another store our conversation turned to the roles we played in life, this was a topic I could totally relate to. Every day since my father died I would pretend I was okay, and everyday since I've been married to James I would pretend that behind closed doors he didn't use me for a punching bag. I suddenly felt drained, I needed to be alone. I wanted to go back to my cell, me being out in the real world wasn't working very well.

I didn't remember most of the ride home, just thinking that I would be at the house soon where I could take some medication, put the casserole in the oven and go lay down. I jumped out of Alice's truck, which increased the pain, and ran into the house slamming the door. I took another 2 Tylenol with codeine and started dinner.

In my head, I heard an echo of Alice telling me I how I would be mistaken for a man, a lumberjack to be precise. I remembered James, having another one of his episodes, reminding me why I was a failure as a wife, even going so far as to tell me why I failed to keep Edward; I wasn't woman enough, I would never look like Tonya, I wasn't pretty, I look like a boy before puberty, basically I just wasn't enough. I hadn't thought about moment in so long that I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

I sat on the uncomfortable couch wanting nothing more than to disappear. The heaviness in my chest wouldn't go away, I felt like a wounded animal. I tried breathing exercises to calm myself, I wanted to run to La Push, to see Jake, but I couldn't see him when I felt like this.

The silence in the cold room was deafening, my thoughts, too loud. I was heading back to the kitchen when I heard someone at the door. I didn't want to be bothered, but they became rather persistent.

When I opened the door I was shocked to see Alice Cullen standing there asking to come in. I was perplexed; what more did we have to say to each other? I opened up the screen door and let her pass; taking a seat on the couch she patted the cushion beside her. I hesitantly sat down, and she handed me a Chanel shopping bag, I briefly wondered if this was some kind of trick.

The _last _thing I expected was an apology, when she explained why she did what she did, it showed me the close relationship she had with her mother, and I missed Renee even more. Rarely did I think of my parents as Mom & Dad, it hurt too much, treating them as old lost friends helped ease the ache. I wondered if Renee and I would have been as close as Alice and Esme, I liked to think that we would have been.

I was so lost in thought that I jumped when Alice touched my hair. On a normal day a blind move like that would mean I was getting punched for not paying attention to James. But unlike James, Alice didn't try to punch me or scare me, she was simply offering friendship, and that became my breaking point. Between the heaviness in my chest from my overextended emotional state, to the pain in my side I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I just cried, and for the first time in a long time someone actually held me. I tried to keep the tears from Jake because it caused him so much pain, but Alice held me so tight as if she knew I was breaking on the inside and was holding me together.

When James's phone call came through, I had no energy to sound normal. I told him I was watching Titanic and I've never been able to finish the movie without crying so he had no reason to question it.

Alice gave me a deadline on when she wanted to hear from me, much like Jake, but more forceful. When I looked into her eyes, I saw the sincerity; it was a look I hadn't seen in quite some time. She gave me one last hug and left for the evening.

"_If you want to leave today, I'll help you, if you want to leave tomorrow just say the word. But sweetie, please understand you need to leave soon." _

I knew she was right but my insides were shaking with fear. I wanted to be fucking free and I wouldn't move, I couldn't, I didn't understand.

*******

"I still don't understand why she wanted you to go with her", James said for the third time since he arrived home from work. I was just hoping he'd finish his tirade so I could wash dishes and go to bed. James hated for dishes to stay in the sink, he required his house to be spotless, which confused me since he was such a slob.

"We briefly talked after the concert, I guess she wanted to say hi while she was in town", I lied.

"Fine, whatever, but it's obvious you have no fashion skills. You dress like crap, what in the hell is she wasting her time on you for?" he said as he continued to insult me.

I remained silent, what was the point of denying it, even Alice hated the way I dressed.

"Yes you've made that perfectly clear, I suck", I said in a low voice.

"Bella, are you giving me attitude?" he said in that low voice I'd come to hate and fear. _Please not tonight_, I silently begged.

"Of course not James, you've told me I embarrass you when we have to be in public together." I finished quickly. He didn't move for a few minutes but I could feel his eyes on me.

"Have you seen him?" he asked.

"Not since the concert", I had to will myself not to blush, or he'd know.

"I'm not worried. I've seen the women he's been linked with. And I must say you don't even come close", he said with a laugh. I felt my eyes well up; I knew the kind of women Edward was seeing, beautiful actresses and models, Tonya seemed cute compared to his last girlfriend. It proved what I already I knew - I didn't measure up.

Thankfully the tears didn't fall, but my heart felt as though someone was gripping it tightly, I was almost afraid to breathe.

*****

I woke up to the door slamming closed. I looked at the clock and saw it was after 8am. Oh no, his breakfast! As I tried to rise, the nausea was so overwhelming I couldn't move. James was in one of his rare understanding moods and allowed me to sleep but I could tell it wasn't enough, I felt as though I couldn't breathe, literally. There was no way I could get away with just Tylenol; I needed to see Dr. Cullen.

By the time I made it to my feet I was completely soaked in sweat. Thankfully I kept my phone by my bed; I grabbed it and stumbled down the hall, when I got to the closet I thought I would pass out from the pain. I fumbled with the door knob but I couldn't get the door open. I leaned my head against the cool wood of the door closing my eyes when I heard a familiar voice call my name.

"Bella?" _its official I'm going crazy I now hear Alice's voice_.

I opened my eyes to see Alice staring at me with a worried look.

"Alice what are you doing here?" I asked still leaning against the closet door.

"I wanted to go have breakfast and head up to La Push. When you didn't answer I got worried and picked the locks," she said quickly. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" she whispered.

I looked at her, wondering if I should just say I had a cold and head out to the hospital after she'd already left. _Who am I kidding? I'm too tired to lie today_. I didn't say anything for a few minutes; she started to look panicky when I didn't respond immediately.

"I think my ribs are cracked, and I need to go to the hospital", I finally admitted.

"Did this happen last night?" she asked as she grabbed my hand, she pushed my hair back away from my face, she didn't have the usual pity look I get from the nurses at the hospital, only concern.

"No a couple of days ago", I said.

"You were in pain when we went to Port Angeles?" she shrieked.

"Yes, Alice", I sighed.

"Shit, Bella, you should have said something! I swear you're trying to kill me", she said as she placed a call.

"Dad, its Alice, Bella said her ribs may be cracked." She paused "No, she said 2 days ago", she then asked me "What have you been taking? Have you been resting, or doing any stretching?"

"Tylenol with codeine, not much rest and I haven't stretched. It hurts too much to even attempt it". Alice relayed the message. "Ok see you in few minutes". She hung up the phone and placed it back in her pocket.

"Ok, my father is coming to take you to the hospital. I need to get you a jacket though because it's still chilly outside," she rattled out.

If it was that chilly, then why was she wearing itty bitty denim shorts, a tummy baring tee and knee hi white socks?

"Why is he leaving the hospital come get me? I can just drive over there", I said.

"You are not driving yourself to the hospital Bella!" she growled.

_Who knew she could growl_?

"Besides Dad was at home, his car is low enough where you won't hurt yourself, which you obviously did when we went to Port Angeles. If Dad wouldn't have come I would have called Jasper, even though I'm hella strong, I can't lift you into the Suburban", she added.

"Please tell me you didn't call your dad on his day off?" I asked, not ready to move, I continued leaning against the door.

"Well, yeah! Dad would have been pissed if I didn't call him to help. Trust me Bella."

Alice had me lean against her as she guided me to the living room, she propped me against the front door and went into the hall closet to retrieve my bag.

"Bella, I can't find your keys."

"They're on the table next to the closet, they have a pink ball as a key chain", I explained.

"Seriously Bella they aren't here", she said as she re-entered the room with my bag. Sadly I'm a creature of habit; I always place my keys on the hall table, which could only mean one thing: James took them. This was his way of making sure I didn't leave the house.

As I was thinking of where I left my spare keys, another thought struck me.

"Alice, did you say you picked the locks?"

"Yeah, I told you that when I first arrived".

"Why would you do that, and who taught you how?" I asked, still in shock.

"Well, when you didn't answer the door, I got all freaked out. His car was gone and yours was still there. Bella I was worried, I couldn't leave until I saw you with my own two eyes."

_Damn that woman!_

"Ok, I'll give you that but how?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

"You'd be amazed what the roadies have taught Rose and me, we even know how to hot wire a car." She laughed, at that moment she seemed so worldly.

By the time Dr. Cullen arrived, she helped me into my black hoodie and found some shoes for me. I don't know what I would have done without her.

We heard a knock, and Alice hurried to the door to open it for her father.

"Bella", he said quietly looking at me with concern on his face.

"Hi, Dr. Cullen", I whispered. With Alice on one side and Dr. Cullen on the other propping me up, we began walking to his Mercedes. About half way to the car I remembered I didn't have keys.

"Crap, Alice, I don't remember where my spare keys are."

"Really, Bella? I just told you I can pick a lock. So don't worry." She said. Dr. Cullen looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Daddy, I've only use my powers for good. I swear!" she said raising her right hand. He muttered something about crazy kids and we continued down the drive. Once he had me situated in the car, he walked over to Alice speaking to her briefly. I watched as they hurriedly finished their conversation, and then she hopped in the huge SUV.

"More than likely she will beat us there, I always worry about her and that truck", he said.

"Alice has the personality of someone much bigger." I said softly.

"You have no idea. I believe it stems from have two older brothers, she never wanted to be left out."

"I always wanted a sibling; Jake is the closest I have to a brother."

"I think Jake is a great example of a big brother, blood doesn't make a family, starting with what's in the heart is how you create a family."

Dr. Cullen was right.

We arrived at the hospital a few minutes later; a wheelchair was waiting for me. Dr. Cullen escorted me into triage and with the help of one of the nurses I was lifted onto the examination table. Dr. Cullen ordered X-rays to be sure my ribs weren't broken.

By the time I was returned to triage, Alice was waiting. We didn't speak much; I tried to find a more comfortable position. Dr. Cullen returned with my X-rays and confirmed I didn't have any broken ribs, but 2 of them were cracked, and dealing with them wouldn't be easy.

"Bella, you know if you don't rest, this could lead to something more serious," Dr. Culled stated in a frustrated voice.

"I understand that, but we both know he doesn't care if you ordered me to bed rest or not," I said. Dr. Cullen didn't say anything for a long time, he stared at me and then at Alice.

"Isabella, you need to rest at least during the day. The more you move around, the worst you'll get. Sadly you know the consequences of not resting for this kind of injury. If I have to I will admit you in order to make this happen, I will," he stated. I couldn't stay in the hospital, last time I was admitted James made a huge commotion, and dragged me out of the hospital against doctors' orders.

"Dr. Cullen…"

"Dad she _is_ going to rest today, cause she's coming home with us," Alice said with a determined smile.

******

True to her word, Alice and Dr. Cullen, who insisted I call him Carlisle, drove me to their home for the day. I tried to convince them to drive me back to my house but Alice pointed out I was locked out due to James taking my keys with him, and she was the only one who could open the door.

Esme and Jasper were awaiting our arrival; Carlisle had Jasper carry me into the house, which was a strange way to officially meet someone. Jasper carried me into the living area and gently, deposited me the couch. Esme had set up a resting area with the softest pillows I've ever laid my head on, and a down comforter to keep me warm.

This was my first time in the Cullen home, I had always declined Edward's offer when we spent time together, I couldn't explain I was already intimidated by him, going to his home would've sent me over the edge.

Once I was settled on the couch Carlisle sat down on the coffee table and handed me a pill with a glass of water.

"Ok, Bella you will feel the pill start to work in about 20 to 30 minutes. It's pretty powerful, so don't fight it." Carlisle explained, as I swallowed the pill and sipped at the water.

"What exactly did I just take?" I asked.

"Oxycodone, it will help you rest more comfortably." He said, as he watched me finish my water. "Bella just try to rest and relax today. Your body needs it in order to recuperate, ok?" I nodded not sure what to say to him.

"Its movie time," Alice announced as she came back in the room a few minutes later followed by Jasper who was carrying a basket. Jasper handed me a Sprite, a bag of chips and M&M's. Food was the last thing on my mind but I accepted, knowing I would only have the Sprite.

Alice sat on the couch with me, she place my feet in her lap, removed my socks before I had a chance to protest, she pulled out red nail polish, nail polish remover and cotton balls from her cosmetics bag.

"Alice, what the hell are you doing?"

"Mini pedicure Bella. Duh", she replied.

"Why?"

"Because there is nothing like having nice toes when you're not feeling 100%. And since we can't go get our mani-pedi's anytime soon, this will have to do." She said, she continued to work on my feet.

"Bella stop trying to fight it, we've all had to go through it", Jasper said as he was fiddling with the remote controls, Alice just snickered.

"So she's painted your toes too?" I asked jokingly.

"Yep. I went for a manly black, thank you very much", he said with a lazy enduring smile. "But that's how I knew I was in love with her", he finished and placed a kiss in Alice's hair.

How could a simple act of kissing someone's head look so intimate? James and I were never like that, at the beginning I would barely hold his hand, and now, the only contact I got was when he was angry.

"Where's the television?" I asked noticing that there was no television in the room.

"You're in for a treat." Alice said smirking as a movie screen came down from the ceiling. The screen had to be at least 10 feet wide and stretched 7 feet tall, bigger than anything I've ever seen in a home.

"This is our theater room, we can't go to the movies for obvious reasons, so we have an extensive collection here. I'm in a chick flick mood, so you're going to have to deal," Alice said.

"It's perfect Alice."

"I got so much shit for this movie but I love it!" she grinned at me. Without realizing it Alice had put on one of my favorite movies, 'The Lake House' starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

"It's one of my favorite movies too", I whispered.

"Okay you have great chick flick taste but I, for our budding friendship to continue, need to know where 'Ghostbusters' range on your list?" she questioned with mock seriousness.

"One of the best comedies of all time, it's in my secret stash", I confessed.

"Fuckin' right! Emmett and I can recite Ghost-busters. Edward and Jasper even sing the theme song."

"I recite it too! It drives Jake crazy, I always play Peter Venkman!" I said. I wanted to laugh harder, but I knew too much laughing would cause pain.

"Emmett does a killer Spengler, when he's back we're having a 'Ghostbusters' screening", she said, making future plans for us to hang out.

"I can't wait", I whispered. I'd entered uncharted territory when Alice and I became friends. I hoped the friendship would be maintained once she left Forks, it was going to be hard but I'd try.

I felt the Oxycodone working, the pain lessened and I eventually fell asleep. It wasn't a deep sleep, I hazily heard voices going in and out, Jasper and Alice in whispers, I felt Carlisle's checking my pulse on several occasions, I wished he didn't have to work on his day off.

Esme woke me up for lunch, even the thought of food made me nauseous, but she assured me I would feel better once I had something in my stomach. I knew she was right and told her I would try the soup. I closed my eyes to brace myself to sit up when

I heard someone calling my name, my head felt so heavy. It took all my strength to open my eyes.

"Come on sleepy head wake up," he said. I opened one eye to Edward carrying a tray. _This_ was an unexpected surprise.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling at him as I tried to get up, despite how weak I felt. Edward must have noticed me struggling to sit up because I instantly felt strong hands on my arms and realized he was trying to help me sit up right. Between the drugs and being this close to him the room was spinning, I had to close my eyes to regroup.

"You ok?" he asked worriedly.

"Sure, sure. I'm on top of the world", I felt drunk, and everything suddenly seemed funny.

"Here, it's time to eat."

I thanked him and started eating the soup. Edward took a seat at the end of the couch and continued watching what looked like a Brad Pitt movie.

"What movie is this?" I asked.

Edward looked at me with a frown "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", he said.

"I've heard of it but never had a chance to see it". I usually refrained from watching violent films, but if I had known Brad Pitt looked that good, I would have watched a few times while it was in the theater.

"Really?" Edward asked astonishingly. _Oh shit I said that out loud?_

Edward smiled at me with his crooked grin, he hadn't smile at me like that in four years.

"So Brad Pitt does it for you?"

"Yeah, men get better looking with age, I guess that's why they're often compared to wine", I said as I was looking down at my bowl, only managing a few spoonfuls, which was more than enough.

"You should try to eat more," Edward said as I was trying to move the tray away from me, when I shook my head no, he got up and took it away.

"Well, I could eat more but I think I'd throw up all over your beloved Chuck Taylor's", I heard him laugh from the other room.

"Now that wouldn't be good, you know I love my Taylors", he said smiling and resumed his spot at my feet.

"You're so pretty", I giggled.

"Um.. Thank you. Personally, I was going for sexy, so thanks", he said jokingly.

"You've been described as Fuck-hot by your legions of fans" I retorted.

"Fuck hot?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, and I think my favorite has to be Eye-fuck." I burst into a fit of giggles.

"What the _hell_ is Eye fuck?"

"You are!!" I was openly laughing and I couldn't stop. My giggles finally subsided and we both had smiles on our faces. It was fun to laugh with Edward again. But all the laughing made the pain in my side more intense.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, give me a sec, I need to not move for a while." I whispered.

"So are you." he said some time later. I frowned at him not understanding, "Pretty, I mean". I knew Edward was just being nice, and hated that he felt he needed to lie to me to make me feel better so I thanked him, and quickly asked him where Alice was.

"Making out with Jasper somewhere", he said.

"Really?"

"You'll learn, that Alice and Jasper will sneak off whenever they get a chance." He looked at me with a grin.

"Thanks for the tip", I said yawning.

"Anytime", he said as we continued to watch the movie. I snuck a few peeks at him and drifted off to sleep.

_I was running deep in the forest, finally free but I could still hear him screaming my name for me to __come back._

"_Izzy get your ass back here!" he roared. _

_His voiced echoed through the forest, I felt as though I was surrounded, there was no escape route. No matter which way I turned I __couldn't get away.__ Even though I couldn't see him I knew I had to keep running, if I could just get to La Push I'd be safe. But I was so tired, I knew he'd find me but I had to keep going. I made it to the cliffs, but this wasn't where I wanted to go. I needed to get to Jake's. I was all twisted and was about to retrace my steps when I saw James. I was so tired and he took everything. I turned my back to him and jumped. _

_I'm sorry Jake. _

"NOOOOOOO" I woke up screaming, I realized I was alone in the room, I felt my heart pounding in my chest, there was an intense pain in my side, it meant I was alive. The dream felt real, I could hear James's voice, the way he inflicted fear to my very core and I just wanted it to be over. The more I thought about the dream the more my chest tightened, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Tears continued to stream down my face, as I gasped for air.

"Dad! Somethings wrong with Bella" I heard Alice yell.

Carlisle came rushing into the room, along with Jake and Edward.

"Bella, I need you to look at me", I looked into his blue eyes. "It's ok, in and out, simple breathes, In and out." We continued with the exercise until I was able to breathe normally again.

"What time is it?" I needed to get home soon.

"A little after 5", Alice said.

"What? Oh my god, I have to get home," I said panicking, lifting the covers and trying to get up. The pain in my side intensified and Carlisle gently pushed me back down.

"Bella we spoke to James, don't worry." Alice thought this reassured me but it did the complete opposite, I became more agitated. If James spoke to Alice, then he'd probably assumed I was trying to get back with Edward.

"Bella, I spoke with James. He's in Seattle on an investigation that lasted longer than he expected," Jacob assured me. I looked up into Jacob's dark eyes. "I told him that after you went to the hospital, Alice brought you to the reservation to rest until he was home, since he had your keys. So it's ok, there's no need to worry."

He's in Seattle, I never heard sweeter words but it also meant I was locked out of my house.

"Alice, I think we need to put to use your lock picking skills," I mumbled.

"No need, you're staying here tonight", Alice announced.

"No, thank you for everything you've done today, but I better get home", I said.

"Bells, she's right. You should stay here tonight, this way The Doc can watch over you, and you'll actually rest," Jake jumped on Alice's side.

"I have nothing with me," I argued, knowing it was a lame excuse.

"Taken care of," she told me as she turned to Jake. "Could you carry her to the room we prepared?"

"Yeah, just show me the way", he said, ignoring me.

"Dad, I'm going to get her washed up could you give us another hour?"

"Her second dose is already wearing off, so try to make it 30" Carlisle explained to her.

Before I could respond Jake lifted me in his arms, there was no fighting it; I relaxed in Jake's protective grip.

"Lead the way Ace", Jake addressed Alice as she lead us upstairs. We walked down the hallway to the staircase, and I was able to make out glimpses of family photos. I wanted to tell Jacob to put me down so I could look at all the family time-lines. I was a photo fanatic, give me a camera and I was like a kid in a candy store.

Alice took us into a room that was the size of half my house. There was an oak four poster bed, the windows were enormous, the sun was setting and I could see the massive trees of the forest in the distance. There was a desk in the corner made in the same oak that held a closed laptop and a printer. Above the entertainment center there was a 60-inch plasma TV and I could make out a DVD player everything else was foreign to me.

Jake placed me on the bed, and laid down next to me placing his arm around me so I could use it as a pillow. We didn't speak; I could tell he was trying to compose himself.

"When did it happen?" he finally asked.

"Two days ago," I whispered. He didn't say anything for a few minutes; he lifted my chin until my eyes met his.

"You need to tell me these things. I can't help you, if you shut me out"

"Jake, if something happens to you-"

"Bella, James can't hurt me, ok?"

"Do you think its just James? Jane has made it very clear; she'll make sure you rot in prison."

"Bells she can't touch me, she can threaten all she wants, but it's not going to work. James is known as a wife beater, and his cousin needs to pick on someone to justify his behavior. If you're afraid of coming to the reservation then go somewhere else. I will help you, never doubt that," Jake finished.

Twice in two days help had been offered, as I told Edward, stop hearing and start listening, I should take my own advice. But one of my biggest fears was trying to run, and James finding me.

Alice came back in the room, carrying clothes and another basket of supplies.

"I'm starting to fear those baskets", I whispered to Jacob. He snickered.

"Okay, time to get you in the shower and then get you some dinner so you can take your pill", she reminded me.

"But I'm so comfortable, Alice", I whined.

"Sweetie, if you're going to whine you're going to have to do better than that. I have so much to teach you."

"You're going to teach me how to pick a lock?" I asked sounding hopeful.

"Of course! But you need to shower, and I brought you a tooth brush."

"Ace, you can pick locks?" Jake asked.

"Hell yeah! So you better watch out Black."

"Oh, I'm scared of you," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh shut up, could you take Bella into the bathroom? I'll take over from there."

"I can walk you two" I complained.

"How about I walk you to the bathroom door?"

"Deal!" Jake picked me up with ease and deposited me at the bathroom door. Before he released me I gave him the biggest hug I could muster.

"I love you, Jake"

"I love you too Bells", he said softly and walked to the door, before walking out of the room he sent me a wink.

"Okay young lady, shower time." Alice said, in her Drill Sergeant voice.

****

I woke up to a soft knock; the moonlight coming through my window provided enough light for me to see Edward walking in with a glass of water. I watched him as he placed it on my night stand.

"Hey", I whispered.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you Alice said she forgot to refill your water glass", he said softly.

"Thank you, I'm so thirsty", I said, reaching for the glass "A bendy straw?" grinning.

"Yeah, thought it would be easier on you" he said as he sat on the bed next to me.

"Thank you" I replied and took and couple of sips. "I hate all this sleeping", I complained.

"It's good for you," he retorted.

"I know." We just sat in the dark not talking, I could feel my eyes starting to droop but I wasn't ready for my time with Edward to be over. "Hey you're sitting up too high, scoot down." He grinned, and scooted down until we were facing each other. Again we didn't speak-just stared.

"Did you mean what you said that day?" I asked not caring what I said. He didn't say anything, but the moonlight provided enough light I could see his eyes were serious.

"Yes, I meant every word" he said quietly. I let his words sink in. He meant it, he loved me and I didn't believe him. I grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I believed James when he said you had a girlfriend", I said.

"Holyfuck! You believed Tonya was my girlfriend?" he asked and I gave him a confirmed nod, which wasn't a good idea since it made me dizzy. "Bella, she wasn't my girlfriend", he looked like he was in pain.

"James told me that you were using me until she arrived, then I saw her at the diner telling Sue about you two being together. It wasn't until a year later when Jake told me about how she was going around lying and saying she was your girlfriend after hanging out at some frat party with you."

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" he asked.

"Honestly?"

"Yes, please", he said in a pleaded whisper.

"I didn't think I was good enough to be with someone like you, and I needed to leave before you left me", I said quietly. "Because in the end everyone leaves or I hurt them. I hurt you, I'm hurting Jake and I'm going to hurt Alice. I don't mean to, I just do."

He didn't say a word; I closed my eyes, waiting for his wrath. Instead, I felt his hands in my hair, he leaned in until we were forehead to forehead, and I heard his breathing become shallow.

"Dammit Bella," he said in a rough voice.

As he caressed my face, he wiped away my tears, I reached up to touch his cheek and was stunned, he had tears on his face. I thought knowing the truth would make the ache go away, but now I felt lost more than ever before.

He gathered me into a tight embrace and held me for a several minutes. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep; I wanted to open my eyes when I felt his lips against my forehead, a moment later I heard the door click.


	6. Request

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers. **

**A special thank you to the bestest beta a girl could ever have MsBond01, she reels me in when I go over the edge. **

* * *

**EPOV**

Once again sleep has eluded me, I felt more exhaustion this trip home it seemed, than when I toured. I knew it was all emotional but the strain of being home was worse than I feared. In the past, I've used touring as my method of not dealing with Bella and this extended trip had opened more wounds than I knew was possible.

I suddenly felt like the walls were closing in on me, and music would not be my salvation tonight. I quickly from switched out my plaid pajama bottoms for black sweats, and a black hoodie, I kept my black tee shirt on. I found my black Nike's in the closet, grabbed my iPhone and keys and left my room.

Before I made it to the stair case I spotted the light under my father's door, I knocked and I entered the office when I heard him say "Come In". For as long as I could remember my father rarely slept, he often said he was better at his job when he hasn't slept for 30 hours. It made sneaking out a challenge for me and Emmett, we were able to escape 3 times, but the other times my father put an end to our late night escapades.

"Edward, what are you doing up?" he asked without looking at me, he seemed to be reading a report. _When isn't he reading a report?_

"I couldn't sleep."

He looked up at me for a moment and motioned for me to take a seat; I sank down into the chair, not saying anything for a moment. I looked around his office, knowingly avoiding his gaze, when I noticed some flyers for the Fork Memorial Benefit; I picked up a copy and read it.

"Are you going to the Benefit, Dad?" I finally asked.

"Yes, since your mother and I are a part of the Planning Committee," he said with a laugh. There were four bands scheduled to play, the opening acts I remembered from my club touring days, they were decent and well known local bands. They never strived for the big record contracts because they liked the Seattle circuit and were able to stay close to home with their families. They didn't make millions, but they were able to provide for their girlfriends, wives and children.

The closing acts' name was the one that really irked me; he was a douche by the name of Vladimir, who thought he was god's gift to music. Lately he'd been on an Edward Cullen bash; calling me everything from pussfied to a no talent songwriter. I wondered if he knew the man organizing the Benefit was my father.

"Why didn't you invite us to perform?" I asked, suddenly irked.

"We wanted to, but knew you were in the middle of a short break, I didn't want to guilt you into doing something you didn't want to do. Plus I didn't think you were actually coming home, I assumed you would go New York."

I originally planned to go to New York to buy an apartment in Manhattan, but Forks was calling.

"You could have asked when you knew I was coming home," I knew I was pouting.

"Son, would you like to perform at the benefit?"

"I don't know. I will have to think about it," I said, in my best bratty voice.

He balled up a piece of paper, throwing it at me, we started laughing.

"Seriously dad, I have no problems performing. Emmett and Rose should be back by then, I'll ask if they want to do it, and I'm willing to do an acoustic set."

"Thank you, Son. I appreciate it," he said with a grin. "But it's almost 5 am; I really don't think you came in here to discuss the benefit." His assumption was correct; I didn't come in here to discuss the Benefit.

"Alice said Bella won't last unless she leaves soon", I said watching my father's face for some indication that this was a possibility. Other than our conversation a couple of days ago, my father hadn't indulged any information and what he did relay was spoken in riddles. My father didn't say a word; he neither confirmed nor denied this claim.

"Anyone in her situation is at risk to a final blow; my only hope is she'd regain the courage to leave. That's the hardest part about dealing with a victim of abuse, it's when they lose the courage to walk away, and they believe they deserve it. I try my hardest to help them realize they don't deserve that kind of life, but one free of violence within their own home."

"She actually believes she deserve this?" I asked incredulously.

"That is a question that should be directed to Bella but in my personal opinion, yes, it's what think she sometimes believes," he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dammit Edward, I can't answer your questions freely, I'm sorry," he said in a frustrated voice.

"I'm sorry to press dad," I said as I stood to walk out of the office. I just needed out of the house. I ran back to my room for my ear buds and decided to go for a run.

With my hood up I ran down the lane that lead into town. I passed the local tackle shop, Forks Mart, a gas station, I turned off the main road and ran passed Forks High, and I ran past the court house where I met Jacob Black, because we both were being sentenced for underage drinking. My pace slowed as I passed the police station, I remembered how Charlie Swan had yelled at me about the dangers of drunk driving.

The sun was rising as I picked up my pace and continued onto La Push; as usual, I was humbled by its beauty as the sun peeked through the trees. A few residents were ready to start their commute to Port Angeles and various other places. I ran towards the trees near Jake's home it was much too early to stop by, so I continued on the path towards the beach. I didn't stop until I could see the tree stumps sitting on the beach; again I thought of Bella, this is where we had spent that summer.

_**We'd been sitting on the beach for about an hour and had no desire to leave. She was still reading her book of short stories while sucking on a lollipop. I never met a girl who enjoyed reading as much as Bella did. Her head was resting on my shoulder as I strummed my guitar; she let out a contented sigh. I started singing the first words that popped in my head**_

_**Her eyes smile every time we see each other**_

_**She sits here smelling like innocent sin**_

_**Her wild hair dancing in the wind**_

_**Who knew that strawberries and an ocean breeze**_

_**Could be so decadent?**_

_**I just gotta kiss that**_ _**girl of mine.**_

_**Bella put her book down as I while I was singing, and turned to face me.**_

"_**So, you're going to kiss me?" she asked in her soft low voice.**_

"_**Well, yeah", I said with a grin, I placed my guitar on my left, nervously I reached for Bella and placed my hands in her mahogany hair, as I leaned into her, my heart escalating as my lips touched her soft, sweet cherry lips,**_ **_it was better than I expected. Her bottom lip was plump and soft. I gently suckled it in as she sucked on my top lip, not wanting to discriminate I took her top lip between mine. Simultaneously, I felt her hands in my hair as our tongues met and I started to lose what little control I had._**

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head; there was no need to think about our first kiss. I turned around from the beach, made my way through the trees, and headed back towards home. Against my will I ran I turned on Gardner, I saw the house she shared with James. It took all I had not to go in there and bash his head in; I was hoping to see some sort of movement, but there was nothing. I forced my legs to move back home, I had to get Bella out on my mind.

*****

I stared at the lyrics of the "Back in Time" that Jasper wrote, it was a great song but I couldn't hear myself singing it. It was missing something, and for the life of me I couldn't figure it out, we'd tried to rearrange the lyrics, we tried different tempos, had even gone so far as to changing the melody but there was still something off base about it.

I sat down at the piano, hoping I would be inspired to make this song work when I heard Jasper fly down the stairs in a mad rush. He walked over to the piano, lit a joint and handed it to me. I don't smoke often, and definitely not when I'm having issues with a song, he knows I'm a picky son of bitch, so wondered why he was handing me this shit.

"Edward, you need this," he said as he exhaled.

"Nah man, I'm good," I continued to play. Jasper took another hit and handed back to me.

"Bro, I would never offer if I didn't think you'd need to be in a chill state in the next 30 minutes," he said. Yes, I'd been a little cranky but today I was good, calmer.

"What the fuck is so important that I need to take a hit?" I inquired.

"Bella is on her way over," he took another hit.

"So, I know she and Alice are friends now, I'm ok with that, Bella and I are ok around each other", I said with false bravado, I was actually shaking on the inside.

"Dude, she's coming from the hospital", he said somberly as my head snapped up.

"What happened? Is she okay?" I started to rattle off questions before Jasper could answer, he handed me the joint again.

I took a hit as I listened to him relay information about Alice finding Bella trying to take herself to the hospital. Jasper explained she was coming to the house to rest for the day. My mom was setting up the theatre room so she could watch movies and sleep until it was time to take her home.

"What do you mean take her back?! He almost fucking killed her!" I yelled.

"Edward, she didn't want to come back here, she wanted to go home but Alice superseded that idea."

"I can't see her, not like that," I whispered. I knew I was being a pussy, but fuck, I wasn't ready for this.

"From what Alice said there were no marks on her face, just that she could barely move, due to exertion." Jasper place another joint on the piano, I looked at him warily.

"Thanks, but seriously what kind of stash do you have? This is good shit, dude. I thought you were laying off," I said. Jasper was the poster boy for the word Stoner, but after 4 years on the road he had pretty much stopped.

"I don't have a stash, I got this from Esme," he said with a grin. I gaped at him, nearly falling off the bench.

"My mother gave this to you?" I asked and Jasper was openly laughing at me.

"She said it was either this, or put Xanax in your coffee again."

"I knew she was putting something in my coffee!" I exclaimed. "Really, my mom has a stash?" I asked, still in shocked my mother smoked marijuana, but at the same time it explained so much.

"I told you years ago you're mom was the coolest mom ever," he said mocking me and punching me in the shoulder. "They should be here any minute, you stay down here, and I'll help them get her settled."

I knew I could count on Jasper for not judging my actions, but there was no way I could go out there and pretend nothing was wrong. Staying in the music room would ensure I didn't go over the Ramsey's house and beat the shit out of James.

I took another hit and started playing the piano randomly. I played till my fingers ached and my stomach growled. _Fuckin' munchies_!

I walked into the kitchen and found my mom was at the stove stirring something and speaking on the phone. I raided the pantry, found a small bag of Crunchy Cheetos, and miniature Snicker bars. I grabbed a Bud Light and Hidden Valley ranch dip from the refrigerator. Alice and Jasper came into the kitchen as I was finishing up my snack. Jasper grabbed another round of beers. I noticed that Alice was looking stressed.

"You ok Ace?" I asked. She shook her head; she ran her fingers in her magenta red hair, looking paler than usual. Her blue-green eyes looked pained; she looked how I felt on the inside.

"Jasper, take Alice out for a walk," my mother said, laying a comforting hand on Alice's shoulder. Jasper directed Alice towards the back door.

"Edward, I need you to watch Bella while Alice collects herself. I need to run to Port Angeles and should be back in a few hours."

"No Mom, I can't" I protested.

"Edward, it's not that hard. Plus your dad is upstairs taking a nap you can wake him if her pain worsens."

"Mom….I can't be around her like….that," I felt the panic starting to rise.

"Sweetie none of us want to deal with 'that', but we are" she said sounding frustrated.

"You don't understand…"

"Ok, explain it to me, but quickly cause my evil client is driving me nuts."

"Bella and I used to….see each other."

She looked at me in shock, and then asked, "What? When?"

"Four years ago, before she married….him", I said balling my hands into fists; I never wanted to hurt someone as much as I wanted to hurt James. My mom stared at me for a few seconds, looked at her watched and then sat down next to me.

"This is going to sound harsh, but it needs to be said. In all honesty, I think you're being a complete douche, for the lack of a better term. As your mother, I can see the torment in your eyes and I know you're not trying to be and I'll admit, I'm stunned to hear about you and Bella, but it explains so much. You've avoided this whole Bella situation for four years and never dealt with it. Now that your heart and mind have caught up to reality, you have to deal with this pain, and to top it off you have to cope with the fact that the Bella you knew 4 years ago, is going through something much bigger than you. All the sold out shows or Grammy's awards can't gloss over this situation, you're going to have to check your ego at the door, be a bigger man and be there for her. I know it's hard, but remember she's on survival mode. I know you're hurting too Edward, but when have you ever feared for your life? When have you wondered if the person you married is going to finish you off?"

I sighed, my mother was right; I was a douche. I stood and kissed the top of her head.

"You're right mom, go see your client, I'll make sure Bella eats lunch and watch over her until Alice returns," I said getting up to pour Bella's soup into a bowl. My mom grabbed her gear, gave me a hug and was about to exit when I asked, "Do you think she's giving up?"

"I think she's starting to believe it's what she deserves. There's a defeated deadness to her eyes, she looks nothing like the girl I remember seeing around town when Charlie was alive," she said shaking her head. She looked at her watch again, said her goodbyes and made a dash for the door.

I put the soup on the tray along with a glass of juice. When I walked into the theatre room, I saw Bella lying on her back, and for a moment she looked peaceful, her dark hair surrounded her like a cocoon, and was paler than the last time I saw her. She moved slightly and whimpered, I noticed she had a frown on her face that lasted for a few seconds and then she relaxed. I hated to wake her up, but she needed to eat.

"Come on sleepy head wake up," I said, smiling, she looked so annoyed to be woken up, but then she smiled and I felt as though I was melting.

She tried to sit up, so I put the tray down and helped her. I worried when she got a dazed look on her face.

"You ok?" I asked, I was starting to panic again. If something thing happened while I was taking care of her, Alice would kick my ass.

"Sure, sure. I'm on top of the world", she slurred.

"Here, it's time to eat." I placed the tray on her lap and thought about going to go back into the kitchen but decided against it, as that would be rude. Plus Mr. & Mrs. Smith was on, not only was it a great flick but Angelina Jolie was smokin' hot in this movie.

"What movie is this?" she suddenly asked.

"Mr. & Mrs. Smith", I explained, _how could she not recognize the movie where Brad and Angie hooked up?_

"I've heard of it, but never had a chance to see it, if I'd known Brad Pitt looked that good, I would have watched a few times while it was in the theater," she said.

I laughed; this was the Bella I adored. She could be sarcastic, yet blunt and when she compared men to fine wine I wanted to kiss her. _Pussy Edward has entered the building._

She didn't eat much, when I took her tray back into the kitchen I had to regroup. I took a deep breath andmade my way back into the theatre room to finish the movie.

We'd been sitting in silence for a few minutes when she called me pretty. I hated when people called me pretty, we joked around then she started slinging words like 'Fuckhot' and 'Eye fuck'. I was thoroughly confused and made a mental note to ask Alice about that later.

It was so much fun to laugh with her; I usually stayed away from women like that. It was easier to deal with the wannabe's, the fake mysterious girls. It wasn't until she clutched side in pain that I remembered that she should be resting.

"So are you, pretty, I mean", I blurted out moments later, Bella looked at me as though I'd grown two heads. _Real smooth Cullen you freaked her out._

Trying not to think about Bella I fantasized about Angelina, I was trying to not to compare her lips to Bella's. When I visited New Orleans, I spent some time with her when she was pregnant. She was stripped of her makeup, surrounded by her kids and never looked more beautiful. The memory made me wonder if Bella would have had the same glow if we'd stayed together. I looked over at Bella and noticed she had gone back to sleep and made my escape back to the kitchen. Alice and Jasper returned andAlice looked noticeable better, but she was still frowning.

"Edward, should I call Jacob?" she asked.

"He doesn't know?"

"No, it seems Bella doesn't like to let him know when she has an injury," Jasper answered, looking irritated.

"She hates to worry him," Alice explained. I just shook my head, Jake worried regardless of Bella's attempts to protect him. I grabbed my phone out my back pocket and called Jake.

"Yeah," he said a form of hello.

"Jake," I started; _fuck this was going to be harder than I expected_. "Bella cracked her ribs and she's resting at our house", I just blurted that shit out there, _yeah Cullen, no fuckin' tact_.

Jake was silent, I couldn't even hear him breathe. "She's ok?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, she's resting now," I said.

"I'll be there in about an hour; I have to get rid of my customers."

"Okay, see you then" and clicked off. "He'll be here in about an hour". I grabbed a beer and headed down to the music room. _This was going to be a long afternoon._

_****_

When Jake arrived he reminded us that James needed to be contacted. Alice gave him Bella's phone; he paced the music room as he placed the call to James.

"No it's not Bella, its Jacob. Bella is at my house but she doesn't have her keys," he paused. "Well, someone had to take her to the hospital," Jake was trying to keep his composure. "Listen, call and let me know when you're home and I'll bring her down" he paused again "No, you're not allowed on Quileute land and you know that" he shook his head and rolled his eyes "And I wouldn't have to step onto your property if you'd fucking stop using her as a human punching bag" his lips thinned "James, you can't fucking touch me and you know it." He paused again "Just call when you get home and I'll drop her off," he smiled a grimly "Well James, you know if you step into La Push its considered trespassing, and my people hate trespassers" he paused again "Then why are we having this fucking conversation, she stays at my house tonight, she should be more coherent in the morning." He paused. "Yeah, fuck you too" he finished as he clicked off the phone. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He paced and then sat down, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jake, what did he say?" Alice asked anxiously.

"He's in Seattle dealing with an ongoing investigation and won't be back to Forks tonight," he said, continuing to hold his head.

"Good! She can stay here tonight," she said with giddy excitement. "She can get a good night's sleep."

"I fucked up," Jake said remorsefully.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I shouldn't have let him egg me on, I should have let the threat slide, I shouldn't have said anything. Fuck."

"He can't touch you Jake." Alice and I said at the same time.

"I know that, the elders are now aware of our legal rights," he said quietly.

"Oh yeah, and next time I hear you went to jail and didn't call I will personally kick your ass. Is that understood, Jacob Black?" Alice said.

"Yes Ma'am loud and clear," Jake said with a small smile.

"Good, and don't worry about those silly threats, I've already contacted Uncle Aro and he's aware of what going on. So if either of us needs him, he and his team are prepared."

"When did you talk to Aro?" I asked.

"Last night," she said. When Ace is on the go there is no stopping her.

"Yeah, he called. Thanks Ace."

"You're welcome. Come on, let's go check on Bella" she said.

Bella was still sleeping when we walked into the theatre room, Jake made sure she was covered and joined my parents who were already having a glass of wine. I got beers for Alice, Jasper, Jake and myself.

My mother and Jake were catching up when Alice suddenly bolted from her seat. A moment later she yelled for my father, Jake and I ran to see Bella in the midst of a panic attack. She looked like she was choking on her own tears; my dad had to calm her down by walking her through some breathing exercises. She was almost back to normal, when she started to panic about James and it took both Alice and Jacob to calmer down again, I couldn't take it anymore.

I went back down to the music room, my new salvation, followed by Jasper. We sat on the couches we have near the guitars, not saying anything, lost in our own thoughts**.**

****

It was after midnight when I noticed Jasper and Alice making eyes at each other. I finally told them to go to bed; I didn't need to see my little sister licking her lips to entice my best friend into bed. Before she left she asked me to refill Bella's water glass.

When the fatigue caught up to me, I went up stairs and changed into my pajama bottoms and tee shirt.

I went to the kitchen poured cold water into a glass, added a bendy straw and went back upstairs. I knocked figuring she was asleep and walked in. I felt bad when I saw she was still awake, I planned to sit until she was done and then leave, but she asked me to scoot down so I indulged. I wanted to crack a joke to break the tension but I got lost in Bella.

"Did you mean what you said that day?" she asked out of the blue.

"Yes, I meant every word," I said quietly. _What was the point in lying now?_

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I believed James when he said you had a girlfriend", she said. _Girlfriend? I didn't have girlfriends', she was the only girl I was seeing that summer... Tonya!_

"Holyfuck! You believed Tonya was my girlfriend?" I nearly yelled. "Bella, she wasn't my girlfriend." _Didn't she understand what she meant to me?_

She believed the lies James told her, I was completely at a loss for words; I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" I asked.

"Honestly?" she whispered.

"Yes, please."

"I didn't think I was good enough to be with someone like you, and I needed to leave before you left me, because, in the end everyone leaves or I hurt them. I hurt you, I'm hurting Jake and I'm going to hurt Alice. I don't mean to, I just do."

Not good enough for me? Didn't she know she was _too_ fucking good for me? I didn't deserve her, but I still craved her like a drug addict waiting for his next fix.

My heart was racing, for four years I never forgot her, no matter how hard I tried. I drank, I smoked, and I did every drug I could get my hands on. I fucked anything with tits and a vagina. I was a complete sick fuck because _I_ believed she saw me for what I really was.

I gave in to my need to touch her, when her silky hair was in my hands, I leaned in, I wanted to kiss her lips, to show her how much she meant to me. As my heart constricted I knew I couldn't do that, in the end I rested my forehead against hers.

"Dammit Bella," I muttered, caressing her face, wiping away her tears.

I felt so many emotions ranging from sadness to anger; one minute I was crying with her the next I wanted to punch a wall.

_Fucking Tonya and James_.

I hugged her as tightly as I could until she went to sleep, she looked so peaceful. When I looked back at Bella she looked so vulnerable just lying there, it wasn't the kiss I wanted to give her but kissing her forehead made me feel slightly more human.

As I closed the door to the guest room where Bella rested, part of me wished I could close the door to my memories of her all together. I wanted to just sing my songs and move on. But like my mother said I couldn't avoid this, it was bigger than me.

Don't be a douche. _Yeah but it comes so naturally. FUCK_!

***

I threw myself into the Benefit performance, once I got the confirmation from everyone, Jasper and I worked on a set list. Emmett and Rose texted over their request, since most of our songs were angry break up songs we'd planned to do mainly covers.

I called Mike Newton, one of my managers to let him know we were doing the Benefit. Tickets sales were lagging so Mike lined up a few radio interviews for me.

I hate doing radio interviews on my cell phone, so I was using the house phone; I was waiting for the radio station to call when Bella arrived. She hadn't been by since her hospital visit last week. She was pale with circles under her eyes.

"Hey Bella," I said when I opened the door.

"Hey," she said quietly, she also looked thinner than last time I saw her. I had to refrain from saying anything mean. Thankfully, Alice arrived and they went upstairs. I knew Alice has been to her place to visit her, and they went out to La Push so Bella didn't have to stay cooped up in the house. Alice was trying to keep her busy without over tiring her, which was hard since she was still recovering.

I answered the phone when it rang; it was the producer of the popular morning show in Seattle, who told me the host would be on the line in a moment. I heard the intro and then I was on air.

"Hey, Edward! How are you?" Lisa, the female host called out.

"Hey, I'm doing well," I said hoping I sounded enthusiastic.

"We thought you were on vacation, and wanted nothing to do with music for a while."

"Technically, I am on vacation but I think I've played more music since being home than when I was on the road."

"Wow! I wouldn't touch an instrument."

"That was my plan, to laze around and mooch off my parents, but I've been in my old studio just playing music."

"I thought mooching off the parents days was over?"

"As long as my mom is offering free food, I'll never turn it down."

"So you're home just playing music and eating. Nice! Cullen," she boasted.

"Yeah it's the life!" I said with a laugh.

"Have you recorded much?" she inquired.

"Actually, we haven't recorded a thing'" I laughed. "I've been just playing whatever comes to mind, rediscovering the piano."

"You're in Los Angeles, right?"

"No, I'm in Forks, right now. Where I'll end up, I don't know."

"Oh you're close by; I bet the teens are going insane."

"Not even, I'm just one of those Cullen kids here. My job doesn't mean much to them."

"Oh please, you're telling me no one bothers you?"

"Not in a way where I can't go to the local diner and have a meal. Yeah, I get some people who say hello but they always wait till I'm done eating. Which I'm grateful for."

"So no one climbed the trellis to get to you?"

"Oh my god, no! Is that what's suppose to happen?" I asked in a mocking shocked voice.

"Yeah you're a rock star!" she exclaimed.

"I don't think anyone gave them the memo."

"So the rumor on Twitter is you're playing a benefit. Is this true?"

"Yes, Fork County Hospital puts on a yearly benefit and we were asked to play."

"Is this the hospital your father works at?"

"Yeah, my dad is an ER doctor there."

"If you hadn't gotten into music you wanted to be a doctor, correct?"

"Yeah I just had gotten accepted into UCLA Medical School when the record deal came about."

"Would you have gone to work in Forks with your Dad?"

"Yeah, that was my goal. I wanted to grow up to be like my dad." It was the truth, but I knew I would never be as good of a man as Carlisle.

"Awww, that's so sweet, but he's proud of your success, right?"

"Not sure if I succeeded yet, still working on it," I said with a chuckle.

"You're doing great! Are there tickets still available for the Forks Benefit?"

"Yes, there are tickets still available. We'd like to invite everyone who can to come to hang out and enjoy some local bands. Also, if you go to the Cullen website you will see we're hosting an auction, all proceeds will go to Forks-Port Angeles Safe Haven Shelter."

"What are you auctioning off?"

"We each are auctioning off a one-on-one date, clothes, a day with the band in-studio, play at your party, and small things like autographed pictures and stuff."

"Wow, those are great items and we know they'll go through the roof."

"That's what we hope for, and once we have the tally, I'll match all donations dollar for dollar."

"This is fantastic! I need to place a bid myself!" Lisa said. "Now, this shelter is for battered women and kids correct?"

"Yes," I couldn't go on. I had to catch my, breath as I remembered Bella sleeping on the couch because of what James did to her.

"Edward did we lose you?" she asked.

"I'm sorry. Um…yeah…I um..." I paused and took a deep breath. "This shelter is one of the few, last of its kind, in this area. And even if people can't bid on these items, donating to the shelter would mean even more to someone in need of a place like this."

"It really does sound like a wonderful charity and I was just informed we've posted all the details on our website. So, if you can't make it to the Cullen site, you can check out our site for more info."

"Thank you and everyone at the station for the support" I said quietly.

"No, thank you Edward, for bringing this to ourattention and to our audience."

We said out good-byes and hung up. I was relieved it was over, but I had 3 more interviews lined up. Working on this the benefit and the auction gave me some hope that it would help Bella and others like her. It wasn't much butit was the only thing I knew to do.

After 2 hours I was done with phone interviews, Mike called to tell me he heard them online and sounded great. He also informed me the auction was already underway. I felt a jolt of happiness to know things were looking up, I thanked him for helping with this project.

We usually give Mike a hard time but when it came down to it, I knew he would bust his ass to make sure things were going well. I met him in college when he unsuccessfully pledged to my fraternity. Even though he was denied twice we remained friends. When I started singing it was Mike who helped get the word out. So when the time came for me to find a manager, I turned to Mike. He can be annoying, but he was a true asset to me and the band.

I found Bella snapping pictures of an unknowing Rose eating ice cream. It was a rare, relaxed Rose, normally she stood confidentially tall looking like a Greek Goddess who'd kick your ass if you disrespected her, and there was no denying she was gorgeous but she rarely let people see her softer side. After 10 years of friendship it baffled my mind that she was Jasper's twin, who was completely mellow.

I finally made my presence quietly known to Bella by tapping her on the shoulder; she tensed up for a second then relaxed. She smiled over at me, I smiled back and we descended down the stairs.

Alice and Jasper were on the couch looking at the computer and Emmett, was reading the latest James Patterson book in Spanish. Emmett was weird that way, he hated reading in English. Not many people were aware of this, but Emmett was fluent in Spanish, French, German, Italian, Japanese and Portuguese.

"Okay, the interviews went well." I said to the group.

"And the auction is going like wildfire, Tyler said 'dates' are being monitored for fake accounts," Alice announced with a smile.

"Great Ace," I said, giving her a small smile. Just as I was about to rise, I saw Bella taking a photo of me. I met her gaze head on, her eyes looked pained. She knew why we were hosting the auction, she quietly left the room. Alice noticed the exchange and followed her up the stairs.

As I watched them go, Jasper came over and told me he was able to fix one of the songs I'd written while we were on tour. He knew I needed the distraction and put my creative juices to work.

****

I'd been working with Alice in private singing sessions for the Benefit for the last week. She wanted to take the lead on an Alanis Morissette song, but she faltered half way through from either tears or major stage freight.

When Alice first approached me with the idea I thought she wanted to do her salute to her favorite singer, Mary J Blige, but she shocked me with her choice of 'That Would Be Good' but she got so lost in her thoughts she always starts to cry.

It pained me to see her this way, as bitchy as she could be; she had one of the biggest hearts I've even known. After her third attempt that evening, I took her to the couch so she could compose herself.

"Ace, what's going on?"

"Dammit Edward, some days I think I'm making headway, but the last couple of days I've seen her….I see her falling deeper into herself," she said in a frustrated voice.

"Has he…"

"I asked her and she said no."

"That's a good thing," I said frowning, she should be happy.

"She's waiting for the other shoe to drop, the calm before the storm as she puts it."

"And she's just waiting for it?" I asked Alice nodded.

"I'm trying to do what all the sites advise, suggest without pushing. Basically, everything I'm bad at," she said, running her fingers through her wild curly magenta red hair.

"Ace, you're doing fine. Even Jake said she's better with you around," I said as Alice shook her head, denying she'd done anything. "She hasn't picked up a camera in years, Jake was overjoyed when you let her use yours."

"She won't take it home because he destroyed her other one," Alice said, as she bit her lip, something she never did. "She doesn't tell me everything that she's thinking, but when she does, it's like she's preparing for death."

My heart started to race, she was giving up. Both Mom and Dad have said this to me, and Alice was confirming one of my fears. We didn't rehearse the rest of the evening both going upstairs, concentration shot.

Once I was in my bedroom I stripped down to my boxers, sat down on the side of my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. My thoughts were too jumbled. Hopefully sleep would clear up of my confusion.

****

I glanced at the clock again, it was after 5 am, and I hated this not sleeping thing. I really missed it. There was a time I slept like the dead, nothing would wake me up. I slept through an earthquake once when I was in Los Angeles and from what I was told it was a nice sized jolt.

Since I've been back to Forks sleep had been my enemy, I had no desire to play the piano, I had no desire to play anything. I did however, have a desire to hit something, more like someone by the name of James Ramsey.

Since hitting something seemed like what I needed, I went down home gym on the first floor. I found the boxing gloves and started hitting the bag. I went over the routine Emmett drilled into me since I was 15, with each jab, I pictured my fist connecting to James's face.

The more I thought about, it the angrier I became. I continued on this tirade for over an hour. When I was done, my muscles were sore, the fatigue was getting to me, my emotions were high, and the urge to lash out was on the surface. I took a shower to get rid of the sweat, it didn't do much for my muscles, but I felt more relaxed. My body was suddenly weighed down, I stumbled into my bedroom, put on some pajama bottoms, and I was out before my head hit the pillow.

***

I woke up with a start, my heart racing as if I'd been running for miles, I couldn't remember if I dreamt or not but I finally felt rested. I threw on a pair of jeans, a wife beater, and my favorite black hoodie. Grabbing my black & white Converse I went into the music room. Alice was alone on the couch sipping her orange juice.

"What time is it?" I asked hurriedly.

"Ten o'clock, why?" she retorted.

I ignored her question, "What time is Bella supposed to arrive?"

Alice frowned, "She's not coming today." I could tell this upset her, and I hated to see my sister in pain. I walked over to Alice and gave her a quick hug and ran back to my room for my keys, wallet and phone. I jumped in the Suburban, flying down the lane. The drive to Bella's home took less than 7 minutes.

I parked two doors down and walked up to her front door. I recognized her car, but didn't see another one in the drive way. I pressed the doorbell, there was no response. I pressed the door bell and knocked, still nothing.

I saw the gate that lead to the backyard, found it unlocked and proceeded into the backyard. It was a nice size, with a small tuff shed and nothing else.

I was about to leave when I saw Bella walking back towards the yard from the forest. She hadn't noticed me yet, her face was drawn and sad. She was still staring at the ground as she neared the back yard. She finally looked up and as expected she was startled to see me. I could see the panic set in has she darted her eyes, to see if anyone was around.

"Isabella."

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I heard the fear in her voice.

"I needed to talk to you," I said.

"Couldn't this have waited until I saw you at the house? You shouldn't be here," she said nervously.

"No it couldn't," I said tersely. "I need you to deliver a message, a request actually." As expected she looked at me with confusion and frowned.

"I need you to deliver a message to someone," I repeated. "I need you to tell Bella...._my Bella_ that I haven't given up on her. Tell _my Bella_ not to give up the fight. My Bella, is screaming to get out, I can hear her." I placed my hand gently to her heart, and met her gaze "_My Bella,_ is a fighter; she's fighting everyday _you_ stay here."

I threaded my fingers in her silky hair, the strawberry scent hit me like a ton of bricks, but my gaze never wavered "I'm asking you to tell her not to give up. Can you deliver that message?" I buried her head in my shoulder, her body was shaking. She suddenly wrenched herself away from me and backed up. Once she was near the stairs she ran up them towards the back door. Part of me was worried she'd injure herself further but a bigger part of me took pleasure in seeing her run up the steps and hearing her let out a mad wail.

Bella was still alive, and hopefully listening.

* * *

**So now you _HAVE_ to leave a review, tell me your thoughts! :)**


	7. That would be Good

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, that honor belongs to the Goddess Stephanie Meyers. **

**I have to give special thanks for my Beta, my heart, Ms Bond (if you haven't already ck out her fic www(.)fanfiction(.)net/s/5366270(1)**

**I've gotten some really great reviews that actually made me cry and thank you to all who leave me messages. I PROMISE to reply to everyone this time. **

**Okay I tried to make this as light hearted as I could. **

**Please enjoy!!!**

* * *

"Alice, I'm not going to make it over today," I said, bracing myself for the Wrath of Alice.

"Bella, are you ok?" Alice inquired.

"Yeah…I think I just need to be close to the house."

"Has anything happened since we talked last night?" she asked worriedly.

"No, I'm ok. Nervous, maybe….ok I'm freaking out a little," I finally admitted.

"Then get your ass over here, or we can go to La Push for a walk," she said quickly. Alice had been a God send the last few weeks, I think, if it wasn't for her I would have given into the nightmares.

"Alice...just give me today, ok?" I asked, desperately.

I heard her sigh, and felt like total shit for worrying her like this**.** "Text me by noon to let me know you're ok, or I'm coming over," she said as a compromise.

"Ok, I will. Alice?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"Thank you," I said, in a crackly voice; I snapped my cell phone shut before I started crying. In the short time I'd known Alice she'd come to mean a lot to me.

I needed some fresh air to clear my mind, and decided to take a walk. The only thing I like liked about the house I shared with James was the easy access to the walking trails. Flowers, trees, and other plants always surrounded me, and when I lived at with my father I would often find a spot and read until it was time to go have dinner. I could remember the countless times my father would come and find me sleeping on my blanket with a book beside me. Even after many warnings, I always went back to my favorite spot, he called it my one true teenage rebellion.

As I looked around I took in the peaceful atmosphere, I hoped it would calm the chaotic thoughts rushing through my head. The nightmares that started when I was resting at the Cullen home had been constant since I left. No matter the time of day, it was the same dream over and over. It was so tiring because I was afraid to sleep, and when I did manage to sleep I awakened filled with dread.

No matter how I wrapped myself around the dream, I jumped.

There was no way I could talk to Jake about it, he would go insane and even though Alice had been really cool, I could see in her eyes that this was also rough on her. I felt like I brought nothing but pain to people, or I somehow made them feel the pain James brought onto me.

Not that I was ever relaxed, but alone with James lately had been more frightening than usual. He watched my every move, like he was tracking me. He never said much, but when he did it was the voice I dreaded and I'd brace myself for the worst, but so far nothing had happened. I should have been relieved, but that actually made it scarier. Last night he stood behind me while I washed dishes, I was shaking so badly I thought I was going to throw up.

"What's wrong, Izzy?" he asked quietly.

"My side hurts."

His hands moved up and down my side, I feared he would strike me, but he just stood there. If this had been 4 years ago I would have thought he was being affectionate but I'd learned a long time ago that James didn't care about anyone but James.

My head began to pound; the sleepless nights were starting to catch up with me. I headed back to the house, so lost in my thoughts that I didn't see Edward standing there staring at me.

After our talk the other night we tended not to be in a room alone together. He was nice, but it was at a noticeable distance. He'd been working on the auction like a mad man. Sometimes when I watched him through the viewfinder on Alice's camera he'd have such an intense look of determination on his face. I was shocked to see him staring at me, looking like a Greek God and I still couldn't believe I called him pretty, that was brilliant, but he was beyond pretty, there were no words to describe him.

"Isabella," he said coldly.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked, even though I knew James was at work, I didn't want Edward here. It's as if he was tainting himself by being here.

"I needed to talk to you," he said, again his voice lacking emotion.

"Couldn't this have waited until I saw you at the house? You shouldn't be here."

"No it couldn't," he said tersely. "I need you to deliver a message, a request actually." _What did he mean he wanted me to deliver a message? To James?_ I was thoroughly confused.

"I need you to deliver a message to someone; I need you to tell Bella..._my Bella_ that I haven't given up on her. Tell _my Bella_ not to give up the fight. My Bella, is screaming to get out, I can hear her." Edward placed a hand over my heart, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't look away as he said, "_My Bella,_ is a fighter; she's fighting everyday _you_ stay here. I'm asking you to tell her not to give up. Can you deliver that message?" With his hands in my hair, I wanted nothing more than for him to take me away. His words rocked me, I wanted him to never let me go, but I knew it wouldn't last. He was leaving soon and I couldn't get attached. Wrenching myself from him was so hard to do, I was so weak, and he was so embedded in my blood I couldn't breathe sometimes.

I felt my whole body radiate anger and sorrow, as if every pore oozed a disgusting sap that was me. I wanted to run after Edward and beg him to take me away, but it was me who had to complete this battle. No matter who stood on my side, it was up to me to finish the fight.

Whenever I thought of this, I shook from the inside, the invincible forced locked me down. Every time I tried to run free the force tightened around my neck, like a dog on a leash. When did James become my master, and I become his pet dog that he kicked around? I was completely paralyzed.

_Get up Bella! Get the fuck up! _I was completely broken, mentally, emotionally as well as physically. I dragged myself off the floor, and walked back to the room I shared with James, I felt the invisible leash tighten again. I was suddenly chilled to the core, I couldn't get warm. I wrapped the blankets around me trying to find some heat, but how does one ward off a chill that's coming from the inside?

_I woke up with a start, disoriented, I realized I wasn't in the room I shared with James, nor was I at the Cullen's. I was back in the bedroom I slept in till I was 16; I hadn't seen or been in this room since Charlie's funeral. I looked down to see I was wearing my favorite Matchbox Twenty tee shirt and sweats which I also hadn't since the day he died. Looking around the room I noticed that nothing had changed. _

_It was all a dream! I never married James, holy shit. Dad! _

_I ran excitedly down the stairs and found my dad in the living room; Cyndi Lauper's 'Time after Time' was playing. I flung myself at him, holding him tight. _

"_Daddy!" _

"_Hey Bells, wanna dance?" he asked with a smile. _

"_Yes!" my dad loved to dance to this song, my dad was by no means a dancer but he told me it reminded him of my mom. I stepped into his arms, took a deep breath and smelled the Old Spice he always preferred to wear. _

_I felt loved, I felt protected. _

"_Dad, I had the worst nightmare," I mumbled into his chest. It was the scariest dream. "I dreamt you died, I went to live with the Ramsey's and I ended up marrying James. Dad he was a horrible husband, he would…he would hit me all the time. I couldn't leave and I was so scared. I know, silly, right?"_

_My dad was very quiet and we'd stopped dancing, when I looked at him, I noticed he wasn't in his usual jeans and tee shirt, he was wearing a dark suit; the suit he was buried in. I stepped away, and he continued to look at me with his intense, dark stare. _

"_Daddy?" I whispered. _

"_Bells, sadly that did happen," he said quietly. _

"_But, we're home!" I screamed, frantically looking around the room. It was exactly how it should be; the pictures were on the mantel, the big screen, my father's lazy boy, our coffee table with fishing and sports magazines on one side and my Teen and Seventeen magazines on the other. The hideous couch we both said that needed to be retired and Grandma Swan's afghan that we used when the room became too chilly. It was all there. _

_I when I looked back at my father, he was gone, and the lonely empty feeling returned, and then I heard it, clear as day. "IZZY!" James was screaming for me, I heard the banging on the front door and I ran out the back. I ran into the familiar woods, and just as I reached the La Push border, the road got twisted. James was screaming Izzy, Izzy, Izzy, I felt like my head was going to explode. _

_I turned to the left only to find more trees and followed an unknown trail, hoping it would take me back to the path I wanted to be on, when I got to the end I was at the cliffs. This was all too familiar. I could hear James screaming for me, his voice getting closer and closer I realized there was no way out. All the wishful thinking in the world wouldn't change this hell. No matter where I went he would find me. _

"_Izzy did you think you'd get away from me?" James asked sarcastically. I watched him approach, my heart feeling as though it were going to explode. _

"_No, James, I didn't. I know I can never escape you," I said defeated. I looked out to the cliffs and knew I couldn't live another day like this. I said a silent prayer asking God for forgiveness and moved to take my final step. _

"_Bella don't," my father's voice said in my ear. I looked to my right, and there he was in his favorite pair of jeans and grey long sleeve tee shirt, looking like the strong protector I always remembered. _

"_Daddy, I can't do this any more," I sobbed. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I failed you in so many ways….and I'm hurting all the time."_

"_Baby, you didn't fail me. It will get better, I promise, you will get better," he said, in the low gravelly voice I missed so much. I shook my head, there was no hope. _

"_Daddy, please don't hate me."_

"_I could never hate you Bells, I've loved you since the day your mom and I found out we were having you, you're my world, but it's not your time, not like this. Don't let him think you're 'nothing' because you are something to me. Do not give up, do you hear me Bella? You're not to give up," he said. _

"_But dad, I want to be with you and mom, please!"_

"_Isabella, NO! This is not the way and you know it. Listen to me when I say don't give up," Charlie yelled at me. Then, I felt his arms around me, like when we were dancing, "Baby, listen to me, giving up is not the answer! Taking your life is not the answer. I know you hurt and you're scared, but don't do this." _

_I knew my father was right, I turned to look at him, but it was not Charlie who met my gaze this time, it was Edward. _

_Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James charging out of the forest, and before I had a chance to react he pushed me off the cliff. I could hear Edward let out a painful yelp as he screamed my name. _

I woke up clutching my chest, my heart wouldn't slow down, and I could barely breathe. This was the worst panic attack I'd ever had. I wanted to scream out, but I couldn't form the sound, I felt like I was suffocating. I tore off the flannel shirt I favored, as I shakily sat on the side of the bed. With my head between my legs, I finally calmed down. By the time I raised my head I was wheezing like an asthmatic. I walked dazedly to the kitchen for a glass of water.

The dream was so real; I could feel the air whipping through my hair, knowing that I was dying. Besides Jake, the 2 men I loved most in the world asked me not to give up, and it was starting to make sense, all the nightmares**…** I was giving up, I had stopped fighting. I don't know how long I stood at the kitchen sink thinking about it, but I became suddenly aware of how much time I didn't have.

I went to the hall closet for the latch stick that was used to bring down the ladder to the attic. It had been a while since I'd been up there and it was the one place I could hide stuff, as James hated going up there. I found the box with the trinkets that I couldn't part with after my father died, his personal photo albums, journals, his favorite book, and his signed Tommy Lasorda baseball.

My father was a closeted Dodger fan, I smiled remembering our trip to see the Dodgers Opener in Los Angeles, and Mr. Lasorda talking with his guys and throwing the ball for fun; when they were done, they threw a ball at Charlie. Later, we took pictures with Mr. Lasorda and he signed the ball. One of the few adventures of 'The Bella and Charlie Show' as we use to call it. I Grabbed the box, I had to take it to the one place I knew it would be safe.

****

Jake was sipping on a soda when I knocked on the back door a few minutes later. He looked surprised to see me, and opened the door.

"Hey Bells, what are you doing here?" he asked, taking the box out of my hands.

"Thanks. I can't come by and see you unannounced?"

"Of course silly, but Alice just called me freaking out because you hadn't contacted her when you were supposed to."

_Holy shit, I forgot about Alice!_ I looked at the wall clock and saw it was only 11:45, what the hell?

"She said I had until noon, she's just freaking out," I said, grabbing my phone from my purse. I sent Alice an 'I'm an ok' message and looked a Jake with a slight smile.

"Can I leave this here?" I asked, nodding towards the box.

"Of course, you don't need to ask," he said. "So, what's in the box, Bella?"

"Some stuff that belong to my dad," I said quietly.

Jake looked at me questioningly, instead of saying something I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a soda. I sat at the kitchen table and Jake joined me, still waiting. I dreaded Jake's reaction to what I was about to tell him, but it needed to be said.

"I've been having nightmares." I said, softly.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked, with a frown on his face.

"Ever since, I was recovering at the Cullen's last week," I replied.

"What are the night mares about?"

"I'm running from James, and I'm trying to get to La Push, but the road keeps changing."

"Changing? To what?"

"It keeps leading me to the cliffs," I said quietly.

"The Cliffs?" he asked, his breathing labored. "What happens?"

"No matter which way I turn…..the cliffs are in front of me and James….has his prey trapped," I said, as I took a sip of my soda. "When I see him, I realize I can't do it anymore. Jake, I felt every beating, every slap, and every insult course through my body." I had never used words like 'beatings' with Jake, not with anyone. I'd just been so exposed lately; there was no reason to gloss over the truth any longer.

Jake didn't say anything; he just stared at me, his dark gaze unwavering.

"What did you do?"

"I jumped." The room was completely silent, Jake didn't move. I could see the vein in the side of his neck throbbing.

"It was just a dream, right? You would never jump off a fucking cliff," he said, as he stood grabbing the box and taking it to the family room. I trailed after him, knowing I needed to tell him everything.

"I didn't plan to jump," I said suddenly.

Jake placed the box on the coffee table and looked at me with a frown, "Of course not. Suicide is not a fucking option."

"You sound like Charlie did this morning," I said.

"What?"

"Jake, I had the most intense dream about Dad today," I said, and I told him about the dream, minus Edward showing up at the end. Jake took my hand and led me to the couch, when we were seated; he put his arms around me.

"Bells, I know you miss him, I miss him too," he said.

"Jake, there are days where the pain is so intense; it's as if someone is at my door telling me he was killed all over again. You remember how his voice sounded when he got angry?" Jake nodded, with a faint smile. "That's how he sounded, it was so vivid. And then I woke up having another panic attack."

"You had another one?" he said.

"I've been having them every night, along with the nightmares," I finally admitted.

"Have you talked to Carlisle?"

"No, I didn't want to talk to him about the nightmares. I was too scared."

"Bella, they were just dreams," he pointed out.

"I know, but they were so real, the fear… was so real," I murmured, it was time. "Jake, when are you going to set a wedding date?"

"I don't know Bells," he said running his fingers through his hair. I knew Leah was itching to get married, I knew he was worrying about me too much. As much as I want him to be available for me, I wanted to see him happy.

"I'll make a deal with you," I said suddenly.

"What?" he replied, sounding annoyed.

"You set a date and I'll set a date."

Jake froze and I snuck a peek at him, there was a look of complete disbelief on his face.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you set a date with Leah, so you can start working on my nieces and nephews," I said with a smile. I could just imagine how adorable they would be and I planned to be there every step of the way.

Jake gave me a big smile, "Ok, I'll work on it."

"Good." I said, smiling back. And for the first time in a long while, I suddenly felt alive.

***

"I don't think the Chanel jackets going to work," I said to Alice who had just started her make up.

"Bella, that jacket is way to warm for you to work in, I already put something together for you," she said as she walked into the walk-in closet, bringing out black skinny jeans, a white tank and an ultra tight fitted sweater. She then added a multi-layered silver necklace to complete the look. Thankfully, I had no bruising my feet so she added silver ballet slippers.

Since I don't really wear make up, I added a bit of mascara, Tarte's cheek stain blush and pink gloss to my lips. My hair was deep conditioned and Alice had created nice waves down my back. While Alice was fiddling with her hair I painted my nails, something I hadn't done in years.

I went to the music room where Alice left the camera equipment and additional batteries charging, along with back up memory cards. I knew her giving me the job of 'band photographer' was just a ploy to get me out of the house, but I took it seriously. I wanted to make sure I captured the right images they were seeking for the website. As I was packing the camera bag my phone rang, sighing I answered it, knowing it was James.

"Hello."

"Where are you?" he demanded.

"James, I told you this morning I was going to the benefit," I said frowning, I'd asked him over dinner last week, and he approved.

"I don't remember talking about this," he said.

"James, remember I told you I was as hired to take photos? You said, why would they hired an incompetent photographer, I know you love to slinging insults my way on a daily basis, but I would figured this would stand out, since I'm attending one of the biggest events in Forks," I said simply not caring. I already knew what to expect when I got home, since he was upset that I wasn't there. I knew this last week with no 'episodes' would end soon. Apparently, tonight was the night, great, something to look forward to.

"Remember who you're talking to _Izzy_," he said, his voice low and deadly.

"James, I never forget who I'm talking to," I said, praying I wouldn't cry. "I'll be home after the show, I promise." He clicked off, I stood there for anther minute trying to calm myself, and I could feel another panic attack coming on. I thought about it, maybe I should talk to Carlisle about anxiety medication, until I got out of this mess.

"You ok Bella?" Emmett asked, looking at me with concern.

"I'm ok Emmett, just need to regroup," I said. Emmett went to the mini fridge to get me a bottle of water. He pulled it out and handed me a pill.

"Xanax," he looked at me expectantly.

"So you're a doctor on the side too?" I said with a smile. Even though Emmett was smaller than Jake in size, it was his penetrating blue eyes that unnerved me, a more intense version of Carlisle.

"No, I had them on hand for Alice. She has major stage fright, and I recognize an oncoming panic attack when I see one."

"I see," was all I could think to say.

"How often?" he inquired.

"They use to be once a month, but it's a daily thing now," I said quietly. I didn't tell him they'd increased to twice a day in the last week.

"I see, so then you definitely need it," he said. 'Happy-go-lucky' Emmett was much easier to deal with, than the 'I'm-super-observant' Emmett. As I was planning my escape from his scrutiny, 3 guys I'd never seen before came into the room. They greeted Emmett, and he explained they were the band's roadies that had come by to help transport all the instruments for tonight's performance.

I decided to drive myself to the Benefit, since I needed to get home as soon as it was over. I had my passes, so getting into the venue wasn't any trouble.

I was making my first round around the room when I saw Rosalie dressed in a black halter top and shiny leggings, wearing black stilettos; her usually wild curly hair was straight in a mohawk-esque ponytail. She was followed by Emmett, in his white long sleeve shirt black skinny tie; a black fedora covered his newly blond hair, and black trousers. Alice was in black trouser hot pants, a corset top, and Christian Louboutin Mary Jane's, her flaming magenta red hair fell into loose curls down her back. Jasper, was dressed head to toe black with a blue tie that matched his eyes.

I had always thought Carlisle was an extremely attractive man with his Hollywood good looks, but seeing him in a black suit that was reminiscence of the 50's Brat Pack, was the reason why women found ways to injure themselves in order to be treated by the ER doctor. And Esme, already a pretty woman in casual clothing was simply breath taking in her black and white strapless dress, which showed off a figure that rivaled Rosalie's.

They were a stunning family; I was able to capture everyone's arrival, except for Edward's. As tables were filling up, I was just about to walk over when I saw Edward walk in, and he took my breath away. He was wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up, with a pen-stripe vest that had a silver chain hanging from it, and black trousers. His bronze hair was shorter than when I'd seen him last and it was out of control as usual, but it fit him. He sent me a half grin and then sat down with his family. At first, I couldn't move, but when Alice waved me over, my feet finally decided to work.

I sat down between Edward and Alice, and as I was sipping my water I felt Edward's hands playing with my hair. I stopped breathing.

"Soft," he said, his eyes playful.

"Thanks," I replied, when he brought out his one shot camera.

"Picture time," he said and took a picture of us. We did this once before, I had the picture hidden in my stash bag, in the trunk of my car. "Dad can you get a group picture?" Edward handed Alice's camera to Carlisle. He leaned into me as Alice scooted in to get closer, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett stood behind us.

"That was fun," Edward whispered.

"Thrilling," I said with a small smile.

"Did you think about what I said the other day?" he suddenly asked.

"Actually, all the time," I said truthfully.

"Good," he replied, and left to mingle with the fans that had purchased tables. I watched Edward and the rest of the band work the room, he spoke to everyone from his father's colleague's to the few cancer patients who were able to attend.

Carlisle came on stage to announce all performances would be web-cast, as rumored, and one of the headliner's Vladimir cancelled at the last minute; Edward and Jasper were revising the set list when I heard someone call my name. I turned to see James's Cousin Alec, and my stomach dropped. Alec was as devious as his sister Jane.

"Hello Alec," I said surprisingly.

"Hello Izzy, what are you doing here?" he inquired.

"I'm taking photos for the Cullen website," I replied.

"I see." Alec never said much, he had been a creepy bastard for as long as I could remember. "Where's your friend Jake? Isn't coming tonight?" he inquired, and my heart started to beat faster. He and Jake were far from friends.

"No, he's out of town," I said frostily.

"That's too bad. I'll let James know I saw you tonight," he said and walked away. _Great, James is getting hourly reports._ I shouldn't have been surprised to see Alec here, since his law firm was one of the most renowned firms in the Northwest. His sister and partner Jane looked reputable on the outside, but on the inside, they were corrupt to the core.

James never had any problem bragging about how many politicians they had in their pockets. I felt the knots in my stomach start forming; I looked around for Emmett, thinking I may need to hit him up for another Xanax.

The crowd let out a collective roar when Jasper walked onto the stage signaling that the Cullen's portion of the show was about to begin. He was followed by the other members of the band, and as usual, Edward was the last to appear on stage. Edward was grinning as he took a seat behind the piano. "Thanks for the warm welcome….This is one of my mom's favorite songs, and we wanted to take it old school tonight," Edward told the crowd. Esme was out her chair joining me in front of the stage as they started playing an updated version of Jackie Wilson's 'Higher and Higher'.

When the song ended Esme screamed, "I LOVE YOU EDWARD!" Everyone started laughing. "Thank you, Mom," he said smiling as he strapped on his electric guitar, with Jasper taking the lead on Cake's "Going the Distance". Never one to be left out of the fun, Emmett went into his rendition of Beastie Boys classic 'Fight for your Right', with Edward and Jasper backing him up, and when they replaced 'you're just jealous, it's the Beastie Boys!' with 'Cullen Boys', the girls in the crowd went into a frenzy.

At first, I assumed Edward was taking a backseat to let his friends take lead, but he was just warming up, because Edward was in complete rock star mode by the time he started singing Local H's "Bound for the Floor" and Smashing Pumpkin's "1979". He may have had his family and friends as band members, but it was Edward that owned the stage, and he dared anyone to tell him differently. Instead of playing his own music he wanted to play the music that motivated him, and if I thought he was sexy before, I was sadly mistaken.

I was reviewing the last few shots when I heard him sing a familiar song; I wanted to hide, so I could hyperventilate in private.

_**Kissing like a bandit stealing time  
Underneath the sycamore tree  
Cupid by the hour sends valentines  
To my sweet lover and me  
Slowly  
Surely  
Yours appetite is more than I know  
Sweetly  
Softly  
I'm falling in love with you**_

When he caught my gaze he sent me his signature smirk he continued to sing Terence Trent Darby's, 'Wishing Well', it was one of the songs that Edward had playing when we made love. _Fucker played dirty._

The band was taking a break, and I took the opportunity to take a few more pictures around the room, I snapped a few of Esme and Carlisle, staff members, and many of the Cullen fans, who were excited to just be there. As the house lights started to dim again, I went back to stand near Carlisle and Esme.

With the little light on the stage I was able to see Edward make his way to the piano, Jasper had an acoustic guitar, and Rose had her brushes and a single snare. The only one not on stage was Emmett; he came over to the table with a huge grin.

"Wait till you hear this!" he said, as Alice made her way to center stage. Alice told me she was going to sing lead on one of the songs, but I didn't see her rehearse and she wouldn't tell me what she was singing. "Oh, so you know, this is your song, and you have to tell me I was amazing even if I suck!" she said to me when we were getting dressed, I didn't know how to respond to that comment.

Alice stood in front of the microphone, I could hear the fans squealing her name; she was abnormally calm as Jasper started to strum his guitar. When I saw her in the in the viewfinder, I noticed she added the antique, black lace, fingerless gloves, she told me Jasper bought for her while he backpacked in Paris the summer they started dating. Alice looked beautiful as usual, but more regal tonight.

_**That I would be good even if I did nothing  
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down  
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick  
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds  
**_

As I was standing at the front of the stage, I was completely mesmerized, even her parents and older brother were lost under her spell. Her voice wasn't what I expected, it was Christina Aguilera and Alicia Keys all mixed into one.

_**That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt  
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth  
That I would be great if I was no longer queen  
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing**_

_**That I would be loved even when I numb myself**_

As Alice sung those words to me, she gazed at me with such intensity that I was paralyzed. Esme laced her fingers through my right hand and Emmett on my left gently rubbed my back. Somehow, in a short period of time, I had acquired a new family, who wanted to protect me.

**That I would be loved even when I was fuming  
That I would be good even if I was clingy**

Even as her emotion filled her, her voice cracked and tears trailed down her face, I couldn't look away. Esme's squeezed my hand and I had to remember to breathe.

**That I would be good even if I lost sanity**

It was as if she knew I was plagued with terrifying nightmares, as if she knew, I was losing my mind on a daily basis. I'd been terrified Edward was right, that I would die if I stayed with James.

**  
That I would be good  
Whether with or without you**

She held my gaze for a few seconds longer after she sung the last line; she gave a weak smile to her parents and brother, and made a graceful exit. The Cullen's went back stage to comfort her; I was rooted in my spot. Edward, Rose and Jasper wrapped up the song, leaving only Edward behind, on the stage.

He caught my gaze and started playing, it wasn't piece I was familiar with, he didn't sing, only played. His bronze hair was sticking in every direction, and he played with soul, as Alice did moments before. When he ended his unexpected solo, the stage went dark once more. It wasn't until I heard the crowd erupt, that I remembered they were in the room with me.

I walked to the backstage area; Alice had her back to me, wrapped in Jasper's arms. I was turning to leave; I didn't want to interrupt, when I heard her call my name. In her high heels we were finally the same height, she marched over to me taking my face in her hands.

"Did you understand the song?" she said, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Yeah, I got it," I said, unable to see. "I'm still scared."

"Don't worry, we'll get you through it," she said embracing me. I don't know how long we stood like that.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Thank you," I said softly.

"Anytime," she said, as she kissed my cheek. She refreshed her makeup and joined the band on stage. From the side of the stage I took a few photos and then made my way to the floor.

A few girls in the crowd were screaming for Jasper as he was singing a bluesy version of Robbie William's 'Angels'. Rose, came from behind the drum set; she and Jasper did an acoustic version of King of Leon's 'Use Somebody'.

Finally, to lighten the mood, Emmett did his version of Madonna's 'Burnin' Up', he got the crowd pumped up again. Edward signaled him to continue, and he went into 'Suga, Suga', with Jasper backing him.

When Edward started singing 'Kody' by Matchbox Twenty, I felt as if Edward kicked me in the stomach. I had told him this was the song I played for a month straight, after my father died. I was trying to hold back the tears from falling, but images of Charlie popped in my head, the pain was so intense I could have doubled over. Edward was looking at me from the stage when I felt Esme touch my arm.

"Bella, are you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said and distracting myself with taking more pictures. Edward was singing 'Wake Up', by Arcade Fire, the fans were singing right along with him. Edward would stop singing but the crowd kept the song going, and you could see he was getting a kick out it. After they finished Green Day's 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams', which was the original closing song, Edward changed the plan.

"I want to thank everyone who came out tonight, and a special thank you to those who placed bids on auctions and to the winners. Did ya'll have fun tonight?" as usual, the crowd went wild. "Ok, trivia time. Who taught me how to play guitar?" Some random answers filtered through the small crowd.

"Wow, no one guessed?" Edward said in mocking voice, he shook his head and smiled. "It was one of the organizers for this shindig, my dad, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Yes, he's one of the best doctors on the west coast but he also can play a mean guitar. Now, I would like for my dad to come out here and sing the song he said made my mother 'fall in love with him'," he said. I'd only ever seen Carlisle cool and collected, but tonight, to see him actually blush, was endearing, along with Esme.

While Emmett started the "Carlisle" chant, Edward was holding out an electric guitar joining in, finally Carlisle made his way up to the stage. He removed his jacket and handed it to the roadie, who was standing nearby.

"Edward, you _will_ pay for this," Carlisle said into the microphone, as he strapped on the guitar Edward handed him. "And love," he said staring at Esme, "I told him this was the song that gave you the courage to buy this poor schmuck like me, a drink." He finished with a wink.

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I certainly didn't expect 'Satisfaction', by the Rolling Stones. He sounded like Mick Jagger in the 60's, before the drugs and alcohol put a strain on his vocals; it was fun to see him relaxed and having fun. Alice, on tambourine was dancing between Emmett and Carlisle; it was like a sneak peak into the Cullen home.

When the song ended, Carlisle hugged Edward and then Emmett, he also gave one to Jasper and Rose, who were like his children. He grabbed Alice into a hug that lifted her off the ground, then the band waved to the audience and the stage went black.

I went back stage, found a hidden spot, and snapped more photos of the family together. Someone opened a bottle of champagne, they didn't bother with cups, and they just drank from the bottle.

"Bella! Get over here girl!" Emmett yelled at me, I smiled and joined the group. Alice came up and gave me a hug, as well as Esme and Jasper. Rosalie gave me a half smile, which was the most I usually ever got out of her. Carlisle passed me the bottle with a one swig warning, and a wink. Edward just smiled as Alice gave him another hug.

My phone vibrated again, and I knew it was James. There was no way to mentally prepare for what I was going to encounter when I got home, and I wanted to hold onto this carefree feeling for a little while longer.

I gave the camera back to Alice, since she and Jasper were heading back with Esme and Carlisle. Emmett and Rose left not too long afterwards and Edward and I were left in the parking lot.

"Did you have fun?" he asked leaning against my car, sipping his tea.

"Yeah, it was great," I said softly, my phone vibrating again, it was another text from James that I didn't bother to read. I had better go face the music, "I'm going to take off. Good night Edward."

"Night Bella," he said, watching me get into the car.

I was half a mile from the Cullen's when I felt a panic attack coming on, I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back there. I stopped my car; I could go to Seattle tonight. I picked up the phone sitting in the passenger seat and placed a call.

"Yeah!"

"Hey…" I said, not sure how to start the conversation.

"Bella? Are you ok?" _was I ok?_

"Edward, she heard you, loud and clear."

"Thank god, where are you?" his voice was suddenly husky.

"Half mile from your place," I said.

"Go there, I'm a few minutes behind you," he said.

"Okay, I'll see ya in a few," I clicked off the phone, I was scared of the aftermath, but I also felt some form of relief. For the first time ever, I was selfishly thinking of myself, it was a new feeling.

Instead of continuing southbound to the house I shared with James, I made a right onto the lane leading to the Cullen's home. I could see the lights in the distance, the lane was dark and lined with trees, and I felt completely exposed. I knew I would feel better once I was in the comfort of the Cullen home, so instead of being scared, I viewed the lane as my road to freedom.

I was finally freeing myself of James.

'Bittersweet Symphony' came on the radio; I turned up the volume and started singing at the top of my lungs, the happiness starting to tingle throughout my body. I could barely contain myself, and I needed to share the news with Jake. I grabbed my phone and scrolled for his number. When I was half way to the house, I was about to press send, when James suddenly appeared in the middle of the road. I swerved the car hoping I could avoid hitting him, and barely missed the tree. I hoped I was only hallucinating, but knew that was wishful thinking as the car door swung open.

"Where the _FUCK_ do you think you're going?" James snarled at me as he pulled me out of the car by my hair.

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**A/N: Okay, how was it? Review time! thxs!**


	8. Hold on, I'm Coming

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that honor belongs to the goddess Stephanie Meyers.**

I have to give a big thanks to LilKel4 for all the medical advice, I've driven this girl crazy for weeks and **thank you** for putting up with my annoying questions I OWE you a cupcake, luv!

And my beta, my heart who constant talks me off that ledge. Thank you for allowing me to be emolicious aka drama queen. my Bond girl's fic ---Becoming Bella www(.)fanfiction(.)net(s)5366270(1)

Somehwere Along those Lines by dreamsojosten keeps me giddy www(.)fanfiction(.)net(s)5276512(1) makes me giddy and tickles my forgotten romantic bones. Please check it out!

Meant to Be by juliebee www(.)fanfiction(.)net(s)5291011/1/ is a new one I can't get enough of.

This is a short chapter, please enjoy.

xoxox Tammy

* * *

"Where the _FUCK_ do you think you're going?" James snarled at me as he pulled me out of the car by my hair.

He slammed me against the car; I'd never seen him so enraged. He knew I was trying to escape and he wasn't going to let me go.

"I was just getting my stuff and coming home," I said shakily.

"You're a fucking liar, your shit is in the car," he said, the low and deadly voice grating across my skin. I was shaking so badly I couldn't move to avoid the first blow to my left eye. I almost buckled over when he grabbed my by the throat.

"I hope you had fun with your boyfriend," he said in my ear, his hands tightening around my neck. I could barely hear him over the ringing in my head.

"I don't have a boyfriend" I chocked out.

"You think I don't know you're trying to run off with him?"

As I looked into James's eyes I could finally see it, he didn't just want to possess me, wanted to own me and yet he honestly detested me. Maybe more than I detested him. "I fuckin' own you Izzy!" he yelled.

He grabbed me by my hair and we started walking down the lane again, I felt like a dog being pulled on a leash. I knew what was waiting for me when we returned to the house. I was so tired, so very tired.

I stopped walking, I didn't move. James turned to me.

"Keep walking," he commanded.

"No."

"Izzy keep walking, we'll finish this at home."

"James, I'm not going back. I'm done."

He started to laugh, shaking his head. "Izzy, you're done when it tell you you're done," he said with steel in his voice.

"James, you're just a small little boy who needs to feel like a man, so you beat me, so you can be that man you wish you were. All I will say is FUCK. YOU." I didn't brace myself in time as he back handed me, I heard a crack in the back of my jaw and felt a searing pain, blood started pooling in the back of my mouth; I'd definitely lost a tooth that time.

"I _will_ kill you, don't fuck with me Izzy."

"James I'm fully aware you're going to kill me, but I'm not leaving his earth without a fight." I pulled my fist back and punched him; I remembered Jake and Sam boxing on the Rez and went for his nose. James was caught off guard, I found my opening, and kneed him in the crotch. I heard him gasp for air, as he reach down for his groin I sent a another right hook his way for good measure.

With all the strength I could muster I started running for the Cullen's, I was screaming for help, but I knew I was too far away for anyone to hear me. My vision was blurred, but I kept running towards the house; I was less than a hundred yards away when James tackled me to the ground. I struggled, tryingto crawl away, but he grabbed my waist and yanked me back.

"HELP, HELP" I screamed, as James tossed me on my back and punched me in the jaw again. I flung spit on him, seeing my bloody spit dripping down his face made me want to smile. He snarled, andstarted to pound on my stomach, with my tender ribs the intense pain was paralyzing. He knew I couldn't move, I gave it one last go and I scratched at his face, feeling my nails make contact with his skin brought me some weird perverse happiness.

Grabbing me by the throat with both hands, he looked at me with such hatred, and I knew this was the end.

"I love watching you struggle. I'm almost turned on, and you haven't turned me on for quite some time," he said with a smile, as I clawed at his hands.

I suddenly had flashes of me and my parents on a picnic, looking happy, me and my dad laughing over his cooking antics that required the fire department to come out; Jake teaching me how to ride his motorcycle. And Edward kissing me for the first time... I held on to that image as everything faded to black.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x

_**Hold On, I'm Comin'**_

**_Oh don't you ever,  
oh don't you ever, be sad,  
I want you to lean on me, when times get bad,  
When the day comes, and I know you been around,  
In a river o trouble, you you you you about to drown_**

_Hold on I'm coming  
Hold on cause I'm coming  
Hold on cause I'm coming  
Hold on I'm coming  
(just hold on baby)  
Hold on, I'm coming (here i come)  
Hold on, I'm coming (take my hand)  
Hold on, (don't you ever) I'm coming (here I come)_

-Sam and Dave

My heart seemed to ache as I watched Bella drive away, Emmett told me about hearing her conversation with James and the on coming panic attack. He too, was worried about her going home tonight. When she admitted she thought about our last conversation, I felt a spark of hope. And the look on her face during Alice's performance, I saw the turmoil and at the same time, the longing.

All I can do is wait, and hope. I was about to get into my mother's F150 but my shirt was soaked in sweat. Not that my mom would mind but I hated driving with my shirt sticking to me like second skin. I was changinginto a fresh tee shirt when I heard someone call my name. I turned to see some fans with their cameras ready. Grabbing my tea from the hood of the truck, I put my shirt into the bag and tossed it into the cab.

I turned to the teens who explained they couldn't make it to the Benefit. Deciding to be a good sport, I posed with them and signed a few CD's. I noticed a few members of the paparazzi; thankfully they were far enough away to not be an irritation. After the girls walked away, I watched to make sure they were safely in their vehicle. I followed them out of the parking lot, as they headed for the main highway and I headed for home.

When my phone rang I didn't bother to look at the caller id.

"Yeah!" I said tiredly.

"Hey…" Bella said unsurely.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I asked worriedly.

"Edward, she heard you, loud and clear," she said, my heart stopped, an array ofemotions burst through my veins and I had to get a handle on them quick.

"Thank God, where are you?"

"Half mile from your place," she said.

"Go there, I'm a few minutes behind you," I said, as I pressed on the gas, hoping I didn't get stopped for a speeding ticket.

"Okay, I'll see ya in a few," she said.

I felt like a weight had been lifted, and I hadn'tfelt this carefree since college. She was finally freeing herself of the hell she'd been trapped in, I knew she'd had a lot to deal with and I hoped when all was said and done, we could reconnect. I wanted to put it all on the table, but I wouldn't pressure her, and I needed to repeat that to myself constantly, otherwise, I'd become a whiney bitch.

As I was coming up on the lane I decided to call my dad, he picked up on the second ring; I could hear music and talking in the background.

"Hey Son, is everything ok?"

"She's leaving him," I told him.

"Thank God! Did she say when?" he asked ecstatically.

"She should be at the house any minute. She didn't want to go home."

"I'll let Ace know, she hasn't arrived yet but then again with all this music, I wouldn't be able to hear her. I'll go open the door for her!" he yelled into the phone.

I turned onto my lane when I saw Bella's car up ahead.

_What the fuck?_

"Holy fuck! Dad?"

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Bella's car, it's sitting in the middle of the lane," I explained. "You better call 911, NOW!" I hung up and got out the truck, when I stepped out I heard Bella's screams.

I got back into the truck and drove towards James and Bella. When I got close enough I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. I froze. He was trying to kill her right before my eyes.

The image of James choking Bella would be forever ingrained in my brain. Before I knew what I was doing, I jumped out the truck charging toward them. I pushed James off Bella and started wailing on him. James was able to get ina few jabs to my stomach, andI was taken by surprise, I saw my dad running towards Bella.

"Dad, she's not moving!" I yelled at my father, he immediately started CPR. I couldn't keep my eyes of Bella, seeing her motionless like that was killing me.

"I'm going after that motherfucker," I yelled to my dad. I took a deep breath and ran after James; thankfully I'dalways been a fast runner and was able to catch up quickly. Again, I tackled him. I did a small roll and was back on my feet instantly.

"You're an annoying little fucker aren't you?" he said.

"What? You're afraid of someone who can actually kick your ass?"

"You? Please you're fuckin' pansy," he said with a laugh, and lunged at me. I was prepared this time and did a side step, my fist connected to his ribs.

"There's something you should know about this pansy; I've been boxing for 15 years. So, if you want to hit someone, you come to me, cause Bella won't be your punching bag anymore," I said, my voice so low I didn't recognize it.

A flood gate of anger suddenlyreleased, and there was no stopping me. I threw out a left jab and, as expected James went on defense, I completed the move with a left hook to his head, which completely stunned him. With his defenses down I was able to throw a right hook connecting to his nose.

Barely stunned, he charged me, his fist connecting to my jaw, but I felt no pain. Again my fist rammed into his stomach, and I knew by my footing I would be able to putmore force into the punch. The fucker wouldn't go down, but I could tell he was tired. He sent a left jab my way, andI noticed his movements were slowing.

I suddenly grinned.

I threw another left to the head, stepped forward, protecting my face hooked another right to his side and immediately reared back and I threw out a right hook to his side hitting his ribs, praying I cracked or bruised a few ribs and threw another right hook to the head. As I stepped back I threw another left jab to his face.

I felt a rush of pride as I saw he him slink to the ground. But I wasn't done, standing over him I grabbed his hair and my fist continued to use him like a punching bag.

I forced myself to stop before I killed him, which was hard but I wasn't going to prison for this fucker, but he messed with _my girl_ again I would have to kill him.

"You touch Bella again and I will kill you, don't doubt that" I said to his unconscious body and started to walk away. I looked up and saw my father standing there with Bella. I was making my way toward them when I suddenly went down; I was literally seeing stars when I felt something slam against my head.

I was trying to get up when I felt a hard slap against my back, I saw an enraged Emmett running towards me and I tried to get back up but my body felt too heavy.

The back of my head was starting to throb, and when I touched the now tender area, I found blood. My vision started to blur but I could still see Emmett was fighting someone even though James was down.

_What the fuck?_

Again I tried prying my body off the ground, I couldn't make it to my feet, every time I tried to stand, I'd toppled over. After the second attempt I an arm around my shoulder, I was pretty sure it was Jasper, holding me up.

"Its ok man, I got you," he said, his Texas drawl more pronounced.

"Bella?" I barely got out.

"She's ok, your dad took care of her. The ambulance on its way," he assured me.

"Need…to…see…," I couldn't form a complete sentence, I was really tired and I started to go down again.

"Carlisle!" I heard Jasper yell, I knew I was fading but I needed to see Bella.

Suddenly there was a blinding light in my face. I could hear my dad calling my name but I couldn't tell him I'd be ok, I just needed a minute. My father, the King of Calm, looked anything but.

"Dad…ok…" I tried to tell him to chill.

"Son, keep talking to me."

"Dad…ok," I said. Suddenly my father's voice was frantically calling my name over the wailing of the ambulance, but I couldn't answer… everything was fading to black.

* * *

I think it was time, don't you? Please leave a comment!

xoxox


	9. Kryptonite

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that honor belongs to Stephanie Meyers. **

**I have to thank my beta, my personal Mistress, Ms Bond. She keeps me sane when the Xanax wears off, plus she's a great drinking buddy. **

**My Twilight Sisterhood girls have been so ubber supportive sending me text messages about Awakening or pimping me out. Luv u ladies more than words can say. **

**And a HUGE THANK YOU to ****LilKel4 for the medical advice, and she also saved you guys from very unbelievable operating scenes in the front yard....what can I say I watced too much ER. **

**And to the reviewers...especially those who've been through this...God Bless you for unknowingly keeping me in check. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Party Up **

**Y'all gon' make me lose my mind up in HERE, up in here  
Y'all gon' make me go all out up in here, up in here  
Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL up in HERE, up in here  
Y'all gon' make me lose my cool up in here, up in here**

**-DMX**

_Announcer:_

_Rocker Edward Cullen, the lead singer of the band Cullen was rushed to the hospital after an altercation with__Forks, Washington attorney Alec Ramsey._

_Earlier in the evening Edward was all smiles as he and his band played at the Forks Memorial Hospital Benefit concert, but when he returned home he witnessed one of his good friends, Isabella Ramsey being beaten by her husband, James Ramsey._

_According to witnesses when Edward intervened he was blinded sided by Ramey's cousin Attorney Alec Ramsey, who struck Edward, over the head with a bat. Edward's brother Emmett Cullen came to his aid but it may have been too late. At this time Edward is in a coma and listed in critical condition._

I reached for the remote turning off the television; it had been the same report for the last 12 hours. I replayed those moments over and over in my mind, and each time I came to the same conclusion.

"They have it wrong, you know?" Aro said watching me closely.

"At the _moment_ they have to wrong, but it could change in a blink of an eye," I replied, I was tired and drained.

"That's not a very positive attitude, Carlisle."

No, positivity walked out my door the moment Edward lost consciousness and Emmett was arrested. I was left feeling shaken and hollow.

"Remember when we were kids, and the bullies would beat up on you?" Aro asked, interrupting the mental argument I was havingwith myself.

"Yeah, you'd go kick their asses for me," I said.

"And I'll do it again, so don't worry," Aro said with a sad smile. "Remember how you tried not to cry in front of dad?"

"Yeah, he hated tears," I said, wearily still trying to hold it together.

"And what did I tell you?" he asked.

I just shook my head, not wanting to remember the constant fights I had to endure as the neighborhood nerd.

"I told you, you're always allowed to break down in front of me. I'd never judge you. I didn't then and I certainly won't now."

I sat theretrying to get my emotions in check, the pain and rage coursing through my body, was no comparisonto the pain I endured as a child. Nothing had prepared me for this, not my father's constant barrage of insults, not the bullies on the playground, not medical school, not even watching another human die.

I had to hold on to the fact that Edward was not dead. But the doctor in me knew he could take a turn for the worst and the father in me was feeling nothing but blinding pain; pain that I may have inflicted on my family for my delayed reactions.

Hearing Edward calling for me took back to when he was 7 yrs old and had broken his arm. He came to our room late one night because of the pain, and didn't want Emmett to see him cry. It was that same heart breaking sound. Not wanting to wake Esme I picked up him, got him some Tylenol for kids and glass of juice, I hated to see my boy in pain.

It was then that I made a promise to myself that I would do everything in my power to ensure they never had to hurt, but when the time arose I froze; I fucking froze on _MY SON_! If he died it would be my fault.

Just that thought alone made me shake from the inside out. Aro, standing before me with his usually cold blue eyes, held nothing but compassion and they were telling me it was ok. Aro was a very scary man, even as children people sensed something about him and were afraid. There was indifference about him, but when it came to family, he was warm, kind, and I knew I could rely on him. I knew my break down wouldn't make him think less of me, but it was hard. Years of control were shattering all around me; I could feel the tears I was holding back begin to fall. I knew I was in some form of shock, but I couldn't stop them.

It wasn't just Edward I was worried about though, it was Emmett as well. He was sitting in jail and there was nothing I could do for him, I felt so helpless.

"Emmett?" I choked out, not being able to form a question.

"I can't do anything until tomorrow morning, but from what ADA says he's a flight risk."

"_My_ son wouldn't run! And could you please tell me why he's in jail in the first place? For God's sake, he saw his brother being attacked! On my fucking property," I said as I gave into the rage, throwing a crystal vase across the room.

"Don't worry, I got it Carlisle," Aro said in an alarming calm voice. When Aro was in his natural cold persona I knew what to expect, but he was standing here exuding calmness, it was as if we had reversed roles. "I'm worried about the Ramsey girl."

"What about Bella?" I asked, suddenly confused.

"ADA confirmed, she's not pressing charges."

"You're fucking kidding me, right? My _son _is laying in a fucking coma, trying to save her ass and she's not going back to him?!" I would kill her myself. _Calm yourself, Carlisle_. Common sense told me, paying me a momentary visit, "Bella is still unconscious, and she hasn't even had a chance to talk to anyone, yet."

"Interesting," Aro said.

"What?"

"I would expect Jane to make that statement, but the ADA? I'll look into it," Aro said, more to himself than to me.

Aro started typing into his PDA, probably sending instructions to his associates when I heard the quick tap on the door, as Aro opened the door I moved to stand in front of the window, trying to wipe away all traces of tears as Esme came into the room.

I could feel her standing behind me, but I wasn't ready to face her yet. I couldn't break down in front of her, she needed me strong and I would find a way to be just that. I nearly lost it, when I felt her small arms wrap around me from behind.

"Babe, talk to me," she said, as she squeezed me tighter. I looked down at her hands around my waist and gently caressed them, wanting to take refuge in her arms, but I knew I needed to pull myself together.

"I fucked up," I said, feeling the shakiness returning.

"How?" she asked in a confused voice.

"My reactions were too slow… if anything happens, I'll never forgive myself," I said as I forced myself to step out of her embrace. Running my fingers through my hair, I sat on the edge of my desk; Esme wedged herself between my legs.

"Carlisle, other than rewinding time to stop Alec, what could you have done to change things?" she asked.

"I don't know! In all the years I've been a doctor, I've never hesitated. I've never once froze, but the moment my son needed me I couldn't fucking move!" I exploded, I didn't want to take it out on her, I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at James, Alec and most of all at myself.

"You know, you don't have to be Dr. Cullen all the time. You're allowed to simply be, Carlisle," she said after a few minutes.

"It's all I know how to be," I finally admitted.

"Oh baby….you're allowed to be human," she murmured taking my face into her hands and kissing my lips. "You have always, always been my rock. I depended on you when we first had Emmett, and he cried every chance he got. Anytime I have an insane client you always calm me down, even when you're up to your ears with patients, and when I had to deal with empty nest syndrome, you were right there by my side. It never fails, I could call you for the most minor thing and you talk me off that cliff, _you_ hold me up when I want to melt. So now I'm telling _you_ to hold on to _me_, I will be your rock through this. You don't have to be Superman. _You_ can depend on me, don't hide. I know you're scared and so am I, but I also know that everything's going to be ok." She stroked my face and continued, "You're allowed to simply be Carlisle Cullen, father of 6, and husband to me," she said as she wiped away my tears.

Pulling her closer I buried my face into her neck, I had never felt so weak. I finally disengaged myself from her arms and I brushed a kiss onto Esme's lips, looking for the strength to walk out the office.

"Babe, why did you say 6 kids, we only have 3," I said questioning her last statement.

"Emmett, Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Bella," she said bemusedly.

"So Bella has been officially adopted?"

"Other than Jake we're her only family, so yes, she's one of my babies," she said with an air of authority.

"Ok Es." This beautiful womannever failed to amaze me, I had known she was taken with Bella, but never realized how much. We both worried about her, it was an easier burden to deal with when the family knew, and we all seemed to have to same goal of helping her.

"Speaking of babies, let's go see ours," she said grabbing my hand. I guided her away from the broken glass and made a mental note to contact maintenance.

"Where is everyone?" I asked when I didn't see Jasper, Alice or Rosalie in the waiting room.

"They went to see Emmett, I figured you needed time to compose yourself when I heard the glass shattering," she said.

I noticed some of the nurses and doctors staring in our direction as Esme lead me toward Edward's room. I knew if she hadn't been holding my hand, I wouldn't have been able to walk in.

As a doctor, I knew what to expect when patient had a fractured skull, but all my knowledge seemed to fly out the door having to deal with my own child. Esme and I both froze, _I _was supposed to be helping her, I glanced over and saw the unshed tears pooling in her eyes, taking a deep breath she went to her son's bed side.

The only comfort I had was hearing his heart monitor, it was strong and steady, it relieved some of the ache; this helped me walk forward, even if it was with slow steps. Esme looked at me as she hesitantly touched Edward's hands.

"Can I hold his hand?" she asked anxiously.

"Yes, of course you can."Esme caressed our son's hand and placed a kiss on them. She used to do that with each child when she rocked them to sleep, I was pretty certain she wasn't even aware that she did it.

While we were lost in our own thoughts Dr. Banner, who was treating Edward, walked into the room.

"Carlisle, I have an update about Edward," he said to me. My heart started to race, oh crap, what if there was a tear? Esme came to my rescue.

"Dr. Banner why don't you and I talk outside?" she said to him, heading toward the door.

"Wouldn't it be better if I relayed this to Carlisle, he'd understand it better," Banner said in a condescending voice. _Did he just call my wife stupid_?

"Banner, talk to Esme outside. You don't have to worry about her ability to understand, she knows more about medicine than you at this moment," I said harshly. I needed to calm down; otherwise I might go into cardiac arrest.

The bruises on Edward's face were more pronounced along his jaw area, his bronze coppery hair on the top was sticking up every which way, they had shaved the back of his headin order to put in the required stitches, and he was elevated to avoid leaking.

The heart monitor that was attached to his finger looked like it was slipping off, so I went over to secure it; I stared at the bruises on his hands. I grinned, thinking it was Edward's first bare knuckle fight in 10 years; he had constantly tried to protect his fingers. As I examined them I noticed minimal swelling, so nothing was broken. It was then that I noticed something on Edwards's left ring finger; I grabbed my flash light out of my coat pocket to get a better look. I was shocked to see a small tattoo.

_**E+B**_

Edward had a tattoo?! He usually wore a ring he inherited from Esme's father on his left middle finger and a band aid on his ring finger because he said it itched. I never questioned it because everyone had different reactions. I recalled discussions we had about tattoos over the years, but Edward could never decide, he said he was too picky.

The tattoo made everything fit; he more than dated Bella, he really did love her, just as he told Esme he did. The angry songs and the way he avoided relationships had worried both Esme and I. I knew he took the news of Bella's violent marriage hard, but I thought it was because she was just a friend…she was so much more than that. In his own way, he was trying to take care of her.

"I'll take care of her until you're able," I said softly, as I gently squeezed his hand. I was about to make my exit when I decided to bite the bullet and check his chart, so far no meningeal tears, that was good. _So far so good, Edward keep it up,_ I mentally chanted. If he could last like this another 36 hours, I knew he would be ok. With my heart racing from fear of the unknown, I took a deep breath and went to search for Esme.

I found her in the waiting room with Leah and a distraught Jacob. As I neared them I realized they were trying to comfort Jake. Aro ended his phone conversation as he watched me approach.

"What happened?" I asked suddenly panicked, someone would have paged me if something had happened to Bella.

"They won't let Jake in to see Bella," Esme answered.

"What?" I asked.

"The nurse said 'family only', and that bitch Jane threaten to sue the hospital if they allowed him in," Leah said looking thoroughly pissed.

"Come with me," I said and turned walking toward the nurses' station near Bella's room. My anger had returned, stronger than ever.

"I've _never _seen Carlisle pissed," I heard Leah whisper.

"Neither have I," Esme replied.

"Actually, he's holding it in ratherwell my dear," Aro said sarcastically.

When I approached the nurses' station, I saw Jane hovering. "It's come to my attention, that Jacob Black was denied access to Isabella Ramsey's room. May I ask why?" I directed my attention to the nurse in charge; she was visibly shocked at my demeanor. I made it a practice to never talk down to a nurse, but _no one_ went against my orders.

"Sir, you know as well I do that this is a '_family only'_ environment, and Mr. Black isn't family," she said loudly. Then she leaned over to me, "Plus, little Ms. Ice Queen threaten to sue the hospital."

"Oh she did, did she?" I said. "Well I'm telling you to disregard anything Jane Ramsey says. Isabella signed a living will stating: if she ended up here by the hands of her husband, that Jacob Black had power of attorney."

"That's bullshit! Izzy would never sign something like that," Jane exploded.

"Jane, because your cousin has almost killed my client on numerous occasions, we made sure a living will was set up for times like this. I can have a copy faxed to your office if you'd like," Aro said from behind.

"You're lying," she seethed.

"Jane, I don't lie," I said sweetly. "There _is_ a living will."

I opened Bella's door for Jake to enter and everyone followed, when Jane tried to join us, I stopped her. "Sorry, but you're not on the list. Guard, please make sure Ms. Ramsey does not enter my patient's room."

"I _will_ have your license Carlisle," she screamed.

"Please Jane, please come after me. I dare you," I said in a low and threatening voice. The Ramsey's shouldn't have fucked with the Cullen's.

"If not you, then your kids," she said smugly. I heard Esme gasp, but I kept my attention focused on Jane, I taught my boys never to hit a woman but I swear I could see myself punching her in the face.

"Don't fuck with my kids Jane, and never mistake me for just another hick town doctor," I said lowly.

"Face it Cullen, Bella won't press charges against James. But you can bet your ass that Alec will make sure Emmett is swept under the jail after we're done with you," she said trying to sound menacing.

"Fine, James goes free, but Alec will pay for he did to my son," I said leaning in to get closer to her ear, so she was the only one who could hear me. "My dearest Jane, you think Aro is bad? I can be much worse if you push me. So go ahead, push me."

"I love games Carlisle, but you and I both know you can't keep up," she said.

"Yeah, right," I retorted with a fake chuckle.

After I closed the door on Jane I took a few deep breathes, Esme stood next to me her hand rubbing my back softly offering her quiet support.

"That was scary _and_ sexy at the same time. I'm going to have to remember that for future reference," she whispered in my ear, I could feel the blush hit my cheeks.

Since I was still Bella's acting physician, I took her vitals. Her breathing was becoming labored, she would need an oxygen mask to help her breath until she woke up, I made the necessary notations on her chart.

The bruises on her face were more vibrant than Edward's, but the worst had to be around her neck where James had strangled her. Not only was it bruised, but it was also visibly swollen. I ordered a soft tissue x-ray to be done while she was still unconscious.

In her gown, the bruising on her arms was more visible, greenish, yellow bruises as well as some newly red and purple ones marked her skin. I knew she had bruising on her chest as well as her back, and her back was also puckered from strap marks. I could see Esme and Leah mentally taking in the bruising; Jake looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Even though this had to have been her worst fight, I couldn't have been more proud of her as I found the skin she had stuck underneath her fingernails, the fractured finger and swollen knuckles that were tell tale signs that she fought back.

"Living Will? Carlisle, that was very inventive," Leah said with a wicked smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes, Leah there's a will…..somewhere," I replied dryly.

"We'll have one within the hour," Aro said as he typed on his PDA.

"When will she wake up?" Jacob asked moments later, his gaze never leaving Bella's sleeping form.

"In a few hours, the pain medication is quite strong. She needed the rest before dealing with everything," I said.

"Can someone explain what happened last night?" Leah asked.

"After the Benefit, Bella called Edward and told him she was coming to the house. She was afraid to go home. Edward called me and told me she was on her way," I said trying to stay composed. "We were still on the phone when Edward turned onto the lane, he saw Bella's car abandoned, heard her screaming, and told me to call 911, by the time I got out there she wasn't breathing. Edward went after James."

"She left?" Jake asked his dark gaze finding mine.

"Yeah, she finally made the move to leave."

"She set her date," he murmured to himself.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"She told me she was leaving soon, but she wasn't staying in Forks," he explained. "So I guess the benefit was the date."

"No, I don't think she planned it that way, she was on her way home. Alice wanted her to stay the night but she insisted she had to get home," I said.

"If it was a sudden decision then how did James know where to go?" Leah asked.

"GPS," Aro said quietly from the corner. "Felix just confirmed it."

"Fuck! He was tracking her?" Jake roared.

"Looks that way," Aro replied quietly. "But it was more like he was waiting, just in case."

"Edward told me we needed more security around the house," Esme muttered.

"Now it makes total sense when he'd asked her if she was home. If she lied, I wouldn't see her for days," Jake ranted, pacing the room as his agitation grew.

"That's why she always felt he'd find her," Leah added, watching Jake pace.

"What I don't understand is why Emmett is in jail and not James and Alec," Jake looked between Aro and me for answers.

"That's something that I've been asking myself all night," Aro admitted, sounding frustrated.

"I miss the guys that Charlie used to work with; you knew you could trust those men. Nowadays, they're all corrupt," Leah said.

Leah voiced the same concerns I'd had over the last few years, especially when I started treating Bella. The few men who worked with her dad had suddenly retired, or moved away from Forks. Even if they received a call about James beating her they rarely did anything, Bella never pressed charges, so I was never sure.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," Jake said as he continued to pace. "The only person I would trust is Mark Webber."

"Why?" Aro asked.

"He's the only one who has openly told the Sweet Valley twins and the beady eyed beast to fuck off."

"Aro, can I see you in my office?" I asked not waiting for an answer as I walked out of Bella's room and toward my office. Just as I approached my door I saw Rosalie, Alice and Jasper.

"Daddy!" Alice said as she threw herself into my arms.

"It's going to be ok baby," I said, I could feel her body shaking as she cried. She was terrified and I didn't know how to comfort her.

"How's Edward?" Jasper asked.

"So far, so good."

"The news is reporting he's critical, but he was stable when we left. Did something change?" Alice's eyes locked with mine as she rambled on.

"He's stable right now, as long as there are no complications," I said desperately wanting to escape her penetrating stare.

"How's Emmett?" I asked.

"He's ok, just worried about Edward. He said they're charging him with attempted murder," Alice said tearfully.

"Ace, it's going to be ok. I'm all over this," Aro said, trying to comfort her. "Your Dad and I were about to discuss some things. Why don't you go visit Edward and Bella?"

Aro and I entered my office; thankfully maintenance had come in and removed the glass. I went to sit behind my desk, wishing I had a secret stash here in the office, just a shot of Jameson, to get me through the next two days.

"Ok, what are we up against?" I asked.

"Very stupid people," he said with a grin.

I had to smile at that.

"Jane has this town snowed; yes, there is corruption in the police department and in the DA office, and that's going to be handled in a most embarrassing way. How Jane and Alec ever passed the bar is beyond me. As for her getting these charges dropped, she's out of her damn mind."

"So you think you can get Emmett out?"

"Yeah I called the State Attorney, he's a friend, and before you ask, yes it's legit. He's going to make sure the DA's office proceeds properly. And IA will also start an investigation with the FPD," Aro finished.

"Aro, I don't care if it's legal or not, I just want my son out and I want Alec and James behind bars," I said vehemently.

"With or without Bella we have Alec," he said. "Tomorrow I'm filing charges against him. And I'm sure Emmett will be released since it was pretty much self defense. Listen, I will do whatever it takes to make sure Emmett gets out, I love that kid like he's my own."

"I know you will, and your help is greatly appreciated," I told him sincerely, knowing that Emmett's legal issues were being taken care of eased my troubled mind.

"That's what family is for." I could see Aro was eager to deal with the Ramsey clan. Aro loved a good fight, legal or not.

"Do you think Bella is going to let James walk?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know Bella so I can't really say. But when it comes to domestic violence, I always expect the victim to go back to the abuser. You know this as well I do Carlisle, just because they run once doesn't make them free."

He was right; I'd seen it over and over. I've been treating Bella for a couple of years and she continued to go back time after time. It never failed, whether he broke an arm or had given her concussions, she continued to go back. _Will that be the case when she wakes up?_

My cell phone started to ring, interrupting my conversation with Aro. I didn't recognize the number but it was a Forks area code, so I answered it anyway.

"Dr. Cullen."

"Dad?"

"Emmett! My God it's great to hear your voice. How are you holding up, son?" I asked, feeling like shit because I didn't make it over to see him.

"Don't worry about me. How's Edward? The news keeps saying he's near death and Alice didn't know much," he said anxiously.

"He's stable."

"Is he really in a coma?" he asked, quietly.

"Yes."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Emmett exclaimed. "Dad I tried to get to him as quick as I could."

"Emmett you pulled Alec off of him, if you hadn't gotten there when you did who knows what Alec would have done."

I tried to keep my thoughts from going there, but it was hard. Emmett stopped Alec from striking again, that's what I needed to focus on.

"Dad, just make sure Edward and Bella are ok and I'll see you tomorrow," Emmett said quickly, I could tell he was trying to compose himself.

"I Love you Em," I said.

"Love you too, Dad," he said quietly and hung up.

***

**Bella**

I tried to hit the snooze button on the alarm clock; I didn't know why James hasn't stopped it yet. I knew I had to get up to make him breakfast, but I my body wouldn't move. The beeping still didn't stop; it was consistent, like a heart beat…..my heartbeat. I could also hear voices, they were muffled, I thought I heard Leah chuckle but that's couldn't be possible. Leah and Jake were in Vancouver for a weekend getaway.

"I'm going to go sit with Edward for a while," I heard someone say, _was that Esme_?

_Where's Edward? I went on alert, is he hurt?_ I couldn't breathe.

"Shit, she's jerking." That was definitely Jake, I tried to reach for him but my body wouldn't move. I couldn't even open my mouth.

Suddenly the body aches seem to hit me all at once; my throat felt like something was squeezing it and I tried to open my eyes but nothing happened. I was getting anxious and needed to see, I was determined to get them opened. The image of James on top of me flitted through my mind, his hands around my neck; he said I was going to die. I could feel his hands on me, this time when I tried to open my eyes, it actually worked.

The room was fuzzy but I was definitely in a hospital, I closed and reopened my eyes but my vision was still blurred. Alice was standing in front of me, she was still a bit hazy, and I was trying to put her in focus when I heard Jake again.

"Bells are you in pain?" he asked anxiously.

I wanted to scream yes, but I felt like I was suffocating, why couldn't I breathe?

"It's like she's struggling with her breathing," Alice yelled. "It's ok Bella help is on its way." She never came into focus and then, she started to fade again.

The light jerked me away, I saw stars, but I could hear Dr. Cullen yelling.

"Not only did I tell Joanna to start the damn oxygen mask but I left it in the notes! I will not deal with incompetent people, is that understood? Get Joanna off my damn floor!" he roared as he placed a mask over my face. I'd never heard him yell, he'd barked orders before, but it was still friendly.

"Bella, you're going to feel some pressure as the oxygen starts, but it will get easier in a few minutes ok?" he said in a soothing voice.

When the air hit I gulped it in a couple of time before I was able to breathe normally. When I opened my eyes again, the room was still fuzzy, but Jacob was easier to make out. He looked so worried and I hated when I stressed him out. I tried to take off the mask so I could talk to him, but he stopped me.

"No Bells, you keep that on. We'll talk later," he said gently. I tried to shift and sucked in a deep breath as a sharp pain shot through my body. Between my neck and my stomach I was paralyzed with pain, and I couldn't even tell anyone.

"Bella? I'm giving you something for the pain," Dr. Cullen told me. I wanted to acknowledge what he just said, but moving was not an option. I closed my eyes and waited to the pain to go away.

When I opened my eyes again I was alone, I must have fallen asleep. I was able to move my arms without flinching so I reached up to take off the mask. I hated those things. Breathing was a little difficult, but not as painful. My lips were swollen and dry, I was thirsty; the call button was too far away.

As I was lyingthere dreaming of ice water, Dr. Cullen walked into the room with a nurse. She took my vitals as Dr. Cullen barked more orders. Normally he was warm and comforting, but this side of him frightened me and I started to tense up, and upsetmy stomach. When the nurse was finally done, Dr. Cullen took the seat next to my bed.

"What do you remember?" he asked quietly.

"I," holy fuck my throat was tight and gravelly, like sand paper.

"Shit. I'm sorry Bella," Dr. Cullen said as he walked out the room only to return a moment later with water and a straw. I took a sip and immediately start to choke.

"Slowly, sweetheart," he said as he wiped water from my chin. I tried again finally getting the water down. The dryness started to ease. "You're going to have some difficulty speaking for a few days, so take your time." This sounded like the Dr. Cullen I knew.

"Ok," I said, I speaking in a low whisper. "How long will this last?"

"A few days, maybe a week," he said. I finished the water but was still thirsty. Dr. Cullen poured me another cup.

"How long have I been out?"

"Just a day, what do you remember?"

Images of the benefit flashed through my head, calling Edward, and then James chasing me.

"I was scared to go home; James had been calling me nonstop all evening. Edward and I talked about me leaving….more, Edward talked and I listened. He told me to go to the house," I said, talking was hard, but remembering that brought joy.

"Take your time."

"I was so happy to finally leave, then he was right in the middle of the road," I stopped my throat going dry again, so I took a few more sips. "I honestly didn't think I was going to live, he was so angry. I tried to fight back but he was so much stronger than me…..he hates me Dr. Cullen. He was happy to see me struggle. Did they arrest him?"

"No."

"What?!" I exclaimed, hurting my throat. I raised the straw back up to my lips to drink more water. Dr. Cullen then filled me in on what happened after I passed out. I started shaking as he told me Edward was hurt.

"Is he at home?" I asked hopefully.

"No Bella, he's here at the hospital."

"Is he in the waiting room?"

"Bella, he's in coma," he said softly.

The tears came so fast I couldn't see through them, it was my fault he was hurt. "And Alec isn't in jail?" I could barely get the words out.

"No, we should have Emmett out tomorrow."

"So James and Alec went home but Emmett went to jail and Edward is in a coma?"

"As strange as it sounds, yes that's correct," he said sounding tired, his hair looked as though he'd been running his fingers through it and his eyes were red, so tired. I felt horrible, one son was in a coma and the other was sitting in jail.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain," I whispered.

"Bella, you didn't do anything wrong," he said.

"It's because of me that Edward's in a coma, if I'd just gone home he'd be ok."

"And _you_ might be dead. My sons helped you because they wanted you safe, don't you dare think for a second that you did anything wrong."

I knew he was saying this to be nice, but I hurt his family, I felt like some bad virus, everything I touched somehow how got sick and died. It was like the Ramsey's gave me this horrible infection that kept me their prisoner. I loved the Cullen's, they'd been so good to me and this is how I repaid them?

"Will Edward be ok soon?"

"He's almost out of the danger point, after tomorrow evening we'll know more. He's already had an MRI to monitor his brain activity. I personally won't be better until he's out of the danger zone," he said softly.

"Can I see him?"

"Not yet, with your broke rib I don't want you moving too much. Tomorrow…well this morning, is going to be a very stressful. Aro is here to represent you legally, so if you feel overwhelmed direct them to him and he will handle it," he explained.

"Why are you helping me after all the problems I've caused you and your family?"

"Bella do you love Jake?"

"Of course," I replied, that was stupid question, of course I loved Jake.

"Well that's how we feel about you, I know I'm not Charlie, but if you need anything I'm there for you. And Esme has already claimed you, so you're kind of stuck with us," he said with a small grin.

I was dumbfounded, after everything I'd put them through they were still willing to help me. I was trying to keep the tears away; I was so tired of falling apart. Edward would be ok and Emmett would be out tomorrow.

If my dad was alive Emmett wouldn't have been in jail, if my dad was alive I wouldn't have married James. I wished he was here to tell me it would be ok, the dam broke when Carlisle gently embraced me.

"We're here for you, ok?" All I could do was nod.

"Jane thinks I'm not going to press charges, huh?" I asked once I regained composure.

"She and ADA have stated you were not,"

"You mean James's girlfriend, Victoria Richardson?" I asked harshly.

Carlisle looked shocked, "Richardson and James are having an affair?"

"Yeah for years, that's how Jake stayed in jail. That bitch locked her jowls on him and wouldn't let go."

"Ok, I will let Aro know about the Richardson connection. In the mean time I want you to get some rest," he said.

"Thank you Carlisle," I murmured.

"Good Night Sweetheart," he replied, giving me a peck on the forehead before leaving my room.

I closed my eyes slipping into sleep, in a few hours I'd have to deal with James again, and this time I wasn't going to let him bully me.

* * *

So please tell me your thoughts, so that means REVIEW!! LOL

I wanted to warn you I might not update next week, due to the New Moon Madness with the Twilight Sisterhood. ( (.)blogspot (.)com

And I hope to have a banner by the next update so you can see my Edward & Bella....!!


	10. Izzy's Voice

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers (yes I almost cried when I saw her on the red carpet!! Sorry she's a effing GODDESS!!), **** I just obsessed with it. **

**Okay I did warned you all due to the New Moon madness I wouldn't update but again I have to apologize for the delay. Even camping out with my iphone was dying I was trying to write. It's also when my computer decided to abandon me persay (I HATE YOU DELL!). **

**The Alice outfit is dedicated to Meg and the Sturridge family, I giggle everytime I look at this picture and thank you for the inspiration! **

**Thank you to Lilkel for the medical advice and quiet encouragement. Also my Tami Twin who pimps me out to every Twi fan she meets! **

**Much love and many thank you's to my beta, MsBond01, she whips my ass in shape when i get lazy! And a HUGE thank you to CSI_Kat and my brother (who refuses to read anything Twilight related) for the banners. The links are on my profile! **

Okay seriously thank you for reading Awakening, I really appreciate it, if you follow me on Twitter say HI! dammit!

* * *

**Voices**

By: Jasper Hale

Don't tell me its sunny out

Don't tell me about the day

Don't make me shout out

Just don't say a word

Cuz you interfere

With those things

I need to hear

I don't want to hear anything

But the voices in my head

I don't want to hear anything

But the voices in my head.

(say it loud) just the voices in my head

I can see the sky fallin' all around me

I can see the misery in your eyes

I live in denial

I want don't to hear the truth

No more

I don't want to hear anything

But the voices in my head

I don't want to hear anything

But the voices in my head

They tell me

Run and hide

Cuz the boogeyman

Is on the inside

Run and hide

I don't want to hear anything

But the voices in my head

Being in the hospital did not mean rest; you were constantly poked and awakened as they drew blood for some random test. Again the pain came back as the medication started to wear off, but it wasn't as intense as last night. Thankfully I was no longer using the breathing mask and was back to using the tube. I had been drifting back to sleep when the door opened suddenly, I braced, anticipating Jane or James to enter the room but it was Esme.

"Morning, Sweetheart," she said as she gave me a peck on the forehead. Esme looked as though she hadn't slept, her hair disheveled, like she used her fingers instead of a comb, she wore black knit sweater and fitted jeans with knee high boots.

"Hi," I said, it was still difficult to talk, not only was my throat completely raw but my entire mouth was swollen. It seemed to have grown since last night, _was that possible?_

"I brought you some pajamas; I thought maybe you'd want to be out of that hospital issued gown. I'll ask Carlisle about a shower, I always feel better after a shower," she rambled on, at that very moment she reminded me of Alice. I wanted to smile but my mouth hurt too much.

"Thank you," I said my voice raspier than last night. I watched as Esme pulled toiletries from a bag, the pajamas she told me about, a laptop and an iPhone. I couldn't possibly take all this stuff; I was trying to say something when Alice walked in with that damn basket she favors.

She wasn't in her usual trendy clothes; she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a black tank top paired with a lightweight electric blue button down sweater, her hair was a mass of wild curls underneath an off multi-colored knit hat with attached ear flaps. To complete the non-Alice look, she wore black and white Chuck Taylor's; I was so used to her wearing heels of some kind, and to see her in her normal height it made you remember how tiny she really was.

"You're awake," she said with a grin and gave me a peck on the forehead, followed by Jasper, who also planted a kiss in the same spot.

"I charged one of the phones for you in case you need to contact one of us," Jasper said as he scrolled down the iPhone, on the cart.

"Please tell me that's not a new phone," I asked wearily.

"Don't worry Bella, this is Edward's phone. I figured he had enough music to keep you occupied."

"I don't think Edward would want me to use his phone," I said nervously.

"Don't be silly Bella," Alice interrupted. "He wouldn't mind."

"Alice's right, he'd want you to be able to reach us as quickly as possible," Esme chimed in, _great three against one_.

"And I spoke with Mable; she said we could get you into a shower in a few minutes. I told her I would have Jasper take you in and I'll get in with you so you don't fall. We have to be prepared for Ice Bitch," Alice said.

"And Aro will be here to officially meet you, since it's his team that's representing the family," Esme informed me.

Between Esme and Alice all the rambling was making my head spin, but I didn't think I would want them any other way. I had to admit I loved the name Ice Bitch, which Jane was. I never had a 'team' represent me unless you counted Jacob, but Team Jacob couldn't fight James legally. Somehow I just don't see myself as part of Team Cullen**,** am I really worthy of such an honor?

"Ladies before you move my patient I need to give her a something for her pain," Carlisle said, as he swept into the room and started reviewing my chart. "How do you feel?" he asked me.

"My mouth feels more swollen," I managed to say.

"It just feels that way but it's actually gone down. Once you're out of here you'll have to see someone about replacing the teeth you lost," he stated, still looking at my chart.

"Teeth?" I repeated, "As in more than one tooth?" I was scared to look in the mirror.

"Don't worry about a thing, ok?" he whispered in my ear, I sent him a jerky nod. The nurse arrived with my medication, which was in a liquid form. I sent Carlisle a questioning look.

"Its mild dosage of Oxycodone in liquid form, I thought it would be easier than pills," he explained. "Jasper, in 10 minutes you can carry her to the bathroom for a quick shower."

"Great, thanks Carlisle," I said.

"Anytime Bella, get some rest. It's going to be a long day," he said as he walked out the door.

***

Once I was freshly showered Jasper, Alice and Esme went to go visit Edward. I wished I could have gone with them but I was stuck in my room listening to music on Edward's iPhone. Since we had similar taste it was easy to get lost in the music, I felt oddly closer to him. I wondered how he was doing, but all they would tell me was that he was doing fine. If he was fine then why wasn't he awake?

I was having this great internal debate with myself when Jane and Victoria walked into the room. I was familiar with this determined look from Jane; she swept into the room as if she owned it and I was the servant caught playing in her mistress' clothes.

I fumbled with the iPhone trying to turn it off; instead I accidentally unplugged the ear buds so that the room filled with Marcus Foster's, _'Chase the Blues'_. I personally wanted to chase Jane and Victoria out of here, but no such luck. Victoria gave me her usual look of disdain; I often wondered why I received this look, when she was the one fucking my husband. If she wants him, he can go, I don't want him.

"Izzy we don't have a lot of time, what did the Cullen's tell you? What are their plans?" Jane sent a barrage of questions at me.

"Nothing, considering I just woke up," I said, my mouth feeling thick, I began to fiddle with one of the applications on the iPhone.

"I hate it when you lie to me," Jane said softly, reminding me of James. I gave her a stony stare but my heart monitor gave away my bravado. Victoria snickered and Jane looked triumphed, I personally wanted to crawl under the covers and die.

"I'm not lying," I said coldly.

She placed some papers on the cart, it said something about Living Will; I could feel Jane's eyes on my as I read my name but I couldn't remember signing anything, someone had forged my signature.

"_Bella you need a living will when you come back, because you will, but I can protect you from James hurting you any further," Dr. Cullen said._

"_I will think about it, Dr. Cullen," I said. There was no way I could get something like that. The only lawyers I knew were James cousins and they would never help me._

"_Let me know and my brother will take care of it. He owns a law firm in Seattle," he said. _

"_Thank you. I'll let you know," I said with sincerity. _

"Did you really think a Living Will would keep us away, Izzy?" Jane questioned.

"I honestly wasn't thinking about you, I was thinking about me," I said.

"Bit selfish, aren't we?" Victoria asked snidely.

"Yes, she is a selfish one, after all we've done for you….tsk, tsk," Jane said as she continued to stare at me. I felt so uncomfortable under her gaze but I refused to show fear. _You can do this Bella!_ "Bella, haven't you realized your selfish nature is the reason why Edward is hurt. It's really your fault."

"No, that glory belongs to your brother, not me!" I hissed.

Jane walked closer to my bed and leaned in closer to me, "And if you try to run again, I can't guarantee the safety of the Jacob….or the Cullen's," she said with a smirk. Jane knew exactly which buttons to push, knew just how to inflict that fear.

"It would be so sad if Dr. Cullen wasn't able to help you next time..." Jane said softly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my mind racing, heart rate accelerating, the heart monitor was going crazy.

"Do think a court room is the only way I know how to make you understand Izzy?" Jane asked as she arched her eyebrow.

"You _wouldn't_ do that?" I was panicking, scary images filtering through my brain.

"Accidents happen all the time" she said with an evil grin.

"So when we return with Officer Peters, you'll tell him you're not pressing charges against James. It was a misunderstanding and the Cullen's over reacted." Victoria said with a smug grin.

"I'll get Alec off with a technicality." Jane finished dryly.

"And Emmett will be released?" I asked, knowing there was no way around it.

"Hmmm, sorry Emmett needs to be the example of why drug crazed celebrities need to pay for their mistakes," Victoria said, while Jane stifled a giggle, she found this whole situation amusing.

"Emmett doesn't do drugs!" I practically yelled, my throat was raw and in pain but that didn't matter.

"Well according to Peters, he had heroin in his truck as well as the house," Jane said happily.

"You're lying," I croaked, they couldn't be this evil; the Cullen's had never done anything to them, why were they trying to hurt them.

"Bella I just need to convince the jury," Victoria said. "And with this being Forks, they trust the Law before some loser guitar player." _Fuck!_ Emmett couldn't go to jail because of me.

"Please Jane....don't do this," I hated to beg but I needed to stop this madness.

"We better go, Cullen usually arrives at eight," Jane said, speaking to Victoria, ignoring my plea as she glanced at her watch.

When I woke up this morning, I thought it was James I would have to battle, but it was the ring leader, Jane I have to go toe to toe with. James, Alec and I were simply puppets, and for what I didn't know, nor did I care. As Jane and Victoria were leaving my room Jake walked in, the expression on his face was stony; he didn't say anything as he sat on the edge of my bed, he just watched me.

"Sorry your trip was cut short," I said trying to break the ice; I knew he and Leah needed that trip.

"No worries. I'll just add it to your babysitting debt," he said with a smirk. I loved when he talked about the family he and Leah were trying to have, it filled me with hope and determination.

"They were here early," he said suddenly. I guess he wanted to discuss the elephant in the room.

"Yeah, I guess, what time is it anyway?" I asked.

"About 6:30."

"Wow, I thought it was later, Alice & Esme have already been here."

"Yeah, they went home for a few hours; Carlisle hasn't left since you two were admitted. I tried to get some sleep at home but I was too restless, so I came back. Good thing I did huh?" he said cryptically.

"Jake you _should_ get some rest," I gently scolded.

Jake didn't say anything else, he simply nodded and then he left the room. I was trying to figure out what he was thinking when he reappeared with a nurse and wheel chair.

"Jake if you get caught it'll be my ass," the nurse said.

"Mable, just tell Carlisle I forced you and he can deal with me," he replied.

Placing her hands on her hips she said, "You know you can't force me to do anything."

"Ok, charmed you with Quileute legends," he said with a grin.

Jake approached the bed, removed the covers, and glanced down at my legs seeing all the bruising and just shook his head. I tensed up as he gently picked me up and placed me in the wheel chair.

As he rolled me down the halls I noticed some of the nurses staring at me, I tried to hide myself with my hair but it was hard to do with the pain coursing through my body from the slightest movement. I was so involved in my own discomfort, I hadn't noticed that Jake had wheeled me into a room; the heart monitor was the only thing I could hear once we entered.

Jake positioned me right in front of Edward's bed; he was paler than usual which made his bruises more pronounced. He was slightly upright, with no crazy tubes, which was comforting, but I wanted him to open his eyes. Even though he looked asleep, knowing I couldn't just shake him awake scared me.

"You can't let them bully you anymore Bells," Jake said quietly, I could feel his gaze on me trying to gauge a reaction.

"I know," I whispered, the tears forming in my eyes. "I just wanted to protect everyone from this."

"The best way for you to protect us, is by sending James to jail," he said. I knew Jake was right, but if I'd gone home, Edward would be ok. "Do you realize this could have been me?"

I felt sick at the thought, it was hard enough to see Edward like this, but to add Jake to the mix, and I felt like I was dying.

"I don't know how to protect you," I whispered shakily as I reached for Jake's hand. I hurt my own personal savior time and time again. I looked at Edward's unconscious form and became disgusted with myself. I knew he cared about my welfare and wanted me to be safe, I didn't deserve his compassion. This was not how you treated the person you loved, he deserved better, and so did Jake. How could I claim to love him and allow him to be hurt?

"By fighting back, but it takes more than just leaving," he said. "I can't tell you how proud I am to hear you didn't go down without a fight, but he needs to pay with jail time, they all do." He gave me a peck on the cheek and quietly left the room.

I don't know how long I sat there crying while I stared at Edward, wanting him to wake up, I ached to see him restlessly strum his guitar, I wanted to see him and Emmett fight over the Fruit Loop cereal, I just needed to see his beautiful green eyes and his cocky grin.

"Isabella?" I instinctively tensed up with I heard the unfamiliar voice call my name. I turned to see a dark hair man in a custom fitted suit; he was tall and lanky, which reminded me of Edward. Except this man had the coldest blue eyes I'd ever seen, which caused a shiver to roll down my back.

He stepped forward with his hand out, "I'm Aro, Carlisle's brother." _This is Carlisle's brother? They were polar opposites!_ Where Carlisle exuded warmth, Aro was completely cold. He showed his humanity by handing me a handkerchief, the unexpected gesture through me for a loop.

After I cleaned up my tears I reintroduced myself, "Sorry I'm a mental mess today," I whispered. The crying had made my already sore vocal cords ache even more.

"That's fine dear," he replied. "It's understandable." Aro stared at his nephew's sleeping form; I was surprised to see his gaze soften, but then again it _was_ his nephew so I shouldn't have been so surprised.

"You're here early," I said.

"I went to the house for a little sleep, but with all this looming today, no one slept. Isabella, I'm going blunt. I don't usually work with spousal abuse victims for the simple fact they usually go back the abuser. I'm telling you this now, if you let James get away with hurting you, which allowed his cousin to hurt my nephew, I will make not only James pay, but you as well," he said coldly.

I could only stare at him in utter shock; this was supposed to be my lawyer?

"What is up with everyone threatening me today? The fucking sun isn't even up," I asked dumbfounded.

"I'm not threatening you, I'm stating a fact," he said not one bit embarrassed.

"You and Jane are so much alike. Are you sure you're Carlisle's brother?" I asked.

"I get that a lot, but yes, we're really brothers," he said with a cocky grin. Aro was technically a good looking man, but his demeanor is what made him _not_ drop dead gorgeous. _Danger Stranger!_ seemed to pop in my head for some reason. "Jane's already been by?" he asked, his gaze suddenly sharper.

"Yes, before Jake brought me in to visit Edward," I answered. "Could you wheel me back to my room?"

"Yes, of course," he said distractedly.

I could practically hear the wheels turning in Aro's head as he wheeled me back to my room. Even though were people were staring again I didn't have to deal with their lingering gaze because Aro was walking so swiftly. Jake was drinking a cup of coffee with Nurse Mable when he noticed we'd arrive. In Aro's haste to get me in the room the door hit my chair, technically it was a small bump but it shock my body again the pain was blinding.

"Sorry not use to these things," Aro muttered.

"No problem," I muttered.

Jake was right behind us, he held the door open as Aro continued to take me into the room. I was about to lift myself out of the chair when I felt Jake gently lift me out of the chair.

"Thanks Jake," I said breathlessly.

"Anytime Bells," Jake replied as he looked between Aro and myself. Aro was looking agitated as I was trying to find a comfortable position.

"Jane was here?" Aro barked the question at me.

"Yeah I saw her and Victoria leaving when I arrived," Jake confirmed before I could answer the question.

"What did she want?" Aro asked me.

"They wanted me not to press charges against James," I said quietly. "And they plan to charge Emmett with drug possession."

Jake looked at me with a stunned expression, while Aro just stared at me with a smile.

"It's going to be your word against theirs. Are you willing to testify to that?" Aro asked me.

"Yeah, I'll testify, but this might help your case," I said as I grabbed Edward's phone. "They made me nervous and accidentally started recording on his video cam."

Aro played the video, even though the video quality wasn't great the sound was just right; with each threat Jane and Victoria issued, Aro's smile grew, he looked like a kid in a candy store by the time the video ended. Jake on the other hand looked to be in a state shock with each threat.

"I owe you an apology Isabella," he said with a grin. "I love a woman scorned."

"Not scorned, just tired of people bullying me around," I replied dryly.

"Either way, I stand corrected. Now, I need to make some phone calls, I have a feeling court is going to be fun!" Aro said with a twinkle in his eyes, he looked so giddy, it was kinda adorable.

"Well Bells that was spectacular, I can't believe they didn't catch on you were recording!" Jake said excitedly.

"Yeah, I kinda winged that," I said with a small smile.

"Good job!" Jake said still laughing. I loved seeing Jake carefree; he was so serious most of the time. Jake was still grinning by the time Esme, Alice and Jasper returned to the room. Aro informed them about the recording so they came over to congratulate me.

"Seriously, I got nervous and hit the record button," I said sleepily.

"Best klutzy move ever! Emmett is going to go to laugh his ass off when he hears this," Jasper said.

"One point for Brave Bella," I murmured to myself.

"What's the scoring for?" Jasper asked inquisitively, I didn't realize I said it loud enough for anyone to hear me.

"I uh…I keep score on who's winning," I said, turning red when I felt all eyes on me.

"Winning what?" Alice asked.

"This is going to sound insane, but it's a battle of who's in control. Brave Bella or Scared Izzy," I explained, it sounded like I was losing my mind but it was how I saw things when I dealt with James lately. "I'm just tired of being scared."

"It's not insane, you're just processing things, there's nothing to be ashamed of," Jasper said understandably. "So, who's sitting here right now?"

"Just Bella….trying to not give into the fear," I said feeling more like myself then I had for the first time in years. I looked around the room realizing I hadn't seen Rose.

"Where's Rose?" I asked.

"She's over at the jail with Emmett, we're about to head over there now," Alice explained. "I brought the appropriate clothes, can't show up looking like a slob."

"No, we can't have that," Esme said dryly, grinning at her daughter as Carlisle walked in, he greeted everyone as he reviewed my chart and did another examination.

"You've been fighting sleep I see," he stated.

"I've been sleep a long time, Carlisle." I wasn't just talking about my stay in the hospital; I meant my life in general.

"And as much as I'm enjoying the fact you're awake, I need you to be healthy," he said softly.

"Carlisle I-," I started to say but was interrupted by Esme.

"Bella, if Carlisle thinks you need sleep, then sleep. Okay?" she said, being the voice of reason. She leaned in so only I could hear her say, "Don't worry we'll still be around when you wake up."

Only Esme would catch onto the fact I was afraid to be alone, I clutched her hand with what little strength I had left. She gave me a peck on the forehead and murmured for me to get some sleep. I eventually relaxed and let the sleep take over.

***

_**Reporter:**_ _Well the aftermath from the Edward Cullen attack has turned out to be bigger than anyone expected. We join Heidi Hamilton who is in Forks, Washington with an update. _

_**Heidi:**__ Good Evening, I'm Heidi Hamilton live from the Forks Memorial hospital where lead singer Edward Cullen lays in a coma, while the world around him has exploded. Today his older brother Emmett Cullen was released from jail after being arrested on Saturday evening after his brother was attacked. Evidence was presented to the Internal Affairs that Assistant District Attorney Victoria Anderson and Forks Police Chief Daniel Peters planned to plant drugs on the guitarist._ _Currently all cases Anderson and Peters have worked on will be reviewed and some retried if evidence tampering is found, there's all new knowledge of Anderson is currently having an affair with suspect James Ramsey. _

_As you know Ramsey is a known spousal abuser and was beating his wife Isabella Ramsey in the Cullen front yard, has been charged with 2 counts of Assault and Battery. Ramsey claims Isabella and Edward was having an affair for more than four years, which sent him over the edge. He hopes he and Isabella could sit and talk out their problems. _

_Isabella's attorney dismissed that charge, "That's insane, yes they're friends and were friends before Edward's career took off, but they_ _hadn't seen each other in years. When Edward found out Isabella was being abused he was devastated but they are not having an affair. He and the rest of the family have simply been supporting her in this difficult time," Aro said as he walked into the courthouse. _

_James cousin Jane Ramsey of Ramsey & Ramsey, LLP, was also charged with witness tampering while her brother and law partner Alec was charged with 3 counts of Aggravated Assault for hitting Edward over the head with a bat. _

_After his release Emmett Cullen was driven straight to the hospital to see his brother. He was asked if he regrets interfering in the argument and the visible upset guitarist had this to say "My brother was attacked from behind, do I regret it? Are you insane? No I don't regret it, I'd do it again."_

_Now this mess is far from over. Fans have been coming by the hospital waiting for updates, since Edward was brought in. The latest update came from Edward's father, Carlisle "I want to thank everyone who have been sending endless support during the difficult time. Edward condition has been upgraded from critical to stable. At this time he's resting comfortably. Again, thank you for your support." _

_So now fans simply wait. I'm Heidi Hamilton reporting live from Forks, Washington, back to you in the studio. _

I awoke suddenly when I felt the weight of someone sitting on my bed; thankfully it was Emmett gazing down at me. I reached up and hugged him, momentarily forgetting about my broken ribs. I sucked in a breath as the pain hit me; Emmett being the gentle giant eased me back into the bed.

"Listen Scrappy, I don't need you causing anymore damage, ya hear?" he said, I chuckled but it hurt to laugh at this point.

"Yeah I hear ya," I mumbled, my mouth started to throb; between my ribs, hands, and mouth I was a pulsating mess. I placed a hand over my mouth hoping it would ease the ache. Emmett easily lifted up the swollen lip.

"Don't worry, I'll have my guy fix you right up when you get out of here," he commented as he examined my swollen mouth, he could probably see the missing teeth, which was embarrassing. I could feel my face grow hot.

"You have a guy?" I asked.

"Hey, you can't escape the NFL this pretty without some missing teeth," he said, sending me a dimpled smile. "Thank you." He said it so quietly I almost missed it, but he had it so backwards, it was I who owed him the thanks.

"Why are you thanking me? I'm the one that caused this mess," I mumbled.

"Yeah you are," he said with a chuckle. "But you didn't back down, I was worried you'd give into Jane's threats."

"I was going to, but I saw Edward and I knew what I had to do," I admitted. "And I couldn't let you go to jail because they were angry at me."

"Bella, when are you going to get it through your thick skull you are a part of this family. If you hurt, we all hurt," he said. "I don't know any other way to put it."

"Em…," was all I could manage before the tears started.

"Bella listen, I don't know the full story with you and my brother and I hope that gets settled one day. But for me, the day I found out about what James was doing to you…I knew I'd do anything to protect you. I don't like many people, don't get me wrong I'm cool and all, but there are very few people I honestly like. And I like you, you remind me of Alice in some ways, and no one fucks with my sister," Emmett finished his words had me dumbfounded. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" All I could do was nod.

"You Cullen's…." I tried to say through the tears.

"Yeah, not only are we extremely good looking, but we have big hearts. So hard to be me some days," he said with a booming laugh, I joined in but the laughing proved to be a difficult feat. Even though Emmett tried to lighten the mood I could tell he was wanted to get back to Edward.

"Emmett go back and be with Edward," I told him sleepily.

"Are you sure you're going to be ok? I can get Rose or Alice to come sit with you," he said.

"No, you guys visit with Edward. I'll be ok," I said.

"You sure Scrappy?" he said sincerely. I was enjoying my new nickname; it meant I was part of the family.

"Yeah, really, I'm good," I assured him; he gave me a peck on the cheek and I watched him leave the room to go sit with his brother. To occupy my time I turned on iTunes, put the player on shuffle and listened to some music. Alice had also given me Edward's computer and it had his entire music collection on it, it was out of this world. It ranged from classical music to honky tonk country, that just made him hotter in my eyes.

I purposely didn't ask Emmett for details about what took place in court. I would ask Aro when I was ready to face it. I think if I knew the details, I would give in and run back to James. I felt the invisible leash latch itself around my neck, fearful of the out come, but I had to remind myself not to allow the fear to get to me.

I continued to have the internal battle with Scare Izzy and Brave Bella. Izzy wanted to just do what Jane said, she afraid of the aftermath and wanted to hide like she normally did, but Brave Bella was ready to open a can of whoop ass. It was actually exhausting.

I was officially done with that shit, I was scared as hell but it's what I'd wanted since the first time James hit me. I wanted out; I wanted to be done with this hellish path I had taken. The poem 'The Road Not Traveled' by Robert Frost popped in my head….

_**Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,**_  
_**And sorry I could not travel both**_  
_**And be one traveler, long I stood**_  
_**And looked down one as far as I could**_  
_**To where it bent in the undergrowth.**_

_**Then took the other, as just as fair,**_  
_**And having perhaps the better claim,**_  
_**Because it was grassy and wanted wear;**_  
_**Though as for that the passing there**_  
_**Had worn them really about the same.**_

_**And both that morning equally lay**_  
_**In leaves no step had trodden black.**_  
_**Oh, I kept the first for another day!**_  
_**Yet knowing how way leads on to way,**_  
_**I doubted if I should ever come back.**_

_**I shall be telling this with a sigh**_  
_**Somewhere ages and ages hence:**_  
_**Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--**_  
_**I took the one less traveled by,**_  
_**And that has made all the difference.**_

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have dealt with my father's death by facing the memories. Being with the Blacks was so painful, I thought being with the Ramsey's would be easier and I was wrong.

I hopped on a path I thought was simple and it was the deadliest path, it led me straight to the lions den. And instead of walking away I stayed on that path, hoping I could get past the danger point. There was a new fork in the road now, I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it would be freeing.

I would have to have to find a job, a place to live; I was going to be responsible for me. One day I would be able to walk into my home knowing there wasn't someone there who will beat me just because they were having a bad day. Simply, no fear.

***

Today I was going home, well, technically I didn't have a home, but the Cullen's were nice enough to take me in. My other option was the Domestic Violence recovery center Aro suggested, part of me felt like I needed to go there to clear my head, but the bigger part of me was afraid once there I would give in and go back to James.

"Ready, Bells?" Jake asked as he picked up my overnight bag and went to stand by the waiting wheel chair.

"Yeah," I said quietly, I walked over to take my place in the chair. I'd have to live with the pain from the broken ribs until I healed; Carlisle warned me that I would have to get plenty of rest and I had a feeling between him, Esme & Alice I'd get tons of it.

As we strode down the corridor, I knew there was one place I needed to go before I went to the Cullen's.

"Jake, could you take me to Edward's room?" I asked.

"Sure Bella, no problem," he answered, I was still receiving stares from the staff, but not as bad as when I first woke up. "Hey Edward, how's it goin' man?"

Jake positioned me in front of Edward's sleeping form, since Jake was informed coma patients responds to normal conversations he speaks to Edward as if he was still awake.

"I'll give you some time alone," Jake said to me. "I'll be back later for the Mariner's game Edward."

"Thanks Jake," I said softly, my throat was feeling better now, not as raw. I watched Jake leave the room. This was the first time I'd been alone with Edward since we had been admitted.

"Hi Edward, I've been released, but it doesn't feel right to leave without you. We should be walking out of this place together, as a big 'Fuck You' to the Ramsey's. But you're still asleep….I hate being needy but…I need you. I'm going to be fucked up for awhile, but I would be less fucked up with you around. I know I'm asking for a lot and I don't deserve it, but please wake up," I begged, I cradled his hand in mine as the tears flowed down my cheeks.

"I'll try to come back in a couple of days," I told him, thinking about bring my books of poetry to read to him. I wished I could touch his crazy bronze hair, instead, I placed a kiss on his hand and gave him a final squeeze when suddenly, I felt him squeeze my hand back. I was stunned, I squeezed again and he squeezed back.

"Hey," he said softly, as I looked up into his green eyes, gazing at me.

* * *

A/N: Okay so I really need you to review, tell me what you love, what you hate. I might cry but that's just because I'm emolicious! Until next time....xoxo Tammy


	11. Wake Up

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I just really wish I did, that honor belongs to Stephanie Meyers!**

I want to apologize for the delay, my trip to Texas to see Bobby Long and my sad excuse for a computer delayed me.

I want to thank my betas MsBond (-- thank you for being the best hostess!) & LilKel for dealing with my emo ass.

And HUGE thank you to the new reader and the reviews, some of you have been so great with your kind words.

Please check out this site: http://joyforkidswithcancer(.)blogspot(.)com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my TAMI twin!! luv you Tamster!

* * *

The sun was blindingly bright, I could hear the waves crashing but it wasn't the beaches I grew up on in Forks, it was much too warm. I had the worst hangover, ever. My head was pounding, everything hurt, I made my way down the beach trying to figure out where I was, I didn't even remember leaving my hotel room, what city was I in?

Maybe Ibiza, I knew it was on the list but could I be so tired that I blocked out getting here and getting so trashed I could barely remember my own name? Fuckin' Emmett, only I would allow my older brother to let me get this fucked up. I hoped there wasn't any damn groupies in my room, last thing I wanted to deal with was a conversation explaining a one-night stand and the promise of a ticket for the next time I was in town. It was callous but fuck I'm young, I was supposed to fuck whatever was in sight.

I don't know how long I walked but I finally saw a house in the distance; it was a bit small but I figured that must be where we were staying. I trotted over as quickly as I could, just wanting something for my massive headache. When I approached the door it was locked, I banged on it with no response. I decided to walk around the house when I noticed this was the only house on the beach. My heart rate started to accelerate, _What the Fuck? _

I was looking for another way into the house when I saw her. She was wearing a pink bikini that fit perfectly against the soft curves of her frame, wavy mahogany hair flowing down her back, her eyes never wavering; I knew it was Bella. The one I was supposed to forget. What was she doing here? I'd never seen her look so amazingly sexy, with a small smirk on her pink glossed lips and determined eyes that could have devoured me. She walked toward me and did something I craved more than breathing; her face reached mine, I could feel her breath and taste her sweetness as she passionately pressed her lips to mine. She teased and taunted me as her wet tongue brushed the outline of my mouth before entering, our tongues wrestled for dominance, the kiss had enough sexual electricity to fuel a small country. There was no shyness, our bodies melted together as if we were never apart.

When her hands stroked through my hair my head no longer hurt, her wanton behavior gave me the courage to trail my fingers down the contours of her body until I softly grabbed her lusciously firm ass and when she moaned against my lips I propelled her against the wall.

"Easy, you don't want to start something you have no intention of finishing" I whispered in her ear before the need to nibble her lobe took over; I then continued to taste her deliciousness as I slowly ran my lips down the side of her neck, the touch of my wet mouth on her skin made her shiver and goose bumps broke out all over. I let my hands softly slide up her back until I released her bikini top and let it fall to the ground. She grinned up at me, again not shy, the swell of her breasts had me mesmerized, she noticed where my attention was diverted, and her fingers gently trailed from her delectable neck down her silky skin until she reached her dusty rose areola. My breathing hitched as she flicked her nipple; I was relishing in her perfection, like a 15 year old boy I was overly eager to take them into my taunted wet lips, I reenacted the flick with my tongue before I started sucking on her creamy pink nipple. I brought my other hand up to gently roll the other nipple in between my fingers. Hearing her moans made me more excited; I needed to feel her, needed to be inside her. I felt her hands tugging on my pants trying to pull them off. I barely had my pants down, when I felt her wet heat through the bikini bottoms on my cock. As I moved the material to the side I slide in between her folds until I felt her center and push into her as deeply as I could possibly go. I closed my eyes as the feeling of me filling her overwhelmed my senses; I heard her moan and then she was gone. I was on the beach again. Alone.

_What the hell was going on? _

I walked until I found the house once again, searching, but Bella didn't reappear. I was starting to panic because I was alone and I felt as if I were stuck in that stupid Bill Murray movie, 'Ground Hog Day', that Emmett insisted was comedic genius, but I personally thought he hit his head way too much when he played ball. The headache was persistent, almost to a point of being blinding; I had to sit before I passed out. I was cradling my head when I felt someone touch my hands; I looked up into Bella's big brown eyes. She was wearing a pair of short cut off denim shorts, and a tank top that barely covered her breast.

"How are you feeling?" she asked eyes full of concern.

"Bad," was all I could manage, my head felt as if it were going to explode. I put the headache aside, I'd figure that out in a minute; I needed to know why Bella was here again? "What are you doing here? Where is every one?" I said, firing out the questions to distract me from the pain.

Instead of answering me, she brushed her lips against my cheek and followed with soft kisses down my jaw line, but unlike before the pain didn't lessen. Our lips met once again and it was when she placed her hands on my neck that a flash of an unconscious Bella hit me like a ton of bricks. I jumped back, her lips were still puckered when she looked at me and gave me the most innocent smile.

"What the fuck is going on?" I demanded.

She looked at me and sighed as she shook her head, "Don't you like my kisses?" she asked as she batted her eyes at me. My Bella would never do something like that.

"Bella, as much I enjoy almost fucking you against a wall, I'd really like you to please tell me where we're at," I said, sounding bored.

"You're no fun," she said in a pouty voice.

"The last time I saw you, you were unconscious," I said hoping to get a straight answer.

"I don't know why I'm here, this is your dream," she murmured.

"I'm dreaming?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"Yes," she said as she crawled into my lap and attacked my mouth. In the past I'd wake up when I had dreams about Bella, ending right before we got to the point of having sex, but for some reason this dream continued. I really wanted this, but why wasn't I waking up?

I stopped kissing Bella and stared at her trying to figure things out when I heard voices, they were muffled but I distinctly heard my mothers. I untangled myself from Bella and went in search of her. Bella trailed behind, never saying a word. It wasn't until I heard my mother's sobs that I grew frantic, she needed me and I couldn't get to her. My frustration grew as I circled the beach, the lone house sitting there, mocking me knowing I couldn't get in nor could I leave this beach. I sat on the porch where Bella and I made out with my hands in my hair, trying to ease the intense ache that I couldn't escape.

When I lifted my head, I was no longer on the porch but on the beach and the sun not quite as bright. I walked until I found the little house, and just like before I couldn't get in, I thought I heard Alice and Jasper's voice coming from inside, but no matter how many times I banged on the window or door and yelled out, I was never invited inside.

Bella said this was my dream but it was more like a nightmare, nothing made sense. I could hear my family but couldn't see them, Bella was a sexual vixen who disappeared each time I tried to fuck her, and I had a paralyzing headache. Yeah this was all so logical!

I'm not sure how long I sat on the porch; I was just relieved I didn't end up back on the beach when my head started pounding, it was the only real feeling I had, that ache in the back of my head. I was trying to figure out why I had the ongoing headache; the muted voices were driving me insane and they seemed to be what was keeping the nagging headache going, I even started to hear loud ass Jake, and finally Emmett. I had this longing to be with my family and I couldn't. I felt desperately alone.

I suddenly heard muffled screams coming from the inside of the house, I peered through the window and I saw Bella trying to fight off her attacker, when I suddenly had flashes of Bella running and screaming on the front lawn, someone was choking her, my father administering CPR to her unconscious body as I ran after James.

James! That's who was in there with her now!

I banged on the window and he looked at me with gleeful vengeance as he killed Bella before my eyes, her limp body made me want to vomit. I needed to get to her but I couldn't break the door down. I threw my full weight against it and got nothing, it wouldn't budge. The pain in my head seemed to explode; I grew weaker as the throbbing intensified like I was going to pass out from the constant pain and distension. There was no denying it, I needed to get to Bella, but darkness once again surrounded me.

I woke on the dreaded beach again, _I'm really starting to not like beaches_, I thought, as I made my way to the house, the muted voices surrounding me, only this time louder. My father's voice was very distinct, as if he was reading a passage rather than having an actual conversation with someone. I noticed I was growing tired very quickly; there was heaviness to my steps that wasn't there before and as usual nothing made sense.

When I arrived at the house, I looked in the windows to my relief Bella and James were not there, I felt as if I was going in circles with this house and the beach. Why was I here? What was going on? Bella said it was my dream so did that mean I conjured up her dying? Not something I want to relive…relive? Did this happen? Were they memories? Why haven't I woken up from this God-awful dream?

The pain in my head was dulled for the moment but was still there, as well as the voices, Jake and Emmett, their loud asses never could shut the fuck up, I even started to hear Rosalie and she rarely said shit. They never heard me screaming out their names and they continued to talk as if I wasn't even there. It was then that I realized they were watching a ball game, I could hear an announcer but when I looked around there was only beach and sand.

Occasionally I would hear my mother's voice as she prattled on about stuff but it was Alice's voice that unnerved me. It was distinctively different, as if she didn't know what to say and when she did, it was hollow; most of the time I just heard her cry. I hated when my little sister cried, she was always so fearless and I knew tears meant she was emotionally frazzled. Jasper usually helped her before she even got to this point but there seemed to be no helping her right now, I just wanted to comfort her but I couldn't find her. I kept saying 'It's going to be ok Ace" but I knew she couldn't hear me.

Another streak of light hit me, blinding me momentarily. When I opened my eyes I was afraid I would be back on the beach but I remained on the porch. The voices came back and I felt as if I were right in the room with them. Jake and Rosalie were arguing about something, Jasper was telling them to shut the hell up, my never ending headache returned, which made the voices dim. I'd rather hear Rose and Jake argue than deal with the headaches.

I must have dozed off because it was almost dark, I saw a light coming through the window of the unwelcoming little house, and I could see my mom reading a magazine. I banged on the window, but she ignored me, my father came in and sat next to her.

"Anything new?" my mother asked discarding her magazine.

"No, he's good. We're out of the danger zone so we just wait now," my father replied. "Go home and get some rest."

"No, I know I won't be able to sleep. Not with you both here," she said stubbornly.

"You need to rest," he said.

"Are you going home Carlisle?" my mother asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No." he said with a small smile. "Want to share a bunk with me in the doctors' quarters?"

"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea," my mother said. My father stood up and offered a hand to my mother, which she took with a smile. I banged on the window hoping to get their attention but they disappeared. I began to lose hope of ever getting out of this as I watched my parents disappear.

All the banging made me tired; I sat on the porch with my head in my hands, praying for a way to escape. What if I was dead and this was some form of purgatory? I tried to remember what happened to cause me to be stuck here.

The sun no longer shined, it was pitch black, and I could barely make out my hands in front me. I heard a door creek open, I looked up to see a dim light, the door to the house was finally opened and I walked slowly to the cracked door. When I gripped the knob, after trying so hard to get into the house I was afraid to cross the threshold. I opened the door wide, walked through as everything went black.

I felt as if I were drowning in the darkness, I tried to make my way to the surface but I was still under. I heard unfamiliar voices murmuring around me, the consist heartbeat made my head buzz. I felt as if I was swimming in the darkness without actually moving.

Eventually I heard my family talking, I wanted to call out to get there attention but my body wouldn't cooperate, the darkness was starting to become murky when I felt my right foot go numb, the needle sensation allowing me to move my big toe. I wanted to do a dance. Eventually I was able to move my toes with ease.

Soon, every limb was tingling and movement was soon achieved. I was silently acknowledging my accomplishment when I heard Jake come into the room. His booming voice scared the shit out of me at first, he was telling me would be back for the game but then I heard Bella, and I calmed myself.

"Thanks Jake," she said softly, I felt her hands cover mine. "Hi Edward, I've been released but it doesn't feel right to leave without you." _Released from where?_ "We should be walking out of this place together, as a big Fuck You to the Ramsey's. But you're asleep….I hate being needy but…I need you. I'm going to be fucked up for awhile but I would be less fucked up with you around. I know I'm asking for a lot and I don't deserve it, but please wake up," she finished, she sounded so heartbreakingly sad, I could feel her tears slide down my hand.

"I'll try to come back in a couple of days," she said, which meant she was leaving. _NO! Not you too Bella._ I wanted to go to her, to comfort her, but the darkness held me prisoner. She said she'd be back, but did she mean it, what if James wouldn't allow her to come back? I just wanted one glimpse to savior.

The nagging headache suddenly intensified, I wanted to let the drowning feeling take over to ease the ache but I refused, the more I fought the darkness the more unbearable the pain became. I held my breath to let the pain pass when my eyes suddenly opened.

Everything was hazy, I could see light peaking through the blinds, flowers & balloons littered the room, the TV was on as I suspected and I saw Bella's bowed head clutching my hand. When I felt her squeeze my hand, I squeezed back. I heard her gasp and she squeezed my hand again and I squeezed back. She looked up at me in shock.

"Hey," I said softly, not sure what else to say, everything was very muddled for me.

"Oh my god Edward," Bella said as she hurdle herself at me knocking the wind out of me. Bella stayed like that for a couple of minutes and when she looked up her face was full of pain.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice unnaturally raspy. I became instantly worried when I saw her right eye was black and blue, and there were multiple bruises along her jaw line. Her lips were swollen like when I first visited La Push.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that," she mumbled. "I better get off you."

"I don't mind," I said with a chuckle wanting to ask what happened but then regretted it because my head seemed to explode; I had to squeeze my eyes shut from the intensity. _Holy Fuck!_

"Edward?" Bella called my name frantically. "Please stay awake till I can get the doctor." But the darkness took over.

***

When I woke up this time my entire family was there including Jasper, Rosalie, my Uncle Aro and Bella, who was still in a wheel chair, they were all in the room talking. I must have made a noise because my mother raced over to me; she had unshed tears in her eyes.

"Hi Edward," she whispered.

"Hi, Mom," I said, tiredly. I was honestly happy to see her. I looked around to see that everyone had come around the bed. But it was Alice who, like Bella, threw herself on me. She was sobbing uncontrollably into my chest. Jasper tried to remove her but I told him it was ok, she wasn't hurting me; my head was the only thing that caused me pain.

Even though my sister was tiny she was extremely strong, and she held me so tight I could barely breathe. I tried to reassure her I was ok but that seemed to make her worse.

"Ace, its ok," I murmured, still unsure what exactly happened, nothing made sense.

"I was ...so scared ...you'd never wake up," she choked out. _Wake up?_ I didn't know how to respond; I continued to stroke her back and hoped it'd calm her down.

"Hey I've only been out a couple of hours," I said and everyone seemed to tense up, even Ace seemed to have stopped breathing.

"Edward...," Emmett started looking worried.

"Could you please spit it out, my head can't take your dramatics today," I snapped.

"Edward, relax," Emmett, said.

"Emmett, let me talk to him," my father said. "Son, you were injured on Saturday...one week ago today."

"A week?" I asked stunned, as Ace clutched me even tighter. "What happened?"

"It's more, what do you remember?" Aro asked me, his face not giving anything away. My head was pounding as I tried to retrace my steps.

"I was on the phone...we had a concert, right?" I asked, everything was muddled. "I drove up and I heard screams...Bella was screaming….that wasn't a dream?"

"No," my father said softy.

I looked at Bella across the room she was leaning against Jake. The bruises, seeing her unconscious, it wasn't a horrible nightmare, but something real. She almost died.

"He was strangling you...Dad was doing the CPR thing…James...,"I looked at my father again; the swift movement caused the room to spin. I had to hold still in order to regain control.

"Son, take your time don't push anything," my father said gently.

"Shit…we fought…he was down…fuck!" I exclaimed, I could see James down but after that I couldn't remember anything. "Last thing I remember was James going down…."

"You remembered more than I expected," my father replied.

"So what happened?" I asked.

"Alec hit you with a bat when you were walking away, I didn't see him until it was too late," Emmett injected looking menacing; I could feel Alice tighten her grip around me. "Jane had me arrested and tried to hit me with a drug charge."

"What did you say?" I asked.

"Jane planned to have drugs planted on me but thankfully their plan was foiled," Emmett said with a smile.

"How?"

"Due to Bella having a minor freak out, she accidentally started recording, gave it to Aro, and the rest as they say, is history," he finished with a satisfied grin. I could see Bella was blushing into Jake's side.

"Thank you," I said to her.

"No thanks necessary, it was my pleasure," she said softly. They filled me in on everything else, the charges, and the Internal Affairs investigation due to Aro calling in some favors. Of course this spurred a media storm and I was told fans and media had been here since I arrived.

My doctor came in to exam me again and I hated him immediately. He had this holier-than-thou attitude, I never trust fuckers like that. He tried to move Alice and I told him to work around her. When he made a remark about her, I exploded. It wasn't everyday you told a man to fuck his own ass with a broomstick but I had to admit, I felt good after the yelling even if it did cause my head to ache further.

By the time Officer Webber arrived to take my statement with an IA officer to ensure proper procedures, I was beyond tired and irritable. Aro was there to make sure the meeting didn't last too long, as much as he got on my nerves with his intense stares and quietness, I was happy he was there to run interference.

My father insisted everyone go home for the evening to help Bella get settled in, when Bella fell asleep on Jake. She was going to be staying with us for a while; at least I knew she'd be safe for the time being.

When they said their goodbyes I was happy to see them go, as much as I loved my family, they drove me nuts. Emmett and Jake's voices seemed to cause my head to vibrate and that wasn't a pleasant feeling. I just needed some time, my mom stayed with me, refilling my water jug, brought me a coke from the machines and she quietly read her magazine. At least she wasn't overly noisy.

***

As I watched my mother gather her things to leave for the evening I suddenly didn't want her to go. I was seized with an unknown fear; like I was 6 years old and didn't want the boogeyman to get me. I craved quiet the whole day and her yammering wore me out but at this moment I just needed her here. I felt like a scared little boy, afraid of the dark, but I'm a grown man, one who shouldn't need his mommy to hold his hand. Emmett could have a field day with these thoughts.

"I can stay if you want," she said, I was so caught up in my head I didn't noticed she was sitting right next to me on the bed.

"I'm ok," I murmured, avoiding her gaze because she read me better than anyone.

"It's ok if you're not."

The unexpected tears started and I couldn't stop; since I woke up nothing felt right. My mother gathered me in her arms, that comfort that I've known my whole existence seemed to wrap around me like a warm blanket and instantly I felt like me again, the '_me_' before the music career, even before college. Since the moment I woke up I felt out of place, off centered, not comfortable in my own skin, and as I cling to my mother for dear life I tried to fit myself back into this mold I created that I no longer fit into.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, my head was still on her shoulder.

"Baby why are you sorry?" she inquired, as she wiped my tears away, I noticed she too had tears streaming down her face.

"I've been...,"I started, hoping I could get the thought out. "Moody all day, I don't mean to but everything is just jumbled."

"I didn't take it personally, none of us do," she said quietly.

With my mom I didn't have to put on an act, I didn't have to pretend, and every emotion I tried to deny hit me harder. I felt exposed.

"I just feel emotionally...weird," I said, explaining my emotional state was a challenge since I didn't understand what I felt, other then confusion.

My mother laughed, "Weird? We all get like that some times."

"One minute I'm ok, then I want to hurt someone or I need quiet and now I don't want to be alone," I said.

"Oh baby you just have PMS. Alice, Rose and I deal with this all the time," she said with a giggle. It took me a moment to figure out what she'd said.

"Shit, is this what you feel on a monthly basis? I glad I'm a guy." I felt instantly better.

"Remember that talk we had when Bella came to rest at the house a few weeks ago?" she asked. "I said this is bigger than you?"

"Yeah."

"Well baby, those emotions were already on the surface and I think when you woke up you could no longer hide from them and you can't push them down either."

"There's no point in having these feelings since she's married."

"Sweetie we can't help who we love, just remember, it won't be easy but the end result will be worth it," she said, no matter how hard I tried not to, I continued to love Bella.

"Thanks Mom," I said softly.

"Anytime love," she said with a smile in her voice.

We sat on my bed in a comfortable silence, I know I should tell her to go home but I was selfish and didn't want her to go yet.

"Mom do you think I'm selfish?" I asked breaking the silence. She didn't answer immediately and I began to worry, she'd already called me a douche so maybe I was more selfish than I realized.

"I think you have selfish moments but completely selfish, no. If you were you wouldn't be in this bed. You wouldn't have had that auction to help others like Bella; you wouldn't have been there for Em when his NFL career was over. I think you're more giving than you realize."

I let her words sink in; the images of Bella unconscious form plagued me. I wanted to run my fingers through my hair but my scalp was still tender, even my hair hurt and I wanted to cut it off.

"She's really ok?" I asked, when I saw her earlier she seemed quiet and withdrawn.

"She has a lot of healing to do both emotionally and physically. I know she's scared but she's really trying," my mom said with hope in her voice. "Now it's time for you to sleep young man," she said.

She started to sing "Sweet Child of Mine" softly in my hair, my mom rarely sang, it wasn't that she was the best at it, but it reflected what she sometimes couldn't put into words. I felt loved and safe, exactly why I wanted to come home after the tour, this is what I needed to reshape myself into this new mold. I was no longer going to be in a vacant emotional space, I had to deal with every emotion, no hiding. If my mother could sit here and sing, completely off key but with pure love in her voice just to make me feel better, than I would man up and face the world.

My mother was still singing when my father walked in the room, he didn't say anything as he simply pulled up a chair and sat with us. When my mother was done she held me close and whispered in my ear, "I love you, my sweet child of mine."

"Love you too Mom," I said sleepily looking over to my father "Love you too Dad."

My father grinned at me "Love you too, Son."

"You guys need to go home and rest," I said, after a few minutes, I could barely keep my eyes open.

"You sure? We can stay if you need us," he said.

"No, I'm good. I'll see you guys in the morning," I said my eyes still closed. My mom gave me one last hug and kiss before saying good night. I felt my father's gentle touch; I murmured a good night and let the darkness claim me.

***

I woke up a few hours after my parents left to a nurse taking my blood pressure, before I had a chance to doze off another nurse shakily tried to draw blood.

"Why are you taking blood?" I asked with irritation in my voice.

"Dr. Banner ordered a test that requires blood drawn every few hours," the young nurse explained, her hand was still shaking.

"Do you know what you're doing?" I inquired.

"Yes, of course."

"Just asking 'cause you're shaking, if you need me to do it for you, I have time on my hands, so I can help," I replied dryly.

"No, I can do it," she said softy. "You make me nervous."

"How? You're the one with the needles," I said stunned.

"Because…you're Edward Cullen," she said in an awed voice.

"Yeah, I forgot about that," I said, and I heard her laugh. At least she wasn't shaking anymore.

Once she got past her nervousness she told me she was a newly divorced mom who was planning to move to Port Angeles for a better job and to be closer to her parents. By the time she left she was bold enough to leave her number, before returning to Forks I would have found a way to get in her pants before I left the hospital and still not know her name.

I turned on the television and found reruns of the Golden Girls to pass the time, another nurse came in to take my blood pressure so it was a good thing I was still awake. My dad's favorite nurse, Mable helped me to the bathroom; she couldn't ok a shower until Dr. Banner cleared it. But I was able to brush my teeth and wash my face, I felt instantly better. I was once again thankful for Alice, who packed a bag for me, and I changed into fresh tee shirt.

Now I understood why my dad always requested Mable to work with his patients, she was an absolute Godsend. I wasn't used to being so immobile, so she took me for a walk around the hospital, since it was barely 4 am there were very few people in the halls, no prying eyes. If I got tired we rested against the wall, the woman could talk. We talked; rather she talked about everything from Obama to her tiny home garden.

"With my hours anything too large wouldn't survive," she explained, she didn't need me to participate in the conversation. I was exhausted by the time we got back to my room. Mable told me to rest until my MRI, which was scheduled in a couple of hours. I was so tired I couldn't even cover myself with the blanket; I mumbled my thanks to Mable as she covered me and I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

***

I wanted to be agitated with how many tests Dr. Banner had ordered after my MRI, but I knew it was for precautionary reasons. The orderly, Karl, was wheeling me back to my room and he was also a talker. He was telling me about his band 'Spit Shine', they were country-rap. I personally didn't know there was such a thing as Country-Rap and I thought maybe I should check them out. _Yeah, no... I'm going to pass on that one._

I could feel the stares of people around me; unfortunately, I didn't have a hat or sunglasses to help ward off the attention. One of the nurses called out to Karl, I was starting to zone out while he was speaking with her, I could tell she was trying not to stare at me, when I heard the familiar sound of a digital camera and flashes go off. A member of the paparazzi had found his way into the hospital and was snapping away. I stumbled out of my chair trying to get away as Karl lunged at the unwanted photographer, he had the guy in a choke hold as I made my way around the corner, away from the commotion. I barely made it around the corner when the dizziness set in and the room began to spin, I felt the cool wall against my back as I sled down to the floor, I was on the verge of passing out as pandemonium broke out around me.

"Found him," I heard Karl yell.

"Dude must you scream in my ear?" I complained.

"Sorry man, are you alright? Did you hit your head?" he asked, looking me over.

"No, just got up too quickly," I mumbled.

"Shit, heads are about to roll," he said, he nodded to the man in a suit and my father who were jogging towards us.

"Edward are you alright?" my father asked as he examined me.

"Yeah, just dizzy," I said.

"Karl, where were you when this happened? How did they get in?" the suit fired off.

"Hey don't take this shit out on Karl; he was the one who kicked that guy's ass. If you want to blame someone it's your lame ass security team who allows anyone with a precious insurance card into the building," I said angrily, it seemed to help with the dizziness and the unrelenting headache.

"Edward calm down," my father said trying to calm me as he helped me off the floor.

"I'll try," I said. "When can I go home?"

"We'll talk to Dr. Banner," he replied.

***

I was finally going home and I couldn't be happier. I was going absolutely stir crazy when Dr. Banner finally discharged me two days later. The paparazzi break seemed to fuel the media, because I was told the media vans had grown. To my mother's dismay she had to have gates put around the property in order to keep the wondering photographers out.

Mable was giving me my final home instructions when my parent's arrived. I was already dressed in my once fitted jeans, but now loose due to the unintended weight loss and a short sleeve V neck tee shirt. Leah had come over earlier to help me arrange my hair and to cover the shaved area in the back, like every thing else, the beanie seemed to irritate me.

"Just wear the beanie till you get to the car," she argued after I cringed from her touching my hair.

"Do you not get it, that thing fucking makes me itch? And I can't scratch back there," I complained. "Even my hair hurts; I just want to shave it all off!"

"Oh, don't you dare give me attitude, I will kick your ass Quileute style if you keep it up," she said testily, and knowing Leah she meant it.

"Why do I have an image of you in a dominatrix outfit," I said with a purr.

"If Jake heard you say that _he'd_ kick your ass," she warned.

"Or, I can plant the idea in his head and next thing you know you'll be at the local Pleasure Chest buying riding crops," I said wickedly.

"You have a dirty mind."

"You _just_ caught on to that? Wow Leah, I thought you were more observant," I said dryly, the only one I could imagine naked right now was Bella.

"I see more than you realize, who do you think clued Jake in on you and Bella back in the day? He thought I was insane, but then he caught you kissing and let's say he was not a happy camper," she said. I stared at Leah in stunned silence, here I thought I was this amazing actor but the reality was, my people saw through my cracks.

I was lost in thought when I donned on my checkered blue, black and white pea-coat, Alice packed for me and flipped the wide lapel which was the added touch I needed after Leah's finished my hair.

When my favorite orderly arrived with the wheel chair I tried to resist, but by law they had to wheel me down to the door. I argued but came to a compromise by being allowed to walk once we get off the elevator, I had no desire to be photographed again in the fucking wheelchair. I decided to forego wearing my Raybans; I was mentally preparing myself as we got into the elevator. As we approached I could see the flashes already going off.

Alice and Leah lead the pack to the waiting tinted SUV's, followed by Jasper, and my parents; I had Jake and Emmett on either side of me to help ward off any pushy photographers. Sam and few other guys from La Push coordinated with Demitri, Aro's head of security to surrounded us, it didn't make the trek to the waiting Suburban any easier. My head started to pound, I felt as if I was suffocating even though we were outside, and there was a camera in every direction I looked. I put my hands up to the cameras that were so close I could feel them touch me, Emmett and Jake yelling at the photographers to step back. Questions were hurled at me so quickly I became dizzy.

"You ok?" Emmett asked.

"Just get me to the truck," I mumbled, I could feel the nausea rise and knew I only had a few moments before I lost what little food I had in my stomach.

By the time I was sitting between my mother and father in the back of the Suburban I couldn't hold it anymore, I threw up into the bucket the hospital had provided me, thankfully my father thought ahead for this. What should have been a 15 minute drive took almost an hour, most of that hour was spent trying to get out of the parking lot and I proceeded to throw up 3 times before we approached my family's home.

"Calm down honey, we're almost home," my mother murmured to me, when I felt a panic attack hit me, throwing up was not a pleasant experience.

With Emmett at the wheel he took a back entrance to the house, it was a rarely used passage, which was now gated; I dizzily watched Emmett enter a code and proceeded to drive into the garage. As I stepped through the door that connected the house, I felt instantly better. Everything looked the same, but brand-new.

"Let's get you upstairs," my father said, he and Emmett patiently walked me up; they were both there in case I got too dizzy to continue the climb.

"You know it would be easier if I carried you," Emmett said after a while.

"Fuck you."

"Boys," my father said softly, he was always scolding us like that and I had to smile.

Alice and my mom were already in my room ready to help me get cleaned up. I tried to tell them I was fine, but as I tried to go to the bathroom on my own I got dizzy, if my father hadn't been there with his quick reflects I would have ended up on the floor. Once in the bathroom I quickly brushed my teeth and changed into the sweats that were laid out for me on sink. When I reentered my bedroom Jasper was putting on a movie, everyone congregated in my room, well everyone except Rosalie and Bella. I wondered where they were, but I was too tired to ask and had a feeling I would snap if their explanation took too long. I took a sip of the ginger ale my mom left by my bed and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

***

When the TV suddenly snapped off I was instantly awake, I knew I was forming a bad habit in the hospital by sleeping with it on, but I wasn't ready deal with this problem just yet.

"Leave it on," I mumbled, with my eyes still closed.

"Sorry, I thought it was disturbing you," I heard Bella say and my eyes snapped open. She was fumbling with the remotes.

"Don't worry about it," I said, I hadn't seen her since she checked out of the hospital a few days ago. "How are you feeling?"

"Hey that's my line," she said with a smile, still at the foot of my bed. "But to answer your question, I'm ok."

"Good," I said. With the moonlight lighting the room, her bruises were not that visible. I started to sit up but was hit with a wave of dizziness; they warned me this could be a possible side effect. Bella was instantly by my side.

"Be careful," she murmured, wincing as she sat on the bed trying to hold me steady.

"Aren't we a pair?"

"Yeah, we're pretty fucked up," she said softly, I just grinned at her. "Are you hungry? You missed dinner."

"No with this dizziness I'm liable to throw it back up."

"I heard leaving the hospital was tough for you," she said.

"The fucking cameras were everywhere and I just started to feel shitty all of a sudden. My goal was to just get home."

"Yeah, they've been non-stop all week," she said. I understood the press had a job to do but seriously, what's the point of taking pictures of someone who's just leaving the hospital.

"Was it bad for you?" I asked, I didn't remember anyone saying if the media had bombarded her too badly.

"Well not as bad as it was for you, but still pretty bad. That's not a good thing when all you want to do is hide." Even right now she was hiding behind her hair; she'd been doing it so much it was like her shield.

"Where were you today? I didn't see you when I got in," I inquired after a few minutes, I turned on my side to face her. Bella sat timidly on the edge of the bed, looking down at me.

"Oh, Rosalie took me to Emmett's dentist to get implants for my missing teeth," she explained.

"You had missing teeth?"

"Yeah...James didn't hold back," she said so softly I could barely hear her. I felt my rage flare up again, I just needed another 5 minutes with that fucker. I closed my eyes and took a few calming breathes but it didn't really do anything other than make me dizzier, which in turn made me angrier. When I felt Bella's hands on my face, I realized she crawled into the bed with me, lying on her side to face me. We were in this same position a few weeks ago, when she was recuperating.

"I need to know something? Will you answer honestly?" I asked.

"Ask me anything."

"Are you going back?" I tried to search for answers in her eyes, for answers in the limited light.

"I have no plans to go back," she said cryptically.

"What does that mean? You might change your mind?"

"As long as I don't give into the fear, and listen to that nagging voice in my head telling me to go back before something worse could happen."

"Well tell it to shut the fuck up," I said, she smiled and chuckled lightly.

"I'm trying too, believe me."

"If the voices get too loud, let me know, I will have a little talk with them and tell them to leave you alone," I told her, she mumbled a weak ass ok. "I'm serious Bella, if you get scared, talk to me, I'm there for you."

She didn't say anything and I became frightened that she was giving into the fear and was afraid to tell me, it wasn't until I heard her sniffle that I realized she was crying.

"Baby don't cry, please," I pleaded, I scooted closer to her, knowing she couldn't move too much, when I was closer I gathered her into my arms. I allowed myself to be truthful with how that made me feel and it felt right, especially when her arms were wrapped around my waist.

"Thank you," she murmured into my chest, I kissed the top of her head, as my fingers threaded through the soft waves.

"Anytime Bella, now just relax," I whispered, her presence relaxed me and I was dozing off when I felt her scooting out of the bed about to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked in a pouty voice, I wasn't a pleasant person when someone woke me up.

"I'm going back to my room, go back to sleep," she whispered back.

"I'm not going to sleep well now…..stay," I said with my hand out stretched.

"Edward that's not a good idea," she said, she looked so sad.

"Why? What are we doing wrong?" When she didn't answer I stretched out my hand again, after a few seconds she took my hand and carefully got back into bed.

"I would never push you to do something you didn't want. I just need to hold you tonight…as a reminder, that you're really ok," I explained, as I wrapped her in my arms, softly singing 'Chasing Cars' in her ear, till we both fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, and for the first time since I woke up from my coma, I slept peacefully, with _My Bella_.

***

I'd been standing outside the door for about five minutes; I knew it was too early for anyone to be awake but I could no longer sleep. I tapped on the door three times. It suddenly opened with a very angry Alice, throwing sleepy daggers at me.

"Someone better be having a relapse for you to be at my door at 4 o'clock in the damn morning Edward," she seethed; people thought I was a grouch but Alice was rightfully angry.

"I need to talk to Jazz." I said, as Jasper made an appearance behind Alice, looking even pisser than Alice.

"This better be good," was all he said, his Texan drawl very pronounced.

"Could you meet me in the music room?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, it's important," I said and walked carefully down the stairs to the music room. I barely turned on the lights when Jasper came into the room. He went straight to the mini fridge and pulled out two bottles of orange juice.

"What's so fucking important it couldn't wait till the sun came up," he said as he handed me a bottle. I took the juice and handed him the sheet of paper I'd been guarding for the last twenty minutes. Jasper read the words I written, words I hadn't been able to write in quite some time.

"When did you write this?"

"Twenty minutes before I showed up at your door," I said. Jasper seemed to be memorizing the lyrics, they were rough but they were a start. He went for his guitar, trying to put a melody to the words.

"Piano," I said.

"You hear the melody, don't you? Not just the lyrics," he gleefully inquired.

"Yeah."

"Fuck man, can you play it? Or will it hurt your head?"

"It sounds one way in my head maybe it won't translate that's why I needed you here." I was suddenly nervous, my writing had suffered a lot recently, everything I written felt forced, it was the reason why I'd asked Jasper to help write the new CD.

I started playing the melody in my head but it didn't translate very well, as I feared but Jasper reminded me to take my time and let it flow. I took a deep breathe and played the new melody that woke me up, it was a slower tempo than I was used to, but the pace of the song went from mid- slow very quickly.

I want it all…..

I want it now….

I have be a little patient

I have to make it some how…

I was lost in my own world

I didn't know how much I hurt

Till the day I let go

Allowed the feelings flow…

And now I understand

I'm a little messed up

But I will be ok

I'm trying to find balance in this world

And in me

But the only thing is

I want it all…

I want it now …

I just have to be a little patient

I have to make it some how…

Until you realize

You love me.

I'm standing here staring at the beach

Before me

Asking you to try to love me

I just lost a bit of my dignity

But that don't bother me

Just as long as you freely

Say you love me.

I want it all…

I want it now.

I have be a little patient

I have to make it some how…

Cause I want it all

I want it all

"Have you told her?" Jasper asked when i ended the song.

"No, would you?"

"I would have 4 years ago," he said lazily.

"Yes, I know that Jasper! You told me back then to talk to her and I, being the fucktard I am, didn't listen to you," I exploded my head hurting but I didn't care.

"I wasn't saying I told you so, I'm just not someone who can bottle up how I feel when it comes to someone I love, I always took the risks. Would I tell her right now? No," he said patiently. "Let her get divorced first, and then she can decide what's best for her. Right now…she's scared of her own shadow; if she wants to be with you she has to be the one to decide that."

"What if she doesn't pick me," I asked shakily.

"That my friend is one of the risks you take when it comes to love."

Everything Jasper said made sense, I had to have patience of a saint and that was something I'd never been good at. I'd gotten everything I set my mind to, a great career, more money than I knew what to do with, real friends despite the fact I was in a business where selling out your friends was the norm, but love never worked out for me. Or I should say I never worked at it.

Jasper and I went back up stairs, he returned to the room he shared with Alice and I went back to my room. Bella was still asleep; I crawled in beside her and held her close. As she slept I memorized the shape of her lips, every eyelash and every freckle because for all I knew this could be the last time I'd be allowed to hold her so freely. My heart hurt with the knowledge, but if this was all I was to be allowed then I would embrace it and hold on to it.

* * *

Thank you for reading!

Please don't forget to review.....I can take it.

xoxo,

Tammy


	12. What About

Hello....is anyone here?....I know its been a while since I posted and I'm so SORRY!! But not having a computer really slows me down but my roommate has been patient and told me to post today so I would stop whining.

I have to thank MsBond, when i told her my chapter is going to be short then I throw all this at her i think she went into shock. Lilkel4 & Erickalovesbooks (check out her column on examinar www(.)examiner(.)com/x-26980(-)Anaheim(-)Young(-)Adult(-)Fiction(-)Examiner) for being helpful when I was losing my mind.

The inspirational songs for this chapter is obviously Janet Jackson's What About and Bobby Long's Penance Fire Blues (I mess up titles some awful!)

Don't forget to check out www(.)twilightsisterhood(.)blogspot(.)com

Thank you for reading and if you can please leave a comment!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers but if I did I would have a did ass computer! **

* * *

**What About-Janet Jackson**

_What about the times you hit my face  
What about the times you kept on when I said "no more please"  
What about those things  
What about that, what about that  
What about the times you shamed me  
What about the times you said you didn't f*ck her  
She only gave you head  
What about that, what about that  
Don't wanna live my life  
In misery  
Don't tell me you did it cuz you love me  
I don't believe  
I'm sick and tired  
Your deceptive games  
Wonder where you have been  
I can't live life wonderin_

The sound of a door closing woke me up; it wasn't a loud bang but a silent click. My heart started to race thinking James was coming to take me but I looked around to find the room empty except for a sleeping Edward right in front of me.

_Will I ever not be afraid of James?_ Just as my heart rate started decelerating to its normal speed I looked at Edward, he looked so cute when he slept, I took in his out of control bronze hair, and I could see natural gold and red highlights. Where his hair was light his eye brows and lashes were dark, and with his pale skin they seemed even darker than they really were. His lashes had a natural curl that women would kill for.

Despite the reddish beard he looked younger, softer and his lips…looked so kissable. Edward had great lips, not too big and not too small, all I had to do was lean a little forward and his lips could be on mine. _Ohmigod, where are these thoughts coming from?!_ I removed his arms from my waist and scooted off the bed. I heard him whimper and, when I looked back he was squeezing his eyes shut, his mouth in a grimace. I realized the room had too much sunlight; I moved as quickly as I could to the massive windows to close the heavy drapes, and when I walked over to the bed he was no longer frowning. He was slowly opening his eyes.

"Better?" I whispered.

"Yes."

"Good, I'll see you downstairs," I whispered back, leaning over him and giving him a peck on the forehead. He grinned up at me as I walked out of his room. Just as I was closing the door, Alice was exiting her room she looked up and sent me a knowing smirk.

"Nothing happened so stop," I said as I walked into the room I was occupying with Alice, close on my tail.

"I didn't say a word Bella. Someone must have a guilty conscious."

"Whatever. Why are you irritating me so early in the morning?"

"Cause I love you," she said with a grin. I tried to throw a pillow at her which made her laugh when it fell at her feet never touching her. I enjoyed moments like this with Alice, I was able to be carefree and not watch myself. "How are you feeling?"

"Rested," I said after a moment. I realized I did feel rested, I haven't felt this good in years.

"No pain?" she asked trying not to look worried.

"The pain is tolerable, I've had worse."

"Doesn't make it right but I will accept that answer. Be sure to take your pain medication and if it increases, tell Dad."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen."

"Well someone has to take care of you! Now get changed and meet me in the kitchen for breakfast," she said, as she made her way out of my room and I went into my adjoining bathroom to shower.

****

It took me about 30 minutes to shower and change into a pair of jeans and one of Esme's old work shirts. I needed to go by the house to pick up the remainder of my clothing, not that it was much, but it would help me out until I could, afford to buy more. I threw my hair into a sloppy bun since combing it made breathing difficult, I knew today I had no choice but to ask one of the girls to help me comb my hair. If I were still living with James, I would go to La Push and ask Jake to help me because surprisingly, he does the best French braids.

When I walked into the kitchen I was shocked to see Alice at the stove deep in concentration, cooking. When I walked over I still couldn't figure out what it was, but the smell alone assured me that I didn't want to eat it.

"What the hell is that?" I asked, startling Alice.

"French toast," she said in a defeated voice.

"Well sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but that is _NOT_ French toast," I said as I glanced over at her other attempts she had stacked on the plate beside her. The food looked like dried out vomit, I was getting physically ill. "Ace, clean this up and I'll help you out."

"No, you're not to cook. I can do this; I'm just having some setbacks, that's all."

"Sorry, there is no coming back from this crap."

"Bella…," she whined.

"Don't Bella me, just clean it up. Do you have more eggs?" I asked, as I checked the refrigerator for the necessary ingredients.

"Fine but I will get everything, you're not to lift too much," Alice said, as she nudged me out of the way and gathered everything I needed, which turned out to be enough food to feed a small army.

"Alice, this seems like a bit much."

"I'm sorry, have you not met my huge ass brother, Emmett?" she said sarcastically. "My mom doubles up on food when she knows he's coming to town, in fact she's placing an order today with the local grocery store. So don't worry."

She was right; Emmett could eat a bear and still be hungry. Once everything was in place I started cooking, Alice continued to clean up the mess she had created and helped me keep my messiness to a minimum while I was cooking.

"Is that French toast I smell?" I heard Emmett say. His eyes were barely open, his hair was all over his head, a curlier version of Edward and I could tell he'd just gotten out of bed.

"Yes, are you hungry?" I wanted to laugh when he nodded anxiously, eyeing the food Alice put on the table. Emmett always seemed to be hungry but never seemed to gain a pound, other than more muscle.

"Thanks Bella!" he exclaimed as I handed him a plate. While he was loading up his plate Esme and Carlisle hesitantly walked into the kitchen. They visibly relaxed when they realized I cooked breakfast and not Alice, they too began to load their plates. Apparently they had been subjected to Alice's cooking and were afraid of what they'd find. Rosalie, Edward and Jasper finally joined them while Emmett was on his second helping, thankfully I'd made enough for everyone to have seconds.

"Where's the coffee?" Edward asked, and then everything went in slow motion, I couldn't breathe, and I closed my eyes while I braced for the sting. _Holyfuck I forgot the coffee._ I waited for the oncoming blow. "Bella?" he said softly. My eyes fluttered open, Edward was standing in front of me looking concerned. I looked around and everyone was staring at me, no one had to tell me that my face was beet red from embarrassment. Not able to take the looks, I walked out of the kitchen, my fast pace making my already aching side worse.

"Bella wait!" I heard Edward behind me, but I didn't stop, I couldn't believe I freaked out like that in front of everyone. I was opening the door to my room when I felt Edward's hand close around my upper arm.

"Bella, will you stop?"

"Edward, I'm begging you to just leave me alone, please?" I pleaded as I shrugged from his grip.

"No, I'm not letting this go. Did you think I was going to hit you?" he asked, as he followed me into the room. I couldn't form an answer; I felt horrible but I wasn't sure how to explain what was going through my head at that moment.

"You're safe here, ok?" I could barely manage a nod as the tears came so fast I could barely see.

"I know Edward...I just always forgot the coffee, it was so simple, but I could never get it right."

"You did everything right, he was wrong. You did nothing wrong," he said, gathering me into a hug.

"Bella sweetie, are you ok?" Esme said from the doorway with a look of worry on her face.

"Yeah, I'm better," I said, as I gave Edward one last squeeze and stepped from his embrace.

"Good, because I wanted to tell you breakfast was delicious. Absolutely perfect and thank you for saving us from Alice's cooking," she said, as she gave me a reassuring hug and we walked out of the bedroom into the hall where Carlisle was waiting.

"Unfortunately, Carlisle and I have to get ready for work, but we'll be back by 2 ok?" she assured me. Edward and I made our way back down stairs. I was trying to prepare myself for a tense situation in the kitchen.

"Thank god you took over the cooking, I didn't want to end up back in the hospital," Edward said with a grin once we were alone.

"I have no comment, but I'm glad you enjoyed it," I said, as we walked into the kitchen. Alice was waiting for our return, ran over and gave me a hug.

"You ok?"

"Yeah Alice, I'm good," I said.

"Well Bella, I have to say that you know how to throw down! Damn that was good!" Emmett said when he brought his plate to the sink, and seemed to break the tension in the room.

"You're welcome, Emmett," I murmured. I began to slowly wash the dishes, I knew there was a dishwasher but this was soothing for me. It gave me time to get myself together.

"Personally, I think coffee made at home is overrated, I am a Starbucks whore," Emmett said.

"There's no Starbucks in Forks, dipshit," Jasper replied lazily as he gently took the sponge out of my hands and continued to wash the dishes. Emmett snagged a drying towel before I had a chance and pointed to the chair for me to sit.

"I know, I've been twitching since I got home."

"I think a coffee road trip is in order," Alice quipped.

"We are not driving 40 minutes for a cup of coffee," Edward said, sitting in a chair across from me. "Then again, I could use an Americano."

"White Chocolate mocha sounds hella good," Emmett said with a gleam in his eyes as he put away the dish he was drying.

"Yeah? Well I hate to be the voice of reason, but the Stooges will be here in a couple of hours so no Starbucks run," Rosalie injected.

"Shit, all of them?" Edward asked looking annoyed.

"No, just Mike and Eric. You know Ben doesn't show unless you ask him and Tyler is working with some LA bands while we're on sabbatical."

"Who are the stooges?" I asked confused, wondering if it was a cousin or something.

"The management team for the band. We call them the Stooges because sometimes Mike, Tyler and Eric in one room can be quite comical. I do believe they will be on their best behavior though, since Edward just got out of the hospital," Rosalie explained.

"They drive Esme crazy," Jasper added with a chuckle. "She banned them from the hospital because they were irritating her so much."

"Yeah whatever, they're irritating fucktards but they get the job done. Now Rose, you're not feigning for a mocha Frappuccino?" Emmett inquired, going back to the Starbucks trip.

"I had my fill when I took Bellina in PA to get her teeth fixed. She hadn't been there in years, so we indulged in a little girl time," she said with a wink. All eyes were focused on me; as usual my cheeks were burning from embarrassment.

"Yeah it was good," I stated quietly, Emmett shook his head with envy, considering he was originally supposed to take me, but Edward needed help getting through the fans and photographers, so Rose volunteered to take me instead.

"Bellina? You even have a new nickname?! How could you have girl time without _ME_?" Alice exclaimed, looking between Rose and myself in disbelief.

"Sorry Ace," Rose and I said together and started laughing.

***

After breakfast I took a walk around the back yard. With everyone in the house at the same time it was a little overwhelming. I was used to spending my days in solitude, and even when I hung out with Jake it was just the two of us until the guys got off from work, and then I usually had to leave a few minutes later.

Not that the Cullen's were bad, more like they reminded me of what I wanted to be. Happy. Hell I would settle for contentment at this point, I just needed to be rid of this fear. I knew I was over analyzing things the longer I stayed outside. I wished Jake could come by but he was swamped after taking last week off to be with me while I was in the hospital, which caused me to feel incredibly guilty. I swallowed the large lump in my throat as I made my way back to the house. Alice was waiting for me at the back door.

"We've been waiting for you," she said.

"Why? Don't you have your meeting?"

"Yes, that includes you too."

"I'm not in the band." I really wanted to escape to my room.

"Yes but you're our photographer so we need to review the photos," she reminded me.

"Alice, I'm still not a part of the band. I was just doing you a favor; I just hope they don't need a lot of editing."

"Bella, I admit I gave you the job because I wanted to make sure you were okay; but it was a real gig. Edward hasn't approved any of the other photographers anyone has recommended. Trust me when I say, you're helping us," she said, as she grabbed my hand and lead me to an office near the door that leads to the music room.

I had never really noticed this room before; there were two large desks with flower glass tops, a keyboard, with 2 large computer monitors that looked to be about 24 inches. On one wall there was a 40 inch flat screen, everyone was already seated and looked to be waiting for me. There were two guys I hadn't met before; one was a tall blond guy who was talking animatedly with Edward.

Alice took a seat behind the desk and started tapping on the keys as I looked around for a place to sit, when I heard, "You must be Isabella Ramsey." A tall Asian man with moderate good looks but overly trendy hair, grabbed my hand and said, "I'm Eric, nice to finally meet the woman behind the headlines."

"Nice to meet you," I murmured, Edward nodded to the spot between him and Emmett on the couch. Before I had a chance to make my way over there, the guy with the spiky blond hair was next to me, grabbing my hand from Eric.

"Hello, I'm Mike. The band manager, nice to meet you Isabella," Mike said gazing at me, he'd yet to let go of my hand just smiling at me, I looked over to see Edward giving Mike the death stare.

"Mike, would you kindly let go of her hand," Edward said coldly. Mike gave my hand an extra squeeze before he released my hand. I took my seat between the two brothers, thankful that neither newcomer would sit next to me.

"Ok, Eric and Mike you've met Isabella, we're going to review the pictures she's been taking since we've been back home and of course what she took at the benefit, as well as some of the submitted items from the fans," Alice said getting the meeting started.

"You will see a number at the bottom please write down your favorites and we will add to the website," Eric instructed.

The room darkened and the screen filled with pictures: Edward tuning his guitar, or shadow boxing with Emmett, one of Jasper kissing Alice's head while she read a magazine, a few of Alice and Edward practicing the piano together, and Rose smiling while eating ice cream, that's when I felt a ball of paper thrown at me by Rose. Most of the pictures were candid's, when no one realized I was nearby.

One of my favorites from the benefit had to be of Carlisle on stage with Edward and Emmett, and you could see Alice dancing in the background. Emmett nudged me when he saw a shot of a tearful Alice singing, she looked so beautiful and graceful. I didn't do anything special that was all Alice.

A collective gasp was heard when the last 2 pictures appeared on the screen, it was taken this morning when Edward and I were asleep; my head was buried into his chest as he held me close. It looked so natural, so right.

"Alice, What the _FUCK_?" Edward roared.

"That will teach you_ not_ to wake me up at 4 am," Alice retorted, then had the audacity to look embarrassed. "Sorry, I went in there to check on you and you both looked so adorable, finally so fucking relaxed I had to get a picture. I didn't mean to load them onto this slideshow, I was going show it to you guys privately."

"Is that all the pictures?" Edward asked tersely.

"Yes, those are the only 2 I took."

"Ok, Ace, that wasn't cool. Please remove them from the file. Edward, calm down before you have an aneurism," Jasper ordered. "Now Mike, Eric, is there anything else?"

"Um…yeah," Mike started hesitantly looking at Eric.

"Right, the LA office has been bombarded with cards and well wishes. Of course the standard autographs which we normally send, the printed signature photos to, but a few of these we think you might want to personalize yourselves. There are about 10, so if you could sign them before I leave tonight that would be great," Eric said as he passed out Sharpies, then handed the stack of photos to Emmett who signed the first picture then passed it down. There seemed to be a system, it was fascinating to watch.

Mike placed a box on the table and started to remove several large books, they reminded me of text books, but instead of Biology on the binding I saw Edward's name. He had a total of 5 books, and then he placed 2 in front of me, but with Isabella on the binding.

"Some of the fans wanted to send you both well wishes and instead of individual cards they complied these books for each of you. A lot of it is pictures, poems, real cards, well, you'll see," he said as he handed a book to Edward and another to me. Edward opened his book and smiled, I could see there were photos he had taken with fans. There were well wishes written all over the photos.

"Bella, open yours," Alice said breaking my train of thought.

When I opened the book it said, "_To Isabella, Never be defeated._ _Love always, The Cullen Fans". _On the next page was my face, on a Lara Craft type body, ready for a fight, and there was a message of get well. Each page contained something different, if it wasn't artwork, it was poetry, but it was the stories from the survivors of spousal abuse that took my breath away.

It was as if they were in my head, reminding me not to give into the fear or break the ties, to stand up for my freedom. Some even left their email addresses and phone numbers in case I needed to talk. Some were older; some had kids and it broke my heart when I thought about children being in that environment.

These women that not only had the courage to leave, but they shared their story with a complete stranger. They opened their hearts to me, when they didn't even know me. They accepted me as I was, flaws and all and this was just book one.

I place the book on the table, taking a deep breath as I stood and walked out the room. I didn't stop walking until I reached Carlisle's office. Once I was inside I locked the door to ensure privacy. Before I lost the little courage I had, I placed the call.

"Cullen."

"Hi Aro, its Bella," my voice was thick from the unshed tears, I had to take a moment to swallow, or I'd be blubbering to Aro, which I think would irritate him.

"Isabella is everything ok?" he asked worriedly, never knowing when my world is going to implode.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm ok. I need a favor."

"Sure what do you need," he asked.

"I know you were going to file my separation papers today and I wanted to tell you not to file." I said this quickly, and my request was met with silence. "Aro?"

"You're telling me not to file, is that correct?" he said coldly.

"Yes, that's correct."

"So when are you planning to run back to James, Isabella?"

"No Aro....I… that's not why I asked you to not file."

"Then why?"

"Because I don't want a separation. I want a divorce, fuck this separation shit. I want this farce of a marriage to be over. I need it to be over. How long before its final?" I bombarded him with questions never giving him time to answer. I was suddenly anxious to get this show on the road.

"You want me to file divorce papers?" he asked.

"Yes, I know I will have to resign the paperwork but this is a cleaner break. Why should I prolong this misery?"

"I agree. I will be there in a few hours to have you sign the new papers. I can file before the end of the day."

"Thank you Aro. I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am," I said quietly.

"Well my dear, it's my pleasure to start the paperwork. If Ramsey doesn't contest the divorce it could take 90 days."

"And if he does contest?"

"Then you'll have to at least wait 6 months to a year," he said. This worried me; I hoped James would just sign the papers so we both could be free. He could make Victoria's life a living hell and leave me the fuck alone. "Don't let this discourage you Isabella. We can remind the court he is an abuser and the courts will toss out any protest he throws our way. I just want you prepared, ok?"

"Ok. Thank Aro. See you in a few hours."

"Until then," and he hung up.

_I did it! I'm getting a fucking divorce!_ I picked up the phone again and called Jake.

"Yeah," Jake said as a way of a greeting, what is it with men and their lack of phone manners?

"I'm filing Jake."

"Fuck Bella! Are you serious?" he asked.

"Yes, I told Aro and he's going to file later today," I said excitedly.

"I'm so fuckin' proud of you! This is cause for celebration!"

"I agree, and when things get settled and I'm off pain medication I think we should have a kick ass party on the Rez!"

"You got it babe! I'm proud of you." He was repeating himself but I think he was truly stunned I took the plunge, we both were.

Jake had been my constant warrior for so long, when everyone else had given up hope he stood by me, just when I thought he was ready to give up, he came back full force. "Thank you Jake….for everything." I said softly, 'Thanks' didn't seem good enough but it was all I could say or I'd break down, become incoherent.

"You don't have to thank me for that; I couldn't lose you, besides I was just too fucking stubborn to give up."

"I love your stubborn ways," I said with a chuckle. I went on to tell him about the 'Get Well' books I received and how the words of encouragement were overwhelming, as we spoke the silent tears continued down my face. He told me he'd come by in couple of days once work calmed down and he would take a look at the books with me. He couldn't talk long because he had to get back to work but when I hung up the phone I felt relieved and exhilarated.

The invisible weight on my shoulder was getting lighter, the possibilities were endless. As long as I stayed away from the dark place and didn't allow the fear to take over, I could do whatever I wanted, then my aches and pain would be worth it.

When I opened the door Edward and Alice were waiting anxiously. "Bella I'm sorry about the pictures, please forgive me?" Alice asked. _Why did she think I was upset?_ The confusion must have been apparent. "You left the room suddenly and I thought you were still angry at me."

"No, I honestly hadn't thought about the pictures. I should be angry but I'm not, so stop worrying."

"Then why did you leave the room so suddenly?" Edward asked.

"I needed to make a phone call," I replied with a grin on my face.

"Then who made you cry?" he asked suspiciously as he and Alice inspected my face closely.

_Crap!_ I really thought I wiped away all my tears from my face after my phone call with Jake. "I just called Aro and Jake," I said as I walked out of Carlisle's office, it was like déjà vu, Edward and I were dealing with my issues just a few hours ago because I was mental.

"I called Aro about my separation papers," I said.

"What about them? You're filing, right?" Alice asked anxiously.

"Alice!" Edward gave her a look which caused Alice to back down. "Whatever you decide….we'll be supportive," Edward said stiffly.

"Great cause in 90 days I want to go Vegas, to celebrate my divorce in style. Yes, Alice that means we get to go shopping."

I left them standing there as I proceeded down the hall towards the office where the band meeting was taking place. _This place was insanely huge._ I walked into the office to find Jasper and Emmett missing, leaving Rose, who was arguing with Eric and Mike about something. I felt like I was intruding but Alice and Edward were on my heels so I couldn't back out. I quietly took a seat on the leather sofa.

"What's going on in here?" Edward asked taking a seat next to me.

"Rosalie is being stubborn," Mike replied drily.

"That's Rose you should know that by now. Could we hurry this up my head is killing me," Edward retorted with a frown. I began to recognize that look; it meant he needed some medication.

"Where's your medication?" I whispered to him.

"Pocket."

"Then take it."

"I don't want to, it makes me drowsy," he said with a pout.

"Stop being a baby and take your medication."

"Are you always this bossy?"

"Someone needs to be," I said reaching over until I found his pills in his left pocket. I shook out 2 pills and handed them to him and then gave him one of the many bottles of water sitting out for the meeting.

"How is it you're in pain, but you bounce around like nothing is wrong?"

"I've had more practice."

"I hate when you say shit like that," he murmured.

"What? It's the truth Edward," I said, my gaze never wavering. "I'm used to the pain."

"That doesn't make it right. Just because you've….been…" he struggled with his words.

"Beaten, repeatedly," I finished, his eyes looked so pained and I knew it didn't stem from the headache.

"As long as I can feel the pain I know I'm alive. The day I go numb, I'm dead," I whispered.

"Eric, I repeat I'm NOT DOING THE SHOOT," Rose yelled, interrupting our discussion.

"Seriously guys if she says no, then you need to respect that choice," Jasper said trying to mediate.

"Jasper it's not every day we get big magazines chasing a drummer. They want Rose, not just an article but the fucking cover! Do you not understand what this means?" Eric shot back. I wasn't use to heated discussions like this, James usually spoke and I listened.

"He's right Jasper, they don't usually do this for a drummer of a band.....but Eric you have to respect Rose's decision," Alice inserted looking torn.

"Sorry to hear you agree with Rose, since you would have been the stylist on this shoot," Eric said softly.

"Eric, I've warned you about trying to pit us against each other. Do it again and I will find a new management company," Edward said, his eyes were closed. "Do you know how many teams have approached me to lure me away from Breaking Dawn Management? But I stay loyal and I ask you do the same. Do it again….one more time and I'm gone." Edward stood and walked out the door, no one spoke.

"You guys seriously pissed him off this time," Emmett said from the doorway, I hadn't even noticed he came back in the room.

"Should someone go talk to him," I asked.

"No, leave him be. Eric, Mike, the meeting is over, we'll be in touch," Jasper answered. Mike glared at Eric as they packed up their bags, Emmett followed to escort them out.

"Well that went well," Alice said.

***

Life was starting to look brighter. Since I filed for divorce I'd gotten had the pep back in my step. I developed this underlining burst of happiness that I hadn't felt in years. After the crazy band meeting the other day, Alice and I started editing pictures from the benefit for the website, it took my mind off James; I was able to tap into my creative side. I was still unsure and didn't voice my opinions until Alice threw a fit.

"Dammit Bella, stop agreeing with me and tell me what you really think," she fumed. "I'd rather you tell me what you really think of my ideas, not just agree with me."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings," I said, I could feel my face flushing.

"You hurt me more when you lie and agree." Alice rarely lost her temper with me, she usually saved that for her brothers.

"Fine, your idea is ridiculous and way too girlie. Too much pink. Cullen has a great male fan base and you don't want to lose that."

"How would I lose them?"

"By making the site to girlie! Flowers?! Really?"

"But they're lotus flowers…."

"You don't need them everywhere."

"Oh thank God you said something!" Edward said from the couch he was laying on, his eyes still closed. "I swear I was waiting for Hello Kitty to make an appearance."

Alice huffed as she typed out a bulletin she planned to post on the website, she was trying to keep it short and simple but she was stumbling over her words and wanted Edward to review it, but every time he tried to focus too much he became dizzy. I was about to help him out and read it myself when Aro knocked on the door. We were all shocked to see him standing there, I didn't know Aro well, but I knew when he wasn't in the best of moods and today was one of them. Alice greeted her uncle with an eager hug.

"Hey Aro, I wasn't expecting you today," Edward said with a smile as he gave his uncle a hug.

"Do I need a reason to see my favorite nephews and niece?" he replied.

"Since we're the only ones you have, then no, you don't need a reason. But you look like you could use a drink."

"You're right I could use a drink but not until I speak with Isabella….in private," he said grimly. Edward looked between Aro and myself, my chest began to pound, what could James have done in the last 48 hours?

"Sure…Bells?" Edward looked to me to see if this was ok, I gave him a weak smile and nod. I saved Alice's bulletin to the site and logged out as Edward and Alice left the office closing the door behind them. Aro stood in the middle of the room, looking like the powerful attorney everyone feared on the judicial circuit.

"Ok, we're alone now. What's going on?"

"When I first took your case you spoke of how your father's insurance had lapsed therefore, you had nothing and depended on the Ramsey's." I hated to think my father was so absent minded he forgot to pay on something like life insurance, especially in his line of work but it happened. I never dwelled on it.

"Yes, that's correct," I said.

"From what I've found though, your father never let his life insurance lapse, the only insurance that lapsed in his name, was for a truck that was later junked by Billy Black."

"I don't understand."

"Your father was a city official, the Chief of Police, so an insurance policy was automatically set up," Aro said quietly and went on to say. "Your father set it up as a trust. If you were under 21 at the time of his death the executor would have control of the money. If you were married by the time you turned 21 the trust would automatically be ran by your husband until your 21st birthday."

I let his words sink in; I was married a few weeks before my 21st birthday. James's father was all over me about dating James since I turned 18, telling me how James would take care of me. In fact tomorrow was my anniversary, a date I tried not to think about.

"How?"

"You were underage. Your father at that time trusted Harold Ramsey, Jane and Alec's father. When Ramsey became your guardian the control automatically went to him."

"How was I not told after all these years?"

"It was easy actually. Once he became your guardian he never needed your permission to access the money. But if he turned the trust over to you when you turned 21 and noticed most of the money gone it would have been a problem, so when you married James, you were kept in the dark."

"How in the fuck is that legal?" I yelled.

"It's not; it's completely and utterly illegal. They treated you as if you were too incompetent to handle your own funds."

"I had a job from the moment I moved into that house, I gave them my pay check every week so I could help out, because money was always so tight," I fumed.

"I'm sorry Isabella. In all honesty if you'd gone to the Blacks you would have known about the money, there was no way they could have hidden it from you, but as long as a _Ramsey_ was in charge they controlled you," Aro stated.

_Control_, that's all they ever wanted and I gave it to them. Harold and James's father, Willie always made sure I understood how much of a hardship I was on them. As much as I wanted to run the Blacks it was too hard on me emotionally. Being around Billie was like being around my dad. They looked nothing a like except for the dark hair and brown eyes. They were around each other so much they had the same mannerisms, and I knew the Blacks were already struggling, I didn't want to add to their hardship. I'd plan to get a scholarship to attend college but my grades were never good enough. James use to constantly tell me how stupid I was, he was right, though I was a first class idiot.

"How much?" I asked, holding my breath.

"A little over half a million dollars." _WHAT THE FUCK!!_

"Half a million? From Forks?"

"No, $100,000 from Forks, your dad did the rest on his own," Aro said quietly.

"Aro…..," I tried to form a sentence. "Where's the money now?"

"Most went into the house you were living in, plus the cars and William bought into the firm, so James owns a share."

"What do you mean?"

"Before the serial twins came aboard, the firm was doing badly. But when they took over some dying firms took a chance with them on some lucrative mergers which put them on the map. They stayed local which made shady businesses gravitate towards them," Aro continued to explain.

Again I had no words; my mind was trying to wrap itself around what was going on. My father didn't leave me destitute, I knew he let people borrow money all the time, he said as long as we had a roof over our head and food on the table we were doing fine. So I never questioned his methods, when I said I would do community college then transfer for financial reasons he told me never to worry, I would always be taken care of. Even in death he tried to make sure I was taken care of….

"I have to get out of here," I said, I didn't know where to go. I wanted to run to Jake, I wanted to find James and beat the shit out of him. Why would they do this? How could they do this?

I was completely numb, literally stripped. Tired of discussing the debacle that was my life I went into the pantry, found a Seattle Mariner's water jug, once I cleaned it up I added some ice, and simultaneously poured vodka and orange juice. I didn't usually mix pain medication and alcohol but my life was already fucked I might as well be drunk. It wasn't something I wanted to do in the company of others, my pity party was a solo act. I bypassed the gazebo, and kept going till I found the spot between the trees close to the creek.

The old cliché _'Can't make a dollar out of fifteen cents'_ repeated in my head. Not only did the Ramsey's make a dollar but they also took the last little bit of myself worth. Little did they know I would have gladly given them the money as long as I was free. Now the fuckers won't let me go. They already got the money, what more do they need from me?

I was unknowing bought and sold to James. His house…wait, my house, his electronics, that I was never allowed to touch without his permission, were bought with the money my father left me. I was beaten for using the credit cards without James consent. I thought back to how I tried to make my shitty marriage work, even going as far as to buy a few items, and before I could put on my new Fredrick's lingerie, he flipped his switch.

_Everything was almost done in the kitchen; James was due home in the next 30 minutes. I was on my way to take a shower when I heard the key turn. _

"_James you're home early!" I said trying to sound excited. _

"_Is that a problem?" _

"_No of course not, I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for our anniversary." I was hoping I sounded cheerful, but his stance made me nervous. _

"_Oh yeah, today _is_ our anniversary," he said quietly, I felt chills down my spine. We hadn't had an episode in weeks, I thought he was really trying to keep his anger in check and I tried like hell to do absolutely everything perfectly. "What did you do today?" _

"_Um..I cooked your favorite beef stew, I baked that cherry pie you seemed to enjoy and have been cleaning." _

"_Any shopping recently?" he asked. _

"_No, not today. I bought the food when I did the grocery shopping." _

"_Didn't use the credit card?" he questioned._

"_I..I..I used the credit card a few weeks ago," I stammered. _

"_Hmm," he said as he walked closer to me. "Did you ask me if you could use the credit card?" _

"_I'm sorry…it was sent to me with my name. I didn't buy a lot, it was all on sale."_

"_That's not the fucking point Izzy! You don't use my credit cards without my permission!" he yelled. I could feel my body tense as I felt the back of his hand whip across my face. "I don't work my ass off for you to go shopping on a whim! You think this is fucking Beverly Hills?!"_

"_I bought lingerie for you!" But it was as if he didn't hear me, his fist repeatedly hit me like a punching bag. I curled myself into a ball trying avoid as many blows as possible, but that seemed to anger him further. _

"_Izzy do you think I want to see you in lingerie?! I have to keep the lights off just to fuck you," he said. As I tried to crawl away he would kick me to slow me down but I finally made it to the bathroom. As I washed my face, I could hear him approach me, my face was still a bloody mess, the swelling was around the eye was already effecting my vision. "Look at you Izzy….I have no desire to waste my money on you. What's the point?"_

_James had stated before how much I turned him off, our sex life was…not what I imagined it to be. It was mechanical, I usually blanked out, I'd never reached completion but this was my husband and I should try._

I wished I could wipe the memory from my head but it was there, imprinted in my mind. He made me feel like an ungrateful brat, as if I was more like a hardship than a partner. I only bought things from the local thrift shop, some of the women on the reservation had taught me to sew but I had to stop going when they noticed the bruises. Day after day I felt like…like a burden as if I deserved what was dished out. I tried to deny but it was true, I thought if I was smart enough, I would have gotten a full scholarship to some school so I wouldn't be under foot, but the best I could get was a partial scholarship to a school that was more expensive than most of the houses in Forks.

The sun had set as I made my way back to the house, it shined like a beacon reminding me that not everything in my life was shitty. The love of my life came reigning into town ready to kick some ass, I gained new friends and surrogate parents. Yet I stood, here petrified that if they knew just how truly ignorant I was, they'd toss me aside.

Aro was in a patio chair looking like the king of the castle, with a drink in his hand as he watch me approach the house.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"No," I said, I sat down facing Aro and I closed my eyes. No, I didn't feel better, I doubted I would for a very long time. The mental exhaustion was wearing, it's as if someone had thrown a 200 lb weight on my shoulders and forced me to walk through the desert without water. How was it just a couple of days ago I was on the road to happiness and now I was faced with a new low? _One step forward, two steps back, right?_ "I want it all."

"All?"

"He took from me, I'll take from him. I want the house, the cars, property. I want it all. Or he can buy me out. The choice is his."

"He wants to see you tomorrow," Aro said quietly, I could feel his eyes on me.

"To say Happy Anniversary?" I couldn't believe that fucker had the audacity to demand a meeting. "Where?"

"Mediation office, 9 am."

"Ok, I'll go." Aro didn't say anything at first, then got on his phone to confirm the time and place. Once he was done with his phone call he told me he would be here at 8:30 am.

Great, I get to see my fucktard of a husband. I mumbled my thanks and went back into the house. I could hear Carlisle and Esme talking in the theater room, not ready to for Carlisle to go ballistic on me for mixing my meds and alcohol, I went into the music room. I was a few steps from the bottom when I heard Edward starting to sing Bobby Long's _Penance Fire Blues_, I loved that song. When Edward told me about him I looked up all his music and became entranced. I knew the British singer was touring the US and I wanted to see him live, but I never shared this with anyone.

I walked further into the room, and I softly sang along with Edward. He continued to sing as we stared at each other across the room, his voice evoked that lost feeling that stirred in me. It was raw, like screaming after several whiskey shots. The lyrics caused my heart to pound, embracing each chord, wishing I could actually run from the hell I was in.

"What did Aro want?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. I didn't want to tell Edward about the conversation I had with Aro, I felt stupid enough, and I didn't need to see it in his eyes.

"James wants to meet tomorrow."

"You told him no, right?" he asked.

"I said yes."

He stared at me and the undeniable anger flaring up, he ran his fingers through his hair and started pacing the room. "So you're going back."

"No." That much I did know, I wasn't going back.

"Then why are you going to see him?" he yelled. "I don't fucking get it Bella!"

"I can't explain, I just need to see him," I said quietly shocked by his anger.

"To say Happy Anniversary? Hoping for a reconciliation? Is that it Bella?" he asked angrily. I was hoping he wouldn't know the date but of course, with my luck, he knew when I was married.

"No…that's not it Edward."

"You know what, you do whatever you want, I'm tired of banging my head against the wall….oh wait, it was a bat against my head. My mistake," he said sarcastically. When I didn't respond he walked out the room.

****

I watched the blackened sky turn into a beautiful mixture of red and gold, the birds started to chirp and come to life. Would _I_ ever come back to life? Or will I continuously feel as if I no longer had a heartbeat. I couldn't explain my need to see James, but I knew if I didn't I would always wonder. What more could he lie to me about? Or would he claim he loved me as I'd seen in his interviews, I didn't tell them I'd caught several online.

I was looking through the few items I owned and tried to figure out which was nicer to wear to the courthouse, when I heard a knock on my door. Esme popped in holding some clothes. Aro must have told her about my meeting today, she was kind enough to lend me something to wear.

"I thought you'd be up. I brought a few items for you to choose from, we're close in size so you should find something," she said her voice trailing off when she noticed I hadn't moved. "Sweetie, talk to me."

I could see Esme wasn't going to let it go, I could also see where Alice got her stubbornness from, just not so in your face. I didn't want to explain how much of an idiot I was, allowing James and his family to steal from me, but she ignored me when I tried to say I was ok. After a few minutes the burden became too much, I finally broke down and told her everything, even about agreeing to see James, and my weird need to see him face to face.

"Who's going with you?"

"Just Aro."

"Didn't you ask one of the kids?"

"No. I don't have it in me to tell them I'm a bigger idiot than we originally thought."

"No one thinks you're an idiot, Bella."

"No I'm pretty sure they think I'm an idiot. Esme I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just need to get through this so I can figure out what to do from there."

"Figure what out sweetie?"

"What to do with my life."

"Well you have plenty of time for that," she said as looked at her watch. "Ok Aro will be here in an hour."

"Thanks Esme," I said.

"You're welcome sweetie," she said as she gave me a hug before leaving my room. I found a pair of dark pants, a white camisole and a jacket that was loose but still looked decent on me. I tried to push away the anxiety that has been festering inside me as I turned on the shower. Taking a few calming breathes I stepped inside wishing the water could cleanse my aching soul.

***

When Aro arrived Esme informed me she was accompanying me to the court house, I told her it wasn't necessary, but she was adamant. I gave up arguing because she gave me a look I'd come to recognize and just let it go besides I was too nervous to argue. The drive over was uneventful, there were only a few photographers outside the gate and when they realized Edward wasn't in the car, they left us alone.

We were quickly escorted to the mediation office by a beautiful African American woman, she gave me a warm greeting and I hoped she was as sincere as she seemed. James and his attorney showed up a few minutes later and the atmosphere in the room instantly changed, I looked at Esme and she gave me an encouraging smile.

"Okay, it seems Mrs. Isabella Ramsey has filed for divorce but you, Mr. Ramsey, are contesting it. I'm here as your mediator to get things moving before you go to court. Now, Mr. Ramsey, why are you contesting the motion filed by your wife Isabella?" Ms. Payton asked as she looked at James.

James flashed the mediator a smile, I think it was his way of looking sincere, but it came off condescending. "I think my wife and I just need to work on our problems without the interference of the Cullen's. I'm willing to put her affair with Edward behind us if she ends all contact with him and his family. I love my wife; I simply don't think we were given a chance."

"I see," the mediator said. "You believe Mr. Cullen is the reason you're having problems in your marriage?"

"Yes, I do."

"And the reports of spousal abuse?"

"Exaggerated."

"Mr. Ramsey these photos are not exaggerated," she said looking over the many photos Carlisle took every time I visited the hospital. "Mrs. Ramsey, do you wish to reconcile with your husband?"

"No."

"Izzy, please baby, let's try again. I promise nothing like the other night will ever happen again," James said. Those were the words I wanted to hear, the words I craved since the first time he hit me because I didn't cook dinner, and those were the words I needed every time he took off his belt and beat me with it.

"James, where were those words of 'love' when Christmas dinner wasn't to your liking and you dragged me to the back room and gave me a bloody nose in front of your family? Where were those words when you came up to my job because you thought I was cheating on you with one of my co-workers? Do you remember when I used your computer without permission and you said 'I lacked respect'? You decided to teach me a lesson by kicking me out of the house with no shoes, jacket or a cell phone. Was that love too? And let's not forget how your family constantly took every opportunity to mentally jab me. I had to deal with Jane's constant threats against Jake, and that was just the beginning. You knew he was my one link to humanity and you tried to kill it." I was so angry I started to pace the office, the room grew hot, and I took off my jacket, not caring about the bruises. I look down at my arms and the fading bruises were constant reminders of his handy work and why I was afraid all the time.

"Was this 'love' James?" I asked pointing to bruises on my arms, my camisole hid nothing. I looked at James in his eyes, and I could see the humor he was trying to suppress. "I want to be free of you James and I know you want to be free of me. Go be with your whore Victoria and leave me in peace, please." I was standing right in front of him and I leaned over to whisper in his ear, "You already stole my money, please just leave me the fuck alone."

Before I could straighten up James pushed me to the ground, he was on top of me, I could hear him screaming "You belong to me and I will let you go when I'm damn ready!"

I curled into a ball as his fist landed on my back, then suddenly it was over; I looked up to see Esme pulling James by the hair, _who knew this small statured woman was so strong_. She was pulling his hair so hard his face was turning red; it took Aro and the bailiff to remove him from her clutches.

"If you _ever _touch Isabella again, I will make you eat your own balls," she said as the bailiff took James away, she then helped me up. The mediator looked as stunned as I was at the outburst that just occurred.

"Wow, Esme," I said in awe.

"You ok sweetie?" she asked, checking me over.

"Yeah."

"Come on let's get you home."

"I think it's safe to say, I don't think he wants to truly reconcile," I said to the mediator, in a dry voice.

"No, Mrs. Ramsey, it seems your husband is as hostile as I originally thought," she said thoughtfully. "Mr. Cullen, I will recommend to the judge to grant her the divorce, hopefully it will be resolved by New Years."

"Thank you!" I squealed giving her a hug.

"Mrs. Ramsey, just take care of yourself. Your husband isn't sane," she warned. Aro escorted us quickly to the car and drove us back to the Cullen homestead. I closed my eyes, exhaustion finally claiming me.

***

I felt an arm tighten around my waist, I tensed up preparing to fight my attacker when I heard the humming and realized it was Edward. I began to relax but tensed up again, remembering the last time we saw each other. Edward was so angry at me, I didn't want his wrath directed at me, and I wasn't strong enough to handle it tonight.

"I'm sorry," he murmured as I tried to push him away, his grip tightened around me.

"Why are you sorry?" my voice was husky.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you, I told you I would support any decision you made and I….I wasn't being a good friend. I should have trusted you." That was the bottom line, Edward would never trust me, and I would never be able to trust myself. "Will you forgive me for not trusting you?"

"Yes, when you forgive me for not trusting in us."

He didn't say anything, nor did he move. I exhaled an unsteady breathe as he held me closer, snaking his legs around mine. I began to relax and hugged him tighter, I knew it was wrong but sleeping in his arms brought some form of peace, and tonight I needed that.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading Awakening, please, please leave a comment if you can. Tell me what you think!!**

**Okay not I seriously need a favor for either the next chapter or a future chapter, I need to have Edward and Bella interact with the fans but some of the questions I came up with are pretty lame. So I was inspired from ASK ME tweets the other night, so if you want to submit a question for the fan interaction chapter, please submit to ****http://formspring(.)me(/)CullenBand**** Ask Edward and Bella (or any other Cullan band member) anything and hopefully I can use it!! Is it lame? Yeah it but play along.**

**Thanks, **

**Tammy **


	13. Rewind

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, if I did I would have that pimped out pink & white F150 I saw on New Year's day, ownership belongs to Stephanie Meyers! But I do own all the song lyrics presented by the Cullens. :-)

Sorry for the delay, Edward was being a little bitch but he finally talked. Hope to have another chapter out soon.

Thanks to LilKel1 for reviewing this chapter.

And if you're not reading MsBond's new fic Double en Tundra you're missing out! Check it out...lemons!!!

And if you're in LA or Vegas for the 100Monkey's show please hit me up on Twitter(.)/bbwraven

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Back in Time 

by: Edward Cullen

Let's go back in time.

Let's play rewind

When I told you I was in love you

I wanted you to be mine

Lets play rewind

Lets go back in time

I'm not good with words

I fumble and I've learned

That I was wrong

How could you read my mind

During that time

I didn't say it right

And I lead you right to his arms.

Let's go back in time.

Let's play rewind

When I told you I was in love with you

I wanted you to be mine

Lets play rewind

Lets go back in time

Fours years is a long time

But one day I will make you mine

So let your light shine

I'll be waiting for you to be mine

No need to go back in time.

The moment I left her standing in the music room I knew I made a mistake, I was being a selfish prick. When we were released from the hospital, I told her I would support any decision she made and the first decision she makes that I don't like I run like a little bitch. _Fuck Me!_ I went back to my room, there's no way I'd be able to control my temper in front of my family, I've been so moody lately and Bella going to meet James hadn't improved my mood.

I shook out two of my prescribed Tylenol with Codeine and downed it with the bottled water I left on the night stand from the night before. I continued to fume as I changed from my jeans into sweats, foregoing a shirt. My phone went off signaling a new text message, I ignored the message and went to view my photos after the band meeting, I added the photo of Bella and I in bed. I stared at our intertwined body, from this picture you would never guess I wasn't a cuddlier my so called ex girlfriends often said I was cold hearted and thoughtless. But I've come to realize they simply wasn't Bella. I was initially pissed Alice took it but at the same time happy she did, I drifted off to sleep as I stared at the photo and slept until I heard my father's voice.

"Edward, wake up son." He turned on the lamp on the nightstand, I squeezed my eyes shut blocking out the harsh light.

"Huh?" I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands tried to wake up as my father read my prescription bottles.

"How many did you take?" he asked referring to my medication.

"Just two," I mumbled.

"What was your pain level?"

"I was close to an 8."

"So basically 7 but yet you took two pills."

"Dad I knew I wasn't going to OD on the stuff besides I'm not taking anymore for the day, so please chill."

"Sorry, its my job to worry," he said looking apologetic. I sat up, momentary dizziness struck me and he had to help steady me. "Steady. Still plagued with the dizziness?"

"Yeah it's getting better. It hits harder when I first wake up."

"Okay keep me posted if it continues through out the day."

"I will dad," I said quietly as I moved out of the bed. Thoughts of Bella hit me again, trying to figure out what she was planning.

"Your mother sent me up here to tell you dinner is ready."

"Thanks Dad," I said, I changed out of my sweats and put my jeans back on. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How do you NOT react when your patients do something that you think is wrong?"

"I'm not sure I understand the question," he said with a frown.

"Say you have a patient who you told they could get treatment A or treatment B but B wasn't good for them. They go with A for a while but suddenly they go to Treatment B and it could hurt them. How do you not react?"

My father didn't say anything as he stared at me. "Believe it or not I react to everything whether it's fear, dread, and anger. When they go against my advice, part of me feels as if I've failed them as a doctor, I try to give them as much information as possible. But in the end its they're choice." We had a similar discussion before but its still boggles my mind how he's able to separate himself.

"She's going to see him tomorrow."

My father closed his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose, he's been dealing with Bella's situation much longer than I have. If she goes back it will be a serious blow to him also. "Did she say she was officially going back?"

"No, I couldn't even talk to her about it, she never really gave a reason, other than she needed to see him." I went through my drawers until I found a long sleeve white tee shirt.

"Son…it's a mindset we'll never truly understand. I hope to god she's not going back but….." I heard him mutter _fuck_ under his breathe, and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's her decision, I've exhausted every avenue in order to help her, ethically. Other than locking her away in the attic I can't do anything."

"Fine you can give me the keys because I'm not letting her go," I said as I put on the tee shirt. "Dad I was a complete jerk to her." My parents did try to instill good manners in me but I sometimes I failed.

"If you know you were a jerk then you know you need to apologize," he said sternly.

"Don't worry, I plan to."

"Good to know I didn't completely fail as a parent," he said with a smirk.

"Please Alice, Em and I are too afraid to have kids cause we'll never be as good as you and mom."

My dad put his hand on my shoulder, so we stood face to face, he stared at me with such intensity I couldn't look away. "We didn't do anything extraordinary, we simply loved you kids with all our hearts. Your mom and I didn't have the best childhoods and we never wanted you to ever doubt that you were loved, that was and still is our one promise to each of you." My father was rarely emotional, I gave a quick nod to acknowledge I understood. "Go down stairs, I'll go get Bella."

"She's not already downstairs?"

No I was sent to get you both, now go," he said. Everyone was seated when I arrived in the dining room, they were waiting for me, Bella, and my dad to arrive before they ate. I took a seat next to Alice.

"Where's Bella?" she asked.

"I don't know I was taking a nap." I took a sip of water to distract myself.

"Oh I thought you two were together," she said with a smirk.

"Well you thought wrong. Dad went to get her," I said, I knew I wouldn't be able to apologize before we ate so it would have to wait until later. A few minutes later my father walked into the dining room sans Bella.

"Where's Bella?" my mother asked.

"She's not feeling well," he said quietly.

"Does she need anything?" my mother asked worriedly.

"No, she's fine."

"I'll take a plate up there later."

"That would be a good idea," he replied as he looked around the table with a frown. "Where's Aro?"

"He went to Port Angeles, he'll be back in the morning," my mother said. So it's official, Aro is taking her to meet the bastard.

"He has a lady friend in Ports," Alice snickered, everyone joined in the speculation of Aro's 'love life', for the lack of a better term. It was great to not brood over Bella and I was allowed more time to grow a pair.

After dinner I ended up in the music room with Jasper, we recorded a couple of demos we planned to play for the rest of the band. An evening of collaborating allowed me to put off all thoughts of what happened this afternoon, only her pleading eyes haunted me. Jasper never said a word about Bella missing dinner. We took advantage of me being headache free and my nervous energy by working until three in the morning.

Once I was sure Jasper was in his room, I walked to Bella's door. I raised my hand to knock on her door but I chickened out and went back to my room. Sleep never claimed me, I became agitated I knew it was a combination of the long nap I took this afternoon and my obvious frustration with Bella.

I grabbed my laptop and returned to the music room. I didn't bother with the lights, when I hit my shin on the coffee table I knew I found the couch. Once my computer booted up, I put my iTunes on shuffle and Jet's 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl' filled the room and I logged into the band's website and saw Alice finally posted the bulletin we were working on earlier.

_From: ACullen_

_Re: Thank You_

_Hello everyone, _

_My family and I want to thank everyone for the kind words of support this last week. I can't even begin to express how stressful the last week has been. I'm just very thankful my dear friend Bella is doing well and very happy my brother is finally at home driving us crazy. It's still mayhem but we're surviving. _

_We also received the GET WELL_ _books, you guys are so fucking AMAZING!! Just so you know Edward keeps it in his room due to his frequent headaches he's unable to read all the notes at the moment. _

_I have to say we have the most talented and supportive fans anyone can ask for. Between helping us with the auctions and these beautiful books for Edward and Bella, I'm in constant tears._

_We'll be in touch! _

_Always, _

_Alice __( and my moody ass brother Edward)_

The post made me chuckle, yeah I've been moodier than usual and I will have do something special for everyone soon. I wanted to post a note on the board before my eyes started to hurt but I was truly drawing a blank. I could never say the right thing on the boards, I usually left it to Alice and Emmett. I scrolled through a few threads talking about the Benefit, one post stood out the most talking about my performance during 'Wishing Well'.

_**Jaspers_Girl: How could you not see it? He's looking right at Bella! He's so into her. **_

_**EdsChick: OMG I know did you see her blush!!! **_

_**Cullenlvr: Where is this video?! I've only seen the streaming!**_

_**Jaspers_Girl: Here's the link!! **_

I was curious as to what they saw, I clicked on the link to the video, I purposely chose that song to remind Bella of our time together. I remember I tried to look away from her but I was lost in memories of her and part of me hoped she was remembering too. When I was performing I thought I saw her face flush but I assumed it was the lights but I was right, I could see face turn beet red. The person did a close up on Bella as she took a deep breathe. I could see her hands shaking as she continued to take more photos.

My head began to pound, I went to the mini-bar for a bottle of orange juice and took a regular Tylenol. I was about to turn off iTunes when Avril Lavigne's 'Fall to Pieces' came on. It was one of my favorite songs, I usually stay away from mushy songs like this but the words were always so haunting.

_Wanna know who you are,_  
_Wanna know where to start,_  
_I wanna know what this means._  
_Wanna know how you feel,_  
_Wanna know what is real._  
_I wanna know everything Everything!_

I put the song on repeat, I stretched out on the couch listened to the words, as every word pierced my heart. I knew the only way Bella and I would ever have a chance would require me to break down the wall I was used to hiding behind. I knew when I woke up there was no going back, I wasn't angry because she might go back I'm angry because I'm too chicken shit to ask her to stay.

_****_

"Edward wake up," Jasper said as he tapped my foot.

"Get out of my room," I mumbled.

"Dude you're in the music room," Jasper retorted.

"What!" I jumped up looking around to see Jasper and Alice looking at me strangely. "What time is it?"

"Almost 10," Jasper said handing me a bottle of orange juice.

"Oh shit, I need to talk to Bella!" I stood up suddenly but was instantly dizzy, Jasper was immediately by my side helping me sit back down on the couch.

"Slow down….Bella already left with Aro," Alice said softly.

"Fuck!"

"What are you doing down here? We both left at the same time," Jasper inquired.

"I couldn't sleep, so I listened to some music. I didn't work on anything."

"You want to talk about why you had Avril Lavigne on repeat? Not that I don't like the song but seriously Avril?" he asked with a cock eyebrow, I couldn't help but laugh at his questions.

Jasper hated Avril with a passion, they had several run-in's when we were first starting out that left a sour taste in his mouth. I blamed it on age, I worked with her on another project and found her to be somewhat pleasant. I liked her ex-husband Derrick more than her.

"What time did they leave?" I asked.

"A little over an hour ago." FUCK! FUCK! If I wasn't such a chicken shit and apologized last night, Bella wouldn't have gone to meet James thinking I was angry. I found being angry only makes my dizziness worst, I had to sit still for a few minutes so the room would stop spinning. Once I got my bearings I went up stairs to shower and changed.

After a quick breakfast I took a walk around the property, while trying to clear my head I ended up giving myself another headache. I wanted to stay angry at her but in essence I wasn't, I was upset in my reaction.

As I was walking pass the garage I saw Rose dressed in coveralls bent over Alice's vintage 1951 Porsche 356 Coupe, it's been a pet project she worked on whenever we were home for an extended period of time. It looked like Rose may actually finish it this time around.

I walked over unnoticed, I could hear her humming as she worked on the engine. I watched her for a few minutes, I got along with Rose but we rarely spent any one on one time together. She's not what most people would call friendly, she was model tall with a trim athletic figure, her face was beyond beautiful with a 'look but don't touch' vibe.

She and her twin brother Jasper were as night and day, she was Ice Princess and he was the King of Chill but she was smarter than people realize, she can take apart any engine and put it back together.

When I need to relax I play my guitar or read, Rose takes apart any electronic she could find and put it back together in hopes to make it better than the original. She is the only one who is thrilled when the tour buses break down, she'd usually repairs the problem or diagnosis it properly for the mechanic. Most were intimidated by the blond goddess but Jasper and Emmett were the only ones who could deal with her stand offish personality.

"Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to hand me those cutters," she said never looking up at me. I looked at the tray a few feet from her, trying figure out what she was talking about. "The one's with a 'U' attached to it," she replied.

I eventually found tool she was looking for, I'm the last person you call when you have car problems. I'm lucky if I can change a tire, which my mother had to teach me 6 times before I got it and I'm still not very good at it. Thank god for AAA when Rose isn't around.

"What's on your mind Eddie?" she asked. She knew I hated when people shortened my name but I ignored it this time.

"Nothing, can't I just be interested in what you're doing?"

She looked at me then with an eyebrow cocked, "This is a first. What, did you and Bella have a fight?" I can tell she was trying to be funny but when I didn't answer she looked up at me again. "What did you fight about?" She put the cutters down and started wiping her hands.

"We didn't really fight, more like she told me she was going to see that fucker today. And I lost it," I admitted. "I just saw red and left."

"I don't usually get involved in your crap cause it bores me to tears but I like Bella. I didn't at first, thought she was a fucking idiot for staying with James but she's really trying….just not the way you approve."

"What if he persuades her to go back?"

"It's not going to happen," Emmett said from behind me, he was holding two coffee mugs and handed one to Rose.

"He can try but I really doubt it," she said firmly. "When you were....asleep that really rocked her. Jake said if he hadn't taken her into your room she would have done exactly what Jane wanted."

"And I would be on trial for drugs, she's scared but I don't think she's going back," Emmett chimed in.

"Edward, have you ever thought there's something she needs to get off her chest?" Rosalie asked looking at me intently. "She's in the anger phase, I really think you're freaking out for no reason."

"I should have apologized before she left for the meeting."

"Yeah you should have but she also should have told us about the meeting. She knows I would have gone with her," Rose fumed.

"Mom went with her, I tried to go myself but Aro told me to stay away. He didn't want me to end up in jail again," Emmett added. I felt like shit, I didn't even offer to go with her, as usual I was thinking about me. Hello, my name is Edward and I'm a douche. You can call me _Doucheward_.

"This is depressing me, I need chocolate," Rose said and stomped off towards the house.

"Great! If she's depressed that means I don't get any," Emmett said under his breathe.

"Do you think about anything other than your cock?"

"Yes, I think about world peace too. I think if more foreign leaders had better blow jobs they would be happier people," he said flashing me a dimpled smile. Only Emmett equates sex and politics. I trailed behind him still worrying about Bella.

***

"What?" I heard my father yell as he left his office. "Are you ok? Bella?" he asked as bounded down the halls. We were in the theater room watching a screening of Michael Jackson, '_This Is It'_. We looked at each other and went into the hall to see what was happening.

"What's wrong?" Em yelled when he met my father in the hall.

"James attacked Bella at the meeting," he told Emmett and continued to speak into the phone. "Go to the hospital, I'll meet you there," he paused as he listened. "Babe, go to the hospital." My father grabbed his bag heading towards the garage when he stopped. "You're here? Ok on my way out." He hung up his phone, he didn't say anything as he back tracked to the front door.

Aro was just stepping out of the car, my father opened the back seat, I could see my mother was looking panicky, and Bella was knocked out. My heart started to race. _He knocked her out_?!

"Bella? Open your eyes," my father said to her as he used his flash light to examine her eyes. I saw her move away her head, I could see her lips moving but couldn't hear anything. My father seemed to relax a little.

"Emmett, could you carry Bella to her room?"

Emmett lifted Bella from the back of the Mercedes, I didn't see any visible marks on her face. My mother was already out of the car in my father's arms. "I'll be there in a few minutes," he told Emmett.

"Dad what's wrong with her?" I asked.

"She's ok, just exhausted. She hadn't slept."

"Mom are you ok?" I asked, her face was buried in my father's chest.

"Yes I'm ok," she murmured, looking at my father, "Go make sure Bella is resting comfortably."

"Why don't we take this in the house," Aro said, I forgotten he was there but he was right.

"Mom, I'll get you some tea," Alice said as headed to the kitchen.

"Sweetie, I'm fine. I can get it," she said hot on Alice's heels.

"Mom, you need to sit," I told my mother.

"I'm fine," she said walking with determination towards the kitchen, when she took off her jacket I noticed a tear in her shirt.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Let's see….um, he said the spousal abuse was exaggerated, then we went on to say he loved her, and wanted to get back together. Saying as long as we're not around they can work on their marriage. Blah, blah, blah. It really just sickened me how he tried to make himself seem like the fucking victim," my mother fumed as she put the water on for tea, slamming cabinets to find a mug. I grabbed her arm before she slammed the third one, she turned to look at me. She eyes blazing with fury.

"I'll get the mug," I said quietly. I opened another cabinet and found her favorite mug, I accidentally stole from a café in Paris when the fans surrounded the place and I refused to give up my coffee. My mom found the mug in the luggage and kept it.

"He's never going to let her go," she murmured. "He said she belonged to him until he was ready to let go. Like she's his property." I heard Alice suck in a breathe as she listened to my mother relay what happened.

"That fucker!" Rose exclaimed.

"But she didn't believe anything he had to say, she said she wanted out. She wouldn't stand for his crap. She went on to describe some of their fights…." she stopped and I could see the tears gathering in her eyes. "The things he's done to her….she basically told him to go to hell."

"Esme, you forgot to mention how you threatened to make James eat his own balls," Aro said with a grin.

"Go Mom!" Alice giggled.

My mother started to blush, "Well he deserved it, he just jumped on her."

"He was arrested right?" I asked.

"Yes, he's being held without bail," Aro informed us.

"Finally! This place makes up their own fucking laws!" Jasper said.

"The shit is about the hit fan kids, I advise you get your popcorn and a front row seat," Aro said with a smirk, his eyes were emotionless. I could see the wheels churning in his head.

"Oh I plan to be at that show," I said. Aro was a scary mutherfucker and I couldn't wait to see him put James where he belongs.

"God I want to go kick his ass," Rose continued to fume as she bit into a cookie.

"I'm just glad he wasn't able to hurt her too much," my mother said.

My father and Emmett joined us a few minutes later. "How's Bella?" I asked.

"She's resting comfortable. Alice, Rose could you help her change into some sleep wear? She will more than likely sleep through it and be careful of her ribs." Alice and Rose left the kitchen to help Bella once my father gave them a few instructions.

"She didn't sleep last night, so she'll probably sleep through the afternoon," my mother said. We were quiet again lost in our own thoughts but at least I knew she wasn't going back.

****

After Aro left to return to Seattle, everyone paired off. Not in the mood to play any music, I went back into my room. I hopped on the computer, I read the emails I've been ignoring for weeks. Most were well wishes from friends, a few from Mike wanting to discuss the auction winners and wanted to schedule another meeting later this week. I didn't want to deal with Mike just yet and told him I would let him know when I was free. Technically I was free, it was more did I want to be bothered.

Sometime during the evening, I went to go check on Bella again. I've been going in on and off to see how she was doing. When I walked in she was thrashing around in her sleep, her breathing labored. Without thinking twice, I slid into bed with her and held her close to me. She calmed down and continued to sleep. She was still frowning but the thrashing stopped even then I couldn't leave, I just held her.

I was drifting off to sleep when I heard her whimper, I pulled her closer to me and started humming 'Chasing Cars' in her ear. She relaxed for a few seconds then suddenly she was tense again. I knew she as awake because her breathing changed.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, I've been wanting to say that for the last 24 hours, she was trying to wiggle away from me and I tightened my grip.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked, her voice full of sleep.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you, I told you I would support any decision you made and I….I wasn't being a good friend. I should have trusted you. Will you forgive me for not trusting you?"

She nodded. ""Yes, when you forgive me for not trusting in us."

I didn't know how to respond, have I not forgiven her for not believing in us? Or was I so cocky I thought she would simply follow? I didn't want to think about it anymore, I just needed to hold her, I will deal with the rest later. I wrapped my leg around her as I held her tighter, I could tell she wanted to move from my grasp but eventually relaxed and drifted back to sleep. I kissed her cheek and drifted off to sleep.

****

Days after Bella met with James, things were still tense. Not just with me and Bella but with everyone. My mom is the only one she was relaxed around.

"Okay did we do something wrong with Bella?" Alice asked me when we were working on the vocals for a demo.

"Nothing. I apologized for being an asshole, I expected her to be pissed at me but not with you guys."

"I don't know. I asked her if I've done anything to upset her and she says no but she's….too quiet. Maybe I need to call Jake."

Jake has been working like crazy, it seemed like everyone within a 100 mile radius has been coming to him for car repairs. It mostly has to do with people wanting to take end of summer road trips and he's bombarded.

"You might have to, he's the only one she'll talk to."

"I think she talks to mom," she added, I could tell this hurt Alice. She cared about Bella and if she unknowingly hurt her somehow.

"We'll figure it out Ace," I said giving her a hug.

"I hope you're right," she said. We went back to work, giving me her input on her on the new music. I want her to do more lead vocals on this CD but she's reluctant. I know she has stage freight but it I think with us all there she'll eventually get passed that. Jasper seems to have captured her vocal essence the best, so I will work with him to bring more songs to capture Alice's vibe with a Cullen sound.

Occasionally my mind drifted to Bella, I honestly didn't understand why Bella was retreating this way, from me okay I understood but from Alice, that made no sense. Not that she was completely rude more distant. Her smiles never reached her eyes, her laughing forced, its caused Emmett to say more outlandish things and irritate us with practical jokes. It had gotten so bad Mom charged him whenever she heard him refer to the female genitalia or any curse words. So far she's collected $200, Bella didn't join in the conversations as usual.

"Break time!" Emmett yelled as he bounded down the stairs, he was wearing his Michael Jackson 'Beat It' t-shirt. Not one of the newly inspired vintage shirts people have been selling since Jackson died, Em has had that shirt since high school, he washed it in Woollite to make sure it didn't fade too much. Its tighter than when he was in high school but he didn't care. Michael Jackson was one of his heroes. "You guys have been at it for hours so its time to chill."

"We were just finishing up," Alice said, turning off the microphones and amps. "What do you want to do?"

"Go to La Push?"

"Not yet, Jake is swamped. Last time we rolled up there and he couldn't hang out he pouted for a week. Leah blew my phone telling how much of asshole I was," I told him.

"Ok, I guess another movie it is," he said in a bored voice. "Ghostbusters, Ace?"

"Oh hell ya! Bella is going to love that!" she exclaimed as she bounded up the stairs to set up the movie.

"You going to join us?" he asked me, I usually stayed away whenever they watch that particular movie.

"Yeah, I'll watch with you guys. Think we have anymore popcorn?"

"Yeah, we have butter, extra butter and kettle corn," Emmett said as we headed to the kitchen.

"Love me some kettle corn," I murmured, I popped in 2 bags of popcorn in the microwave oven, twelve minutes later we had 8 bags of popcorn. I handed one to Bella as I took a seat next to her on the couch. I learned early in the movie that Bella was a serious Ghostbusters fan, she gave genuine smiles and belly laughs during Emmett's impersonations. By the end we were all singing the Ghostbusters theme.

"Enjoyed it much?" I asked her.

"Just a little," she said with a laugh. I love hearing her laugh.

"I'm glad," I said, I could see she was starting to retreat. "Hey want to take a walk with me?"

"I don't know."

"Bells…Please?" If I was going to beg, I would just hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"Ok," she said quietly. Taking advantage of the moment, I grabbed her hand to lead her to the back door. We walked along the property in silence, hand in hand. We walked under a cluster of trees not too far from the house, there were 3 large rocks, a fallen tree trunk, there wasn't much sun out but light filtered through the trees. I stopped her from going any further.

"Talk to me," I whispered.

"What do you want to talk about?" she hedged.

"Something is bothering you and its not just me being a jack hole. You can tell me anything."

"I'm ok, Edward."

"Damn it Bella! Do you think I'm an idiot?…wait don't answer that."

She chuckled, shaking her head. "You are not an idiot, I think I would win that hands down." She suddenly looked sad, and very alone. I walked us to the tree trunk and sat her down.

"Why do you think you're an idiot?" I asked.

She closed her eyes and took a moment to compose herself. "When my dad died, I was told there wasn't an insurance policy in place and I believed them. But Aro was able to uncover that my father actually had 2 policies totaling over $500,000," she said looking at the ground, I could hear her breathing starting to labor.

"Who told you there wasn't an insurance policy?"

"The Ramsey's," she said, I could see the tears streaming down her face. She went on to explain how the money was automatically transferred to James because they were married before her 21st birthday. Aro was able to uncover the house she shared with James was bought with her father's money. "The worst part is they made me doubt my father. I remember when they told me there was no insurance money I was so angry, I thought he didn't care about me enough to take care of something like that. And then I'd feel horrible because of where my thoughts lead. So I stopped thinking about it. I got a job, I gave up my dreams of going to school, the Ramsey's lead me like cattle and I allowed it. James always said I was stupid, I just didn't know how dumb I really was."

"First of all I never want hear you utter those words. You're not stupid, you're a very smart person! James knew you were vulnerable and found ways to cut you down on a daily basis so you began to believe it. I didn't know Charlie well….other than the guy who arrested me for underage drinking, he seemed like a pretty decent guy, he reminded me of my Dad. So if Charlie was a smidgen like my dad then he was one of the good guys and he loved you. You know I'm right?" I didn't know how to make her understand.

"If anything you were conned and that doesn't make you stupid."

"It's another word for stupid and weak!"

"You are far from stupid and weak. It takes courage to leave that house, that makes you strong. Bella…you're smart as hell and fearless."

"I wish I was that girl….I'm nothing like that Bella….and I'm afraid you'll see it and never want to talk to me again," she said looking at the ground.

"God Bella…," I said tipped her chin until she was looking at me. "You can't get rid of me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Edward, you're leaving soon."

"Yeah so," I said feeling confused.

"Then you'll be gone. I have to find a job, an apartment, a car….I have to just figure out where. I can't stay here in Forks."

My heart stopped, not stay in Forks, she was leaving? "What?"

"Edward I can't mooch off your family forever. Once my divorce is final, I will relocate….somewhere….maybe with some sun," she said with a slight laugh.

"You're not mooching off of us. I…I thought you were going to travel with us."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because Bella you're our photographer, so you already have a job. Now I don't want to hear about you leaving."

"I thought that was just while you were in Forks."

"No the job is yours as long as you want it."

"Thank you," she said as she wiped away her tears.

"I don't know if I told you that I love your work. You are truly talented and I only want to see you succeed." It was the truth, I wanted nothing more than to see her succeed, not just as a big fuck you to the Ramsey's but for herself. "I believe in you and I want you to…no I need you to believe in yourself."

She didn't say anything as she reached over and hugged me. I could feel the sobs wracking her body, I knew she's lead a lonely existence since her father died. Jacob was her only friend, the people who were supposed to protect her used her and tore her down not only physically but mentally as well. And I came in and took what I wanted and left because I was too arrogant to do more. She was lead to believe the one other person she trusted besides Jacob Black let her down. If you think your own father failed you then how do you trust anyone? It's a limited trust.

"Bella do you tell Jake everything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you tell him absolutely everything? Does he know all your secrets?"

"You mean what went on between me and James?"

"Yeah and anything else that went on up there," I said, tapping her forehead.

"I told him enough, I didn't want to anger him any further."

"You know he would do anything to protect you, right?"

She nodded. "That's just it; I didn't want him to do anything that would land him in jail."

"So in other words you didn't trust him."

"I trust Jake! How could you say that?" she yelled she stood and moved away from me. "He's the only person I could count on!"

"But you limit your trust," I said quietly.

"I trust Jake explicitly!" she said with her fist balled.

"Yes, to a certain degree," I said, she turned and started walking back towards the house; I knew I was fucking this up, yet again. "Fuck! Bella wait." I caught up with her before she made it out of the cluster of trees.

"Edward, please just leave me alone," she said as she avoided my gaze.

"Let's start over," I blurted out.

"Fine, Edward. I forgive you for being an ass. Now can we please go?"

"No. I mean let's really start over."

"I don't understand," she said her voice clogged with tears and frustration seemed to radiate her body.

"A new slate, a fresh beginning….I mean as of today, right now we get to know each other and learn to trust each other. We're both so different from when we first met, I say we get to know each other all over again, no expectations, no dredging up what we both fucked up, because we fucked it up good," I became anxious when she looked doubtful but I needed to say this. "My life has been easy, anything I wanted I got. I don't have to work hard, even with my career, it just came easy. So when you came into my life I thought it'll be just as easy, even when you scared me shitless. And when it went wrong I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing thinking you'll come running because I was Edward fucking Cullen. But there was no falling into place when I didn't reinforce my feelings, you did what you thought was right at the time. You ran to James because he already fed you the line that I was just using you. So starting today we stop being afraid of the unknown, if we do this together we can accomplish so much."

"I don't know Edward….Do you really want to be with someone so mental? I don't want to screw this up."

"You can't screw it up because there is no right or wrong….besides there's no other woman for me. I've waited for years to be with _My Bella_, and I'll wait till you're ready. So basically…You're stuck with me and if I'm not what you want in the end….then I'll simply be your friend, I will still be there for you."

"Why would you do that?" she asked with tears streaming down her cheeks.

She asked a good question, I wanted honesty so I had to be honest with her.

"Because Isabella I love you."

* * *

**A/N:** Again thank you for reading Awakening! I don't know who originated the term douchward but whomever you are....Thank you!! *grin* I still need questions for the an upcoming chapter so you can either send them to www(.)formspring(.)me/cullenband the chapter is forming in my head but should happen soon.


	14. Clumsy

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but if I did would have a beach house in Hawaii.

**HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! **

A very special **THANK YOU** to my betas _Lilkel_ and _ilsucantante_, who saved me!! Thank you ladies for help!

Sorry for the delay but RL got in the way! I would love to say more but my family likes to distrubed me.

xoxo, Tammy

* * *

Clumsy

-Fergie

Can't breath  
When you touch my sleeve  
But I fly so crazy, mm mm  
Whoa now, think I'm goin' down  
Friends don't know whats with me, mm mm

You got me trippin'(oh),

stumblin'(oh), flippin'(oh),

fumblin'(so)  
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love(in love)  
You got me slippin'(oh),

tumblin'(oh),

sinkin'(oh),

crumblin'(so)  
Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love(in love)  
So in love with you

"Because, Isabella, I love you."

I felt my jaw drop.

_Did he say what I think he just said?_

I literally couldn't breathe; less than five minutes ago I had wanted to kill him. I didn't know how to respond, this wasn't like last time when I thought he was using me, but this was…._real_?

"Don't say anything….not yet," he said suddenly. "I didn't tell you to pressure you, to make you feel obligated, I said it because it's what I feel. Plus, you asked and I was being honest."

I laughed shakily. "You weren't kidding about this whole honesty thing, huh?"

He smirked. "No, I wasn't lying."

I looked at him in awe. "How? How can you love someone…like me?" I asked, I truly didn't understand.

"What do you mean 'someone like you'?" He looked at me with a frown.

"How could you…I'm…broken, Edward. How could you love me? You deserve someone…whole." I could barely get the words out.

He didn't say anything as he cupped my face; he just stared at me, his intense gaze holding mine.

"You're right, you are broken," he said quietly, as if it had just dawned on him. "But I love every broken piece of you." He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, I closed my eyes relishing the closeness. As I felt his lips kiss each eye lid the black abyss I seemed to be drowning in started to evaporate.

He placed kisses down my jaw; my hands grabbed his shirt, bunching it at his trim hips and drawing him closer to me. His lips met mine, they were soft and gentle, not demanding; almost hesitant. I felt something I hadn't felt in years…._desire_. In my need to get closer I stood on my tippy toes, becoming more aggressive with my need.

He broke contact for a moment, our breathing labored, I grabbed his face and kissed him with all I had, there was no hesitation when our tongues met, we were dueling for dominance and I wasn't ready to submit. I needed him to feel what was coursing through my veins, all the emotions I held inside flowing to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck to bring him closer, he lifted me off the ground and I snaked my legs around his waist. My body hummed with anticipation, feeling his hands on my butt was an additional jolt to my system. My fingers tangled in his soft hair, but it wasn't until my fingers touched the scar he received from the blow to the head that I broke the kiss.

"Are you okay?" he asked, I could still see the desire in his eyes as well as the concern for my well being.

"Yah….sorry I…um…lost control," I stammered. _Lost control?_ More like tried to eat him alive.

"Don't apologize," he said smirking at me. I was very much aware my legs were still wrapped around him, but neither one of us made a move to change our positions. He was staring at my lips when I leaned in for another kiss; I knew I was being greedy, but kissing Edward was better than Pecan Praline ice cream and chocolate sauce.

When we finally came up for air, I looked around to see the sun was finally setting. "The sun went down ...when did that happen?"

He laughed and he set me back on the ground. "Hell if I know, I was happily engaged."

"I better get inside to start dinner," I said reluctantly.

"You know you don't have to cook, right?"

"I know, but I like to cook. It calms me," I admitted.

I heard him sigh as he nodded in understanding; he put his arm around me and guided me back to the house, but stopped me from walking further before we arrived at the back door.

"When you get a chance talk to Ace," he said in a low, serious voice.

"About what?"

"She's worried she's said or has done something to offend you."

"Edward, I don't think I can talk to her about the policies."

"You don't have to, but….you've been distant lately. She's just worried about you."

"Okay I'll talk to her," I assured him. I had no idea what I was going to say to her, the last thing I wanted to do was rehash my own stupidity.

"Stop." I looked up at him in confusion. "Don't beat yourself up about the policies," he said as he caressed my cheek.

"Easier said than done." I went straight to the kitchen when we entered the house. I'd premade the enchiladas that morning, all I had to do was put them in the oven and start the jalapeno poppers and mini quesadilla I had planned for appetizers. I was chopping onions when Edward walked back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, watching me.

"Need any help?" he asked.

"Yeah, you can start on the tomatoes." I was suddenly nervous, I didn't know how to act around him, part of me wanted to keep my distance and another part of me wanted him to take me on the kitchen table.

"So what are we making?" he asked after few minutes of silence, startling me out of my fantasies.

"We're making fresh salsa right now."

"And what's in the fryer?"

"Jalapeno poppers."

"You're making Mexican food?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I heard Rose and Jasper talk about how they were craving it."

"Where did you learn how to make this kind of food?" There were no authentic Mexican food restaurants in Forks, the closest was in Port Angeles and even that wasn't very good.

"Jake's cousin from Phoenix visited about 2 years ago and taught me some recipes."

"So you make this a lot?"

"No, not often….Um….Jam-…he didn't like spicy foods." James was a steak and potatoes kind of guy, if I added too many spices there was hell to pay. If I wanted to try new recipes, Jake was my guinea pig.

"I'm sure it will be good," he said, coming up behind me and placing a kiss on my neck. I couldn't wipe away the small grin that instantly appeared on my face. I turned to him as he placed his arms on either side of me and leaned in to give me another kiss. The world seemed to disappear when I was with him, as if 'we' were the only thing that mattered. And I didn't want anything to interrupt that bubble, it was one of the reasons I was partially afraid of Edward's idea of being completely honest; it would require me to discuss my marriage - something I'd rather forget.

"We better stop before we burn dinner," I said when the kissed ended. Edward agreed but he looked as if he wanted to kiss me again.

Once everything was done cooking, I plated the poppers and quesadillas and put them on the table along with a bottle of Riesling. It would keep them going until the enchiladas were done, while I finished the rest of the meal, jalapeno refried beans, Spanish rice, and corn tortillas.

"Isabella Marie Swan, please tell me you're not cooking again!" Esme yelled when she walked into the kitchen. I could feel the blush starting to rise when I faced Esme who looked at me with her hands on her hips. She'd told me repeatedly over the last few weeks that I was not on kitchen patrol, but it made me feel less like a freeloader.

"Sorry, Esme," I said as I handed her a glass of Riesling. She gave me a small smile and took a sip.

"Told you," Edward whispered. I wanted to stick out my tongue at him, but I remembered I was almost 25 and stopped myself.

"Ahhh, that's what I needed," she said as she took a sip of the sparkling wine. "Okay, you're forgiven." Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Alice came into the kitchen as I put the finishing touches on the homemade salsa. I was starting on the guacamole when someone placed a kiss on a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you!!! Jazz and I were just talking about this the other day!!" Rosalie exclaimed. It was rare to see her animated, kind of reminded me of Alice.

"Glad you're enjoying it," I said with a grin, as I looked around, they all seemed to be enjoying the food which made me feel much better.

"I think we need some margaritas," Alice said.

"Yes, dear god please!" Esme agreed.

"Did you have a tough day, Mom?" Edward asked.

Esme let out a frustrated scream. "I can't wait to be done with this client. This job should have taken two months tops, but she's changed her mind once again which could extend it another month. And you know I hate working around this time of the year," she fumed as her cell phone went off.

Alice and Emmett were arguing over which tequila to use for the margaritas when Esme finished her phone call. "Carlisle has to work late tonight," she said and I saw a hint of a pout on her lips.

"I'll save him a plate." I remembered how my dad would sometimes miss dinner; he knew to go straight to the oven to find his meal. Most of the time he'd just save it for lunch, but on those rare evenings he was unable to grab something while he was out, he knew dinner was waiting for him.

"Thank you Bella! I'll grab a few quesadillas for him too." After I put Carlisle's plate away I served dinner, and for the first time in a week I participated in conversations around me. Edward would catch my eye occasionally, sending me a wink or a smirk. "I almost forgot! Carlisle said both Bella and Edward have checkups tomorrow at the hospital. Edward your appointment with Banner is for 12:30 pm and Bella's your appointment is for 10 am."

"We can't get them at the same time?" Edward asked.

"No, he tried but Banner wouldn't budge on the time. Carlisle tried to rearrange his appointments, but this was the best he could do."

"Actually, it's perfect!" Alice said with a smile. "After we're done we can go to Port Angeles to get a few more items." I tried to smile but after our last shopping excursion, I was dreading it. Unfortunately, Alice saw my grimace and her smiled dimmed a little, she turned away from me so I couldn't see her face and I felt like utter crap. Edward was right, I did need to talk to her.

After dinner Esme could barely keep her eyes open, she turned in after some urging from Edward. Rose and Jasper helped me clean the kitchen, they had me laughing with tales of their summers in Texas, and with their help it took less than twenty minutes to wash and put away the dishes while everyone else congregated in the game room with another pitcher of margaritas.

"Where's Alice?" I asked when I noticed Alice wasn't in the room.

"I think she went to go work out," Emmett said distractedly as he set up the xBox.

"Ace works out?" I asked.

"Usually with Emmett, but will work out on her own when she's upset," Jasper said, looking concerned. "I better go talk to her."

"No," I said stopping him. "I'll go."

I found Alice in the gym that looked more like a dance studio with the wall to wall mirrors; the boxing equipment and exercise mats were located in the corner. Kevin Rudolph's 'Let it Rock' was blasting thought the speakers, Alice stood in front of the mirrors moving her body to the beat, creating intricate, smooth moves that kept you mesmerized, she was as graceful as a gazelle. With each move I realized Alice was more talented than she led on, her dancing was impressive even to someone like Britney Spears. I stepped further into the room when the song ended; Alice was guzzling a bottle of water and hadn't acknowledged my arrival.

"Nice moves."

"Thanks." She kept her back to me; with her hoodie up and her head down, I couldn't see her face.

I leaned against the barre. "Can we talk?" She didn't respond verbally, the only indication she heard me was when she turned off the music with the remote control then sat on the floor drinking her water. I crouched down so I could see her face. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings at dinner."

"Just for tonight? Bella, I don't know what I've done to warrant the silent treatment."

"I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings; I just had…a lot on my mind."

"Just because I've never dealt with what you're going through doesn't mean I'm unable to understand."

"Alice…it's not that I didn't think you could understand, it's just I…I just…I'm humiliated." She looked at me in confusion; I realized I had no choice but to tell her about what Aro uncovered. By the time I was done, Alice was curled up next to me, our hands linked as she stared at me in disbelief.

"You've got be fucking kidding! How the hell did they get away with that?"

"I've been asking myself the same thing."

"Let Aro deal with it, ok? Remember, you were just a kid and didn't know you couldn't trust your own guardians. You have nothing to be ashamed of." She hugged me again, reminding me of when she came to the house after our first outing, offering reassurance. Alice never failed to amaze me.

"I'm sorry I went silent, I'm just used to internalizing everything."

"Silence doesn't make it go away, plus how can we help you if you keep it inside?"

"You're right. I'll do better, I promise," I said. Alice gave me another squeeze and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"So are you going to tell me why Edward was kissing on your neck in the kitchen?" she asked quietly.

I could feel the blush hit my face. "You saw that?"

She giggled, "Yeah, I came in to see if you needed help with dinner but Edward beat me to it, and I saw him kiss your neck. So when did this happen?"

"When we went for our walk after the movie," I said. I then told her about Edward wanting to us get know each other again, basically learning to try to trust one another, and ultimately, I told her of his declaration.

She clutched my arms. "And what did you say?" she asked with wide excited eyes.

"Nothing."

"Whoa! Wait, let me get this straight…my brother, Mr. Fuck'em & Leave'em, told you he loves you and you say _NOTHING_?" With each word Alice's voice took on a high pitch screech.

"I didn't know what to say, part of me was freaking out because I kept thinking he shouldn't love me."

"Shouldn't love you? Bella, are you insane?"

"Sometimes I feel….toxic, like I'm not good enough. And then he said not to say anything which should have taken the pressure off, but in reality I'm even more freaked out. Ace, I wanted to scream I love him too….but instead, we kissed."

"You're not toxic; you're a beautiful loving woman who is getting out of a bad situation. Got it?" Her words brought tears to my eyes. "So, how was the kiss?" she asked with a devious grin.

"Toe curling amazing."

She sighed. "Who knew my brother had it in him? Tell him how you feel, Bells."

"You're right, you're right," I said. "How did you get so wise?"

She shrugged. "Oprah," she said with a grin, giving me another hug.

We returned to the game room where Rosalie and Edward were in the midst of a Halo2 battle. They all took turns playing each other, though I didn't since I was unfamiliar with the game. Edward eventually came over to sit with me; I didn't scoot away like I usually did. Jasper brought out the tequila for shots; I hadn't taken any pain medication in days so I didn't feel guilty about drinking the alcohol. Leaning into Edward's embrace, I realized I had finally found contentment for the first time since Aro informed me about the policies.

Around two am we called it a night. I was usually in bed by midnight, so I was tired when Edward walked me to my room and left after giving me quick good night kiss on the lips, giving me a sudden burst of energy. Rose, Esme and Alice often said a hot bath with candles was the best way to relax, and since they'd never steered me wrong I decided to indulge since sleep seemed to evade me.

Alice stocked my bathroom with all sorts of happy girly things; I found the candles easily enough, along with Lavender scented bubble bath and bath salts. When I submerged myself in the tub I relished in the floral scent. I usually associated baths with aches due to the beatings from James. This was the first time I had taken a bath that I actually enjoyed. When I started to doze off I knew it was time to get out, I used the lavender body cream and slipped on a pair of Hello Kitty pajama bottoms and a long sleeve red knit shirt with the Hello Kitty emblem.

When I opened my bathroom door I was stunned to find Edward asleep on my bed with his arm across his face as if to block out the light. As if sensing me, he lifted his head and grinned.

"Love the pajamas," he said.

"Hey, no mocking the Hello Kitty," I said, still standing in the bathroom doorway.

"I would never do that," he said sitting up, blinking rapidly for a few seconds, his eyes out of focus. He closed his eyes for a few seconds before reopening them. "Why are you still standing over there?"

"Are you ok?" I asked as I approached him.

He shrugged. "Yeah, sometimes I just get dizzy when I wake up."

I stepped in between his legs when I approached the bed, his hands came to my hips as I ran my fingers gently through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, I'd do it again," he said softly. That's what I was afraid of; I wanted him to be safe. He looked up at me as I caressed his cheek, his green eyes darkening. As I leaned over and pressed my lips to his, I felt my heart began to accelerate; he pulled me closer to a point where I had to straddle his lap.

Even though his grip was like steel it didn't frighten me, it only made me feel more alive. Edward's arousal was evident as he flipped me on the bed and laid on top of me, his hand crept under my shirt but he didn't go higher than my ribs, and I whimpered when he pulled away. He was staring at me when I opened my eyes, and I noticed his hair was worst than usual due to running my fingers through it.

"Wow." I know I sounded like a 16 year old idiot but that was the best way to describe his kisses.

He looked at my through hooded eyes. "I don't think 'wow' covers it," he said against my lips. "I missed your lips. Honestly, I just missed you."

Again I was rendered speechless. "Edward, I missed you too." It was the truth, I had missed him. He made me laugh, he listened when I was in pain and always made me feel special. And even though I was the one that had truly caused him pain, he loved me anyway. With his hands in my hair, he pulled me in closer for another kiss. This kiss held meaning, it felt like a promise.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," he said as he slid off the bed.

I didn't move, still trying to comprehend the last twenty minutes. Edward was on the other side of the bed trying to pull back the covers, but I still didn't move. He playfully threw a pillow on me, but I refused to budge and feigned sleep with a fake snore. I felt the bed shift and looked up the see Edward coming toward me.

"Remember Spiderman 1?" he asked with a grin.

"Yeah, are you Peter Parker?"

"Yeah…kinda," he said with a shy grin. I'd never seen Edward looking…shy or bashful, and it was the most adorable sight. He leaned over and kissed me, suckling my bottom lip. I smiled, suspecting it was his favorite thing to do, and as his tongue eased into my mouth, and met mine, I felt the pent up desire hit me all over again. _Or was it ever really gone_?

"Ready for bed, Mary Jane?" Edward's voice was husky.

"Yeah, I think so." He pulled down the covers so I could get underneath. I expected Edward to join me, but he tucked me in and laid on top of the covers. "You're not joining me?"

"No….I don't think that's a good idea."

"We've slept in the same bed before," I reminded him.

"Bella, if I get under those covers I won't be responsible for my actions."

"And you don't think I will stop you if you got too….fresh?"

"Fresh? When did you become Blanche from the Golden Girls?" he asked with a chuckle.

"You're so lucky you tucked me in so tight I can't move, otherwise I would throw a pillow at you. Now explain why you think you will lose control of your actions?"

"You may think you're all in control but I can tell…you want me," he said with that famous smirk, I had to look away before I got all gushy and gooey.

"Whatever, Cullen."

"Bella, look at me," he softly commanded. "Believe it or not I have rules, and I don't have sex with married women." _Ouch_.

"Don't worry, your virtue is safe with me. I wouldn't want you to think I was some crazy house wife and you were the pool boy."

"Bells…Jesus, will you stop! That's not what I meant."

"Edward, I got it, you don't want some desperate, beaten down, lonely house wife all over you. I got it. Now, will you leave so I can get some rest?"

I put the pillow over my head as I waited for him to go, I was tired of being humiliated at every turn. _Shouldn't one have to ask for sex before they're denied? _

Edward lifted the pillow from my head, but instead of looking at him, I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew it was a childish move, but I couldn't look at him.

"Bells, I've never viewed you or could view you as a desperate house wife who chases the local pool boy. I don't want to make love until you're officially divorced. When we make love, I want you free when you come to my bed. I don't want…James in our bed; I don't want a divorce looming over us. I want it to be you and me, but most of all I want you to be sure it's where you want to be. Just like I asked you not to respond to me telling you that I loved you. I want you to say it when you're ready, just as I want you in my bed when you're ready. I don't want to fuck you; I want to make love to you."

The tears flowed freely as I caressed his jaw. "I'm sorry I was a brat. You didn't deserve that."

"I can see how you would think I was being a conceited asshole, but I really do have your best interest at heart."

"I know. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now get some sleep, you have your check up in the morning," he said, gathering me in his arms. He started to hum, it was oddly familiar but I couldn't place it. I could feel myself falling asleep but curiosity got the best of me.

"What's the name of that song?"

"No title yet….it's the tune I was working on when I first returned home."

I remembered instantly hearing him play it on the beach and then again in Jake's den.

"You finished it?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I followed your advice and it flowed."

"That's great, Edward."

"Thank you. Now close your eyes," he said and started humming again. I felt his lips kiss my hair as I snuggled closer to him. When I woke up that morning I didn't think the day would end with me in Edward's arms, the place I longed to be. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

********

I was getting antsy as I waited for Dr. Cullen to return to continue our discussion about my treatment, thankfully we never had these talks at the house, as if he knew I didn't want to taint his home any further with my issues. I looked at all the degrees on the wall, and as usual. I felt envious of Carlisle's schooling at Harvard Medical. He could have ended up anywhere, but he said Forks was the kind of place he wanted to raise his kids.

There weren't a lot of pictures on display, but the few there showed Edward and his siblings at different ages. The most current looked to be taken when they were on tour, my eyes gravitated to Edward's face; he looked tired but happy as he stood between his parents, Emmett crouched in front and Alice standing next to Em, both grinning like little kids, truly a beautiful family.

I returned the frame to the desk when I saw a picture peeking out of my medical file. I hated those pictures because they were the timeline of abuse I suffered from James. I opened the folder to get a better view of the photo, only to discover several more that came a loose from the clip.

The first picture I picked up was from my fourth visit to the ER, it was one of the few times he actually hit my face, the entire left side was red from bruising, my left eye swollen shut, and my bottom lip was spilt from when it had connected with James' fist. The other times I came in I lied, telling the staff I slammed the door on my hand, I fell off the attic ladder, I tripped over a rock while hiking, anything so they'd never realize it was my husband.

But that night there was no way to deny what was happening between my husband and me. It was when the first of the whispers started, which made James look bad, so instead of my face it was my body he attacked. I spread all the pictures out on the floor, my timeline in hell, the shame and embarrassment but most of all the fear. How could Edward love this?

"Isabella?" I turned to see Dr. Cullen crouched beside me with a worried expression, I blinked several times to stop the tears, but there was no stopping them.

"I tried so hard to be…good…but I always did something to set him off. I didn't know how to stop it, going to the hospital was always the last resort. It angered him whenever I came in, I tried to tell people I was clumsy….I sometimes thought I was so clever….but you knew from the beginning. No matter what stupid lie I tried to spout, you knew," I said, indicating the pictures he'd taken.

I could feel my throat closing in on me, I felt as if I was choking on a golf ball. I could barely breathe as I stared at the pictures, I wanted to look away but it wasn't possible. I could feel my body shaking when I finally closed my eyes, but the images I tried to run from were forever ingrained in my head. I heard this noise that sounded like a large cat in pain, I realized it was me. The pain was deep in my gut; I clutched my stomach afraid I would vomit all over floor.

"Breathe with me Bella, come on, in and out," Dr. Cullen said as he talked me through the breathing exercise. I don't know how long we sat there on the floor; I had my arms wrapped around my legs as I tried to compose myself.

"I thought being away from….the situation, it wouldn't hurt as much…but then I remember something and it's like I'm back in that moment and I can't escape."

"It's ok Bella, you're safe now."

I knew this, but it never failed - there were days when I felt like I was still there, someone could say something or I could hear a noise and my heart would start to race. And the nightmares were never ending; they happened so often it was rare for me _not_ to have one.

"Do you know what PTSD is?" he asked.

"No…it sounds familiar but not sure where I've heard it," I admitted, I was wracking my brain trying to remember where I'd heard the term.

"It stands for post traumatic stress disorder." I suddenly remembered watching a 20/20 special on the effects the war has on the men and women who return from their tours.

"Isn't that something that affects soldiers?"

"Generally, yes."

"But I've never been in the military so what does this have to do with me?"

"Like I said, PTSD is generally associated with the effects of the war on soldiers but it's also a term used for someone who's suffered a traumatic experience or….abuse," he explained quietly.

"Sorry that's insane, two different situations."

He shook his head. "No, Bella, if you think about it, it's very similar. A soldier's main goal is to survive as he takes out the enemy, always protecting himself and his squad. You're like that soldier, every day you had to protect yourself and Jake was your squad member, so you protected him. Basically every day with James was like taking a bullet for Jake. You may not have been in Iraq but you were still at war….only it was in your own home. Now you're dealing with the side effects."

When Jake and I briefly stopped speaking to each other James had loved it, he felt like the fucking king of the world. I was trying to get the courage to leave and as if James had been aware of the change, he'd stuck a copy of Jake's mug shot next to my bed. My reminder of what he'd do to Jake if I tried to leave.

"I think you need to talk to someone about this," Dr. Cullen said, breaking into my thoughts. The ball in my throat wouldn't allow me to speak so I shook my head. "You can't keep this inside you, Alice and Edward can only help so much. You need to speak with a professional."

This wasn't the first time he'd suggested I speak with someone, but before I had been too afraid of what James would do if I sought counseling. I knew he was right; I just had no desire to talk to someone who would eventually sell my information to Jane. I didn't want people in this town to know more than they already did.

"Not here….once I'm settled somewhere other than Washington I will look for someone. I promise, I just can't trust anyone to help me here."

"Ok," he replied quietly, he didn't say anything for a few minutes as he allowed me time to compose myself. "Would you like to continue?"

"Yeah, let's get this show on the road," I said as I wiped my tears. Carlisle, already on his feet, offered me a hand and pulled me up from the floor. As I settled in the chair in front of his desk I saw him gather the photos I had removed from my file. "Damn. Sorry, Dr. Cullen, let me get that."

"Sit, I've got them," he said as he put them in a neat stack and took a seat behind his desk. He gave me a progress report saying I was healing nicely but to still take it easy. "I'm worried about your weight; it seems you've lost weight since you were in the hospital, which could cause problems in the long run."

"I eat," I started to protest.

"Lately you've barely finish your meals." _Crap, he noticed!_ "Just because I haven't said anything doesn't mean I haven't noticed."

"I…I just haven't been hungry lately," I said lamely.

"Bella, you have broken bones, if you're not getting the proper nutrition you can delay the healing process. Yes, you're doing well at the moment but who knows how long that will last," he said sternly. "Stop trying to take care of us and take care of yourself. I want you to rest as much as possible."

"Esme complained about me cooking again?"

"She's worried, just as I am," he admitted sincerely. "Don't think we don't appreciate it – we do, but we rather see you healthy. Okay?"

"I just wanted to help." I started to get choked up as the tears began to flow again, I tried wiping them away but it seemed like I was on overload today. Dr. Cullen came from around his desk and handed me a box of tissues.

"I understand, Bella, but first help yourself." I couldn't speak, I could only nod. Thankfully his nurse buzzed the office indicating his next patient was ready. I gathered my bag, stuffing it with the PTSD pamphlets Dr. Cullen handed me. "I'll see you at home, Bella. Try to relax today."

I had to chuckle. "Relax? I'm going shopping with Alice. Sorry, that's far from relaxing."

"Very true. I'll warn her to go easy on you," he said.

"No, it's okay, her heart is in the right place." I said my good-byes, I noticed his next patient did a double take when she saw me; I walked as quickly as possible to the outer office where Rose and Alice were waiting.

Rose looked up from her magazine. "Bellina, you ok?" Rose asked. I thought I did a better job of hiding the tears.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"I can call Edward if you want me to," Rose offered. I wanted to give in but I was still digesting my talk with Dr. Cullen.

"Well, shopping is out," Alice said when she was off the phone.

"Why?"

"Bella, you're in no condition for shopping. While I thrive on shopping to make me feel better, I have a feeling it will have an opposite effect on you. I'll tell the guys we'll meet them at home for lunch," she said. The plan was for the girls to shop then meet the guys for a late lunch.

"No, you guys have been cooped up, Emmett is going insane. So we'll go as planned." I'd found the Cullen's were used to being on the move and being cooped up in the house was driving them slowly insane.

"No, we're going to La Push," Rose said as she read a text. "Jake is working on a restoration and wants me to look it over. We can get some food from Sue's and chill on the rez. Problem solved."

I had been dying to see Jake for weeks and if he finally had time to hang out I'd rather go there, but I knew shopping meant a lot to Alice.

"Cool, let's head to La Push!" Alice exclaimed a little too loudly. "I'll call Sue, she'll know what we like." Sue told us she needed an hour to prepare and pack what she thought would be ideal for our lunch at La Push. Rose sent a text to Emmett to pick up the food and bring it to La Push when Edward was done with his appointment.

Jake was waiting outside his garage when we arrived, the car had barely stopped when I hopped out and ran to him. He picked me up and gathered me in a tight hug, he was always huggy when he hadn't seen me in a while. When he put me back on the ground he did a once over, taking in my jeans, long sleeve shirt and flannel.

"It's good to see you," he said, kissing my hair.

"Good to see you, too!" I said as Alice and Rose came over to greet him with excited hugs and kisses.

"Show us this piece of junk, Jake," Rose demanded excitedly, reminding me of when Alice talked about the latest fashion trends. Jake led us into his garage where a beat up truck sat with parts surrounding it. "Jake, is this a 1959 Apache?"

Jake nodded as he and Rose began to speak Car and Driver, something I never cared to learn. Alice and I found some of Leah's fashion magazines and started reading while they were in their car zone. I quickly became bored with the magazine and took the camera from my bag. I hadn't noticed that Rose changed into coveralls and was bent over helping Jake with the engine. I began snapping pictures of Rose in her element.

"Isabella, if you don't get that camera out of my face, you won't find it for a week," Rose said, never looking up.

"You wouldn't dare touch my baby," I said, taking a few more shots and then going back to the couch with Alice. As I was reviewing I was shocked to see how relaxed Rose looked in each frame, already a beautiful woman, she was absolutely stunning with a huge smile and grease on her face.

"Ace, look," I said as I passed the camera to Alice.

"Wow. I wish she would model more." Alice examined each frame, and shook her head in wonder. "Just stunning, this is why people want her for their magazines."

"There have been more offers?" I whispered.

"Yes, now the bigger magazines want her…. And here's the thing I know she wants to but she just won't accept an offer. It's weird," Alice said in a hushed voice.

We both were lost in our own thoughts when Jasper, Emmett and Edward arrived with the food. I hadn't seen Edward since bed time last night; he was still asleep when I'd left with the girls this morning. He sent me a wink as he made his way to the kitchen with a box of food. I followed the guys in to see what Sue sent for lunch; she did not disappoint, supplying us with enough fried chicken, potato salad, biscuits and apple pie to feed a small army - or just Jake and Emmett.

"Did she save anything for her customers?" I asked.

"Barely," Emmett said before he bit into his drumstick.

As I watched Emmett eat the Carl's Jr. motto, 'Don't bother me, I'm eating' popped in my head, I tried to hide my laughter by hiding my face behind my napkin.

"What's so funny?" Edward whispered in my ear.

"Emmett."

Edward looked at his brother with a raised eyebrow. "I don't get it."

"Doesn't he remind you of the Carl's Jr. commercials?" I said with a giggle. Edward instantly caught on and stared at his brother with a grin.

Emmett looked up. "What?"

"Nothing," we said in unison and started laughing. I looked to see Jake observing us with a small smile on his face.

********

An afternoon in La Push was what we'd needed; everyone was upbeat and full of energy. When we decided to head back to the Cullen compound around sunset, Jake walked me to the car.

"You're really okay?"

"Yes, I promise."

"Okay….call me if you need to talk. Alice called me last week worried about you."

"Yeah, it wasn't a good week for me, but it's better," I said, thinking about what Edward said about trusting Jake. I reached out and gave him a hug. "You and I are going to have a long talk soon."

"I'll be here," he said. "Be safe."

I smiled at him. "Jake, I really am safe." I gave him another peck on the cheek and got into the car with Edward. Dr. Banner reinstated his driving privileges, so Rose and Alice joined their partners in the Suburban and Edward drove the BMW Rose had driven earlier. Emmett planned to stop in town to get several large pizzas for dinner on his way back home.

It was strange to drive with Edward; it had been years since we had been in a car alone together. "How was your appointment?" Edward asked. I knew he wanted details since Rose mentioned I was crying.

"Ok, I guess," I said quietly. He took my hand in his when we reached the stop light.

"What happened?"

I didn't answer immediately; I looked out the window watching the town I grew up in go by. "Photos were always taken of my bruises whenever I had to go in and I saw them for the first time. It just set something off and I couldn't shut it down."

He took his eyes from the road briefly, my hand still in his. "Aww babe, I'm sorry." _He called me babe! _I'm having a mini break down and I'm giddy over the fact he called me babe.

"Thanks, it just hit me hard…..and it was suggested I….get counseling," I added quietly.

Edward was silent for a minute "I think it's something that you should definitely consider."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do. Remember, it's just not the bruises on your body that needs healing….your mind does too."

"I never thought of it that way," I murmured. "And I need to gain weight."

"Well living with Emmett and Alice who are food hogs, I can totally see you losing weight," he said with a smile. "So instead of nibbling on one slice of pizza will you try to eat two?"

"Yeah, then next thing you know I'm eating an entire pizza by myself."

"Actually Alice can eat a large pizza and drink a two liter of coke all by herself. But I wouldn't suggest that for you, she's had practice living with Emmett." Edward parked the car next to Carlisle's Mercedes.

"Yeah, and I'll end up being 400 pounds," I exclaimed.

"And I will love all 400 pounds of you," he said as he tenderly kissed my lips. _Okay, maybe he meant it, but he has to know he is turning me into mush. _

"Liar," I murmured against his mouth, he deepened the kiss, I don't think I could ever tire of his mouth against mine. The feel of his jaw against my hands made me ache for more, but Edward pulled away for a moment before resting his forehead against mine.

"It wouldn't matter how much you weighed, I would still love you. But with you being 5'4 gaining that kind of weight isn't healthy," he said as he lifted his head. "But talk to Emmett, he can help you gain the healthy way."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's my trainer; in fact I officially start my work out with him again tomorrow morning." He exited the car and was at my door before I had a chance to open it, he helped me out of the car and we went into the house.

We went straight to the office since we were waiting for the others to return, and went to the desk to turn on computer. "I know you must be excited," I said continuing our conversation. Edward was a runner and not being able to do it had to be driving him crazy. He has always been a lean guy but he's added more muscles to his physique in the last few years.

"Part of me is, but Emmett can be brutal so it's not going to be fun," he whined as he stretched, his shirt lifting and allowing me to see a well toned stomach. I was itching to see him shirtless again.

"Oh, poor baby, it's not going to be fun to have tight abs for your female fans," I cooed, knowing full well I would be the main one drooling over his abs. He chuckled when he caught me staring and I felt the blush hit my face.

"You like?"

"Oh shut up, Cullen!"

Instead of staring at Edward's abs, I returned my attention to the computer and uploaded the photos I took at La Push. I wanted to post two of Rosalie's grease monkey pictures but needed her approval before I did so. I was editing a photo of Emmett and Jasper when Edward suddenly grabbed a paper and pen and started writing, he was mumbling to himself, constantly looking at what he wrote. He looked so adorable when he was lost in thought, it allowed me to watch him, he occasionally bit his lip as he would read his writing, even pinching the bridge of his noise in frustration as hummed, then as he continued to write. It was fascinating to watching him work.

"Dinner is served Bitches!" Emmett yelled, interrupting Edward who looked up with a frown.

"Emmett, indoor voice!" Carlisle yelled.

"Sorry, Dad!" he yelled back.

It never failed, the Cullens were an entertaining group. Edward and I joined everyone in the kitchen for pizza, I placed two slices on my plate, determined to eat them without complaint. I was working on my second slice when I noticed Carlisle watching me, he sent me a nod of a approval. It felt good to be on the right path.

********

I decided to call it a night at midnight. I took a quick shower, and I knew I needed to read the pamphlets I received from the Dr. Cullen, but I wasn't ready. I turned on the TV instead and found 'Friends' reruns, I was trying to lose myself in the mindless show when I heard a knock on the door.

Thinking it was Edward I said, "Come in."

I was surprised to see Rose standing there, in yoga pants and a tank top. "I wanted to let you know, I posted the pictures to the site."

"Great! Thanks, Rose."

"Yeah, no problem, you were right they were good."

She was about to leave when I suddenly asked, "Rose, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," she said as she waited for me to ask.

"Why do you decline requests from the magazines?"

She didn't say anything as she stepped further into the room and sat next to me on the bed. "I used to model when I was younger; it was the only thing my mother praised me on, the only thing I did right in her eyes. But as I got older the photographers became….bolder….more aggressive. By the time I was 17, I was afraid to go on shoots, I would only take jobs during the time Jazz would come visit so he could accompany me. But the touches continued when his back was turned, Jazz suggested working with only female photographers and that didn't work. I just began to hate modeling. And men."

"Rose, I'm sorry."

"Out of all the guys I dated or hit on me, Emmett was the only one who treated me with respect. He saw me, not the face or the body. Even after we broke up he was supportive of anything I tried. And when Edward needed a drummer, he called me. Bella, I have this kick ass job where the world I used to love and adore wants me and I can't even be alone with a photographer without shaking."

"And that's the reason it's hard to find pictures of you," I said as all the pieces came together. Before the Cullens came back I would read as many articles I could find without James finding out and I rarely saw pictures of Rose.

"Yeah, I have to be with someone, only Jazz knows what happened….well, and now you," she said with a weak smile.

"You didn't tell Emmett?" I asked incredulously.

"No, I just told him I get uncomfortable and he left it at that. I think he hoped I would explain it."

"You need to tell him," I said, and then I laughed because I, the Queen of Silence, was telling someone to talk about their issues with someone else.

"I have an idea…Why don't we do a photo shoot here, where you can get used to being in front of a camera? The guys won't be too far away," I offered suddenly.

"No, that's not a good idea," she said shooting down the idea.

"Why not?"

"Because you'll want me by the end of the shoot."

"Rose I know I've been asexual for some time, but it's safe to say I'm a fan of the peen."

"I've seen it happen, you'll be like a lost little puppy following me around and I can't have that," she said with mock seriousness.

"Rose, seriously, I think I can control my urges."

She laughed as she looked at me. "Okay, tomorrow, but the moment you get all handsy the deal is off!"

"Sorry, Rose, I'm a proud peen lover."

"Yeah, that's what they all say. Okay, we'll talk in the morning," she said. "Good Night, Bellina."

"Goodnight, Rose."

Rose gave me an awkward hug before scurrying out of my room, it was hard to believe someone like Rose who oozed confidence had a hidden fear. She came off like a prizefighter, there were cracks in the façade but it didn't take away from her beauty, just enhanced it. I turned off the lights and snuggled under the covers, I wanted to wait for Edward but I knew he could be working in the studio for hours.

A knock on the door woke me up and Edward entered a moment later.

"Hey…" he said as he placed a bottle of water on the nightstand.

"Hey," I said, my voice sounded husky to my own ears.

"Sorry, Jasper and I decided to record a demo," he said, getting into bed with me and laying on top of the covers.

"It's ok, I understand." He leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss. "You should be resting, you have training with Emmett in the morning."

"But how am I suppose to sleep without my good night kiss?" he asked, his voice husky. "I love you, Isabella."

I wanted to say, '_I love you too,'_ but sleep had already claimed me. I would tell him soon.

* * *

A/N: Ok....so what did you think? Please hit review....pretty please with sugar on top?


	15. Wasted

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but I do own 2 copies of Ghostbusters and a tee shirt that reads 'Golden Girls Rules!' (Don't judge me! ;) )**

**Special thanks to Kelly for constantly reading my mind and overall being a kickass friend. And a HUGE THANK YOU to Wearingwords the busiest woman in fandom for all your help and encouragement. **

I'm sorry for this late update first I was writing two different POV's which proved to be a bad idea then hit with a major case of writer's block. As I was trying to get back in the swing of things, RL really got the best of me. I can only explain it here because of the subject matter of Awakening but I found out a friend of mines is dealing with this same matter. I wanted to run and move her out of her apartment and into a safe environment, I cried with her and I cried for her. Every time I sat down to write I no longer saw Awakening's Bella but I saw my friend. I'm just happy she's finding the courage to get the fuck out.

When I started writing this fic, I took on a subject that I knew nothing about, I've never had to deal with this and somehow fiction met reality and I'm simply stupefied. Again I'm at a loss for words for my emotional state.

And I need to say thank you to everyone who's stuck out with me because I went back to the beginning and my grammar mistakes were horrific not that it's much better now but I'm learning. And I seriously mean this your reviews and PM's inspire me.

_**Pimpage:**_

_**I found this AMAZING fic over the weekend and please check it out. Just have some tissue available.**_

_**We don't break, we Bend - lyricalkris**_

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5508413/(1)/

* * *

A slight shove had me instantly awake. "Time to get up, pretty boy. I'll meet you in gym for stretching," Emmett whispered, trying to not wake Bella.

I groaned a little as I turned back into Bella's warmth and the familiar sensation of the room spinning hit me, which I knew would end soon. I gave her one last tight hug as I kissed her hair, covering her up as I climbed out of bed and made my way to my room. I hadn't planned on spending the remainder of the night in bed with her, but I'd been too comfortable to move.

I quickly put on a pair of clean sweats and wife beater and walked in the gym a few minutes later. There were three mats which meant Jasper was joining us. Emmett waved me over when he noticed my arrival; he had a tape measure and clipboard in his hand, ready to get to work.

"Let's get you weighed in," he said. I stepped onto the digital scale and was shocked to see I'd lost 10 lbs since my last weigh in, which was before the tour ended. Emmett then went on to take my measurements; I could tell he wasn't happy with the results.

"Mornin'," Jasper mumbled and sat on a mat. He didn't need to weigh in since he looked as if he'd put on more muscle this summer. I was suddenly feeling like that scrawny kid everyone in school used to make fun of. Being way too tall, skinny with brassy red hair could mess with a person's psyche.

"Ok, let's stretch." Emmett took me through a new series of stretches concentrating mainly on my lower body. When I stretched my hips and lower back I could hear the bones creak, reminding me that it had been a long time since I'd stretched. By the time we were done my body felt looser, more agile.

"I'm not putting you on the treadmill, so we'll do a short run into town, no further than the drug store and back," Emmett said. "Edward, if you need to stop then stop, don't try to be all macho on my ass. I don't think there are any more photographers, but Jasper you stay in front and I will take the rear."

Emmett was all business when it came to working out, especially since he had to make adjustments due to my recovery. The sun was starting to rise, though it was hard to tell with it being overcast, I put on my hoodie to ward off the morning chill. Jasper started a nice pace I was able to keep up with, it felt good to move this way, during my recovery I had forgotten how much I missed running. Without my iPod I was aware of the quiet, the peaceful silence, as we came out of the clusters of trees surrounding the property and Forks emerged. I heard Emmett grumbling behind me, running was his least favorite exercise; he preferred the treadmill over running outdoors, but he kept going.

Emmett was chunky when he was younger, people always made fun of his size. One summer he started reading fitness magazines, following the instructions to the letter and then entered sports; if he didn't know how to play, he learned and eventually mastered it.

His love for football started when we were kids, it was one of Dad's guilty 'd watch as many games as possible when Dad was home and if he was called to the hospital Emmett, would watch and give Dad a play by play when he got home. So, it seemed only natural that Emmett was granted a full athletic scholarship to play football at USC and was eventually drafted into the NFL. After joining the band he started training me mainly out of boredom while we were on the road.

The run took about twenty minutes. Once we returned to the gym we did a couple sets of push-ups, which was Emmett's favorite. I was on the exercise ball doing my last set of crunches when the dizziness hit me, my arm flailed out when I thought I was going to topple over. I got off the ball and sat on the floor as the room slowly stopped moving.

"You ok?" my brother asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah, give me a minute."

"Let's call it a day, you don't want to push it," Jasper said.

"Nah, I'm good."

"No, you're done for the day. Go shower," Emmett said as he held his hand out to help me off the floor. "It'll get easier, ok?"

I didn't say anything and just nodded. I had to remember: One day at a time.

****

I was walking out of my room after a quick shower when I saw a dejected Bella walking the halls.

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked when she reached me.

"Esme kicked me out of the kitchen," she said with a pout. I hid my chuckle as I wrapped my arms around her. Her hair was still damp from her shower, I could smell the floral conditioner she used that was soft and delicate-- which is the best way to describe Bella. She pressed her body against mine; I sometimes wondered if I was still in a coma because I never thought she would be in my arms again.

"Didn't your doctor order you to rest more?"

"Yes," she mumbled into my chest. "But I thought I could at least make breakfast."

We walked back into her room, she stepped out of her shoes and crawled into bed fully clothed pulling the covers around her, I could see she was still pouting. I took my usual spot on top of the covers and hugged her to my side, her arm wrapped around my waist as she rested her head on my chest.

"I'm being a brat, huh?" she asked, looking at me with a frown.

"Yes," I replied as I gave her a peck on the lips.

"Ok, no more complaining. Did you have a good work out?"

"Yeah, it was good. It's going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things," I said. "But thankfully Emmett went light on me."

"No dizziness?" she asked quietly. I know the lingering dizziness bothered her, a constant reminder of Alec's attack.

"Just a little, but I knew that would happen." She squeezed me a little tighter and I kissed her hair as I tried to comfort her. "Hey, stop worrying."

"Can't help it," she murmured. I hated the fact that she felt guilty, it truly wasn't her fault Alec was a sneaky bastard. I knew no matter what I said she would continue to feel that way.

I tilted her chin and kissed her lips, hearing her sigh as she held me tighter made my heart flutter. My feelings for Bella were more intense than they had been before and there was no confusion about what I felt: I loved her - plain and simple. I didn't want her to tell me she loved me because she felt she needed to, I want her to say it when she was sure. And even though she hadn't said anything, the expression in her eyes told me I wasn't the only one who felt that way.

The knock on the door interrupted our little bubble. "Edward? Bella? Are you in there?"

I sighed. "Yeah, Jasper, come on in," I yelled.

Jazz stuck his head in; it was still wet from his shower. "Morning, Bella. Esme wanted me to let you both know breakfast was ready."

My stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. "Okay, we'll be there in a minute."

Jasper and Bella tried to hold back their laughter. "Okay, see ya down there," Jasper said as he closed the door.

"Is someone hungry?" she asked.

"Yes, after that work out I'm starved. Come on, let's go eat." I helped her get out of bed when she became tangled in the covers. It felt natural to take her hand as we walked to the kitchen, and some of the cheesiest love songs popped in my head. It was official, I had arrived in Nerdville and I was happy about it.

My mother had just handed me a plate when a new text message arrived.

_Gather the troops!_

_Time for a camp fire round up!_

_Mike_

Camp fire round up meant conference call. I had no desire to attend, but knew he wouldn't ask unless he really needed to talk to us about something. I sent a quick reply, otherwise he'd keep sending messages.

_Mike,_

_Just sat down to breakfast, we'll call when we're done._

_EC_

"Conference call with Mike after breakfast," I informed everyone. I poured coffee for Bella and myself before joining everyone at the table.

"Well, at least they're not coming up here," Emmett said.

"Will Eric be on the call?" Rose asked with a frown.

"Not sure. Mike didn't say anything." I knew Rose was avoiding one on one conversations with Eric since the last meeting a few weeks ago. I told her if he kept pressuring her I would change representation, even though Rose and I weren't close it didn't mean I didn't look out for her.

Thirty minutes later we were all seated in the office, except for Bella who went back to her room. I placed the call to Mike and put him on speakerphone.

"Hey, Mike," we all said in unison.

"Hey, everyone!" he said. "Ok, now that Edward has been cleared to travel, we need to get started on the auction prizes. There are two in particular that need to be taken care of as soon as possible."

"The dates?" Alice inquired.

"No. We're still working on the original two that fell through, but we'll talk about that at a later date. We need to discuss the interview and a day at the studio auctions. The same person bought the auctions and is willing to combine both. Now here's the kicker, she's placed the bids on these two items because of the girls she mentors, but school is starting soon and she doesn't want it to interfere with their schedules. So could you guys get to Los Angeles in a couple of days?"

I hadn't really thought about the auction since the night of the benefit, when I originally set it up I planned to have everything done, aside from the dates, by now. Until recently everything had been put on hold, and I definitely didn't want people here at my parents' home, so Los Angeles sounded good. Besides this will give my parents' time alone and we will go have some fun.

"Mike, we'll need to get back to you, but if I went by the looks in this room, a trip to Los Angeles will be great."

"Great, could you let me know in the next few hours?" he asked anxiously.

"Yeah, I'll call you back, we can go over the particulars then."

"And is Bella there?"

I was instantly on edge. "No, she's not here right now. Why?"

"Since reporters are trying to get interviews with you and Emmett, they've also been contacting me about her. So maybe later we can discuss who you want to give the big interview to," Mike explained.

I honestly hadn't thought about future interviews, other than when the new CD was released, which wouldn't be for a while. With the attack and pending trial it was understandable that answers were in high demand.

"Ok, Mike. I'll give you a call back later about L.A. I'll need to speak with Bella."

"Alright, talk to you guys soon," Mike said and clicked off.

"As much as I love Mom and Dad, I have to say I can't wait to get the fuck out of here for a few days," Emmett said dryly.

"Amen!" Jasper murmured.

"Starbucks!" Rose and Emmett yelled at the same time, giving each other high fives.

"Chanel!" Alice said with a grin. Even though she was there less than two months ago I could tell she was excited to get back.

"Okay, we'll need to have the instruments transported, since it's a day in the studio we should have songs we're definitely going to record or work on something with them….I guess we can wing it," I said. I saw Alice making a list in her Hello Kitty notebook. _Seriously, what is up with all_ _the Hello Kitty in this house? _

"Well, in that case, should we even work on the demo we started last night?" Jasper asked.

"I still think everyone should hear it and take it from there. We can meet in the music room in a half hour because I need to go talk to Bella."

"And call Aro, I'm not sure we can legally say anything until everything is over," Emmett reminded me.

"Shit, you're right." I hadn't thought about that, I wasn't used to being this censored.

"I'll call him and get back to you and Bella," Emmett said with his cell phone already to his ear.

We left the office while Emmett placed the call to Aro and I went back up stairs to Bella's room. I knocked on the door but I didn't get a response. I opened the door calling her name in case she was in the bathroom, but the door to the bathroom was wide open so I knew she was definitely not in there. I figured she was outside, enjoying the little sunshine that was starting to peek through the clouds. I went to my room because I wanted to grab my beanie before going back outside, but when I walked into my room I found Bella sitting on my bed with my laptop.

She looked startled when I burst through the door. "Sorry, I hope you don't mind me using your computer," she said shyly.

Chuckling, I crawled into bed and sat behind her. "You can use it anytime, babe," I said. She settled in between my legs and continued her online search. "What are you searching for?"

She didn't say anything as she handed me some pamphlets on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and continued her Google search. As I read, everything started to fall into place, from Bella's jumpiness to her persistent nightmares.

"Where did this come from?"

"From my appointment yesterday, it seems I have a lot of the symptoms."

The one symptom that jumped out at me was flashbacks, the only time I knew of was the coffee incident at breakfast a few weeks ago. "And do you sometimes think you're back with…him?" I asked.

"Yes, sometimes I could be doing something and I hear a noise, next thing I know my heart is pounding as I wait for him to come take me back. Or if someone startles me, I…I have to remind myself that I'm safe," she said in a low voice. I could hear her take a few deep breaths as her body began to shake.

"You're safe, Bella. I won't let anything happen to you," I whispered in her ear.

"I know," she said in a teary voice. I moved the laptop to the other side of the bed and shifted Bella until she was facing me and she immediately buried her face in my chest. "I hate this," she murmured. "I'm so fucking tired of crying and being afraid."

"It's going to take time, it's not going to happen overnight, but I promise you it will get better. And if you do have this Post traumatic stuff, then we'll get through it." I took my sleeve and tried to wipe her tears, which caused her to laugh. Seeing her smile brightened my day.

I leaned over and kissed her lips, they were soft, plump and tasted like strawberries. She didn't resist when I deepened the kiss, with my fingers in her hair she moaned against my lips. Bella's hand was on my hip, when her fingers made contact with skin, she stilled. Our breathing was labored; I couldn't resist kissing her forehead wishing I could take it further.

"Better?" I asked.

"Yes," she said with a chuckle. Her skin was flushed and her eyes were heavy with desire.

"Good." I pressed my face into her hair taking in her scent, relishing her touch.

"Was the meeting ok? It didn't last long."

"It was good. Mike explained we have to start fulfilling auction commitments. So we're going to LA next week."

"Oh, that will be good for you guys."

I frowned. "Bella, you do realize you're going with us, right?"

"I am?"

"Silly Bella, yes you're going with us," I said as I gave her another kiss. "When was the last time you were there?" I remembered her telling me she and her dad used to go for summer vacation.

"When I went with my dad," she murmured. I knew she missed her dad like crazy, especially lately with everything going on with James.

"Well, then this is going to be a little different. No parents, you can stay up as long as you want and if Emmett has his way, Pinkberry for breakfast."

"What's Pinkberry?" she asked.

"Oh babe, the best frozen yogurt on the west coast, it's Emmett and Alice's crack."

"Oh geez! More sugar for those two?"

"Don't worry about it, but it'll still be fun. And beware you will more than likely go shopping with Ace," I warned.

"I'm dreading that little outing, our last one was horrific."

"What happened?" I asked. I didn't get the details on what happened when they went to Port Angeles; I just knew it was when Alice had found out about Bella's marriage.

"She didn't tell you?"

"No. What happened?" I repeated.

"She saw my bruises," she said quietly. The confusion must have been evident in my eyes. "She walked in on me when I was changing and saw my body…I thought you knew this already."

"No, I thought you confided in her or something. Hell, I was still reeling over finding out, so it's all a blur," I admitted. I'd only seen a few bruises on her face and arms, I wasn't sure if I would have been able to handle seeing what he did to her body.

"No, far from it, but we talked it out. In a way I needed that, she's been good to me ever since, but it doesn't mean I want to go shopping with her."

"Yeah, she can be a bit much. If you need me to talk to her, I can," I offered.

"No, it would hurt her feelings. Hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement."

I hugged her tighter and I heard her sigh. "Oh, before I forget, it seems you've been getting offers for interviews, so Mike wants you, me and Emmett to figure out who we want to talk to. But Emmett is talking to Aro first to get the ok."

"Interviews? Why me?" she shrieked as she sat up.

"Be careful," I warned when I saw her wince at the sudden movement. "Well, people are curious about what happened, so yeah they want to interview you."

"Can you imagine me stammering with some reporter? That clip would haunt me for the rest of my life. Nope, no thanks," she said, sounding all fiery.

"Why don't you think about it for a while?"

"Edward, honestly no one cares about what I have to say."

She may have been talking about an interview but her words meant something deeper. "I always care about what you have to say. Besides, that fucker got his chance to spread his lies, why don't you counteract it with the truth?"

A knock on the door interrupted our conversation, Emmett walked in without me granting permission. "Dude, you should wait till I say 'Enter' or some shit like that."

"Why should I wait? I know you guys aren't doing the horizontal floppy," Emmett said dryly.

"That's not the point," I argued.

"Could we discuss what Aro told me or are you planning to whine for the rest of the day?" Emmett retorted.

"Just for the record, you're an asshat," I said with mock seriousness.

"Asshat? Lord, that's all you got? Moving on," he said, flipping me off. "Just talked to Aro, he said no interviews and he'll contact Mike about prospects and get back to us. He also advised we should continue with 'No comment.' As for the fan interview he said not to answer any questions pertaining to the case," Emmett relayed to us.

"Okay, I can handle that," Bella said, looking more relaxed.

"So, it's official: we're going to L.A.," I said, smiling at Bella.

"L.A. baby!" Emmett yelled, rubbing his hands together. "Bells, we're going to have so much fun! We can go down to Huntington and go surfing--"

"Surfing? Oh, hell no," Bella said, shaking her head.

I had to laugh as Emmett tried to argue with her about the beauty of surfing and Bella refused to give in. She honestly looked adorable when she was putting her foot down, it reminded me of when we first met, and I knew I had to make this trip special for her. While Emmett and Bella continued to argue I sent a text to Mike.

_We're in! Email me with travel arrangements._

_-EC_

I was going through my contacts when Mike replied to my text.

_EC- _

_Awesome! Already online with Frank to transport instruments, might be there tonight. You guys will leave tomorrow evening….maybe. _

_Stay tuned. _

_- Mike_

"Okay, Mike wants us there ASAP. Frank might be here tonight to transport instruments," I said, relaying the latest information.

"Okay, then we should go start packing that shit up," Emmett said. I could feel the excitement vibrating from him.

Alice popped in the room. "Bella, did you hear? We're going to L.A.," she said as she hopped on the bed and sat on the foot to talk to Bella. "I know you don't want to, but we need to go shopping while we're there. You need more than two pairs of jeans. You need clothes that fit."

"I don't have two pairs of jeans, I have four, thank you very much," Bella said in a haughty voice.

"I stand corrected. Either way, you're going shopping."

"I get to choose the place--"

"Sorry no, you'll choose Forever 21 or some shit like that."

"Well, I can afford Forever 21, so no dissing."

"Sorry, I only like to watch fighting unless there is mud involved. Ace, stop hounding her about shopping, only thing she needs is a bikini for the beach," Emmett said.

"I'm not wearing a bikini, Emmett, so stop," Bella barked. An image of Bella in a pink bikini popped in my head. I'd never seen her in a bikini but the image felt so real.

"We will compromise, ok Bella? Besides this is a gift from Mom and Dad. Do you want to hurt their feelings?" Alice explained. My head shot up, _Mom and Dad were funding the shopping excursion?_ I'd planned to give Alice my credit cards. I'd been so busy sending a text, I'd only half listened to what was going on around me.

"I can't have them paying for my clothes," Bella said worriedly.

"Ace, no pressuring Bella," I said sternly and sent a text to my friend Milano.

"Let's go downstairs, listen to the demo and start packing," I said as I got off the bed. I looked back to see Bella was still sitting on my bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just realized I'm leaving the state for the first time since I was 16 and I don't need to ask permission," she said softly.

_She hasn't left Washington in nine years?_ "Bella, you're a grown woman. You're allowed to do whatever you want. You can leave the state, you can walk down the street butt naked... well, not really, but you get the gist," I said as I grabbed her hand.

When we entered the music room it was all business, we reviewed the demo but my mind drifted as I made plans for Bella in L.A. I wanted to make this trip fun for her. She deserved to let loose and be happy.

***

The sun streaming through the windows caused me to wake before my alarm went off. I could hear the birds chirping and I was happy to see the sun when I'd become accustomed to gray, cloudy days. Just as I was drifting off again, my alarm signaled it was time to wake up. As I dragged my ass out of bed I realized I missed waking up with Bella in my arms.

Mike had managed to find a five bedroom house that had a small gym, which Emmett had me use when we arrived last night, and a built-in studio so it was like being in Forks but with sunlight. I stepped into the shower before the water had a chance to warm up, but I needed that jolt; it wasn't as good as coffee, but it would do.

The last 48 hours had been hectic, once we'd told Mike we'd come to LA there was no stopping him. We'd barely had time to discuss the demo when Frank and his guys showed up to grab the instruments. Jasper, Emmett and I decided to carry our own personal favorite guitars. Not that we didn't trust Frank, but we felt naked without them. Now that we were here, I was suddenly feeling nervous, even though I'd been playing almost on a daily basis with Jasper or Emmett I felt suddenly stripped.

My shower didn't last long, I was too jittery to enjoy it and I needed a cigarette. I hadn't smoked in more than six weeks, but my nerves were shot. _Rose_. She would be the only one to have cigarettes, since Jasper gave them up, _again_. I put on a pair of black jeans with a short sleeve v-neck gray tee shirt and my standard black and white Chuck Taylors. When I opened the bedroom door I was hit with an aroma of bacon, eggs and maple syrup.

When I walked in the kitchen I expected to find Bella at the stove but instead I found people who looked to be from a catering company. Not wanting to get in their way even though I was starving, I went out back to find Bella snapping pictures of a nervous looking Rose puffing on a cigarette.

"Bella, it's not going to work, let's forget it," Rose snapped loudly. I could see Bella visibly retreating into herself as she stopped snapping pictures. Rose must have noticed too because she started to apologize before I could speak up. "Bellinia, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." Rose, not the touchy feely sort, gave Bella a quick hug.

"Good Morning, ladies," I said to make my presence known. They looked over, I could see Bella's eyes were glassy as if she was on the verge of tears. _Well, this is not how I wanted to start the day_.

"Morning," they said in unison, then looked at each other and giggled which lead me to believe whatever tension they had before quickly faded. _Women_. I caught Bella's eye and she walked over to me to give me my morning hug.

"How are you?" I asked as I dug my nose into her hair. I noticed I was quickly becoming addicted to her smell, unfortunately not even her addicting scent could calm the nervousness that seemed to have plagued me this morning.

"Okay considering Rose is spazzing on me."

"She hates to have her picture taken," I replied.

"I know, she warned me. We were trying to go against the grain."

I looked over a Rose who was lighting another cigarette, I never knew the deal with Rose and photographers, at first I thought she was being a diva of some sort until I saw her visibly shake when a photographer became too aggressive. I had to hold Jasper back from kicking the guy's ass, but we all came to an unsaid understanding to never push her.

Bella and I were still wrapped in each others arms, when Rose walked over, holding out a cigarette. "You look like you could use this," she said. I started puffing on the filthy stick before she finished her sentence. As much as I hated smoking, it helped calm me when I started to freak out.

"Are you ok?" Bella asked, a frown marring her forehead.

I placed a kiss to her plump lips, she tasted like oranges while I now tasted like minty tobacco. "Just nervous about how the new music will be accepted," I admitted.

"I'm sure it's going to be fine," she assured me and stood on her tippy toes to give me another kiss.

"Kids, I hate to break up the love fest but if you don't want your relationship all over Twitter I advise you to chill on the groping. Mike has arrived with our guests," Rosalie said, looking intently at the French doors that lead to the house. Mike walked through with a woman in her mid-thirties, who he introduced as Dee, the winner of the two auctions and she introduced the girls she mentored, Stacey an African American teen with wild curly hair that reminded me of Scary Spice back in the day, and Jax who looked like she just arrived from the beach. At first, they didn't say anything but stared at me and Rosalie, but nearly squealed with delight when they were introduced to Bella who was staring at them as if they lost their minds.

"I got Starbucks, bitches!" Emmett yelled from inside the house.

"I see Emmett has arrived, let's go inside, we have breakfast waiting for everyone," Mike said as he motioned for everyone to follow him inside. He then introduced the newcomers to Emmett, Jasper and Alice. The girls still seemed nervous at the beginning of the meal but with Em being Em he had them laughing and more relaxed by the time we entered the studio an hour later.

Jax knew how to play guitar, but Stacey admitted she didn't know how to play any instruments. I grabbed one of the extra acoustics we'd brought with us and took Stacey to a quiet corner in the studio. I could feel Dee and Mike's gazes on us, but I ignored them.

I handed her the guitar and showed her where to place her hands, we made the necessary adjustments until she found a comfortable position and then taught her a few easy chords. The excitement that radiated from her reminded me of when I played my first song for my parents, that weird since of accomplishment. Stacey was a fast learner, after teaching her the easiest chords, I showed her a riff which she was able to play with no difficulty after a few tries.

"You have to get a guitar," I said as I watched her play the riff again.

"Yeah, that's never going to happen," she said, trying to mask her disappointment.

"Why not? Maybe your parents can get a used one cheap."

She just shook her head and sighed. "Edward, my mom and I are barely surviving. A guitar is out of the question."

I've never really had to think about money, I never had to starve, my parents worked not because they had to but because they enjoyed their jobs. My father, who was technically a trust fund kid, didn't believe in spoiling his children, which is why he cut me off during college, but I knew if things were too bad my parents or uncle would give me the cash. But due to my stubbornness I had been determined not to ask for money. I'd forgotten there were families like Stacey's where a guitar was a complete luxury, something I took for granted.

"I'm sorry," I said, and I truly was.

"Don't be sorry, Edward, its rough right now but it's better than where we were two years ago."

"And where was that?" I asked.

"Getting our asses kicked by my dad," she said bluntly. I could feel my eyes bulging as I sat there stunned into silence. "Hey, I didn't say that to freak you out, I figured with you helping Isabella you'd understand."

"I'm sorry," I apologized again. I knew what Bella had suffered through, but to know someone as young as Stacey dealt with the same thing broke my heart. "You're just a kid, I don't understand. Sorry, I just don't understand how anyone could hurt the people they love like that. I don't know how to wrap my mind around it." I knew I was stammering and sounded like a complete idiot, but nothing about abuse made sense to me.

She unstrapped the guitar and sat it next her chair. "You're not supposed to get it, Edward. You should never rationalize beating someone you supposedly love. Those fuckers love to see the other person down, they take perverse pleasure in seeing you cry, seeing you beg for mercy because they feel small and insignificant in their own lives and need to feel powerful by taking it out on those around them."

"Hold old are you?"

"Sixteen," she said with a small smile. Outwardly she looked like a teenager, but in her eyes you could see the uncanny wisdom; she was an old soul. We both turned our heads when we heard the digital camera going off. Bella was close enough to have heard the conversation Stacey and I were having. Images of James on top of Bella on the night of the benefit filled my head, I couldn't imagine hurting the woman I love that way, let alone my child. I looked at Stacey again and it hit me: Bella was able to divorce her husband, but Stacey couldn't simply divorce her father, he helped create her and yet he tried to destroy her. _Fuck, I need a cigarette_.

"Edward, do you want to go over the Silent demo?" Jasper asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"No, not 'Silent', it needs to be re-written." It hit me right there the song I'd written was no good.

"Ok what do you want to work on?" Jasper asked in a confused voice.

_I had no fucking clue_. "Let me go smoke a cigarette and then we'll figure it out," I said. I looked at Stacey who had picked up the guitar again and started playing the chords I taught her. "What kind of music do you generally listen to?"

"Hip Hop," she admitted. "I honestly don't know anything about your band. Dee placed the bid for Jax, and since we're best friends I promised I would come. She's a huge fan, but you did win brownie points with me when I heard about you kickin' Bella's husband's ass. People usually turn a blind eye when they see a guy beat on a girl. But you didn't, that's fuckin cool."

"She's my friend, I couldn't let him do that." I couldn't understand not doing anything, I knew it nearly killed Jake when Ramsey placed threats over his head.

"You don't know how many times my mom and dad fought in the middle of the street and no one did anything. I grew up thinking no one cared, but then I met Jax and Dee, they made me believe in people again. They told me over and over that there are some good people. I really didn't believe it, I thought they were rare," Stacey continued on. "And when me and my mom left my dad, we were scared, there was no one else to help or protect us. We finally went to the shelter and met Dee, she didn't bat an eye, just helped us, constantly reminding us we weren't alone."

"There was no one to help?" I asked. Bella had Jake and my dad, I couldn't imagine what would have happened if they weren't in her life.

"No. No one we knew was willing to help. One day my mom packed my stuff and we ran. I was so afraid she wasn't going to start the car, but she did." She stared at me, I could see the tears forming in her eyes that she was trying to hold back. "Shit, I promised Jax I wouldn't embarrass her."

"You're not embarrassing anyone. In fact, you're inspiring. And for the record, if anyone of us saw your father hurting you or your mother in the streets we would have gladly kicked his ass," I stated.

The tears she tried to hold back streamed down her cheeks, she looked like the little girl she was. I reached over and gave her a hug, I could feel her small body shaking as she tried to compose herself. I looked around the room to see everyone had their eyes trained on us. Dee and Jax came over to Stacey to make sure she was ok. She kept apologizing for losing it, I tried to reassure her it was ok.

The room suddenly became too small, I grabbed Rose's cigarettes she'd left on the table and walked out of the studio. Unsure of where I was going, I opened the front door and stepped into the sunlight. The warm rays didn't help ward off the chill that suddenly wracked my body. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette and took a huge drag. I began to walk in small circles, puffing on my cigarette, trying to figure out why my conversation with Stacey affected me this way.

"Rosalie will kill you if you smoke all her cigarettes," Alice said, interrupting my thoughts. I turned to see my sister standing a couple feet away, as she walked closer I could see remains of tears on her lashes.

"Ace, what if we hadn't come home?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I don't like to think that way."

"I understood Dad and Jake's hands were tied but other people knew and no one did a damn thing."

"I agree it was completely fucked up, but the good news is she's no longer there. Concentrate on that."

I lit another cigarette. "I don't understand why I'm reacting this way. It's not like I don't know what's going on. I just feel out of sorts right now."

"Because you're usually focused on Bella. You knew who the players were in her situation and when we set out to do this auction, the other victims were faceless people in the crowd. They had no names, but Stacey, she's real. And it hit you that you can't blur her out, no more than you could blur out Bella. And if it was up to you, you'd protect her too."

"Caring fucking sucks," I said, taking another drag.

"Yeah, it blows monkey balls."

I stubbed out my cigarette because I was getting nauseous from smoking too many in a short period of time. I was about to head back to the house when Alice stopped me and wrapped her tiny arms around me. "Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome. Now let's go back in there and make this a fun day for those girls," she said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the house. Bella was waiting in the entry way and walked into my arms, not caring about prying eyes, I leaned down and kissed her.

"You looked like you could use that," she said with a smirk.

"It's exactly what I needed," I said and truly meant it. Being the greedy son of a bitch that I am, I kissed her again.

When we returned to the studio, the mood was tense, not what I envisioned when I woke up that morning.

"Emmett, pick a song, any song and we're playing it," I said as I strapped on my guitar.

"You know he's going to pick something with Michael Jackson," Jasper said dryly.

"You know Michael Jackson songs?" Stacey asked.

"Emmett happens to be one of the biggest MJ fans you'll ever meet," I explained.

"Then he and Stacey will should have a sing off, she's a Michael Jackson freak too," Jax said. That was honestly the most relaxed thing she'd said since she'd arrived.

"Stacey, you up for the challenge?" Emmett asked with a cocky grin.

Stacey was sitting next to Bella in the corner and looked over at Emmett with an equally cocky grin. "Emmett, try to keep up. You choose the song."

Jasper and I looked at each other and then rolled our eyes as Jasper played the opening chords to 'Bad'. Emmett jumped right in with the opening lines, even adding the dance moves with practiced perfection. Stacey jumped in on the second verse taking, the spotlight from Emmett. I knew Stacey was musical and wasn't surprised she could actually sing, it was very poppy but still strong. She and Emmett fed off each other's energy, getting the room to relax and sing along.

When the Michael Jackson duo ended their song, Rose continued on a familiar beat that caused Alice to squeal in delight as she and Rose launched into 'Hollaback Girl'. All the ladies were singing in a group at the top of their lungs, even Bella put the camera down along with Dee and was singing and dancing in the middle of the room.

The morning had a rocky star but we finally found a groove, we hit all genres of music and everyone was having a good time. Jax even sang her rendition of 'Forget You' which had a bluesy vibe. Even though I wasn't singing the song, the words still hurt; I'd written the song while drunk and angry at Bella. As usual my song lyrics centered on her, even though I was sober this time around, I felt that giddiness I usually felt after a few shots.

Emmett started play a melody I hadn't heard before, I didn't think he realized he was playing it, just something he was fiddling with. I nodded to Mike to start recording, Rose was listening to Emmett play and quickly found a beat to match. Jasper and I followed suit and we just jammed for a few minutes. I whispered to Alice to wait for my signal, as I stepped up to the mic and started singing the first thing that came to mind.

_I'm on this merry go round,_

_I'm dizzy all the time._

_I can't stand on my own two feet_

_Even though I never left the ground_

_As dizzy as I feel_

_I'm not ready to give it up_

_I feel wasted, wasted_

_I feel wasted, wasted_

_Head over feet_

_Wasted, wasted_

_I fell in love again_

_When will I ever learn?_

_With kisses so sublime_

_Never holding back_

_Not this time_

_I'm wasted, so wasted_

_I'm wasted, so wasted_

_Head over feet_

_So wasted (wasted, wasted)_

_Will she ever tell me how she feels?_

_But I'm pretty sure I know_

_She's just as drunk as me_

_learnin' how to deallll_

_She's wasted, wasted_

_She's wasted, wasted_

_So wasted, wasted._

_Head over feet_

_Completely wasted_

_We're like little kids not sure what to do_

_I think she's in love with me too_

_And you know how I feel_

_I love her with my all my heart and my soul_

_But we got a deal_

_We'll stay drunk together_

_Nothing better than seein' my girl_

_So wasted, just so (wasted, wasted)._

_Wasted_

_So wasted_

_I'm standing here so drunk_

_As can be_

_As you look at me_

_The room spinin'_

_I'm drunk as I wanna be_

_Yet there's no whiskey_

_Anywhere near meeee_

_But I'm wasted_

_Wasted_

_I'm wasted_

_Head over feet_

_I'm wasted on_

_You and meeee_

_So wasted wasted_

_I'm so fuckin wasted_

_Me and my girl_

_We're wasted_

The room was silent when we finished. I felt an instant relief, I needed to purge myself after the emotional roller coaster I'd been on today. Plus, it counteracted the heavy feeling in my chest after Jax's performance.

"Ohmigod! That was great," exclaimed Jax.

I was nervous about the impromptu song but happy it was received well. "Glad you liked it."

"Will that be on the new CD?" she asked excitedly.

"I'm not sure, I will see how it sounds," I said. Mike worked the boards and replayed the song. Overall we were happy with the song but I knew it needed to be tweaked. We would probably re-record because I needed Alice to help with the backup vocals. We were listening to the demo for a second time, critiquing the lyrics and melody when Bella handed me a bottle of water.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said quietly as she sat next to me. I realized it was the first time Bella had been in the studio while we recorded. She'd been present for jam sessions of cover songs but never an actual recording.

"What did you think of the song?" I asked anxiously. I was curious about her reaction.

"I really liked it," she said so quietly I had to bend down just to hear her. "I always feel dizzy with you." I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks. "Have I ever told you I find your blushing adorable?"

I laughed. "No, you haven't mentioned that before," I said. I loved her when she was in a teasing mood. "Anything else about me makes you laugh?" I asked.

"Yes, I laugh whenever you eat M&M's because you separate them by color, always saving reds for last," she said with a snicker and laid her head on my shoulder.

"Only you would notice those things," I said as I kissed her hair.

"I notice everything about you," she said, the teasing manner replaced with seriousness.

"And I you," I murmured and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. I looked up in time to see Jax watching us with wide eyes and Stacey with a knowing grin, she even winked at us.

"Oh my god, did they see that?" she asked nervously.

"Yeah, but who cares? Once people hear this CD they'll know my feelings for you."

"There are more songs like that?"

"Yes, they're on my computer. You can listen to them later," I said. Even though I'd been worried about how fans would receive the new music, it was Bella's reaction I was most nervous about.

"Hey guys," Mike called out. "Unfortunately, Jax has to get to work. It's her last day so she doesn't want to leave on a bad note. If it's ok with everyone, we'll continue with the interviews tomorrow."

"Okay, we can resume tomorrow morning," I said.

"Thank you! I'm so sorry for the inconvenience," Jax said apologetically.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Emmett said, giving her a playful hug.

"Okay, let's do one last recording. Alice, I was thinking Jax and Stacey could assist you on the backup vocals, signal them when to come in. Rose pick-up the tempo by half a beat and Emmett follow Edward's lead," Jasper directed. I found Bella's gaze as I sang the first lines, she sent me a small smile which put me in girly mode and my heart began to flutter.

I walked Mike and our guests out to the car and Mike handed me a package that was delivered to his office. "It's from Milano, damn that woman is hot!" he exclaimed.

"She's married, dude," I said.

Everyone was congregated in the living room when I walked back in. Now that the hard part was over I was exhausted and it was only a little after four in the afternoon. It seemed I wasn't the only one that felt that way.

"I need a nap," Alice said. "I hate acting all happy and perky."

"You are happy and perky," Rose retorted.

"Yeah, but I couldn't be happy and perky while saying 'fuck', big difference," Alice replied.

"Sorry the pixie role is so tiring," I said dryly.

"Yeah, cause Rose already stole the bitch role."

"I sure as fuck wasn't doing that perky shit," Rose mumbled.

After a few minutes the subject of what we were going to do that night became the topic discussion. Emmett wanted to hit the Hollywood hot spots, Alice wanted to see what friends were available and Jasper and Rose wanted to do something low key.

"Hey, let's take Bella to Osteria Mozza," I suggested. It was one our favorite restaurants in L.A. that was located in a low key area even though celebrities hung out there.

"What's that?" Bella asked.

"Italian restaurant, basically a gourmet pizza place. Its really good," I explained.

"He's right, Bella. I wouldn't let him take you some place with bad food," Emmett chimed in. "I'll call and get a reservation for seven o'clock." He and Rose went outside.

"Great, I'm taking a nap," Jasper said, grabbing Alice's hand.

Once I was sure Jasper and Alice were upstairs I handed the package Mike gave me to Bella. "Happy Birthday."

Her eyes were bulging, her mouth opened wide. "You knew it was my birthday?" she asked.

"Yes. Now open your gift." She looked at my warily before opening the box. Once she got passed all the tissue paper, she clamped her hand over her mouth. "Do you like it?" I asked anxiously.

"You remembered," she murmured. When she looked at me her eyes were filled with tears.

"I remembered every conversation," I said.

She lifted the two layered Dodger blue tee shirt with white sleeves. Her name was stitched on back with the number 84, for the year she was born. Her eyes were closed as she held the shirt to her chest.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. Thank you so much, Edward." She caressed my cheek as she placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "You constantly amaze me. I wish I could express how much I love you, because I really do."

"I love you too, Isabella."

* * *

**A/N: Your thoughts....loved it? Hated it? Blah? Just REVIEW!! LOL **

**Want some good news...? I'm currently working on the next chapter. **


	16. Wasted' Inquiry

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, that honor belongs to Stephanie Meyers. I do own a 2 guitars and 3 purple pens.

Thank you to everyone who reads this fic, I know I have several rough chapters and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking around. And to those who FAVORITE & no reviews....I still love you! LOL!

A huge thank you to my betas, Kelly and Wearingwords.

Sorry for the delay...I blame all the beer Kelly forced me to drink, Bobby Long, and way too may awesome fics out there!

_Edward was really wordy so he continues on...._

_**Enjoy!**_

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Once I was sure Jasper and Alice were upstairs I handed the package Mike gave me to Bella. "Happy birthday."

Her eyes were bulging as her mouth dropped open in shock. "You knew it was my birthday?" she asked.

"Yes. Now open your gift." She looked at me warily before opening the box, clamping her hand over her mouth once she got past all the tissue paper. "Do you like it?" I asked anxiously.

"You remembered," she murmured. When she looked at me her eyes were filled with tears.

"I remember every conversation," I said.

She lifted the two layered Dodger tee shirt with white sleeves. Her name was stitched on back with the number 84, the year she was born. Her eyes were closed as she held the shirt to her chest.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. Thank you so much, Edward." She caressed my cheek as she placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "You constantly amaze me. I wish I could express how much I love you, because I really do."

"I love you too, Isabella."

I looked into her eyes, they were bright with unshed tears but I didn't see wariness or fear; as cheesy as it sounds, only love shined. I felt as if I was finally seeing her, she was no longer hiding behind the wall that she'd had in place since the day I'd met her. I was seeing the real Isabella Swan for the first time, and she was more intoxicating than I'd ever imagined. As if I was being called to her, I pressed my lips to hers. We'd shared kisses before, but this was _electrifying_. Without breaking contact, I led her to the couch and positioned her to straddle my lap. She was still holding the Dodger shirt, so I tossed it behind her, not caring where it landed.

I grabbed her hips, the need to have her close consumed me. Bella broke contact and started kissing my jaw as I took off her flannel top. She licked my earlobe and I nearly lost my shit, Bella was the only woman who knew my ear was my weak spot. I felt a shudder course through my body, my dick twitched and started coming to life. _Fuck!_ With her hands in my hair she stilled, I knew she could feel my cock growing beneath her.

Instead of moving off my lap, she rocked against me. I wanted to still her movements, but I was completely enthralled. I hadn't dry humped since I'd been fifteen at Camp Kodiak with Lisa Copeland after the bonfire. I was losing control, but I refused to cum in my jeans. I placed another hard kiss on her lips and stopped her movements, causing her to growl against my mouth. I could literally hear my dick scream in frustration. _Did I really agree to no sex until the divorce was final?_

She grabbed my shirt by the collar. "Edward, please," she panted. Her hungry brown eyes met mine, I could feel her body shake with anticipation and I was starting to lose control.

"Fuck, Bella, not yet," I said against her mouth.

"You're really going to make me wait until fucking New Years? Or longer?" she demanded. _Longer?_

"What do you mean longer?"

"If James contests the divorce it can take longer than the original date Aro estimated."

Fucker still tried to control her and the situation. Prime reason why I want to wait: I didn't want him looming in the background, I selfishly wanted her to myself. I was trying to be patient, but knowing James could delay the divorce just because he wanted to hold onto Bella was driving me insane. It was the last string and he was holding on for dear life. _But for what?_

I sighed. "Hopefully Aro can make sure there are no delays."

"I hope so," she said quietly. "Why he would want to stay married is beyond me. It's not like he loves me."

"He wasn't in love with you?"

"Oh, god no. Love was never a part of our marriage," she said matter-of-factly. _She never loved him and she'd stayed with him?_ "James knew I was still in love with you."

And he'd made sure she paid for that fact, instead of freeing her he'd put her in a choke hold. It was sad when you thought about the fact two people who honestly loved each other had allowed fear to tear them apart, and instead of finding a resolution to the problem, circumstance had kept them apart.

"Don't worry, we'll figure it out," I murmured against her lips. "I love you."

"Love you too," she said shyly, I could see a blush rising.

"Look who's blushing now," I said as I rubbed her upper arms. That was when it dawned on me that Bella was wearing short sleeves, I could see her arms which still had a yellowish tinge to them. She usually wore long sleeves or added another shirt over the short sleeved item. Since she'd been out of the hospital she'd made sure she was always bundled up, thankfully summer time in Forks was always cool so it didn't seem odd when she didn't wear tank tops like Alice and Rose.

"They're almost completely gone," she said when she noticed I was gazing at her arms. "Maybe it's a good thing we're not...having sex. I don't want to scare you with all the bruises, they're kind of gross."

I frowned. "Bella, your bruises don't scare me."

"Are you sure? I'm going to have permanent scars,--" she was interrupted by Emmett's return into the living room.

"Seriously guys, if Rose and I can't fuck on the couch, neither can you," he said, handing us each a Bud Light and sitting on the love seat across from us. After catching Emmett with his ex-girlfriend LuLu having sex on several occasions, we'd set up ground rules since we all usually shared close quarters. Bella scooted off my lap and quickly retrieved her shirt to cover up. I was pissed because our conversation was interrupted and wanted to continue it in private, but it seemed Rose and Emmett were planning to irritate me instead.

"Now Emmett, you know they don't fuck," Rose said dryly. "I believe they call it making love."

"We're not having sex of any kind, so shut it," I retorted.

"Not for the lack of trying," Bella mumbled and grabbed her new Dodger shirt. "I'm going to go shower." I caught her hand, stopping her from leaving. She gave me a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes as she headed for the stairs.

"Bella, let me help you find an outfit," Rose called after her. "At least we can double team Alice if she tries to dress you like the resident Barbie doll."

"Thanks, I need all the help I can get."

Once the girls were gone we sat in silence for a moment, just drinking our beer which is rare for Emmett since he always felt the need to fill the silence.

"I like Bella," Emmett stated out of the blue.

I grinned. "Yeah, so do I."

"Have you two worked out your problems?"

"Kind of, basically I was a jackass and she was scared."

"Yeah, you can be a jackass," he agreed and raised his beer. "Well, here's to No Fear and you being less of a jackass, because let's face it, it's in your nature." I grinned and flipped him off.

We finished our beers and went upstairs to get ready for dinner. I took a long shower, unlike that morning I was finally starting to relax. The weight I'd felt earlier began to dissipate. Thankfully, Bella had loved her gift even if Jacob had warned me she might resist accepting a gift.

"_Dude, don't do anything too extravagant," Jake warned. _

"_Well, damn, here I thought every girl wanted a shopping spree at Tiffany's," I said sarcastically. _

"_Take her to Tiffany's and she's liable to cut you. Seriously, it's about sentiment not a price tag."_

I had been watching Sports Center with Emmett when I'd remembered Alyssa Milano designed women's wear for the L.A. Dodgers. The item I wanted was no longer in the Dodgers store, and it would have taken weeks to special order. Milano, as I like to call her, wasn't sure if she had any left in her studio, but said she would let me know if any were available. When I didn't hear from her, I'd figured I would have to come up with a new plan. Mike explained Milano's assistant dropped it off last night so it could be here in time for her birthday.

I could honestly see Bella had loved the shirt. I knew the trip to LA was making her think about her dad, but her smile when she'd opened the gift had wiped away some of the sadness from her eyes.

"Edward, hurry up!" Ace yelled outside my door. I looked at the clock on the wall and realized I had been in the shower almost an hour. _Shit!_ I hurriedly grabbed a pair of my dark denim jeans, a black pinstripe snap front shirt and my favorite black boots. I hated breaking in new shoes and Alice had learned to never throw away shoes if I hadn't given the okay. I added a little Fakkai glossing cream to the hair and was ready to go.

I did a once over in the mirror before I left my room and walked into the hall the same time as Bella, and to say she looked smokin' hot was an understatement. Her hair was flowing curls down her back, thankfully Rose and Alice hadn't gone crazy with the make-up, but her lips looked even more suckable than usual.

The deconstructed jeans she wore were fitted and hugged her ass just right. _I'm officially buying stock in Victoria Secret._ The bra she was wearing made her cleavage look amazing with the dark grey tank top that left no chance of seeing her tummy. She'd added a cobalt blue sweater, I knew to cover her arms. I'd never seen her in heels, but tonight she was wearing black ankle boots. Something about the added height was doing something to my head.

"Hey, gorgeous," I murmured in her ear.

"Sorry, you have me confused with Rose, she's downstairs," she said with a smirk and raised eyebrow.

"No, I was talking about you." I could see the blush hit her cheeks and I couldn't resist placing a kiss on her neck. If we stayed up here, I was liable to pull her back into my room to get a firsthand look at her new bra. Emmett, as well as Jasper, did a double take when they saw Bella. I realized it wasn't just the outfit Bella was wearing, but her new found confidence that made her so attractive. I just hoped whatever gave her this edge stayed.

Bella and I rode in the truck with Emmett and Rosalie to Osteria Mozzo. The drive to the restaurant took almost an hour due to L.A. traffic, everyone in the car was getting antsy except Bella. She seemed to be taking in the city and looking around.

"What are you thinking?" I asked quietly.

"How anyone could live here with all this traffic," she said with a grin. But I could tell it wasn't just a joke, she was trying to envision herself in Los Angeles.

"It takes patience, something I'm seriously lacking at the moment."

"Why?"

"I'm not usually this jittery in traffic, but after being off the tour and not on a bus the last two months, I'm out of practice."

"Makes sense, I forget you basically live on a tour bus," she said with a frown.

"Yeah, I've been forgetting since we've been back in Forks. Hell, I don't even own property yet."

"I thought you had a place in New York?"

"No, I was just looking but never bought anything," I said. Before she had a chance to respond, Emmett pulled in front of the valet at the restaurant. Somehow, by using back street, Jasper was able to arrive before us even though we'd left at the same time. We were quickly seated, and our waitress Patricia came over immediately to introduce herself. Jasper, the wine connoisseur, ordered two bottles for the table.

"This is not a pizza place!" Bella hissed in my ear while I was reviewing the menu.

"They have a pizza place, but not at this location," I replied.

"Then why did you say it was a gourmet pizza place?"

"I was thinking of the other location," I admitted. "You don't like Italian?"

"I like Italian," she mumbled. I heard her sigh as she continued to read the menu. Her frown deepened as she tried to make up her mind.

"We could share something if you're unsure," I said. "They have meals for two."

"I've never had veal before," she whispered after she read what the meals for two consisted of.

"Well, first time for everything, right?"

"I hate your damn clichés," she grumbled. "Alright, order the veal."

"Clichés?" I asked with a grin and she rolled her eyes at me.

I wanted to lean over and give her a reassuring kiss, but since we were in public that was out of the question. Instead, I squeezed her hand under the tabled as the waitress returned to take our order. Our conversation flowed as usual, it still amazed me the way Bella eased into our tight knit group. Years ago I'd wondered how she would get along with everyone and I was happy my worries were unfounded.

After dinner Rose suggested going to El Carmen, a tequila bar nearby, and promised not to stay too long since we still had the interview in the morning. The drive took less than 10 minutes, but with it being L.A., parking was nonexistent so we dropped trucks off with another valet service.

The bar was crowded with mainly locals and a few wanna-be Hollywood types, but Rose managed to wedge her way to the front and the male bartender did a double take when he saw her leaning against the bar. His eyes never left her chest, I could hear Emmett growling behind me and had to hold him back. I don't know what Rose said to the bartender, but she managed to finagle two free rounds of Patron shots.

We clinked glasses and took our first shot, and even though Rose said a quick drink I had a feeling we were going to be there for a while. Emmett saw an open spot in the corner and we gathered in that area. I pulled Bella closer to me.

"Having fun?" I asked, she grinned and nodded.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice and Rose yelled together. Bella eyes went wide and even in the darkened room I could see her cheeks flushed.

"Rose, you promised!" Bella exclaimed.

"Ace already knew, so it's not my fault."

"Bella, we're your friends and want you to have a good time. So, don't go Bitchella about your birthday. Now, take another shot," Alice said, taking another herself.

Jasper went to get another round because Emmett wasn't letting Rose anywhere near the bar. El Carmen was far from being a dance club, but Alice, Rose and Bella were dancing around when Usher's 'Yeah!' started to play. A few minutes later, Jasper returned with a waitress behind him with several rounds of shots as well as mixed drinks.

"What's this?" Emmett asked, indicating the drink the waitress had just handed to him.

"A Mexican Clit," Jasper said with a grin.

"Aww fuck ya!" Emmett roared.

The night progressed nicely; it was fun to watch Bella let her guard down and have a good time. I was nice and buzzed watching Bella and Jasper dancing around when I saw a flash of red and realized it was an actress I'd had a fling with a couple of years ago.

"Eddie!" she said as she threw herself into my arms and attacked my mouth. Two reasons why I only fucked her twice: one, she called me Eddie, never liked the name and two, she was a horrible kisser. _If you can't kiss what's the point of trying?_

"Nikki," I muttered as I wiped my mouth, hoping she didn't leave any lipstick.

"Want to come back to my place?" she purred in my ear.

"No, I think I've said it several times, we're not going down that path again."

"Eddie," she whined and locked her arms around my neck. "I've missed you."

"Fuck Nikki, I'm serious when I say I'm not interested." I hated the fact I had to be an asshole, but she seriously wasn't getting it. "I don't want to have to say it again."

"Fuck you!" she yelled.

"Is there a problem?" the security guard asked.

"No, she was just leaving," I said.

"You'll regret this!" she fumed and security escorted her out of the building. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to compose myself.

"You okay?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, she just drives me up the fucking wall. And I seriously think she bit my lip."

"Are you sure you only fucked her twice?" Emmett asked.

"I swear that woman is insane," I muttered.

"Well, you have bigger problems," Jasper said. "Bella disappeared when the red-headed octopus attacked you."

"Fuck!" I muttered. "Where did she go?"

"Toward the restrooms, I think Alice and Rose went after her," Emmett explained. I tried to make my way around the crowd toward the other side of the bar, when I saw Alice and Rose getting more drinks.

"Where's Bella?" I asked when I was close enough.

"Bathroom," Alice retorted.

"She's not mad?"

"About Nikki the skank? No, we explained she was clingy like that and it meant nothing to you," Rose explained.

"Thanks," I muttered. I continued to stand with them as they waited for more drinks, wondering when Bella was going to make her return. I contemplated whether or not I should stand outside the ladies' room when I heard, "_CHUG IT! CHUG IT!"_ and turned to see Bella taking double shots with some tattooed guy. When he put his hands around her waist, drawing her closer to his side, I instantly saw red.

I stalked over to the table calling her name, "Bella, it's time to go." I was beyond pissed off, first Nikki and now this.

"Oh, now you want talk. Where's your girlfriend?" she practically yelled, fury radiated through her body.

"I'm staring right at her," I said. Bella opened her mouth to retort and quickly closed it. "You're my girl, please remember that." I went against my own PDA rule and placed a kiss against her lips before walking her back to where Jasper and Emmett were waiting on the other side of the bar. The tension between Bella and me was thick, she wouldn't meet my gaze and that irritated me to no end. I quickly downed the drink Alice handed me and chased it down with another Patron shot.

"Ok, kids, time to go, it's a school night," Emmett announced a few minutes later. I was leaning against the wall waiting for the valet to bring the trucks when someone asked to take a picture. I wanted to scream, 'no,' but she looked so nervous, I went along with it and smiled at the camera. After they left, I felt Bella wrap her arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry I overreacted," she mumbled into my chest. "Are you still angry at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, just pissed our night ended badly," I replied. I hooked one arm around her neck and hugged her to my side. It seemed to be a natural position for us, we just seemed to fit. When the truck arrived I got in the backseat with Bella, our fingers linked. I was greedy and needed to touch her, she leaned into my side and I kissed her temple as she kissed my chin. When our lips met it was as if nothing else mattered, I knew Emmett and Rose were in the truck with us, but all that mattered was getting closer to her. We made out like teenagers as we were driven back to the Hills.

"Okay kids, we're home!" Emmett yelled, interrupting our make out session. Rose opened my door and I slid out, feeling the last shot finally hitting me, but I was still steady on my feet and was able to help Bella out of the truck since she seemed unsteady on her feet.

"Remind me to never wear heels again," she fumed, trying to take off the boots before we walked into the house. After watching her fumble several times, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you put me down this instant!" I felt her hands slap my ass which oddly turned me on. When I walked into her room I tossed her on the bed, she grabbed me and instead of fury, her eyes burned with desire.

Straddling her, my hands were infused in her hair as I attacked her mouth, our tongues dueling as she grabbed my ass, pulling me closer. We were both breathing heavily when she broke the kiss, unsnapped my shirt and tossed it behind me. I pulled her tank top along with the sweater over her head in one swoop, taking in the black lace bra she wore. In my daze she managed to flip me over and climb on top of me, unhooking her bra with ease and tossing it across the room.

If I'd thought her breast were great years before, it was safe to say they were spectacular now. Bella was no longer a girl, she was a full fledged woman; small hips, great breasts women in Beverly Hills were paying good money to have. Even with the fading bruises, she was gorgeous. My dream of her in the pink bikini didn't compare to reality.

"Bella, you're so fucking beautiful," I said.

I sat up, pulling her closer to me. Her hands were in my hair and I could feel her breasts pressed against my chest. She kissed me again as I cupped her soft breasts, and she moaned against my mouth. I gently rubbed my thumb against her hard nipples, giving her a gentle squeeze as I broke the kiss. Her chest was heaving when I took her right nipple in my mouth and gently sucked, she ground her hips against my groin. When I moved to the left she actually whimpered, I leaned up to kiss her again, cupping her tits and enjoying the weight in my hands. Bella suddenly broke the kiss and she looked at me with a frown.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm gonna be sick," she said. Her voice was slurred and I could see she was turning green. She scrambled off the bed and ran into the bathroom. I was right behind her, just in time to see her pay homage to the porcelain gods.

***

I was in the kitchen finishing up a phone call when I heard the shuffling behind me. I turned to see a very pale Bella taking a seat at the breakfast bar, her hair still wet from her shower. I poured a glass of orange juice and handed it to her.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"You're welcome," I whispered back. "Did you take the Advil I left by your bed?"

"Yes, thank you."

I gathered her in my arms, I knew a hangover was never fun, especially when you had to work the next day. I kissed her forehead gently.

"You'll be ok today?"

"Yeah, just want the headache to go away."

The toast I prepared finally popped up, but Bella declined, saying eating would aggravate her already upset stomach. Alice and Rose were struggling but doing better than Bella, I figured it was because she wasn't a seasoned drinker.

"Why aren't you green at the gills like me?" Bella asked, her voice huskier than usual.

"I honestly wasn't drunk last night, only buzzed."

"It's really not fair, you look like a shiny penny and I look like death," she mumbled.

"That's what happens when you have shot after shot."

"Urgh! Let's not talk about shots ever again."

"Mike and the girls are here. And he's brought Starbucks!" Alice announced loudly and Bella winced. Mike walked in the kitchen a moment later, followed by Dee, Stacey and Jax, and as promised they were carrying goodies from Starbucks.

"I hope we got the orders right," Jax said as she passed the drinks around.

"You did great, kid," Emmett said as he took a sip of his coffee.

"The camera guys are almost done setting up in the studio. Bella, we need to do your make up," Alice said in a rush. "Edward, is that what you're wearing?"

I looked down at my jeans, Harley Davidson grey tee shirt with a yellow and blue plaid shirt and black Vans. "Yes, and I'm not changing."

"The collar has a hole in it," Alice said through clenched teeth.

"Ace, deal with it," I said, eating Bella's untouched toast.

"You drive me nuts sometimes," she fumed and stomped off to torment Bella with her make-up.

"Love you too, Ace," I yelled to her retreating back. For some perverse reason I enjoyed tormenting my sister, but I really wanted to be comfortable and sitting in some overpriced shirt and jeans didn't bring me pleasure.

The technicians said we could hang out in the studio while they finalized the preparation. I decided to play the drums because I just needed to bang on something. I was sexually frustrated, but Bella getting sick last night was a sign I needed to continue to wait. When we returned last night I'd had no will power, I'd wanted her so badly and I would have continued if she hadn't gotten sick.

Seeing Nikki last night reminded me how easily I'd fucked women and then discarded them without batting an eye. When Bella and I had first gotten together, we'd done things in secret, we didn't date publicly-- but then again, we didn't even date. We hung out at First Beach with Jake on the Rez, or hiking with Sam and his friends. The few moments we'd had alone had been rare, but I'd known I was falling hard. When we'd finally had sex, I'd had to rein myself back, which had been a helping hand in destroying our relationship. This time, no one was getting in our way, no James or fake girlfriends. I was actually being mature and treating her like a lady. _Fuck, I can't stop thinking about her tits! _

"Dude, if you keep that up you're going to punch a hole in that snare and Rose will kick your ass," Jasper said. He was right. I got up from the set when Rose, Bella and Alice came into the studio. She looked a little better than when I'd seen her in the kitchen, but still very pale. She wore her usual red and grey checkered shirt with jeans similar to the pair she'd worn last night, which caused me to think about her ass. She winked when she made eye contact, all I could do was grin; I loved her flirty side.

We sat in a semi-circle with a camera on either side of Jax and Stacey, and one camera behind us to capture our interviewers' reactions. Mike said the interview shouldn't take very long, even though the set up seemed to take forever.

Jax asked the first question, "Edward, after the incident last month, how have you and Bella been doing?"

"Pretty good. I still have a few issues to deal with, but overall doing well," I said.

"Bella?" Jax asked, giving her an encouraging smile.

"Same, overall doing well but have way too many issues to deal with," Bella said quietly. I could tell she was uncomfortable, especially when she started jiggling her leg nervously. I placed my hand on her knee hoping to calm her, she instantly stopped and gave me a tight smile. Jax and Stacey continued on with the interview, asking non-invasive questions, which helped Bella relax.

"I know Emmett and Jasper have tattoos, but what about the rest of you?" Stacey asked. Rose and Alice answered that they had two each and were planning for another soon.

"None for me," I muttered, it was an easy lie I told often, but I resisted the urge to look at my bandaged finger. There was a moment of silence and I realized Bella was staring at her shoe. I gave her a small nudge. "What about you, Bella? Any tattoos?"

"Not yet, but I plan on it," Bella said quietly.

"Really? You want a tattoo?" Bella didn't seem like the type to get a tattoo. I would think she'd shy away from anything painful.

"Yes! I've wanted one forever and I already have a design in mind," she said, becoming more animated.

"Wow, learn something every day," I murmured.

"Why don't you have a tattoo?" she asked.

"I could never make up my mind on what I wanted."

"Then we could get one together!"

"We'll see."

"Stop being a party pooper," she said with a fake pout.

"I'm not, I'm being realistic. I know I won't be able to make up my mind and I refuse to go through that kind of pain for something I don't want later," I said. It took me a moment to realize Bella and I were not alone, sometimes we just started talking and the rest of the world disappeared. We grinned at each other and tried to refocus.

"Edward, have you spoken to the person who inspired 'Forget You'?" Jax asked, catching me off guard for some reason. It wasn't the first time I'd been asked that question, nor would it be the last.

"Yes, I've spoken to her, but we've never discussed the song," I admitted. And that was the truth, Bella and I had never discussed the song, we'd been trying to deal with all the other shit instead.

"Alice, you have such a beautiful voice, are you planning to sing lead at any point on the new cd? And if you could do a duet with anyone, who would it be?" Stacey asked.

"I'm not sure about singing lead," Alice said hesitantly. Ace was rarely embarrassed, but her cheeks were turning red.

"I agree, Alice has an amazing voice and hope she sings more in the future," I chimed in and everyone agreed with me.

"Guys, we'll see. As for duet it would have to be with Mary J. Blige, she's my idol," she said with a huge grin.

"Bella, do you have a Myspace or Facebook page where we can view more of your work?" Jax asked.

"Sorry, no Myspace or Facebook," she said, blushing.

"Sorry to interrupt, but a website for Bella's photography is in the works. Once we have more information we'll post it on the band's website," Mike informed everyone. Bella looked shocked by his words.

"Awesome! Will it include the photos from the Cloverfield Contest?" Jax inquired.

"What did you say?" Bella asked, her eyes wide.

"I, uh wanted to know if you're going to include the pictures from the contest you entered a couple of years ago."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was public knowledge that I'd entered that contest," Bella said, frowning.

"Well, since you were among the winners it was easy to find," Jax went on to explain.

"Winner of what?" Bella eyes bulged.

"You know, of the photo contest a couple years ago," Jax stammered. "You came in third place."

"Bella, what's wrong?" I whispered in her ear.

"Nothing, I just wasn't notified I placed, so it's just a shock to me," she said quietly, giving me a tight smile. Mike told Jax to continue but to start wrapping up the interview.

"This is a question for all of you, does it ever get to be too much with so many of you related or in a relationship?" Jax asked.

"I think working together helped Emmett and me. When he was with the NFL it seemed harder, so we ending up breaking up. But once we started touring we got to know each other again and became better friends. We only started dating again recently, so it's new. As for working with my brother....it's the best thing ever," Rose finished softly and as she shared a look with her twin brother, I could see the moisture gathering; I knew their parents separating them when they were kids still affected them.

"I agree with Rose," Jasper said. "I never thought we'd find a career where we could hang out all the time, so makes the job fun for me. And watching Alice work makes me want to work harder because she handles a lot of the behind the scene stuff that would stress me out. Plus, it's easier to talk about the stresses of the job when it comes up, but we get each other so it makes my job that much more enjoyable."

"How about when you're having an argument?" I asked.

"Just means we have to resolve it, not gloss over the problem. I'm forced to be honest, our biggest fight lasted maybe two days," Jasper replied.

"Babe, it was three, but you're right, we talked it out. A relationship like ours could either become super fragile or very strong and I'm proud to say we get stronger every day. Plus, since we're in the writing stage we spend our days apart, so we have a small break." Alice said. "I've always been close to my brothers, so working together is second nature. We still fight because we're siblings, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Yeah, someone has to look after you and Edward, so it might as well be me," Emmett chimed in.

"Says the man who constantly gives himself brain freeze when he has a Slurpee," I said.

"I gotta drink those things fast or they'll melt! But seriously....I didn't think we'd survive that first year, but once we found a rhythm it worked out great. And I got to know my Rosie all over so I'm a happy camper," Emmett finished and then all eyes were on me.

"I honestly don't think I would have been successful as a solo artist. I think working with Jazz, Rose and my brother and sister keeps me grounded and motivated. I can honestly say, especially in the last few weeks, they have my back. Yeah, we fight and argue, but overall we're family. One minute we could be arguing and the next minute we're laughing about something mundane, I think we're like that because that's how a family operates."

"Do you ever want time apart or is it easy to live and work together?" Stacey asked curiously.

"As easy as it is to work together, we need time apart," Rose with a chuckle. "Don't get me wrong, I love these people, but I need a nice three day weekend to myself." I was completely amazed how easily Rose was able to answer questions in this interview, usually she was the most reserved.

I chuckled. "Yes, Rose demanded one weekend a month for alone time. And I'm glad she did because our energy level improved."

"Bella, you're the newest member to Cullen, how has the experience been so far?"

"It's been great, a little overwhelming but I think that was to be expected," she said, grinning.

"We're not that bad!" Emmett exclaimed.

"No, you guys have been great. At first I was afraid of getting on your nerves, but you all proved to be very patient with me," Bella explained.

"I think that has a lot to do with you not driving us nuts. I will be the first to admit I didn't want a photographer to follow us around, and trust me we've tried with several people. But you're not in our face all day long and I think that helps us…ok, me relax," Rose said.

"It was very important to have someone who mixed well with us and never over stepped our personal space, and Bella seemed to know when to give us our space," Alice clarified.

"And you started after the Benefit?" Stacey asked.

"No, we brought Bella on board a few weeks before," I said.

"Why did you choose Safe Haven?"

Alice looked at Bella for a moment before answering. "I'm going to be very blunt. When Edward and I found out what was going on with Bella, we had to figure out a way to help and, short of kidnapping her, this was the only way we knew how to help."

"We--I needed to know a place like this was up and running in case she decided to move on while we were away. I went there with a personal agenda because when she was ready to go I needed to know this place was available for her but when I walked in the doors I got a reality check. Donations were down and they were going to close their doors, it's the only place in the area otherwise people would have to travel to Seattle. Overall, I had to help," I said.

I could see Bella's leg start to shake again and knew she was lost to her own thoughts. "Safe Haven was programmed in my phone, I packed my bags several times planning to take refuge there…but…shit…it's a place that needs to be around," she finished quietly.

"Thank you guys for having us here and for answering our questions, as silly as they were. I've been fortunate to meet many fans who have expressed your music has inspired them and I'm also one of those people, you inspire in many ways. Thank you," Jax said, wrapping up the interview.

Bella took out her camera and started snapping pictures for the website. We also posed for some pictures on their cameras and Emmett took a few self portraits which lead to everyone taking funny face pictures of themselves. I grabbed Bella and took several pictures of just the two of us. The first two Bella and I looked goofy as hell, but it was the third picture I wanted to keep. We looked like a real couple, similar to the picture Alice snapped of us sleeping. After speaking with Stacey I realized it was her camera and she promised she would email Mike a copy of the photos I wanted.

After we said our final goodbyes to the ladies and Mike, Bella and I went upstairs to my room. We kicked off our shoes and got into bed fully clothed. I gave her a peck on the forehead and promptly went to sleep.

***

Emmett's laughter followed by Alice's screeching woke me up. I tried to go back to sleep, but the noise outside my door wouldn't stop.

"Are they always this loud?" Bella mumbled into my shoulder.

"Sadly, yes. This is normal." I grabbed my phone to check the time and was disappointed to see we'd only been asleep for an hour. "Wanna get out of here?"

"Yes," she said, getting out of bed to put on her shoes. I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my wallet and phone.

"Emmett – keys," I said with my hands out. He threw them to me, I could see they were in the midst of a balloon fight and I didn't want to get caught in the cross fire. I grabbed Bella's hand and we made our escape.

As we drove off the property, I scanned the area to see if we were followed. When I didn't see any paparazzi trucks I relaxed and drove down the steep hill. I turned the radio to my favorite LA rock station, they were playing Muse's '_Starlight_'. I grinned when I heard Bella singing, it reminded me of our drive out to Port Angeles a few years ago, when she had been singing another Muse song. I was happy to say her singing had actual improved since that time.

We didn't have a real destination, but when she said she'd never been to Venice Beach I knew I had to take her. It didn't take us very long to get there and I found a nearby parking lot, it was easier than trying to find street parking. I took off my long sleeved shirt, put on my baseball cap to cover my hair, not that I thought I'd be recognized, but I took precautions anyway. I realized I'd left my Ray Bans at home. _Fuck!_ Great, now I was acting like Alice.

It didn't take us long to get to the board walk, Bella was taking in everything with a grin on her face. We both were not used to the sun and pounced on the first vendor selling sunglasses. We tried on several pairs, just having fun. I insisted Bella get the heart shaped white glasses.

"I look like an idiot," she exclaimed with a grin.

"You look adorable." We went on to pick out an additional four pairs. We went from vendor to vendor buying trinkets for friends back home and for ourselves. Bella finally admitted she was getting hot from the sun, we went to look at tee shirts, but she seemed apprehensive.

"What's wrong?"

"What if you can see my bruises?" she asked worriedly. I looked around for something that would cover her up yet keep her cool and found nothing. I had to think like Alice which wasn't fun, I sent her into the fitting room a 'Venice Beach' tee shirt in a large, when she came out it looked like she was drowning in it, so I twisted it into a knot around her hips. That way the bruises on her stomach didn't show and she was cooled off at the same time.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"You're a life saver. Thank you," she said, giving me a peck on the cheek.

As we walked along the boardwalk we took in the street performers, some good and some bad. I could see she was tugging at the shirt to make sure she was covered.

"Bella, the bruises on your arms are barely visible," I said so only she could hear.

"I know, but they make me feel ugly."

"What if I told you that I think you're beautiful? Would that make that feeling go away?"

"Only if you mean it," she said. "You don't have to say stuff like that to me, I know what I look like. I would never be like that woman from the bar last night."

I guided her to the area of Venice Beach which was also known as muscle beach. We watched the muscle bound men and some women workout like there was no tomorrow.

I frowned. "I need you to understand something….I don't see your bruises, I see only you. I think you're beautiful, I really wished you'd see yourself the way I do." She didn't respond, but when I saw her trying to wipe the tears away, I gathered her in my arms. "I could never date a woman with brown eyes because they reminded me of you, and if she had dark brown hair, I wouldn't give her the time of day. The woman I wanted then and now is you, everyone else fails in comparison."

"You mean that?"

"Yes, I really mean that," I said. I walked her over to the bleachers near the basketball courts, we found a quiet spot even though there was a very intense game being played not too far from us. "When I said I wanted us to be completely honest, I didn't realize how hard it would be to talk about the past."

"I knew it was going to be hard and I dread your reaction to certain subjects," she said softly.

"So do I, its why I never broached the subject of _'Forget You'_," I said gauging her reaction. She was as still as a statue as she looked ahead, I scooted closer to her. "I was so angry at you, I wanted to hate you but I couldn't. We just finished our first big tour and you haunted me everywhere I went. One night I got completely shit faced, one of the roadies gave me some coke, and I had a bottle of tequila. In my drunken haze I wrote you a letter saying I wanted to forget you. And instead of sending you that letter, I created a song. And to celebrate I got drunk again, I complete blacked out that day but I woke up with a tattoo as a result."

"You don't have a tattoo," she said her voice husky as a result from crying.

"I lied. I've been lying about it for years," I said and took the bandage off my ring finger. I felt exposed because no one knew about it. I kept it bandaged, always saying the ring I wore irritated the finger. I placed my left hand in Bella's small hand, she took off her sunglasses to get a better look and gasped when she saw '_E+B'._ "See, I never forgot you, nor did I ever stop loving you. Always remember that."

She didn't say anything as she cried, staring at my tattoo. After a few minutes of silence, she looked at me long and hard. "I love you."

"I love you too," I said, grinning. "Come on, let's get out of here." Gathering our purchases, I helped her up and I noticed her wince.

"Baby, are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, just sore from last night and crying," she said, rubbing her side.

"What do I have to do to make sure you rest?" I asked.

She sent me a wicked grin. "Handcuffs?"

I laughed, putting my arm around her neck, gathering her close and kissing her temple as we walked back to the truck. "You're a dirty girl, Miss Swan," I whispered in her ear.

"What can I say, I'm inspired."

* * *

**A/N: **

***Remember Edward is unaware his father saw the tattoo while he was in a coma. **

**Mexican Clit = ½ shot Tequila, ½ lemon juice**

**Osteria Mozza located in Melrose and El Carmen is a fun Tequila bar on 3rd Street, very tiny and always filled by 7 pm.**

**Okay...thoughts....concerns....did you like the mini lemons? did you hate them?....either way please leave a review.**


	17. Yeah, it's my birthday

I don't own Twilight, the honor belongs to Stephanie Meyers but I do own all the lyrics written for the Cullen band, cause that's how I roll.

This chapter would have been done weeks ago if I hadn't been drinking so much. A huge thank you to Vanessa for the constant 'Just do it, already!' moments.

**_Happy belated birthday_** to my beta Kelly (who is sporting the cutest belly bump!), did you think I forgot?!

And a HUGE thank you to Wearingwords for putting up with my bad grammar and slow ass. Seriously, I appreciate you help!

And congrats to my Twilight Sisterhood bloggers, MsBond01 & TheRobotMoose for winning the Judges choice in the Met at Work Contest. Congratulations ladies!

And don't forget to check out the Twilight Sisterhood blog.

* * *

By the time we made it back to the truck after a relaxing afternoon in Venice reconnecting with Edward, I was exhausted and the pain in my side had intensified. Always the gentleman, Edward opened the door for me, but I couldn't lift myself into the truck. "Edward, um, could you help me into the truck?"

"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning.

"The pain in my side, it's gotten worse," I mumbled as I leaned against the truck.

"Fuck Bella, you should have said something earlier," he grumbled as he lifted me into his arms and placed me in the front seat. "On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?"

"A good eight…and a half," I said. He just nodded and buckled my seatbelt before closing my door. As he walked to the other side of the truck I could see him pull out his phone, I knew he was calling Carlisle. He got in the truck, started the engine and the AC, but still didn't put the truck in drive.

"She said the pain is about eight and a half," he said into the phone. "Yeah, I know where Cedars is located. Do I go to the ER? Or does he have an office I can go to?" _Cedars? Isn't that the hospital Britney Spears was sent to after she had her first meltdown?_

"No, no ER! I'm fine," I said but he ignored me and continued his conversation with Carlisle.

"Ok, thanks dad," he said into the phone. After he hung up, he pulled out of the stall and headed toward the hospital.

"Edward, really, I'm ok. Just need to take some more medication and I will be good to go in a few hours."

"Babe, I'm not taking any chances, ok? Dad's former intern is going to check you out just to be on the safe side," he said as he reached over to hold my hand. I stared at his large hands, his fingers were long, the tips a little rough from playing the guitar, but overall soft, manly hands. "Just rest, we're about to hit traffic."

I tried not to sleep, but with the stop and go traffic and the classical music Edward put on, I was knocked out within fifteen minutes. A few moments later I felt a kiss on my forehead, each eye, then each cheek and finally, my lips. I opened my eyes to find Edward leaning over the console, caressing my face.

"I knew that would wake you," he murmured.

I looked around to see we were sitting in a parking lot and a Cedars Sinai sign visible. "Can't we just go back to the house and make out? I promise not to move around," I said sleepily.

"Let's do this, otherwise I will be a mother hen driving you nuts. I'm doing this for our sanity," he said, trying to reason with me.

I knew he was right, but I hated to be a bother. With a sigh, I opened my door, prepared to jump out when Edward stopped me. "What are you doing?"

"Going to get this over with?"

"Let me help you, if you couldn't get up there is no way you can just hop down," he said, getting out of the truck, I could hear him muttering something about driving him insane, causing him to go gray. I looked at his bronze hair and didn't see a gray patch anywhere. Edward was able to extract me from the truck with ease but when I started to walk, the pain increased. A few minutes later we were in the lobby of OB-GYN, Dr. Peter Shields.

"He's an OB-GYN? I don't need that kind of treatment!" I said to Edward.

"I know that, but he's someone Dad trusts, so don't worry," he said as he approached the nurses' station. "Hi, we're here to see Dr. Shields."

**xOxOx**

The sound of a guitar playing woke me up; it wasn't loud, it was actually very soothing. I was still groggy from the Oxycodone Dr. Shield had given me after my examination. Thankfully, I hadn't re-fractured my ribs, as I'd suspected, the vomiting had just strained my side. I eventually opened my eyes to a shirtless Edward on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of blue and white Hawaiian print board shorts. It was my version of porn but so much better. His body was just too amazing, he said he'd gotten soft, but that was not how I would describe him; his swimmers' physique was better now than it was a few years ago. He still had a six pack, not as defined as Emmett's, but still there.

I just loved watching him, I loved how he bit his bottom lip when he was in deep concentration, I loved how he ran one hand through his hair while making notations in the leather bound notebook I'd seen in his bedroom on occasion. Whatever he was playing was so soothing, completely different from what he'd been playing at First Beach when he'd returned to Forks, it was whimsical and the soft lull caused me to drift back to sleep.

A noise startled me awake so suddenly that I squeezed my eyes shut as I pressed my hand to my chest in order to calm my racing heart. My breathing was labored from both the pain in my side and my dream which I couldn't remember, but knew hadn't been pleasant.

"Babe, are you ok?" I opened my eyes to find Edward standing at the door, holding a tray of food with a worried expression. "More pain?"

"Just had a bad dream," I mumbled and closed my eyes again, trying to mentally figure out how to get up. I heard rather than saw Edward put the tray down and then helped me sit up.

"Emmett bought you some soup. You'll need to eat something before your next dosage."

"I don't want anything too strong. Could you go in my room and get the purple draw string bag? It should be next to the bed."

"Ok, I'll get it, just start eating," Edward commanded softly, placing the tray in front of me. Not only had he brought me a small bowl of soup, but he'd included a small glass of orange juice and a small dish of sliced bananas. There was no way I could eat all it, but the gesture made my heart melt, as usual the Cullens always made me feel protected.

Eating was a challenge because I simply didn't want to, but I forced myself to eat. Edward walked in a moment later with the bag I'd requested. I found the Tylenol with codeine and popped one in my mouth. I continued to eat just to be on the safe side, I did not want to end up in the hospital. Once I was done, Edward removed the tray, I assumed he was taking it downstairs but he returned so quickly I couldn't be sure. He crawled into bed and gently gathered me in his arms, where I felt utterly protected.

"What were you playing earlier?"

"You heard that? Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said into my hair.

"Only for a little while, it was pretty. Then I went right back to sleep. So what was it?"

"Curious, huh? Just something that was in my head, I doubt if we'll use it but I wanted to get it down so I can go back to it later," he explained.

"Well the little I heard was nice."

"Thanks," he said shyly.

"Will you play something for me?" I asked suddenly.

"What do you want to hear?" he asked frowning.

"Anything."

"Okay," he said giving me a peck on the lips, getting out of bed to retrieve his guitar. "You saw the Goo Goo Dolls last time you were here, right?"

"Yes, I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember everything about that conversation, it always pops in my head whenever I hang out with Johnny," he said.

"You know Johnny Rzenick? What is he like? What do you talk about?" I asked, holding my breath. I was suddenly a sixteen year old fangirl.

"Yes, I know Johnny, you'd like him," he said with a grin as he started to play the opening bars to 'Slide', one of my favorite Goo Goo Dolls songs. Before I had a chance to ask another question, he started to singing. As much as I loved Johnny's voice, there was something about Edward singing to me in bed. I would never forget this moment, it wasn't like he'd never sung to me before, but this time it just felt more connected.

When the song ended he re-tuned his guitar and suddenly asked, "Why didn't you tell me you were in pain today?"

"I don't know, I'm just used to not saying anything," I answered honestly. "Besides, I was finally starting feel less like the beaten wife and more like a normal girl, hell, like a woman. I'm tired of being a burden to you and your family. I'm just tired of being weak."

"I don't see you as weak, you're so much stronger than you realize. And you're never a burden to me. Baby, you have to remember when you hurt, I hurt."

"Edward…" I started to say when he silenced me with a kiss. Before I had a chance to return the kiss he pulled away, repositioned his guitar and started playing a song that was vaguely familiar. As he started singing I recognized Rob Thomas's '_Ever the Same'_. Unfortunately, I didn't follow Rob's solo career too closely, but remembered the guy from 'That 70's Show' was in the video.

_You may need me there_  
_To carry all your weight_  
_But you're no burden I assure_  
_You tide me over_  
_With a warmth I'll not forget_  
_But I can only give you love_

_Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be_  
_Forever with you_  
_Forever in me_  
_Ever the same_  
_Call on me_  
_I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me_  
_Forever it's you_  
_Forever in me_  
_Ever the same_

His green eyes sparkled with unshed tears. It didn't matter how many walls I put up, Edward tried to knock them down. I'd have to learn to keep the walls down so Edward could come in. I tried to protect him from my mental break downs, but he was telling me it was ok to fall apart. I was trying to blink back the tears that formed. For once it wasn't sadness that brought tears to my eyes, it was this beautiful shirtless man who happened to be my boyfriend.

"_Don't be afraid to let him in," Dee said to me before she left._

"_W-what?" I sputtered. _

"_I recognize the 'look', you're either afraid of him hurting you, you hurting him or both. He seems like he's in for the long haul, whether it's a friend or a lover. Either way, don't deny yourself, you're allowed to find some happiness."_

Instead of playing another song, he put his guitar in its case. He turned off the lights and slid into bed with me. Once again I was wrapped in his arms, as if he was my warrior protecting me when all I wanted to do was protect him. _How do we learn to protect each other?_

**xOxOx**

The sounds of birds chirping woke me as the sunlight streamed into the bedroom. Edward was snuggled against my back and I could hear a low snore in my ear. I looked down at his hands, he hadn't re-bandaged the finger, leaving the tattoo visible. I gave his hand a squeeze and reluctantly left his embrace to use the bathroom. As I stood I noticed only a dull ache, which meant nothing stronger than an Advil was required. I then noticed my jeans were missing and only wore the tee shirt I had to buy at Venice Beach. It was the second time Edward had removed my pants and I'd been too out of it to enjoy it. _Bad habit!_

After I used the bathroom, I grabbed Edward's laptop off the dresser and crawled back into bed. I logged into my profile in order to access the computer and did a quick search to find the photo contest site I used to frequent. It took a little digging, but I was able to find the contest I'd entered two years ago. The winners were listed, just as Jax said, I'd won third place. I never knew I'd been a winner, as far as I was concerned I was one of the many who'd submitted and hadn't won.

"Hey, you're up early," Edward said, his voice still thick with sleep. I looked over to see his hair sticking in every direction and eyes still half closed. I was simply enjoying the fact he was shirtless.

"Morning," I said. He sat up and gave me a peck on the cheek. "Remember that contest Jax mentioned yesterday?"

He nodded.

"She was right, I placed. I just never knew."

Shortly after entering the contest, James broke my camera during one of our fights. I'd gone to the La Push to photograph the costumes before the powwow and came home too late to have dinner ready for him. After attending to my bruises I'd found my camera in pieces. I never replaced the camera, knowing it would only have set him off again. It hadn't been until Alice returned that I'd started taking photos again.

"So, he hid this from you too?" he asked.

"Yes," I said with a sigh. "There's nothing I can do about it now."

"Well, you know the best revenge?"

"No, what?"

"Success. Trust me when I say you will be successful," he said, giving me a quick kiss on the lips before he went into the bathroom. I was thinking about what Edward said when I received an instant message from Alice.

**NotnEffingPixie:** Hey you're up! How do you feel?

**BellsAringin':** Much better! Hardly feel anything.

**NotnEffingPixie:** YAH! Are you up to some girl time with me & Rose?

**BellsAringin':** Please nothing too crazy.

**NotnEffingPixie:** I'm thinking a facial, mani-pedi and get our hair done. No shopping, I promise.

**BellsAringin':** No shopping? What have you done with my Ace-Girl?

**NotnEffingPixie:** LOL oh shut it! Just be ready in one hour.

**BellsAringin':** Ok….don't you find it weird we're IMing each other when you're across the hall?

**NotnEffingPixie:** Yeah but I couldn't really leave….Jasper is doing pushups with no shirt on…yeah let's make it 2 hrs. Need to some more shirtless moments.

**BellsAringin':** LMAO!! Just no howling please. Cya!

**NotnEffingPixie: **LOL Sorry I can't make any promises! Cya!

Edward returned to bed a few minutes later, removing the computer and snuggling up to my backside. I let out a content sigh. "Feel better?" he asked, his voice was still gravely with sleep.

"Yes, so much better I'm going to the spa with Alice and Rose."

"Is that a good idea?"

"It'll be fine, I'm going to be pampered by professionals."

"I just want you to take it ease, babe," he mumbled into my neck.

"I'll be fine," I said as his phone started to ring.

He groaned as he turned over and answered then passed the phone to me. "It's Jake," he said.

"Jake!"

"Happy Birthday, Bells!" Jake yelled into the phone and started singing before I could say more. He was the only one who celebrated my birthday with me. The first year after my dad died, he'd picked me up early from the Ramsey's and we'd driven for hours to a neighboring reservation. We hadn't talked much, in fact he hadn't even acknowledged the day until we'd had lunch and he pushed a cupcake with a candle and sang 'Happy Birthday' to me. Since then, Jake had been the only one who helped me celebrate my birthday. "I can't believe you're not here for your birthday, it feels weird."

"I know, it feels odd to me too." I told him about the trip so far, about the dodger shirt Edward bought me and a night of drinking. I didn't tell him about my side hurting, I didn't want to mess up his good mood.

"As much as I miss you, I'm glad you're not here. Knowing you're safe and having fun is the only reason I'm not bawling like a baby," he admitted. "And I love not hearing that timid voice that used to greet me on the phone."

"Yeah, so am I."

"I'm not going to keep you but I wanted to call and say happy birthday and I love you little sister."

"I love you too." Every girl should have a brother like Jake.

**oXoXo**

Several hours later I stormed out of the Beverly Hills Day Spa with Rose and Alice on my tail calling for me to come back. "Leave me alone, I'm never speaking to you two ever again!" I yelled. If I'd known where I was going I would have walked back to the house. And I didn't have a cell phone so I couldn't call the guys to come pick me up.

"Bella, come on, we're sorry," Alice said.

"I can't believe you let them do that to me!" I was beyond furious.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad," Rose retorted.

"Rose, she stripped my nah-nah!" I yelled.

"Nah-Nah?" Rose and Alice exclaimed at the same time, I could see they were trying to hold back their laughter.

"Well, I didn't want to say vajayjay to the whole freakin' parking lot!" I fumed.

"Sweetie, you needed it, the au-naturale look is outdated," Rose tried to reason.

"And don't you feel better? Don't you love the way it feels?" Alice asked.

"No! My nah-nah is very angry at me!"

"I can't believe you keep saying nah-nah," Rose chuckled to herself as she hit the alarm to the BMW.

Once we were back in the car, Alice tried to reason with me. "It would be a lot worse if you'd worn the jeans. Aren't you happy I insisted on the dress?" Indicating the heather grey maxi dress she'd insisted I wear with a white cropped light weight short sleeve sweater.

"Couldn't you have warned me I was going in there to get a Brazilian?" I asked.

"And ruin the fun? Hell no!" Rose said, chuckling.

"Next time won't be so bad," Alice tried to assure me. "Plus, not only did you get a facial, manicure and pedicure, you also got a haircut. Now doesn't that make up for a little waxing?"

"Alice, I just re-enacted the scene from 40 year-old Virgin. No amount of pampering will change that the fact I want to sit in front of fan to cool off the sting!"

"Maybe sugar wax will better next time," Alice said thoughtfully. I just shook my head and ignored them and watched the people on the streets as we drove back to the house. After a few minutes our usual banter returned, there was no way I could stay mad at them. And Alice was right, when the wind blew there was a nice tingle down there. _Well, who knew?_

When we walked out to the backyard the sight before us made us stop in our tracks. The guys were shirtless, wearing nothing but shorts doing squats while holding 15-lbs weights. By the time they moved to arm exercises we had cold drinks while salivating.

"Wow, I never knew Jasper's ass was so…so..." I stammered as I tried to find the right word.

Alice grinned. "Tight. Yeah you can bounce a dime off it."

"Edward is looking good," Rose observed. "Nice legs." I had to agree Edward had amazing legs.

"Emmett's arms used to be bigger than that?" I asked as I noticed Emmett's muscles and wingspan. "I could just watch him lift things all day long." Rose nodded in agreement.

"Ick! I can't look at my brothers, my eyes are trained on Jasper," Alice declared.

"I got my sights set on Edward and Emmett," Rose announced.

"Sorry ladies, I'm enjoying all three!" I said with a laugh.

"Brat!" Rose said with a laugh, but we didn't take our eyes off the guys. They moved on from arm exercises and finally the abs.

Our afternoon delight was interrupted by the door bell. Alice ran to get the door and a few moments later she came out to the patio holding a beautiful flower arrangement.

"Bella, these were delivered for you," she said, frowning.

"Me?" I asked. "Is there a card?"

"Why do you need a card, it has to be from Edward," Rose said.

"Sadly, I didn't think to send flowers," Edward said, coming up behind us. "Who are they from?"

I found the card, the name I found was not what I expected.

_Happy Birthday, Izzy. Always, James_

My insides went cold. He'd found me. I couldn't breathe. I could feel the leash I'd relinquished tighten itself around my neck. I could feel myself hyperventilating. I tried to gain control over my breathing, but the more I tried the worse it got. I could no longer hear the voices around me, I no longer saw faces, they were a blurred picture. I needed air but I was already outside.

"Baby, look at me. Bella, look at me," Edward said, but it sounded as though he was underwater. I looked into his green eyes and everything started to come into focus. "In and out," he chanted. I was suddenly exhausted. He gathered me in his arms and I felt safe, they couldn't get me.

"Bella, take this," Emmett said handing me a pill and bottle of water. I don't know how long I sat on Edward's lap, but with him holding me helped keep the leash off. I kept touching my neck to make sure it wasn't there. I knew they were talking, but I didn't keep up with the conversation.

I was drained, and then I was just angry. I sat up stood up so quickly I stumbled over Edward's feet.

"I need a phone," I said, holding out my hand. Emmett handed me his Droid and I dialed the number I knew by heart.

"Ramsey & Ramsey, how may I direct your call?"

I clutched the phone tightly in effort to control the shaking that had taken over me. "Yes, may I speak with Jane Ramsey," I said in an unsteady voice. I could hear the gasps behind me but I ignored them.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Ramsey is unavailable," her receptionist replied. _Typical_. But I knew for a fact Jane was there.

"She's available for me, tell her it's Isabella Ramsey," I said.

There was a brief pause. "One moment please."

I took a few deep meditating breathes while sending a silent prayer to the-God-I-sometimes-believed in for much needed strength. I figured he owed me one.

"Izzy! Happy Birthday!" Jane said excitedly into the phone.

_Who the fuck was this?_ "Jane, I don't have much time so let's cut the crap," I said, irritated.

"Izzy, you were never much fun. How's Los Angeles?"

"So, you told him where to find me?" I asked.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" asked Jane with a chilling giggle. "You're family and family sticks together."

"And I'm divorcing said family. Please tell James to stop sending me crap, if he has anything to say send it to Aro."

"Izzy, you belong to James and he doesn't let go of his possessions very easily. So this divorce is bullshit, just come back and he won't be angry."

_Come back?_ "His possession? I'm a fucking person and I'm free to go--"

"No, Izzy you belong to us and we're not done with you," she said hotly. _Done with me?_ "James wants to fix this marriage, he loves you." Her tone was suddenly calmer. She was definitely up to something.

"Jane, I would appreciate if you, James and Alec did not contact me. Please direct everything to my attorney, Aro Cullen in Seattle."

"Hiding behind the Cullens as usual I see. Tsk, tsk," she said mockingly.

"I'm not hiding Jane, I'm right here. Now as I was saying, Aro is fully aware of your cousin's abusive nature and I would like to continue to refrain from any contact in the future," I said.

"Izzy, this isn't over, my advice is for you to return home immediately. Then we can have a nice family get together." Family gathering usually ended with me cooking then getting my ass kicked because the food wasn't to their liking.

"Jane, I'm never coming back."

"This is not a game, Izzy!"

"You're right, it's not a game! It's my fucking life! And you, James, all the rest of you have literally tried to smother that life out of me. I'm not doing it anymore."

"Pity, I guess we'll do this the hard way."

"I've already done the hard way. I'm living my life, I'm done."

"No, Izzy, you're not," she said quietly and hung up the phone.

I remained where I stood, the phone still clutched in my hands, looking out at the city below but not really seeing it. Part of me felt exhilarated for standing up to her and another part of me felt chilled to the bone knowing this was far from over. I just hope I was up for the fight. Taking a deep breath, I turned to see Edward walking toward me. As if it was second nature, he took my into his arms holding me to his chest. He didn't say anything, as though he knew I needed some time to recover.

"Did I take a Xanax?" I asked.

"Yes, Emmett keeps a small supply on hand."

"Yeah, I remember him telling me that."

"Are you ok?" he finally asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I will be," I said, the chill was starting to dissipate. "Can you just hold me a little while longer?"

"Always, because I don't plan to let you go," he said in my ear, holding me closer to his chest. We stood there quietly for a few minutes as I tried to compose myself, drawing from his strength. As much as I wanted to do this on my own, I simply needed him there.

"Can we get some ice cream? I think I need it." I needed comfort food.

He chuckled. "Yeah, that can be arranged."

We walked back to the house where everyone was waiting. I handed Emmett his phone. "Thanks."

"Anytime," he said.

"I threw out the flowers," Alice informed me. "I can't believe that fucker did that."

"Neither can I."

"Okay we need to forget about that fucker. Let get the grill going and kick off the Bella Birthday Bash," Emmett said. I didn't have the heart to tell Emmett I hated celebrating my birthday, but if I was starting a new life, I knew I to change some old habits, starting with my birthday.

"Emmett, sounds like a plan," I said, grinning.

Jasper and Emmett quickly got started on grilling the meat, Rose and Edward made sides. Alice and I played testers and helped out when needed. Alice called Mike and he showed up with his new girlfriend, Jessica. As the evening progressed two guys showed up who were simply introduced as Phil and Bobby. Phil seemed to be the most outgoing of the pair started talking about the house, Bobby would chime in but pretty much kept to himself.

Once Edward passed out the beers to everyone Bobby seemed to open up. It wasn't until he said he was on tour that it clicked it was Bobby Long, the indie singer I'd been slightly obsessed with since Edward's return. Bobby's tales of the people he'd met and dealing with fans had me laughing, then Edward and Jasper shared their experiences. At some point during the evening someone gave Bobby a guitar and he started to play his song _'Who have you been loving?'_

Edward came and sat next to me. "Enjoying the show?" he whispered in my ear.

"So much better than YouTube. I didn't realize you knew him," I whispered back.

"I just met him, Mike saw his show and knew I wanted to meet him and invited him over tonight."

When Bobby was done, the two beers I'd consumed caused me to scream out my request of 'Penance Fire Blues,' as just a few weeks before Edward had been playing that song in his parents' home. Edward and I were singing along with Bobby, which seemed to surprise him.

_Oh let me run lord (lord lord lord)  
Run lord, let me run  
So let me run lord (lord lord lord)  
Run lord, let me run_

After Bobby's impromptu concert, Edward joined him for a few songs. It was around midnight our guests left and I finally enjoying a pint of Ben & Jerry's 'Everything but…' when Rose approached me about the photo shoot again.

"I know I've been avoiding the subject the last couple of days, but I think we should do it tomorrow, for real this time," she said, laughing.

"Okay, tomorrow morning," I suggested.

"Okay, I will work with Alice for outfits and she can help me with my make up."

"So, we're doing this?" I asked skeptically.

"Yes, tomorrow morning. Really, I swear!"

True to her word, Rosalie met me in the backyard the following morning wearing her favorite white Peasant skirt, with a white tummy baring camisole. Her hair was in its natural state of messy curls and she wore minimal make-up.

"Emmett prefers me without make-up, so I used a powder to take away the shine," she mumbled. Her nervousness was apparent.

There were a few large rocks in the garden area, I was able to get a few pictures before she started to shake. "Rose, take a deep breath," I said to calm her. She closed her eyes and tried to meditate, I took a few pictures while she did this exercise, but I knew she was going to freak soon.

I heard a noise and turned to see Jasper walking over to join us wearing blue ripped jeans and white tee shirt and barefoot. He sent me a shy smile and then sat next to his sister. I could see Rose start to relax when her brother arrived and I was able to get a few frames of both of them. My favorite had to be when Rose was leaning on Jasper's back, his head bent, and Rose smiled into the camera.

After a few minutes, Jasper left, but instead of freaking out Rose kept going. I was able to get a several frames before she said she wanted to change.

While she changed I had Edward and Emmett help me set up the makeshift lights in the living room, since I wanted to change the setting a little. Rose returned in her Harajuku 'Rocker' shirt and shiny black tights with black ankle boots. Alice followed her down, helping with the make-up, the outfit she wore simply required heavier coverage.

Once Rose was comfortable she needed very little direction, was in her natural element. Tyra Banks would have been proud of the eye contact she made, as well as the poses she used. When Rose wanted to be sultry, she gave it to you, when she was playful it was still sexy but created a moment.

Not that the shoot was completely breezy, there was a moment during the third change when she started to shake again, but Jasper was on an important call and wasn't in the room. Emmett came to the rescue, he didn't say anything, he simply lifted her chin up until she met his gaze. It was as if the both were hypnotized and few moments later she stopped shaking. As this was going on I continued to snap the camera, I was like a demon possessed but deep down in my gut I knew I could do this. Thoughts of the Ramseys never entered my head, they no longer mattered. And before I knew it, we were done. For the first time since my father died, I didn't feel like a failure.

_Today was a good day._

After the shoot, I uploaded the photos to the Alice's computer. I went through each frame several times and I quickly found my favorite shots and starting editing on the ones that had potential. The day flew by, I barely stopped to eat and I only did that because Edward threatened to remove the battery to the computer. I ate so quickly I was shocked I didn't choke. I didn't realize how long I sat editing the photos until Edward walked in the room and sat next to me.

"You promised not to overdo it," he murmured against my hair.

"I know, I just got so excited," I said, starting to feel achy from being hunched over the computer for so long. I saved my last edit and shut down the computer, the work would still be there tomorrow.

"From what I've seen, it looks really good and I understand being proud of your work."

Damn this man just got me, it was great to relate to someone about my passion without ridicule. We walked upstairs to his room, I realized I hadn't used the room other than to change clothes, I'd been sleeping in Edward's room. "You need to unwind," he said leading me to the bathroom.

"What's this?" I asked, taking in the lit candles, I could hear soft music completely mesmerized by the awaiting tub.

"I prepared a bath for you," he said with a shy grin and all I could do was stare at him in complete disbelief. "Call me if you need anything." He gave me a soft kiss on the lips and walked out of the bathroom. I shook my head in amazement, Edward was constantly surprising me.

I threw my hair in a mess pony tail and quickly undressed. Even though I'd been busy my side didn't really ache, but I was sure a bath would ease the last of the aches I had. I felt like a princess as I submerged my body into the tub, instantly relaxing. I could feel myself dozing off within a few minutes. I don't know how long I slept when I saw Edward walk back into the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of white loose linen drawstring pants which brought out his newly acquired tan.

"Relaxed?" he whispered.

"Yes." I couldn't help but stare at his chest.

"Now we have to make sure you're all clean," he said softly.

"Clean?"

"Oh yeah, when I walked in you were asleep and I have a feeling you missed a spot."

"Well I wouldn't want to walk around all dirty, now would I?"

Using the washcloth, he added a quarter sized portion of shower gel and began to gently clean my neck. He trailed down to my chest, I sucked in a breath as he gently cleansed each breast as if it was precious metal. He dipped the cloth in the water to rinse me off again.

"All clean?" I asked, not recognizing my own voice. He simply shook his head no, as he leaned over to kiss my lips. His tongue swirling with mine was intoxicating. My nipples were instantly hard, I entangled my wet hands in his hair, wanting more just as he pulled away. He caress my breast then trailed down my chest to my belly even though he hit water his fingers continued the trail until he reached my nether region. I'd never been more thankful Alice and Rose made me get a Brazilian wax as I was at that very moment.

Edward placed a hard kiss on my lips, he dominated the kiss devouring my mouth at the same time he eased two fingers inside me. My heart was racing out of control, I was getting dizzy, and I was tingling everywhere. I didn't understand what was wrong with my body, the sensation he created was something I'd never felt before. Before I could release whatever demon he'd awakened, he stopped. I let out an anguished cry.

"Why did you stop?"

"Because you're all clean now," he replied smoothly. His hair was wet from my fingers and his chest also glistened with water. And when he stood, I could see he was hard, which made me want him more. _I did that!_ Edward returned with a towel, and, feeling a little braver than usual, I stood, watching as his eyes became more hooded. I could see his Adam's apple bob, I think he was actually salivating.

He wrapped the towel around me as I stepped out of the tub and walked into his arms. We shared a kissed that was just as intense as when I was in the tub. I loved the feel of his scruffy jaw in my hands as he sucked my bottom lip. As I intertwined my fingers in his hair, I felt his hands touch my back.

I froze. His gaze held mine as his fingers traced one of the raised scars near the middle of my back, a gift from James. I tried to pull away but he held me tighter and his touch continued to trace.

"Please let me go," I whispered.

He shook his head, "Do you think this changes what I feel for you? I know I'm pretty shallow, but not that shallow."

"You're not shallow."

"Some would disagree, but I digress... these scars don't make you any less beautiful. It doesn't make me want you less," he said against my lips. My arms wrapped around his neck, I pressed my naked body against his. He lifted me into his arms, his lips never leaving mine. He laid me on the bed, looming between my legs, his hands caressing my body. His lips against my neck he murmured, "You're so beautiful."

His mouth found my breast, sucking my nipples. His hands continued to roam my body, making the need to be closer intensify. He began to place small kisses down my body, his touch gentled when he reached my ribs, he continued the stream of kisses first my right inner thigh.

"Um…what are you doing?" I asked shakily.

"Bella, what do you think I'm doing?" he asked with a smirk. I frowned knowing my sexual knowledge was very limited. "Bella, you've never…"

I knew my face was beet red but there was no way I could answer without feeling like a complete idiot.

"We shared an important 'first' in your life and I want to share another one. Just relax and just feel," he said kissing my thigh. When I felt his breath, my lips dripped with anticipation, I suddenly wanted him to touch me. As if reading my mind, I felt his tongue kiss me in the most intimate manner. If I hadn't been laying down, I would have passed out. I arched up to meet his tongue, his hands on my hips held me tighter, his tongue seemed to awakened parts of me I never knew existed.

When I almost couldn't take it anymore, his warm tongue flicked over my clit. "Let go," he commanded. And I did. I felt as if I was having an out of body experience, the ecstasy seemed to make me unravel. I felt as if I was about to explode, I wanted to get away yet stay and continue the dance. I needed to feel more. I let out a groan when my toes curled and I saw stars. I knew I stopped breathing but I never felt so alive.

"Oh, wow," was all I could manage. _Oh dear god I had my first orgasm_.

* * *

**A/N**: Okay what did you think? Enjoy the mini lemon?

Visit me on twitter bbwraven


	18. Circling Backwards Yet Moving Forward

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but i do own a can of Rainier beer (aka Vitaming R) from Forks.**

Hello my lovies! Thank you for sticking around even though I've been over thinking this fic so much I couldn't write which lead to dreaming about it. Sorry I didn't reply to everyone who reviewed last time but a majority came while I was vacationing in Hawaii...yes TOO MANY ideas flowed through my mind while in North Shore.

If you check out the Twilight Sisterhood Blog you will see we along with the Twilightish(.)com we're trying to raise money for the kids africa. And their hosting a 30 day challenge to those who want to help! So please, please check out the blog! www(.)twilightsisterhood(dot)blogspot(dot)com(/)2010/06/my-30-days-of-summer-donation-challenge(dot)html

Now, June is here and you know that means ECLIPSE! WOO HOO!

If you're in LA and going to see Bobby Long on 7/9 (my bday!) let me know!

A special thanks to the busiest woman in fandom Wearingwords, honestly thank you for saving me and for not scolding me too much for the bad grammar! And Vanessa my TS sister has been a fuck ray of sunshine listening to me go on and on about nothing. Meg my fic reading partner and Arthur Stu admirer thank you for making me laugh.

Yes I'm on twitter, bbwraven but please follow Indieficpimp not because she rec Awakening but because she's rec-ing a varitey of fics. Plus she's on FFn under the same name.

Whew that's ALOT! maybe more than the actual chapter.

R.I.P. - Rue McClanahan

* * *

Last night had been one of the best nights I'd ever had with Bella. Even though we'd been sexual partners in the past, it felt as though, intimately, we were closer than ever. If I'd thought her kisses made me feel drunk, tasting her was better than any cocaine high I'd ever had.

I was generally a very selfish lover, but when it came to Bella I was the complete opposite. I craved to bring her pleasure, foregoing my own, though I so badly wanted to say to hell with waiting and slide myself into her until she screamed my name.

But I knew I couldn't and my cock wasn't listening. I tried thinking of movies I hated, like Dane Cook's _'Employee of the Month', _and it seemed to work until I thought of Jessica Simpson in a fitted shirt which led me to think about that god awful _'Dukes of Hazzard'_ movie. Jessica can't act for shit, but damn she looked good in that movie. Yeah, I was completely fucked and my morning wood had a mind of its own.

"Oh, dear god," I muttered to myself when Bella's fingers unconsciously grazed my hip and my dick started to twitch uncontrollably. Suddenly, Will Ferrell popped in my head which made me chuckle as I thought of _Talladega Nights_, and I started praying like Ricky Bobby on crack.

_Dear Sweet baby Jesus,_

_Please help me refrain from flipping my girl over and having my way with her. And thank you for blessing her with a great rack, but seriously I want to bury my face in them. And that's not very_ _gentlemanly...that's purely selfish...right? Please give me strength._

_Amen._

I brushed my lips against her hair and carefully slipped out of bed when the urge to use the bathroom to hit me. After I washed my hands, I decided to brush my teeth and proceeded to wash my face. I needed the extra time to gain more control of my urges.

After a few meditative deep breathes, I walked back into the room and noticed Bella moved from the middle of the bed to my empty side and was clutching my pillow. She was still naked from last night, the sheet barely covered her ass. Even though her hair covered most of her back, I could still see the welts on her skin. As I stood there frozen, my vision was suddenly blurred as the rage coursed through my veins. I knew if James had been in front of me I would have killed him.

Taking a deep breath I eased back into bed and gently moved her hair off her back. As quickly as I had become enraged, I was suddenly sad. I took in the crisscrossed scars, knowing this was another reason why she hid under large shirts.

Just a few days ago I'd told her when she hurt I hurt, and my heart ached at this very moment. When I was a kid, I remember getting scrapes and bruises, my mom would bandage me up and kiss away the pain. Without a second thought, I traced each scar with my finger then placed a kiss on each raised welt. I knew the instant she was awake, I could feel her body stiffen but I continued my journey.

I wanted her to know she was mine; I wanted her to know she was desired, but most of all I wanted her to know she was consistently loved. I needed to convey that these scars would not scare me away and they didn't make her any less beautiful. I felt her body shake and knew she was crying. I gathered her in my arms and let her cry.

"Whenever we got a cut, scrape or a bruise my mom would kiss to make it better. As silly as it was I always felt instantly better," I said softly, praying my voice wouldn't crack. "And I just wanted to try to kiss away yours."

"I think it worked," she said, her voice husky with tears. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, babe," I said and retrieved the blanket from the foot of the bed. I started humming the song I'd begun writing when I'd arrived back in Forks. I hadn't played it often but lately I could hear the notes clearly in my head and was able to translate. I was starting to drift off when I felt Bella's lips against my knuckles. I gave her another squeeze and let sleep claim me.

**xoXox**

I woke up to Bella kissing my shoulder, I purred when she ran her fingers through my hair.

"Time to wake up sleepyhead," she whispered in my ear. Bella was grinning down at me when I opened my eyes, but I was disappointed to see her _already_ dressed. "Morning," she said, kissing my lips.

"Morning," I said, still sleepy and trying to keep my eyes open. "What time is it?"

"A little after nine," she replied as she continued to run her fingers through my hair. "I brought food. Emmett had a crazy work out and had three helpings, so I snagged a plate for you."

"Thank you, baby," I said, sitting up. Bella presented breakfast in bed with eggs, toast, pancakes and turkey bacon. _Emmett must have replaced real bacon._ "Wow this looks amazing. Thank you." She'd even brought coffee just the way I liked it and orange juice.

"You're welcome," she said with a grin and then sat next to me against the headboard, laying her head on my shoulder. I offered her a bite of my pancake, she shook her head no but did take a sip of my orange juice.

"So, you're going to finish editing today?" I asked in between bites.

"I'm actually done. I only had to touch up two photos and Rose is going to approve five for the site," she explained.

"So you have the day free?"

"No, Alice wants to go shopping. She said she's already mapped out a few places so I won't be dragged all over the city," she explained.

"Wow, Ace not hitting every store in L.A., I think I'm in shock," I said. "I'm honestly surprised she lasted this long."

"Don't tell her, but I'm kind of excited about the shopping," she admitted.

I chuckled. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you," she said. "What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea, I'll see if Emmett and Jasper have plans since my girl is leaving me to go shopping," I said with a fake pout. A soft knock interrupted our conversation. "Come in."

"Morning, Eddie!" Alice said, walking into the room. I hated when she called me Eddie. She handed me a piece of paper with my name on it. "Bella scoot over, I need to take your picture for Twitter."

"I don't have a twitter account," I said, holding the paper in front of me.

"I created an account this morning and Emmett will add it to your phone. I want to get you verified and this way is faster," she said.

"Alice, you do realize I'm shirtless, right?"

"Yeah, the fangirls are going to lose their minds off this one!" she said, snapping a picture of me. After a few tries the picture continued to come out blurry, it wasn't until her fifth try did the picture come out right. "Done!"

"Finally," I muttered and resumed eating my breakfast that was considerably colder.

"Bells, we have to go, the manager at Marc Jacobs is holding a private viewing for a few one-of-a-kind items and I need to get there before the Beverly Hills socialites." I chuckled because Alice loved to out-buy the socialites. I offered my orange juice to Bella again before I placed my tray on the floor.

"Still excited?" I whispered in her hair.

She shook her head. "No, more like terrified," she whispered back, trying not to laugh.

"Ace she'll be down in a few minutes," I said, hopping out of bed and walking her to the door.

Tossing me a knowing grin, she said, "Ok, see you downstairs, Bells."

After I closed the door behind Alice, I looked at Bella who was perched on her knees in the edge of the bed grinning mischievously. I walked over and cupped her cheek, my thumb caressing her bottom lip as I leaned in to kiss her plump soft lips, savoring the taste of orange juice and maple syrup. Her hand tugged at my pants bunching them at the waist bringing me closer.

We'd both been understandably anxious to be together and last night only intensified what we'd been harboring. She moaned against my mouth, our breathing becoming labored as her tongue danced with mine, there was no shyness. I knew exactly what she wanted. My cock was obviously stiff and hard, she took advantage of my weakness and gently cupped it through my pants. I broke the kiss when I could no longer breathe, our mouths still close but not touching.

"Bella," I hissed. Her hands were rubbing the length on my shaft through my pants…_FUCK_… she wasn't even really touching me and I was about to cum.

"Edward, please…" she begged. I knew what she was really asking.

"Soon, baby," I murmured against her lips. "Alice is waiting." I gave her another kiss and reluctantly helped her off the bed instead of throwing her down and having her straddle me. Damn the image of Bella on top began to fill my brain. I needed to get Bella out of here or I knew I would give in to my fantasies, so I walked her downstairs to the front door, giving her one last kiss. I reluctantly watched her get in the car with Rose and Alice and stood there until the car disappeared.

"You know she's coming back," Emmett said coming up behind me. I braced myself for a joke when I looked at him there was no laughter in his eyes.

"I know," I said quietly, heading back to my room.

"When I was in the NFL and I had my first away game, it killed me to leave Rose. I went to the bathroom and cried like a baby," he confessed. I turned and stared at him in shock. "She's the only woman who could be in the next room and I'd still miss her. Like you, even apart my feelings for her didn't change."

"You two have been working together for years, why did it take you guys so long to get back together?" I asked, suddenly curious. Emmett could be very reserved when it came to his feelings.

"Because I thought it was emasculating to miss someone like that."

"When did you stop thinking that?"

"When Jake and Leah got engaged. She'd go out with Rose and Ace and when she'd walked through the door he'd act like she'd been gone for weeks instead of a few hours. Hell, you know our parents are overly affectionate and I knew normal people weren't like that. But Jake made it look normal and manly."

"I didn't know that," I said.

He shrugged. "It wasn't something I broadcasted. Now, go get changed, Ace wants me to show you how to use Twitter," he said as we walked up the stairs.

"Why are we suddenly on the Twitter bandwagon?" I asked.

"Because it's fun," he said, grinning.

"Whatever. I'm going for a run," I said, rolling my eyes as I entered my room to change.

**xoXox**

A few hours later we strolled into the Apple store at the Grove, trying to find a laptop for Bella. It was Jasper's and Emmett's birthday gift. After the photo shoot we realized she needed a computer of her own so she didn't have to constantly borrow one of ours.

It was honestly no bother, but why share when you can have your own to work when the inspiration arises? When we first started touring we tried to share two laptops, but ended up bickering over them too often. Within a month we each had our own, and if any of them break, Emmett or Rosalie usually repairs them.

After badgering the poor sales guy with question after question, Emmett finally made his choice. Jasper and I found a decent computer bag which she could exchange if she didn't like it. And since she did not have a cell phone, I added an iPhone to the mix.

Jasper sent Alice a text and found out what store they were in, which was when I realized that we'd come to this mall because they wanted to hang out with the girls and not deal with the clothing stores.

A few minutes later we were greeted by the sales girl as we walked into some store call Anthropologie. It wasn't Alice's usual type of store, there was a mix of kitchen supplies, bedding and trendy-vintage clothing. Oddly, it worked.

"Is that a bed?" Emmett asked, mouth hanging open. I nodded. "If I would have known I could take a nap I would have come with them."

"I figured they'd be on Rodeo Drive by now," I said offhandedly.

"I don't think Ace wanted to scare her again," Jasper said as he read his text messages. "They're in the dressing room and we can go back there."

Being the only guys in the store, I felt uncomfortable as we walked toward the dressing area. I didn't want management calling Security to come kick us out. I was thankful Alice, along with a sales person, met us halfway and led us to a sitting area surrounded by dressing rooms.

"It hasn't been going well," Alice whispered in my ear when I sat down.

"What happened?"

"I'm not even sure, she seemed to be excited then she tried on some items and came out unhappy. She's in there now with a bunch of sweaters, but could you get her to try on some dresses?"

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do," I said. The sales girl handed me three dresses and showed me Bella's room. I knocked on the door. "Bella?"

"Edward?" she asked, sounding stunned.

"Hey, can I come in?" I asked. She didn't open the door immediately and I was afraid she was going to refuse, but she finally opened it and I stepped in the spacious area, closing the door quickly behind me. "Ace wants you to try these items."

Bella stared at the dresses but made no moves to take them. Ace was right, the excitement from earlier was gone, she looked defeated. I handed her an off-white dress with bronze flowers in the bust area, but she shook her head no.

"Why? It's pretty," I said. _It's a dress, what the fuck do I know. _

"It shows too much," she said, staring at the dress. I looked at it, taking in the thin straps and noting the low bust that wasn't too risqué, but the back would reveal a few of her scars.

Suddenly inspired, I asked, "Have you ever watch Top Chef?" Frowning she shook her head no. "The host is this smokin' hot model name Padma, when she was a teenager she was this really bad car accident which left a visible scar on her arm. I admit, you notice it, but the woman is _hot_." I put emphasis on the word '_hot'_. "But that's not what you remember about Padma, you remember the way the dress hugs her curves, you remember her confidence, but most of all you remember her standing there owning the room while every straight man drools over her. That scar didn't stop her from showing her arms or from modeling." _I admit, I have a thing for Padma. _

Bella didn't say anything for a long while, then, with an exaggerated sigh, she then took the dress from me. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek then turned to leave to give her privacy to change. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Anytime," I said, winking as I exited the dressing room to sit with Jasper and Emmett, who were on the couch looking bored and trying to kill time by playing with their phones.

"What are you guys doing?"

"We're on twitter," Emmett said, grinning. "I already have over 1200 followers." I just shook my head. Lately Emmett had been obsessed with phone applications, if he wasn't in front of a computer he was on his phone. He found an app for everything; hell, if it kept him entertained then I didn't care.

Alice and Rose came out with their selections and sat with us as we waited for Bella. A moment later, Bella's dressing room door opened and she stepped out looking at us, nervously tugged on the dress and, as I suspected, the bust area fit beautifully, flaring out at the waist. She looked at me expectantly, quirking her eyebrow while biting her lip.

"Well?" she asked when we all remained silent.

"Ohmigod, Bells, you look beautiful!" Alice exclaimed.

"Wow, Miss Bella, Alice is right, you do look beautiful," Jasper said, laying the accent on thick.

"Damn, Bella, if I wasn't in love with Rose I would so have a crush on you right now," Emmett said. "Who knew you had legs?"

Rose elbowed him in the ribs. "Seriously, Bella, you look great! You're not leaving this store without that dress."

She looked at me expectantly. "Just as I predicted, you look beautiful," I said.

"Go try something else on," Alice said excitedly and ushered Bella back into the dressing room. It seemed she and the sales girl had a rack of clothes for Bella to try on but it hadn't wanted to intimidate her. Once Bella was dressed again she and I wonder through the store looking at all the trinkets, when Alice called her over to look at accessories. Left to my own devices, I found myself standing in what was considered the house ware area, filled with glassware, doorknobs and hooks, light switches, when I found hooks with 'B' & 'E' I knew I was getting ahead of myself, but I bought them for the house I hoped Bella and I would share.

"Is this too much for a first date?" the blonde asked her friend who was standing next to me. She held up a gray dress in front of her while her friend looked her over.

"Actually, I think it's perfect. Not showing too much skin, yet showing enough to not embarrass him in front of his co-workers," she said thoughtfully.

"I'm freaking out!" the blonde exclaimed.

"You shouldn't, go try it on and see if it works," her friend said.

"Thank you for wasting your lunch hour with me. I know I'm spazzing, but you know the first dates are the worst," blondie muttered.

"Hell, at least you're getting the date," the friend muttered as they walked to the dressing area.

And it dawned on me as I listened in on a private conversation, Bella and I hadn't been on a date. Yeah, we'd gone to Port Angeles and had quiet moments on the beach, but a real date? I watched her with Alice discussing accessories, feeling like a complete ass. I knew for a fact Jasper and Alice had date nights whenever possible. Everyone knew my feelings for her, but yet, I was still hiding. Part of it was the fact that she was married, but she getting divorced, so I knew that was just an excuse. I picked up the hooks with our initials and thought of the possibility of house hunting, but shouldn't I take her on a date before we got a house together? Talk about ass backwards.

I added the hooks to the growing pile of clothes for Bella when she came and stood with me. She cocked her eyebrow at the hooks, I just shook my head and grinned at her. "Sorry to interrupt, I'm Anna, the Store Manager," she said, shaking my hand and then Bella's. "I thought you should know several members of the paparazzi were spotted on the premises. I don't think they know you're here, but I wanted to give you the heads up so you can prepare yourself."

"Crap," I muttered. Last thing I wanted to do was deal with photographers. "Thank you, Anna, I appreciate the heads up."

"Do you know what area they're in, so we can try to avoid them?" Jasper asked. I hadn't even realized he was nearby.

"Near the fountain, I think Heidi Klum is here again and she usually hangs out at The Farm," Anna explained. The Farm was a café right across from the fountain next to the theater.

"I'll go pay and then we can leave," Alice said, going to the counter. I followed and handed her my credit card, she reminded me my parents were footing the bill but I insisted this round was on me, including the items for Rose and herself. "Shit, you're treating? If I would have known I would have gotten more!"

After we were rung up we paired off, Jasper and Alice left the store first, followed by Emmett and Bella, finally Rose and I were the last to leave. And, just as Anna said,` there were photographers all around, with there being two valet booths Emmett grabbed Bella's hand and walked her swiftly to one of the booth closer to the restaurants, while we all headed to the valet closer to the stores.

Just as we walked past the fountain I heard my name being yelled. "We've been made," Rose muttered.

"Rose, go with Jazz and Alice. Text me when you have the car and I will meet you on the other side," I said.

She nodded and continued on to followed Jazz, I made a beeline for Wetzel Pretzel and put myself in the line of fire as I stood it line.

After I placed my order for two pretzels and large lemonade, I heard, "Hey, Edward! How are you feeling?" I looked over at the camera man from TMZ.

"I'm good," I replied, giving him my signature smirk.

"You're fully recovered?" he continued to ask, I could see a few photographers taking photos.

"Pretty much," I said. I could see a small crowd had started to gather around me, even in LA this was just weird.

"What are you doing in town?" the camera man asked.

"Work," I replied. I got a text from Jasper.

Emmett is waiting for you at the Nordstorms exit.

-JWH

"New CD soon?"

"Not for a while," I said.

Waiting for hotdogs and will be there soon.

-EAC

"Where's Isabella?" he asked. I shrugged, hoping Emmett and Bella made their escape without too much hassle, when I heard a familiar voice.

"Edward?" the familiar sing-song voice accented voice called. I looked up to see a very pregnant Heidi Klum walking over to me along with her son following close behind. I could hear the cameras snapping away as she moved closer to me.

"Hey, Heidi," I said, gathering her into an embrace as best I could due to her protruding belly which made the hug somewhat awkward. "How are you?"

"I'm good, just tired of being pregnant."

Ignoring the flashes from the photographers, I rubbed her belly. "When are you due?"

"Another three weeks! Can you believe it?" The excitement in her voice was evident, her pregnancy glow made her shine.

"I can't believe you're out here. Shouldn't you be resting right now?"

"Oh please, you sound like my husband! I'm perfectly fine, now what about you? You're really ok?" she asked, I could see the worry in her eyes.

"I'm really ok," I said truthfully.

"Okay, good," she said, hugging me tightly. "I need to get Henry to karate class." We said our goodbyes and she made me promise to have dinner before we headed back to Forks. Though I had a feeling she was going to pop before we had that dinner.

My order was finally ready, so I made my way to Nordstroms, thankfully paparazzi were not allowed in the store and security arrived to push them back. I walked swiftly through the department store to the other opening to see Emmett's rental. I hopped in the truck and Emmett took off.

"Are you ok?" Bella asked from the back seat, I turned to give her a reassuring smile.

"Actually, it went very well, not pushy this time around, how about you two?" I asked looking from her to Emmett.

"We were spotted," Bella said, biting her lip.

"Not sure where the guy was from, but he won't be able to use my sound byte," Emmett said cheerfully.

"I didn't realize a person could say 'motherfucker' so many times in a two minute span," Bella said, shaking her head. I laughed, Emmett's theory was if you cursed enough they could never use your quote in the tabloid shows.

"I ran into Klum," I told him.

"Isn't she pregnant?" he asked.

"Yeah, she's dues in a few weeks."

"Even pregnant she's hot."

**xoXox**

When we returned to the house I helped Bella with the few items she had, the rest were in the car with Jasper, Alice and Rose. I was sitting on the bed watching her put away the clothes, when I thought about the conversation I overheard at the store.

"Bella?"

She looked up at me. "Yes?"

"Would—um that is-" I stumbled over my words. "Would you like to go on a date…with me?" I hadn't felt this nervous about asking a girl on a date since I asked Tara Gordon to the Junior Prom. Bella's mouth formed an 'O' as she stared at me. I was starting to get nervous when she didn't respond. "This is where you answer."

"Um…wow…Edward, I would love to go out with you," she said, blushing. "But I have to check my schedule and get back you."

I chuckled. "Great, let me know when you're free." We grinned at each other and she went on to tell me about her morning with Alice and Rose. I couldn't tell her about what I did with the guys, otherwise I would have spoiled the surprise. Emmett was in his room setting up her laptop.

We found our way downstairs, sharing the remainder of her 'Everything But' ice cream. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm available if you still want to go out," she said, grinning at me.

"Are you available tomorrow night?"

She pretended to flip through her imaginary date book. "You're in luck, I'm completely free tomorrow night."

"Great I'll pick you up around seven," I said.

"I'll be ready, I can't wait."

"Neither can I," I said and leaned over to kiss her lips.

**xoXox**

_I was nervous_. I hadn't felt this way since my first arena concert- actually this was much worse. I was so nervous I didn't even protest when Alice dragged me to Neimen Marcus to buy a suit. I didn't complain when she had me change into so many outfits, I lost count after six.

So, I stood there in the middle of my room with nothing but a towel around my waist staring at a Giorgio Armani black suit, trying to calm racing heart. It wasn't like I'd never been on a date, but Bella wasn't like the others…she wasn't a blur in the crowd, or someone to fill a void. I ran my fingers through my hair realizing I did everything backwards with her. I should have courted her then declared my feelings.

Taking a deep breath, I put on a pair of black Calvin Klein box-briefs and proceeded to get dressed. Once I had my pants, shirt and shoes on, out of habit I went into the bathroom to get a bandage. Just as I pulled the bandage out of the container, I stopped. Instead of bandaging the tattooed finger, I let it be; Bella knew it was there and she was the only one that mattered.

I added Fekkai's glossing crème to my hair which was growing out again, but I was enjoying the length this time around. I grabbed my jacket and went downstairs to wait for Bella, found Jasper and Emmett in the backyard drinking beer.

"Aww, don't you look pretty," Emmett said when he spotted me. I flipped him the bird, smiling.

"What do you guys have planned?" I asked.

"Going to hit up Social, see if it's become super lame," Emmett said.

"Just prepare for lame, but it'll get Alice and Rose off our asses," Jasper added.

Rosalie joined us and said Bella would be along soon. I kept swatting at her hand as she kept fluffing out my hair. "Rose, will you stop messing with my hair?"

"I'm trying to make you presentable," she muttered, not backing down. It was easier to sit still instead of fighting her, besides the ducking and weaving only made me nauseous. _When did I become a pansy?_

When we started playing arenas I would have minor freak outs so bad my stomach would cramp up. I stopped drinking for a while. I must have had that same look, because Emmett handed me a glass of ginger ale. As usual, the drink helped soothe my stomach. I closed my eyes, enjoying the calmness, after a few moments I felt tingly all over. I opened my eyes to see Bella walk through the back door.

I was happy I was sitting down because I would have passed out right then and there. Bella was no longer the girl from Forks I fell in love with, the person before me was all woman, a very gorgeous woman. Usually Bella hid behind her hair, but tonight her hair was pulled back into a low pony tail. She stared at me with wide brown eyes with a small smile firmly placed on her plump pink glossed lips. The dress molded her body, the deep V front accentuated her breasts, and the belt made her waist seem smaller and as she walked toward me the ruffled edges made it seems as if she was walking on air. My dick was vibrating with anticipation, _down boy!_

"Wow," was all I could manage.

"Is that a good thing?" she asked.

"Definitely yes, you look absolutely gorgeous," I said. "I'm not sure I should take you out. I'm going to be fighting guys off you left and right."

"Don't worry, Edward, we'll have the bail money ready. Maybe we should have Aro on stand-by," Emmett said.

"So, do you like the dress?" she asked me, ignoring Emmett.

"Hell fucking yeah I do," I muttered, looking her over again. "Okay, let's go, we have reservations." I grabbed my jacket, we said our goodbyes. We took the BMW and headed to a restaurant on the beach near Pacific Palisades. When I handed my keys to the Miceli's valet, I noticed several guys checking Bella out. As much as I hated the fact they were staring at her, I couldn't help feeling like the luckiest bastard.

The restaurant was crowded, but with our reservation we were quickly escorted to a table facing the beach. The view was in a word: _Perfect_. The sun was setting, making the sky a mixture of blue, gold and red. You could see the willets gathering in the sand, couples walking along the beach hand in hand and kids playing tag, running around as their parents had a quiet moment together. I could see Bella and I like that one day.

"Even though I grew up on First Beach, it was never like this," she said, interrupting my thoughts.

"First Beach is nothing like this," I agreed. I ordered a bottle of wine Jasper recommended when he found out were coming to Miceli's. "I want to make a toast, to our first official date."

Bella raised her glass. "To our first date," she murmured and took a sip. "It's like a week of firsts for us…me."

"What do you mean?"

"The other night," she said quietly.

"Ah….so he didn't do that to you?" I asked. I didn't want to discuss James, but it was bound to come up.

"He didn't do a lot of things," she said. "I don't want to discuss him anymore. Tonight is about us."

"I couldn't agree more,' I said with a grin, feeling more confident, I leaned toward her and she met me halfway for a gentle kiss.

"The sunset reminds me of your hair," she said after a few minutes of silence.

I smiled. "Thanks, I think."

"I mean it as a compliment. Not many people can pull off bronze hair and still look manly."

"It's not easy being this beautiful," I joked. "When I was a kid it was this hideous bright red, I was teased unmercifully, both Alice and I had to deal with the red head syndrome."

"Really? What about Emmett?" she inquired.

"Lucky bastard has blond hair like my dad."

"I could never figure it out because he changes the color so often," she said thoughtfully. "Do you think your kids will have red hair like you?"

I was caught off guard by the question, I didn't know how to tell her I no longer thought about starting a family. "I honestly don't think about having kids, not with parents like mine."

"What are you talking about? Your parents are great!" she exclaimed.

"I know, they raised the bar too fucking high," I said, laughing. "I hope if I ever get the chance to have kids I can be like my parents."

"I'm sure you're going to be just fine."

"We'll see," I said quietly. We sat in silence in for a moment, watching the sun fade away, the families walking to their cars, I watched her finger absently trail the rim of her wine glass. "If I have kids, I hope they have dark hair like their mother," I said quietly. I watched the surprised light up her face, I could already envision a little girl with dark hair running around. It was the first time I allowed myself to dream of something other than my career and I wasn't afraid.

Dinner went off without a hitch, the wait staff was attentive without hovering, allowing Bella and I to really just be like any other couple. We forgot about her soon-to-be-ex-husband lurking in the background, we didn't speak about mistrust, and the best part we didn't have four additional chaperones –it was only the two of us.

"So what else is on the agenda?" Bella asked as I drove through the Palisades to our next destination.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask," I said with a chuckle.

"Well?"

"We're going to a photo exhibit for Zachary Franks," I explained.

"I wonder if I've seen his work," she mumbled.

"You have, most of our promo shots from the last CD was taken by him."

The drive from the restaurant to the gallery took less than ten minutes. I noticed Bella getting fidgety. She'd just finished checking her make-up when I pulled into the valet which was half a block away from the gallery. We stopped in our tracks when we noticed the mini red carpet we had to pass in order to get in. Bella looked at me with wide eyes and I didn't say anything as I intertwined our fingers and walked toward the gallery. I was checking in when the photographers realized I was standing there.

The bulbs were flashing like crazy and I could feel Bella's hand shake. I honestly didn't realize there were going to be photographers here. This was not how I wanted this night to go.

"Ready?" I asked her.

"If I say no would it make me a coward?"

"Never a coward, but I can handle it alone. I'll ask security walk you in but I need to give them a few shots or it'll get worse."

"Yeah, that might be better," she said, her eyes not meeting mine. I spoke with the guy manning the rope and he was able to walk Bella in as I stood on the carpet. I put on my bored face, giving half smiles, knowing it wasn't enough but just wanting to get it over with.

"Mr. Cullen, we're so happy you could join us!" Trudy, Zachary's publicist cooed.

"I didn't realize so many photographers would be here."

"Yes, it's unusual, but with most of Zack's clients being in the industry more photographers showed up tonight," she explained, trying to pretend she knew nothing about it, but in reality, she was the one who called them.

I walked into the gallery and found Bella standing nervously near the entrance. "You ok?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she said quietly.

I grabbed her hand and we explored the gallery. Most of his photos consisted of actors and a handful of musicians. "Think we'll find any photos of you?" Bella asked after we viewed a photo of Drew Barrymore reading a script while on a movie set.

"No, I didn't want to scare away potential customers," a voice behind me answered Bella's question.

I turned to see Zachary standing there with a grin on his face. After shaking my hand and giving me a bro-hug and inquiring about my health, I introduced him to Bella. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he said taking her hand.

"Same here and I have to say your work is amazing," Bella replied.

"Thank you. I appreciate it," Zachary said with a pleasant smile. "Let me show you around." He guided us to another room where he displayed ten poster size charcoal drawing of some random people. They were so detailed you would think it was a grainy black and white photo. Bella seemed to study everything around her, she seemed to take in every detail, sometimes asking Zack a question but she mainly observed in silence.

"Zachary, your drawing are simply breathe taking. Have you thought about just showing your drawings alone?" she asked.

"I did briefly, but knew it would be too much stress. If do something like that it would be in a group show. Less pressure to create if you're blocked," he explained. I understood about being creatively blocked, some days were great and some days you wanted to hide from the world.

"That I can relate to," I murmured shaking my head when I saw Nikki coming toward me followed by Trudy, Zack's publicist and director Ted Greenburg.

"Zachary, there you are," exclaimed Nikki, coming between Bella and myself when she went into for a hug. "Everything looks fabulous as always." Trudy introduced me to Ted Greenburg, he said he was a fan of my work and hoped we'd find a project together.

"I look forward to collaborating with you," I responded. I looked over to see Bella was being pushed out of the circle. I grabbed her hand and brought her to my side. "I'm sorry, did you meet Isabella?"

"No, I would have definitely remembered meeting such a beautiful woman," he said, taking her hand in his. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Isabella." His gaze never left hers as he kissed her hand.

"Um…likewise," she replied.

"Actress?" he asked and Bella shook her head. I could see she was trying to reclaim her hand. "A singer? Are you in the band with Edward?"

"No, I'm a photographer."

"Have I seen your work somewhere?" Greenburg asked.

"Only at the amateur gallery in Inland Empire," Nikki chimed in causing Bella to blush.

"Bella is the photographer for the band, so far from amateur," I said, wishing Nikki would just disappear. "But you can find her work on our site."

"So you finally found someone whom Rose hasn't left on the side of the road?" Zack asked with a chuckle.

"Like, when she told the driver everyone was on board, but you were still paying for your food."

"Oh yes, Rose is priceless," he said wistfully. I knew Zachary had a crush on Rose.

"Well, Bella has done the unspeakable, she got Rose to pose," I said proudly.

Zack looked at me in stunned silence, and then at Bella. "What? She..um..How?" he sputtered.

Bella smiled. "It's obvious you didn't bribe her with chocolate," she said playfully.

"Shit! You're right!" Zack played along. "What magazine was the shoot for?"

"No magazine, just for fun, we posted a few photos on the site," Bella answered.

"Well, Isabella, I look forward to seeing your work but I must run," Ted said as he handed me a card. "Call me, I have a few projects on the horizon." He shook my hand as well as Bella's and said his final good-byes.

"Eddie, wouldn't it be great if we worked on a project together?" Nikki said.

"Yeah, that's never going to happen," I said. "We're going to head out, great show, Zack."

"Thank you for coming out, I appreciate the support," he said as he walked us to the valet. Not as many photographers as earlier but enough I could hear the cameras going off.

"Anytime, just glad I was able to make it," I said, shaking his hand.

"Me too, friend, drive safely. And Bella, it was a pleasure to meet you," he said and walked back into the gallery.

"I like him," Bella said.

"Yeah, he's great."

"I'm sorry about the press….and Nikki. I hope it didn't ruin your evening too much," I said apologetically when the flashes continued to go off. I noticed the photographers standing in the street in order to take our photo. This was the down side to my job and I knew it could be overwhelming for anyone.

"Edward, you don't have to apologize. Nikki simply wants attention and mostly she wants what she can't have, and as for the press? Well, it comes with the territory and I will endure it, I have to if I want to be with you. And I really want to be with you, not every relationship is easy, but I think we're worth it."

When the car arrived, I helped Bella in and took off, I noticed two trucks tailing us but I was able to lose them before we made it to the hills. The others were still out, so Bella and I enjoyed the remainder of Rose's Riesling.

"Will you play something on the piano for me?" she asked.

"What do you want to hear?"

She thought for a moment. "Frank Sinatra."

"Old Blues Eyes, I knew you were perfect," I said, grinning and patted the seat next to me. I decided to play my favorite Sinatra song '_Come fly with me'_, I loved watching her face light up as I sang the words:

_Once I get you up there where the air is so rarified__  
__we gonna glide absolutely starry eyed__  
__once I get you up there I'll be holding you so very near__  
__you may hear angels cheer just because we're together_

I immediately went into the song I wrote for her. I still hadn't named it, but every note was clear, a mixture of vibrant and delicate. Lyrics were not needed. When I finished we sat in silence, I turned to look at her and caressed her face. "I love you," I whispered against her lips.

"I love you too," she said with a smile. I noticed a tear roll down her cheek.

"Baby, why are you crying?"I asked, frowning.

She didn't answer right away. "Because I'm happy. For the first time in a long time, I'm truly happy," she whispered.

"I like you happy," I whispered as I kissed her lips, as usual tasting her caused a frenzy inside me. Tonight I calmed the animalistic beast that was itching to get out, seeing my girl happy was all I needed. I broke our kiss when I heard the sound of tires speeding up the driveway, alerting me everyone had returned home from a night out.

I took Bella by the hand and led her upstairs, I walked her to her door. "I had good time tonight, do you think you can check your schedule so we can do this again?" I asked, smirking.

She pulled out her fake planner. "You're lucky I'm free anytime," she said with a grin. "I honestly had a great time." Bella surprised me by pulling me down for a kiss, we both groaned when we heard Emmett.

"Isn't it past your bedtime, young lady?" Emmett said in a mocking authoritative voice.

"Go away," I mumbled, wishing I was an only child.

"Em's right, a proper date ends at the door," Jasper said when he joined us.

"No, a proper date ends with her howling his name," Emmett added with a serious face.

"Like either of you have even been on a proper date!" I fumed.

"Jasper did with Alice, otherwise he would have had a broken leg," Emmett said, looking at Jasper. I could see Jasper's Adam's apple bobbing, he never told me about the first date, nor did I want to know what happened between my best friend and sister.

"Will you guys leave them alone! Geez!" Alice said. "Now Edward, kiss her goodnight."

I was about the lean in to kiss Bella when I noticed everyone watching. I groaned and gave her a quick kiss. Bella laughed as she went into her room with Alice and Rose trailing behind her.

"Cockblockers," I muttered to Em and Jazz.

"No, that's all you little brother," Emmett said with a chuckle. "I'm beat, talk to you in the morning bitches." Jasper also said good night and I went into my bedroom. I quickly undressed and changed into a pair of flannel bottoms. I was trying to wait for Bella, but it was hard to keep my eyes open and I wasn't sure how long she would be. I decided to use the Twitter program Em had added to my phone, I tried to read all the tweets I received from fans but I was fading fast. I didn't respond, but decided to post my first tweet.

In the words of Ice Cube: Today was a good day! –EC

I put my phone away and finally closed my eyes, but I didn't sleep well until I felt Bella kiss my shoulder and snuggle closer to me. Definitely, a good day.

* * *

**A/N**: Okay so what did you think of their first date? Sorry no mini lemons this time around.

Please check out Indie Fic Pimp! She's rec Awakening this week so I'm in full on blush mode.

And is don't forget to check out Twilight Sisterhood blog for the Help Africa Blog!

_**PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! Good Bad...I can take it...wait I need a beer first...Okay do your worst! **_


	19. Shedding Izzy

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but I did own a LA fireman for an evening! LOL thank you Mari (my bestest friend even when I'm a raging bitch she still loves me!)**

Okay….so if you're reading this it means you came back…..THANK YOU! Several of you emailed me asking if I gave up on the story, trust me when I say I haven't given up more like I think TOO much and can't make it right.

I have to give a special thanks to Twisisterhood she seriously have been uber patient with my neediness and even held my hand several the last few weeks when I was going insane. Please don't forget to check out www(.)twilightsisterhood(.)blogspot(.)com

A huge thank you to my betas wearingwords & LilKel1, so appreciate all your help!

And thank you to Brandon Flowers! Love his song Crossfire, inspired so much, I kept it on loop.

* * *

It's hard to believe a month had passed since Edward and I attended Zack Frank's show. A few days after his show, Zack offered me an internship, which I happily accepted. Twice a week I assisted him either in his studio or on a photo shoot, which meant I basically became his gopher on different photo shoots. Sometimes Edward would accompany me if the shoot was located outside the city, quietly supporting me whenever I became overwhelmed. But lately he'd been recording at the studio with the band and co-producing with Jasper and Timberland on another project, so he hadn't been on set with me.

In addition to working with Frank, Mike was able to get me a few freelance jobs for online music and fashion magazines. Edward explained that once Mike believed in your work, he'd go beyond the call of duty, and he'd done just that. Not only did he put my name out there, he, along with Ben, helped me set up my photography business. I stressed over everything from the web design to the name and finally settled on 'Duckling to Swan Studios'. Edward hated the name, saying I was never a duckling, but I explained after being called ugly for so many years I had finally started to feel pretty. We finally agreed to disagree.

I finished uploading the latest photo shoot I'd had with Rosalie, she'd made real progress in front of the camera. The nervousness she'd first exhibited had nearly vanished, making her more confident and comfortable during photo shoots. Sadly. It was only when she worked with me. She tried working with Zack again, and after thirty frames, she walked out. Jasper, Emmett, and I tried to get her to go back, but she'd refused.

Between work for both Edward and me, we still found time for each other. I loved our 'date nights,' as Alice liked to call them. We did the most normal things, like dinner and a movie, concerts and we even did a little house hunting. The one house we both loved was too accessible to the public as well as the paparazzi. It still shocked me he wanted to move in together, but as cheesy as it sounded, I knew we could end up in a cardboard box and I'd be happy. That was what I was when I was with him: happy. The world was a little less chaotic, we could sit in silence and my world was at peace. But, even though he kissed me with intense passion, he wouldn't touch me like he had a few weeks ago, though I'd tried to get him make a repeat effort but had no luck so far.

After I shut down my new Mac, a gift from Emmett and Jasper, I tiredly made my way to the room I shared with Edward. After sleeping together every night, we agreed I should just move my stuff into his room. It was nothing like living with James, if I left clothes on the floor there were no repercussions.

I remember we'd been sharing a room for a week when Edward woke me up early one morning so we could drive to Santa Barbara for the day, and I'd left my pajamas on the bedroom floor. When we walked in after a long day and saw them, I froze, Edward never said anything. He just took off his clothes and shoes, adding them to my pile, and hopped into bed. Once my heart became steady, I quickly changed and crawled into bed with Edward, but to be safe I made sure I cleaned the room before we left.

Not that everything had been breezy, ever since James sent the flowers I'd been plagued with nightmares. I usually remembered what I dreamt about because they were simply memories which caused me to wake up suddenly and then go back to sleep, but it was the unknown dreams that freaked me the fuck out.

One night was really bad, I thrashed about, knocking myself out of bed, and I was shaking and couldn't be held. I cringed every time I thought about how I just sat shivering and crying in a corner as Edward watched me with pained eyes. I didn't remember much after that, but when I woke up with Edward's arms around me, I noticed I'd left several scratch marks.

As I was settling into bed, waiting for sleep to claim me, I wanted to try to wait up for Edward so I could tell him about Zach inviting me to Chicago for the big Vanity Fair shoot, but most of all I simply missed him. I left before he'd woken up since he'd been coming in so late from the studio. I barely managed to give him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving for the day.

Just as I was dozing off, a horrible stench hit my nose. "You're not getting into this bed smelling like that," I said tiredly. I turned on the light and found Edward staring in my direction with glazed blood shot eyes; he reeked of whiskey and weed. But it was the stronger unknown aroma that was killing my senses.

His eyes grew wide with shock. "I schmell?" he said. His words slurred, swaying as he tried to remove his shirt.

"Yeah, you do," I said, getting out of bed. I began to undress him and he watched me with hooded eyes. He was down to just his boxer briefs when I took him into the bathroom to shower. After I got the temperature right, I began to walk out.

"Stay," he murmured. He cupped my face, his thumb tracing my bottom lip. Even though he smelled like a weed farm, I relished his touch. When he finally kissed me, he tasted like whiskey and cigarettes, barely breaking the kiss as he pulled my tank top off and helped me remove my boy shorts. When we stepped into the shower, the water nearly drowned me as I continued to kiss him, but we stood there making out like teenagers, his hands roaming my body. He let out a loud moan when I grabbed his ass. He turned us around where the spray of the water hit his back, my hands roamed his taut chest, I flicked his nipple which I knew drove him crazy, causing him to hiss. "Fuck baby."

His lips found the crook of my neck, sucking gently as his hand traveled up my ribs until he reached my breast. Edward wasn't the only one who loved his nipples tweaked, and when he took my nipple into his mouth, I nearly came. I clutched his arms when my legs gave out, I felt as if was burning with need from the inside out.

"Edward, please," I begged.

"The day you sign those papers I'm going to rent a fuckin' island and we're not leaving that bed for a month," he said against my mouth. _Fuck!_ Even stoned he wouldn't relent, not that I was trying to take advantage. I reached around him for his loofah and body wash and began to scrub his chest. He closed his eyes as I washed his body, but when I tried to wash his hair, he was too tall and I almost got shampoo in both our eyes.

Stepping back, I watched him as he quickly washed his hair. I took in his lean muscles, his abs had become more defined since we'd been in L.A., his ass was tight, and his legs were long and lean. I could sit there all night and stare at him, it took all my will power to leave that shower. I quickly dried off, I grabbed my discarded clothes and threw them in the hamper, and went into the bedroom where Edward's smelly clothes sat, and took them out on the balcony. No way that crap was staying in this house.

Just as I slipped into one of Edward's Ramones tee shirts, he came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel around his waist and drying his hair with another. I handed him some pajama bottoms, hiding my smirk, knowing he was watching my bare ass crawl into the bed. If he was going to tease me, I planned to tease him back. "Bella, did you forget something?" he asked huskily, his words less slurred.

"No, I'm good, babe," I said, settling into bed. I heard him grumbling about never going to sleep as he ran his fingers through his damp hair. Once he was settled, I curled myself to his body and fell asleep.

**XoXoX**

I woke up gasping for air, it felt as if something was blocking my air passage. The harder I tried to breathe, the worse the feeling became. I started coughing uncontrollably as I tried to regulate my breathing. I felt Edward rub circles on my back.

"Calm down, baby," I heard Edward whisper. "You're safe."

I didn't know why these nightmares continued to plague me. I'd never felt safer as I did when I was with Edward. I'd never even felt like this with Jake, it had always been as if I'd known James could snatch me away.

_But James is in jail, why am I still afraid? _

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward asked as he handed me a bottle of water.

Taking a sip, I replied, "I don't know, I just woke up scared." I'd told him this on several occasions. I leaned against the headboard again, wishing I was just normal.

"I spoke to Aro, he said he's still locked up, so he's not coming after you."

"Yeah, I know," I said.

"It's obvious PTSD isn't something we can just wish away."

I was at a loss for words. It seemed to haunt me no matter how many times I'd tried to keep at bay. I was trying my hardest to keep focused and not lose myself in self-doubt, but something about counseling truly scared me. I didn't want to rehash shit, I wanted to move forward. Counseling reminded me of the mental noose I wore during my marriage, and I had no desire to revisit.

Relaxing in his embrace, I smiled and placed a kiss over his heart as he hummed the song he wrote for me. I put all thoughts of James and Jane out of my head because this was my happy place and I didn't want them to interfere any longer.

After dozing on and off, I gave up on sleeping. I quietly put on workout clothes, grabbed socks and trainers so I could use the treadmill. Emmett put me on an exercise regime consisting of cardio, yoga and lately, Pilates. Normally when I walked into the gym, I enjoyed seeing the subtle changes in my body. I used to hunch over, looking as if I was afraid of my own shadow, now I stand straighter, my shoulders no longer held a chip. But today, I saw reminders of that bitch Izzy.

Chemical Romance's 'I'm Not OK' blared on the sound system, it seemed to fit my mood. I was plagued with a feeling that this shit between James and me wasn't over, the way Jane said _"We're not done with you yet,"_ made me shiver. I increased my pace on the treadmill to a nice jog, feeling as though I was in training and I didn't know what for. But I'd be damned if I went back to being Izzy, that girl who was scared of her own shadow.

For the first time in months I allowed myself to honestly think about my destructive marriage to James. I thought of all the names I was called in the course of my marriage, the daily humiliation, I saw how I started doubting everyone, including my own father, but worst of all, I doubted myself. My father constantly told me to be my own person, never let anyone change who I was, not even him. He would have hated who I became when I married James, but then again, he wouldn't have allowed that union to happen.

I would have gone to Dartmouth or NYU and found the real me a lot sooner, now I was left with pieces of my former self. I allowed James to fill me with fear which consumed me on a daily basis, but for the first time in a long time, I was fueled by anger. I was angry at myself for not remembering what my father had taught me. I was angry at myself for not listening to those who loved me, and angry for pushing them away. I raged on the inside and I didn't know how to stop it. I was running so fast, I was sure I would fall but I didn't care, my chest burned but it was a burn I welcomed.

A hand hit the STOP button on the treadmill, I looked up to see Emmett watching me warily.

"Why did you do that?" I fumed.

"Because you're going too fast, especially since you're crying," he said. I hadn't realized I was crying, I thought I was just sweating too much, but he was right, it was tears. He handed me a towel and waited for me get off the treadmill.

"Sorry to snap at you. I didn't even realize I started crying," I admitted. He cocked an eyebrow, just nodding. As loud as Emmett could be, it was his quiet side I detested. He was more observant when he was in this mood, he reminded me of Aro. He went to the cabinet and pulled out a box with my name on it, inside I could see a jump rope, pink boxing gloves, hand wraps similar to what I'd seen him use on the guys for their boxing working out. He didn't say a word as he wrapped up my hands to protect my knuckles, he just grabbed the gloves and helped me put them on. When I looked down, I saw my name stitched on them instead of a logo.

"I knew we'd need these eventually," he said quietly.

Emmett walked me to the punching bag he, Edward and Jasper used and showed me a series of basic boxing techniques. I winced every time his hand connected to the bag. After going through the routine several times, it was my turn. I made a few pathetic hits that seemed to make no impact, which enraged me further. When the song switched to Metallica's 'Enter Sandman', I wanted to run back to the comfort of Edward's arms.

_Something's wrong, shut the light  
Heavy thoughts tonight  
And they aren't of Snow White….  
__Sleep with one eye open  
Gripping your pillow tight  
Exit light  
Enter night  
Take my hand  
We're off to never-never land_

"Bella, you're not concentrating," he said, bringing me out of my haze. He came behind me and guided me through the jabbing motion again. "Every time you strike, think of him. Think about punching him in the jaw. Instead of you receiving that punch, you're giving it."

I cringed as I heard Emmett's menacing voice, but I understood what he meant. I looked at the punching bag, I took a few deep breathes when Linkin Park's 'Bleed it out' filled the room. The anger I felt earlier returned, I could see James' face on the punching bag. I followed Emmett's instructions and with each jab and cross motion I felt empowered. The work out lasted for over an hour.

"Good job, Bells. Let's try not to overdo it. Now, do you feel better?"

I smiled. "Yeah, I do. Thanks Emmett," I admitted. Between my anger and pent up sexual frustration, boxing was going to be my new release.

"Anytime," he said as he helped me removed my gloves and wraps. "Hopefully this will help with the nightmares and not be a trigger."

"You know about the nightmares?" I asked, stunned.

He nodded. "Sometimes we can hear when you scream, not every night. A few times we were worried, but Edward said he had it under control."

I was mortified. "Oh shit, I didn't know I was screaming."

"Listen, don't be embarrassed. You're still healing," he said sympathetically as we walked to the kitchen, because Emmett insists on having a piece of fruit after every workout. When we walked in we found Jasper leaning against the counter with his eyes closed as he waited for the coffee to brew. He was freshly showered but had yet to put on a shirt, his tattoo of an American eagle for fallen soldiers on his right shoulder. Over his heart he has the words 'Semper Fi', for his father who was a retired Sergeant Major who now runs a PMC for businesses in the Middle East.

"I didn't think you'd be up," Emmett said to him. He handed me a cup of diced pineapple.

"I didn't plan to be up," Jasper mumbled, never opening his eyes. "Thanks for bringing us home."

"You're welcome." Emmett went to the studio with Jasper and Edward even though he wasn't scheduled to be there, playing designated driver. Otherwise they would have to take a cab back to the house and they usually forgot the address when they had too much to drink.

"Could someone tell me why Edward smelled like ass when he came in?" I asked.

Jasper and Emmett erupted in a fit of giggles. "Let's see, he sat on his lunch and didn't realize it for twenty minutes, bong water spilled all over him and when he was on the patio, the Rottweiler decided to show him who was the alpha dog," Emmett tried to explain.

"W-what?" I asked, still confused.

"It was the funniest thing, Edward was just laying there completely drunk. Sampson came over sniffed him and just raised his leg and just peed all over him," Jasper explained as he clutched his head trying not to laugh. "I told him not to irritate that dog, but he didn't listen."

"Oh, my poor baby," I said, chuckling. "I made him take a shower when he walked in."

"Yeah, we had to drive with the windows down," Emmett admitted.

After I finished my fruit, Em reminded me to soak so the muscles wouldn't get too tight. I went upstairs to check on Edward and found him on the balcony smoking and talking on the phone. He smiled when he saw me, ended the call and gave me a kiss. "I've missed you," he whispered.

"I've missed you too."

"Do you have to work today?" he asked.

"No, I'm free as a bird."

"Good. I have a surprise for you," he murmured against my lips.

I hugged him closer. "Yeah? What is it?"

"I was able to score us tickets to Kings of Leon tonight."

"No way! Are you serious?"

"Yes, I made some calls and we're all going."

"Thank you, baby!" I snaked my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"You're welcome. I figure we just relax until the show."

"Sounds like a plan," I said, hugging his middle. "I love you," I whispered.

"Love you too. But babe, I think you need to hit the showers."

"Says the man who smelled like ass not too long ago," I said, ticking him on the side. I found out on accident Edward was extremely ticklish. He softly smacked my ass before I left the balcony, which caused my naughty bits to tingle. _Great! _"Oh, don't forget to take your clothes to the wash."

He nodded and I heard him mumbled something like 'damn dog.'

I soaked in the tub until I started to fall asleep and this time there was no Edward to wash me off. Edward wasn't in our room when I came out of the bathroom, which was probably a good thing. Victoria Secret was having an 'End of Summer' sale and I'd found a cute pink bikini that I had to buy. I didn't think I would actually wear it, but after my workout I needed to.

Overall, it fit perfectly. The halter top gave the illusion that my boobs were bigger than they actually were, the double string bottoms hugged my hips, giving me a more curvy, womanly look. I was pleased I could even see my stomach tightening. Emmett was truly a miracle worker. But it was when I turned to stare at my back that I wanted to hide my body with my old hoodie. Instead, I added a white sheer cover up, just something to wear while walking around the house. I quickly ate a few bites of the food left for me in the microwave, and tossed the rest because Emmett would be pissed if he knew I didn't finish my breakfast. I just didn't have much of an appetite.

Taking a deep breath, I removed the cover up when I walked outside, I usually wore a one piece when I was in the pool, and the few times I wore something smaller no one paid attention to the scars. I watched as everyone lay in the sun, enjoying the last days of the summer-like weather. There were fruit trays on the table along with orange juice and bottles of water.

"Damn, Bells! Looking hot!" Emmett called.

I just smirked and saw Edward gracefully rise from the lounger and walk toward me. I was mesmerized by his lips, reminding me of our shower together, but the spell broke as he lifted his Raybans to get a good look at me. "Is it my birthday?" he asked, his eye glued to my boobs.

"No."

"I've been imagining this moment for months now and let me say….the reality is so much better than my dreams."

"You dreamed about me wearing a pink bikini?"

"Yep. When I was in a coma," he said nonchalantly.

"You…you were dreaming?" I asked curiously.

He nodded. "It's hard to describe, I remember bits and pieces but I do remember you in a pink bikini," he said with an infectious grin.

Flashes of him in the hospital hit me, I hated to remember him battered and bruised. As if he could read my thoughts, he sent a reassuring smile and along with a quick kiss. Edward applied suntan lotion to my back, taking his time as his strong hands glided over me. By the time he was done I was sleepy yet completely turned on. I put my iPod on shuffle and let Marcus Foster soothe me while my back tanned.

I felt a light tap on my butt cheek from Edward, alerting me to flip over. "Tease," I muttered. I removed the earbuds and grabbed his notebook he'd left on the ground, turning to a blank page, I started drawing some flowers. I knew he used the notebook for writing and I had to restrain myself from reading what he'd been writing.

I was almost done with my flower chain when I remembered Chicago. "Zack asked me to go to Chicago with him," I said eagerly. I went to sit on the edge of his lounger, not wanting the others to hear. I wanted Edward to be the first to know, not like it would be a secret, but sometimes we just needed our private moments.

He sat up and faced me. "Why?" he asked quietly.

"He's shooting the Fresh Faces of Hollywood spread for Vanity Fair and asked me to accompany him."

"Babe, that's great!" When he hugged me he whispered, "I'm proud of you, I know you're going to be great."

His support often brought tears to my eyes. "Thank you." I hugged him tighter, he gave me a peck on the head and then positioned me between his legs.

"When do you go?" he asked.

"In a few weeks I just know it's before Thanksgiving. Do you think you can come with me?"

"Just give me the date and I'll be there," he assured me.

"I should know the official dates in a couple of days." I felt better knowing Edward was going to be with me, I was excited but very nervous. Zach felt I wasn't ready for his high profile shoots, but with Molly on her honeymoon, he was stuck with me.

Edward went back to his book, I could hear him read under his breathe. "What are you reading?" I asked, curiously.

"100 Love Sonnets by Pablo Neruda."

"Really? Didn't know you were a Sonnet type of guy."

"I had to read it in college but I didn't understand it then. I always thought he was full of shit. I mean how could anyone love someone that intensely? But, now I understand," he said. "Want to hear my favorite?"

I nodded. "Yes," I whispered.

_I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz_

_or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:_

_I love you as certain dark things are loved,_

_secretly, between the shadow and the soul._

_I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries_

_hidden within itself the light of those flowers,_

_and thanks to your love, darkly in my body_

_lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth._

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,_

_I love you simply, without problems or pride:_

_I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving_

_but this, in which there is no I or you,_

_so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,_

_so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close._

"Do you like it?" he asked.

I nodded. "It's beautiful," I murmured. He continued to read his favorite passages, I lost myself in the silkiness of his voice that sometimes shook with emotion.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward asked.

"Of course," I replied, grinning.

"When I first met you, you always had a book on you, but you haven't seemed to pick one up since you've been with us. Why?"

I was glad my back was to him as I tried to form the words. "He didn't like me to read, said it was too expensive. So I would go to the library or re-read my favorites. No matter how clean I kept the house, he'd say I was neglecting my chores. So, as an added punishment he dished out, he would rip my favorite books. I was able to save one my father gave me. After a while, reading was impossible anyway so it didn't matter, concussions always got in the way ."

He shifted me until I was sitting across his lap, unable to avoid his gaze. He cupped my face as he rested his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he placed a gentle kiss on my lips. He made me feel as if I was the most precious thing in his world. Moments like this made the sex not important. "I love you, Corazón."

"Love you too," I said. "But baby, why did you call me cortisone?"

He laughed. "No, I said Corazón, it's Spanish for heart."

I was suddenly thrown back into girl mode. "Aww, that's so sweet, I can only say I love you in English," I said trying to keep the blush from rising to my cheeks.

"I don't need special words," he said into my ear. "Only you."

I kissed his hands, thanking god we'd found each other again.

**XoXoX**

After lunch, I realized I didn't know what I was going to wear to the concert, especially after listening to Rose and Alice talk about halter tops and high heels. I knew I had a little time before Ace went through my closet and made me wear something way too uncomfortable. I was halfway up the stairs when I heard the doorbell ring, but it was as if someone had their finger pressed on the button nonstop. We hadn't had any visitors other than Mike and Eric, but when I peeked out the window I could see an unfamiliar dark SUV. Before I could decide to ignore the door or actually open it, the doorbell started to consistently ring again. I opened the door to a blond woman with two kids, the older one which looked to be somewhere between two and three was the bell-ringing culprit, while the mother held a younger baby who seemed to be squirming in her grasp.

"Hi, can I help you?" I asked skeptically.

"Hi, is Rose in?" she asked with a friendly smile. Her eyes were hidden behind dark lenses, she was pale with unnaturally platinum blond hair and bright red lipstick. Due to the heat she was dressed in a dark green maxi dress with black wedged heels, which made her as tall if not taller than Rose.

"And you are?" I asked skeptically, as I watched her struggle with the over-active toddler.

"Gwen," she said, shooting me a smile. Just then the little boy got out of her grasp and ran into the house. "Kingston, come back here." She ran into the house chasing after her son.

Kingston? Why did that name sound familiar to me? _Holy shit, Gwen Stefani!_

I regrouped and followed Gwen out to the backyard to see Kingston hanging on Emmett's arm as if he was a jungle gym. Rose was cooing over the baby in Gwen's arm, I was debating whether to join them or go up to my room. Alice and Jasper were getting out of the pool to greet the unexpected guests.

"Bells!" I heard Edward calling my name. He came over and grabbed my hand to join the group. "Gwen, have you met Bella?"

"Not formally, King ran in before we could make introduction," she explained. "It's nice to finally meet you, Bella."

"Nice to meet you too," I mumbled, taken by surprise by her strong hand shake. Eventually we all sat around watching the kids while they caught up with each other. She was in the writing process for the new No Doubt cd, usually meeting in Orange County, but was taking the week off since the nanny was on vacation.

"I heard you guys were recording with Timbaland. How's that going?" she asked.

"Fanfuckingtastic!" Jasper said excitedly.

"He has a new group and liked the song Jasper wrote," Edward explained.

"Congrats, Jazz!" she exclaimed, giving him another hug.

"Thank you," he said modestly.

"I know you're keeping a low profile, or as low as you guys can make it, but when I was on the ND forums they posted a picture of Rosie in a Harajuku shirt, I knew I had to stop by. So Ms-I-don't-model-anymore, when did this happen?" Gwen asked curiously.

"It's nothing, Bella and I had a few photo shoots and we posted a few shots," Rose explained in a blasé voice.

"There's more? Can I see?" Gwen asked looking at me.

"It's up to Rose," I said. Rose approved all her images posted to the site.

Rose was still holding Gwen's son, Zuma, making cooing noises before she answered. "Yeah, why not?" I could tell Rose was nervous about Gwen viewing the rest of the photos, but I shot her a small smile and went inside to get my laptop.

"Gwen, why don't you go with Bella and view the photos in the office, without us hovering over your shoulder?" Edward suggested.

"You'll keep an eye on the kids?" she asked, standing.

"Of course," he assured her. I didn't know what to say to her as we walked back into the house, there was no way I could have small talk with the woman who inspired my one teenage rebellious moment. But thankfully Gwen had social skills.

"They were telling me you were working with Zach Franks. How do you like it?" she asked.

"It's great, I'm learning a lot from him."

"He's a sweetheart. I'm supposed to have a session with him soon."

"Hopefully, I'll see you there," I said as we reached the office. I quickly found the file I was looking for and set up a slide show for her viewing.

I grew anxious as she silently viewed the photos, her face a blank mask. The only time she showed a sign of interest was when photos of Rose in a LAMB frock appeared. I was starting to sweat and thankful the slide show was ending. Before I had a chance to hit end, photos I'd been taking for my latest project appeared.

"Wait, can I see those too?" she asked.

"I'm not posting those for while, it's just a project I'm working on," I said.

"That's cool, I'm just curious."

And she wanted to see them all, including photos I'd taken in Forks of the band practicing or just hanging out, from the Benefit, and afterward when Edward and I got out of the hospital. I heard her gasp when the photo of a bruised Edward appeared but again she remained silent. I started to bounce my leg as the photos from my freelance jobs appeared.

"I'm impressed," she said with a smile. I almost pissed in my pants.

"Thank you, that means a lot."

"I better get back to the boys, I don't want Em to pull a muscle swinging them around."

At that moment she was more like Esme than the iconic person you see in the media. She was simply Gwen, mom to two over-active kids and one incredible sexy husband. Even though I was still slightly intimidated, I felt more relaxed. I quickly turned off the computer before we walked out of the office. As we made our way back to the backyard she asked the secret to getting Rose to pose.

"No real secret, just never push and keep her comfortable," I replied. I wanted to add more but the sight of Edward holding Zuma and feeding him a piece of watermelon, which landed more on Edward's shirt than the kid's mouth, made my ovaries scream. A few weeks ago we talked a little about kids and in my head I did a happy dance, but to see him with an actual baby made me want to spit out triplets right then and there.

Kingston was worse than his brother, with juice all over his face and running down his shirt. I went into the house to get two wet face towels and handed them to Gwen. "Thank you, Bella. I realized I left the wipes at home. Thank goodness I'm heading to my mom's after this," she said, laughing. Once she had the kids changed, they said their final goodbyes. As Jasper was going to walk them out, she gathered a sleepy Zuma from Rose and was heading for the exit when she turned back to look in our direction again.

"Rose, be straight with me. What will it take for you to be LAMB's new spokes model?" she asked in a serious voice.

"Gwen, stop joking around," Rose said.

"No, I'm serious. You know I've wanted you from the beginning. If it's money, I can make you a great offer."

Rose took a deep breath and smiled. "Let's see, add twenty-five percent to your last offer, Alice has to be the on-set stylist and Bella the photographer."

She was silent for a moment, looking from me to Alice, while we were trying to look as calm as Rose, but in reality all I wanted to do was just vomit from all the new tension. "Done, I'll have the contracts messengered to Mike," she said, walking out with a triumphant grin on her face. Jasper followed her out, looking back with a confused look on his face, while Rose, stood as still as a statue in stunned silence.

It seemed like hours instead of minutes passed as we stood unmoving . "What the hell just happened?" I asked when I came out of my stupor. Jasper came back looking at his sister intently.

"I-I don't know," Rose finally replied. "I can't do it, I was joking, I-I"

"It's ok, baby. We'll call her and tell her no," Emmett assured her.

"Rose you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," Alice agreed.

Grabbing one of the glasses filled with rum punch, she emptied half the glass as she started pacing. Edward lit a cigarette and handed it to her. "I usually respect your wishes about being photographed as well as your privacy, but I think you're an idiot if you let this opportunity pass you by. You didn't become the youngest person to grace the cover of Vogue because the editors were bored. They felt you had something to offer, and more than ten years later someone still thinks you have more to offer."

Rose didn't acknowledge his words as she continued to smoke the cigarette. "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," she said to Edward. "Thank you." She gave him an awkward hug, emotion wasn't something Rose was good at.

"So, are we doing this?" Alice asked. I could practically feel the excitement radiate off her.

"I'll do it, as long as you both are in."

"I'm in!"Alice yelled.

The both looked at me. Suddenly I heard the hook to Lose Yourself on repeat in my head.

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

"Oh hell yeah, I'm in," I said.

**XoXoX**

Finding something to wear to the concert turned out to be a pain in the ass, I assured Alice I had it under control, when in reality I didn't know what I was doing. Long after Edward slipped on a pair of jeans and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tee shirt, looking amazingly hot, I was still trying to put an outfit together.

I decided on my black cotton mini dress, it was fitted and covered my back yet emphasized my cleavage. I was going to wear boots but didn't have the energy for it, plus it wasn't my style. Edward bought me a pair of black and grey pinstriped Converse that I adored but had yet to wear. My make up took less than five minutes and I left my hair wavy, giving me the slept in look. I added a soft gray wrap to ward off the chill that crept in at night.

Instead of taking my new camera, I took the camera Alice had me use when I first started with the band, and brought my press pass I'd received from the online magazine I freelanced with just in case.

Oddly, I was the last to arrive to the limo, Edward and Rose were standing outside smoking and waiting for me. Edward took my bag and helped me into the limo, by the time we hit the freeway heading to the Staples Center, shots of tequila were being passed around.

I was enjoying the dizzy effect the tequila was having on my brain, the tingling sensation that allowed me to relax. Edward wrapping his arm around me and bringing me closer seemed to electrify that feeling. I looked into his green eyes and knew he felt that same way.

When we reached the arena, we dashed through the throng of fans and photographers who were waiting in the VIP area. The tour manager came out to greet us, passing out the VIP lanyards and escorting us backstage. Jasper knew the lead singer of the opening band, The Whigs, and introduced me to them right before they hit the stage. We watched them from the side, I wasn't familiar with their music but I was enjoying watching them play. I was snapping a few pictures when Edward tugged my hand, leading me away from the stage area.

As we were walking by, I recognized the lead singer of the band walking toward us. "Hey Edward! How the hell are you, man?" Caleb asked as he and Edward did the one arm hug. He continued to greet everyone when they caught up with us, even picking up Alice and Rose. The other members came over to say hi as well, pretty much greeting them with real enthusiasm, it was easy to see they were really good friends.

Caleb eyed me, standing next to Edward. "And who is this?" he asked. I detected a southern twang.

"This is my girlfriend, Bella. Bella, this is Caleb." I had to work very hard not to blush every time Edward introduced me as the 'girlfriend'.

"Nice to meet you," he said shaking my hand. "Come on, our dressing rooms are further back."

I watched how the guys from Kings of Leon interacted with each other, reminding me of the Cullen's. There was a closeness that was undeniable, which allowed them these carefree moments to block out the craziness that surrounded them.

After an hour of socializing and hanging out, we found our seats in the third row. When the band came out the crowd erupted, reminding me of when I saw Edward play in Seattle. The arena vibrated with excitement, like everyone else I was out my seat dancing along to the music. Occasionally, I took a few pictures, but tonight I wanted to lose myself in the music. I normally wouldn't partake in smoking a joint, but when Alice passed it to me, I took a puff. I hadn't smoked out since I was sixteen after my father's funeral.

Alice and I were practically screaming at the top of our lungs when they played 'Be Somebody'. I had my back to Edward as he held my hips while we swayed to the music and nearly came when he sang along to 'On Call', I blocked out Caleb and only heard Edward. His lips would graze my neck as I eagerly turned to meet them and wanted to melt. I barely remembered the concert ending or getting into the limo, but I do know the mixture of weed and alcohol heightened my senses.

When Edward and I got to our room we barely contained ourselves, my dress was off before the door was closed. Even in my haze I could see he was trying to keep some control. As much as I loved him touching me, I needed to touch him. We were in the middle of the bed as I straddled his lap, as he sucked on one breast he caressed the other. I could feel his erection and wanted nothing more than to slide his cock inside me.

I gently pushed him onto his back and I placed kisses on his lips, trailing his jaw line with my lips. My tongue flicked his ear lobe. I continued my journey, leaving a kiss on his neck, licking his nipples which caused him to shiver. As I kissed my way down his chiseled stomach, I unbutton his jeans.

"Bella," he moaned. I leaned up to kiss him hard on the lips while reaching into his jeans, my fingers skimming his shaft. His breathing hitched, he wanted me to stop, but at the same time encouraged me to go on. Edward was blessed with brains, good looks, musical talents and a huge cock.

Years ago when he'd first showed it to me, I freaked out so much I was too tense to enjoy my first time. Edward's penis was like Christmas in July. And the best part was it was pretty. I've seen enough porn to know penises aren't that attractive, but Edward's was a work of art.

I gently stroked his cock, enjoying the feel as I pulled it out of his jeans. Giving into another desire, I place a kiss on the tip and it literally twitched. The tip was so pretty, I licked it as if it was a lollipop. He tasted more sweet than salty, making me crave more.

I took him into my mouth, slowly bobbing my head up and down. I looked up to see Edward's eyes completely hooded, gripping the sheets in his hands. I sped up to gauge his reaction, his eyes nearly rolled back into his head. Using my hand and mouth simultaneously caused him to groan, his hips moving toward my mouth.

"Baby…oh shit…Bella," he stammered. His hands were in my hair as he let out a loud guttural noise; his cock stiffened and I swallowed as the warm cum hit the back of my throat. "You swallowed?"

"Yeah," I said with a grin. Edward used to beg me to swallow, I would only allow him to cum on my chest. "It wasn't as bad as I feared." It wasn't my favorite thing to do, but I'd do it again.

"You never…." I could see the confusion in his eyes.

"No, never," I assured him. "Another first for me. Now as much as I like to finish this conversation, I need to brush my teeth." Not giving him a chance to reply, I ran to the bathroom to clean up. Edward was already asleep when I brought him a warm towel to clean him up. He woke up long enough to thank me; I threw the towel in the hamper and got back into bed. Edward reached for me, molding me to his body. _My happy place._

The sound of something crashing in the hall followed by something hitting the wall and yelling jolted Edward and me awake.

"What the fuck?"Edward muttered, putting his jeans on and opening the door. Emmett was going ballistic about something, I grabbed Edward's shirt off the floor and quickly put it on. I'd never heard Emmett sound so angry, I poked my head out the room to see both Jasper and Edward holding him against the wall. I could see a hole in the wall and the hall mirror looked as if he'd rammed his fist into it.

"Emmett, you need to calm the fuck down!" Edward yelled.

"I will fucking kill him," he roared back. "I'm tired of this shit."

"Tired of what?"

"The fucking Ramsey's! James is fucking suing dad for malpractice."

Edward paled despite the fact he was tanned. "What?" Edward staggered back staring at his brother in stunned silence.

"They're like fucking leeches, they never let up," Em continued.

"Emmett, are you sure? It could be an internet rumor," Jasper reasoned.

"I just talked to Aro myself," Emmett explained. He was calmer, but still visibly angry.

_Jane didn't lie, she wasn't done. _

_

* * *

_

**A/N:** I know I took forever with the update but I did provide a mini lemon and that means I deserve a review. I now have a bottle of strawberry beer so hit with your best shot! I can take it….(((grin)))


	20. Uprising

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own Twilight that honor belongs to Stephanie Meyer but I'm the proud co-owner of a puppy name Whiskey.

Hey Party People!

I want to thank to PurpleBrina17 who gave me my 1000th review, so I decided to do an outtake of Edward and Bella's day in Port Angeles years before.

I have to thank my betas Lilkel who is about to pop with baby Mason (it's what I named the baby!), I so appreciate you helping me when you needed to be resting. (((HUGS)))

And thanks to the busiest woman in fandom Wearingwords aka ilsuocantante her patience is invaluable.

And Krysti is the newest person to the Awakening family! Seriously awesome woman!

I have to get some serious love to my TS girls Vanessa, Maria and ADD Cyn for just making me laugh.

And don't forget to check out the indiepimp's blog! Great rec's!

Enjoy!

xoxo

Tammy

* * *

**Uprising – Muse**

_Interchanging mind control  
Come let the revolution take its toll if you could  
Flick the switch and open your third eye, you'd see that  
We should never be afraid to die  
(So come on!)_

_Rise up and take the power back, it's time that  
The fat cats had a heart attack, you know that  
Their time is coming to an end  
We have to unify and watch our flag ascend_

_They will not force us  
They will stop degrading us  
They will not control us  
We will be victorious_

I took a deep breath as I looked out my window, taking in the Seattle skyline. The morning was unbelievably clear. I was able to see the ferry cross the Puget Sound with passengers traveling to and from Bainsbridge Island. The sun shone so brightly over the building across the street, I could see the overzealous executive who usually arrived before sunrise typing away on his computer.

Even within my own offices, I knew the first year associates were already downstairs trying to get a handle on their new work load. The grueling pace of our profession made it difficult for most to last the first two years. Those who lasted would become the judicial sharks they were meant to be, while others would use their newfound work ethic wherever they ended up.

This view was what calmed me as I prepared for my day, standing there with my hands behind my back. I could see my dark hair slicked back and icy blue eyes in the reflection, as well as my assistant creeping through the door into my office. She knew better than to disturb me.

"Cora, I didn't ask for coffee," I said quietly.

"I know, but you're going to need it. Security called and said you had a visitor."

"I'm not scheduled to see anyone until after eight a.m.," I said as I continued to gaze out the window.

"Don't worry, I will hold her off, but I have a feeling she's going to be a pain and you're going to need more than a city view to help with this one," she said. I loved that Cora wasn't afraid to speak her mind with me and seemed to know what I needed before I did. "And I brought you breakfast, now eat!"

I hid my smile as she made her way out of the office. She was forever feeding me, stating I was too thin and it was her job to fatten me up. I'd always been lanky yet muscular.

Cora ignored my icy stares and definitely had never been afraid of my stature. I would have fired her years ago if she hadn't been so good at her job, and her loyalty was priceless. I turned to grab the egg white sandwich she knew I favored, along with a cup of Starbucks coffee.

Normally, I would welcome the chaotic day ahead of me. But today, I felt nothing but dread and savored the last minutes of peace before I heard someone trying to open my door. I stopped when I heard Cora raise her voice at someone and the female voice that fired back viciously. That made my blood boil. No one spoke to my assistant that way. Only I was allowed to dish out that type treatment, and that was because I paid her top dollar to take it. But if I took my tantrum too far, Cora had no problem telling me to get over myself.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but Mr. Cullen is not available at this moment," Cora said in her no nonsense voice.

"I know he's here, so do your job and get him out here, you incompetent baboon." The door knob was yanked on again. I usually kept the door unlocked, but Cora must have locked it after she dropped off my breakfast. I took one last look at the skyline, taking a deep breath, and walking over to open the door to my office.

"Jane. Why am I not surprised to see you here?"

"About damn time," she said, walking passed me into my office.

Cora pursed her lips shaking her head. "I was about to put her in a head lock," she muttered as she went back to her post behind her desk.

"I know, that's why I came out. I don't have time to bail you out of jail today. Please hold all calls."

I walked back into my office to a fuming Jane. I reluctantly had to admit that she was a beautiful woman. With her trim figure and blond hair she was the poster child of angelic innocence, but there was nothing innocent about her.

"I take it you've reviewed my petition?" I walked past her to my desk, listening to her pace. Instead of taking a seat, I leaned on the edge and watched her. Her agitation was apparent.

"What the fuck does my law firm have to do with Izzy and James's divorce?" she demanded.

"It has everything to do with it, and you know it."

"Listen, whatever happened between those two has nothing to do with my firm. I already have the State Attorney breathing down my back!"

"Well, that's what happens when you're accused of witness tampering," I said dryly. "Besides, if you're innocent then this would simply be a minor inconvenience. But, I find those who bark the loudest usually have something to hide."

"I don't like what you're insinuating." She stopped pacing and gave me a hard stare. She must have intimidated people with that look, but personally, I wanted to laugh. Even though Jane has been in the game for a while, she was still wet behind the ears.

"I'm not insinuating anything. I'm saying it out right. First, you threaten her friends, and then you stole from Isabella. And I plan to get every dime she deserves."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said matter-of-factly. It was as if she believed her own lies.

"Jane, do I look like a man who'd make an accusation with only half the information?" I asked. She knew the State Attorney had evidence and if she cooperated she could walk away with a slap on the wrist. "Ok, it was your father who originally stole from Isabella, but you had the power to fix it and you didn't. You went along with it, you knew that girl was being beaten by your low life cousin and you did nothing! So yes, you're in the fucking line of fire," I explained in a low voice. "Besides, I hate people who steal from innocent children."

"I didn't steal from her," she practically yelled.

"But you sure as hell didn't help her get the money back. You knew the moment she said _'I do'_ she wouldn't see the remainder of that money. And you did nothing."

Jane remained silent, her mouth set in a hard line. "James gave Izzy a great life, she didn't have to work. Sh-"

"Bullshit!" I interrupted her babble. "I don't care if he draped her in diamonds. She didn't deserve to be beaten like that." I'd viewed the photos of Isabella battered and bruised that Carlisle had taken over the years, and I knew there wasn't even a rare moment of peace for her during that marriage.

"Aro, I didn't think you honestly gave a damn. Who knew you had a heart?"

Jane was right, this wasn't my usual case. If it had been a normal case I would have passed it to one of the top associates within the firm. The moment Esme called and told me Edward was in a coma, I'd made this case personal. No one fucks with my family, and I would love nothing more than to return the favor. Sadly, I had to do it legally. Otherwise, I could have called in some favors. You don't save a few of the world's worst criminals from jail time and not have favors owed.

"It doesn't matter why I took the case, but beware, I'm here," I reminded her quietly. "And another thing, tell your client if he so much as thinks about contacting my client again, I will sue him for harassment."

"And that wouldn't be very smart of you," she said quietly. "If James wants to contact his wife, I'm not getting in the way and neither should you. Take my advice and drop this."

"I don't know who you think you're speaking to, but don't come in here treating me like one of your lap dogs, because I'm not. You want to play with the big boys, then let's do it. I'm serious when I say you need balls of steel to deal with me. Are you fucking ready for it?" I asked in a cold and even voice. There was something about the Ramseys that could easily unleash my animalistic nature. My father once told me I would make the perfect killer since I had no real conscience. If it hadn't been for Carlisle, I would have been just that: _a killer_.

"Aro, you don't scare me. Your time has passed. Maybe it's time you….retired," Jane droned on.

"Jane… my dear little one… you won't make it through round one," I replied.

"Hmmph, maybe you are more senile than I originally thought. We're in round two gramps," she snickered. It was obvious she'd already started something that hadn't been brought to my attention yet. Jane clasped her hands behind her back, showing her sign of victory, but she was still running scared.

I didn't blink as I watched her. "Jane, let me teach you a quick lesson, because I have work to do. Don't enter the lion's den with a loaded gun unless you're ready to pull the fucking trigger. Right now, all you have is a stun gun and that doesn't eliminate the lion, it just aggravates him."

_I wasn't aggravated. I was fucking pissed. _

Her confident stance took a slight hit. It would have been unnoticeable to most, but it was something I looked for. She'd just revealed she was unnerved.

"I don't have time for games, I have a law firm to run. Now, get the fuck out." I turned my back on her to let her know the conversation was over. I grabbed my messages from the desk, pretending to read them as I watched her in the window's reflection. She lingered a little too long for my comfort as she gathered her belongings and slammed the door on her way out.

Picking up the phone, I placed a call.

"Jenks."

"I'm craving a pineapple soda."

"Really? It's not even 8:30 in the morning," Jenks whined.

"I have no control over these cravings and you might as well bring Cora one too. You know she hates to be left out of the party." I hung up the phone without saying good bye and turned back to the view of the city. I watched a plane fly in the distance as I went over the conversation with Jane in my head.

"Knock, knock," Jenks said as she entered the room. I turned to see the tall African American woman carrying a pineapple soda on a tray. "Your drink, Sir." She winked and sent an infectious smile in my direction, placing the tray on the table.

With her long legs and slender body, Jasleen Scott, Jenks as she preferred, could have been a runway model. Most men were enthralled with her light brown skin, the exotic whiskey brown eyes and naturally full lips. But beneath all that beauty was one of the best hackers known to date.

I watched as she pulled out a gadget, pressed a few buttons and scanned the room. I walked over to the table and grabbed the soda. I honestly had a weakness for pineapple soda and usually drank it when I was irritated and couldn't have the whiskey I preferred.

Jenks found the listening device Jane had planted in a vase on the table. I watched as Jenks dropped the tiny device into a glass tube filled with water.

"Only one," she said. "I doubt she had time to plant anything on Cora, but Felix is checking her area as well as her computer."

"Thanks, Jenks."

Today was going to be a long day.

**oOo**

"Mr. Cullen, your brother on line one."

I picked up the line immediately, knowing it was an emergency because Carlisle rarely called my office during the day. He usually left a message on my cell or house phone. And Cora called me _Mr. Cullen_, which meant she was worried.

"Carlisle?"

"Sorry to be calling, but I'm in utter shock right now," he said with a dazed voice.

"Is Esme ok? The kids weren't hurt again, were they?" I had nearly lost my mind when Edward was attacked. I loved those kids as if they were my own and I hated to watch my brother racked with guilt for something out of his control.

"Sorry, Es and the kids are fine but I'm being sued for malpractice," Carlisle said.

I frowned. "Who's suing you?" I asked.

"James Ramsey, for negligence during the fight. Aro, it's a fifty million dollar suit." _Round one._

Fucking Jane.

"I'll be there in a few hours," I assured him.

"I don't have a few hours, I have to speak with the hospital attorneys in forty-five minutes." This could mean the hospital wanted to settle the suit. Even though Carlisle had malpractice insurance, I knew if he settled too quickly, it would be as if he had admitted wrong doing. I would bet my entire firm on Carlisle. He'd never neglect his patients.

"Carlisle, tell them you won't speak with them until your representation arrives."

"I don't—" he began.

I cut him off. "What's the hospital's attorney name?" I asked.

"Laura Western," he said tiredly.

"Ok, stay on the line," I commanded. I placed a call to the hospital asking for Western.

"Hello. I'm Aro Cullen and I'm the legal representation for Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I understand the hospital has been served with a malpractice suit regarding the care of James Ramsey."

"Yes, Mr. Cullen, but we have it under control," she said placidly.

"Let me make myself very clear, do not speak to Dr. Cullen until I arrive. Is that understood? I'll be there within the hour," I said firmly.

As I spoke, I sent an instant message to Cora to get the helicopter gassed and ready, then one to Jenks to meet me on the roof in five minutes. I quickly shut down my laptop as I grabbed my brief case.

"Mr. Cullen, we can hand-" she started.

"And we will handle it together, when I arrive," I said, hanging up the phone. I switched to the other line and informed Carlisle I would be there shortly. As I strode out the office with Cora, she easily kept up with my quick pace. She informed me that she was able to rearrange my meetings for the rest of the day and the senior litigator was already preparing to meet with one of my long time clients.

I could hear the swoosh of the helicopter propellers spinning behind the door. "Cora, thank you. You're a life saver."

"I know. And FYI, I'm going on a shopping spree at Chanel next month-on you, of course."

I sighed. "No wonder your husband loves me, I feed your designer addiction. Please keep it under fifty thousand this time."

"I can't make promises. Good Luck!" she yelled as I walked toward the helicopter. Jenks was already waiting in the copter. Once I was safely buckled in, my pilot, Jared, quickly flew us to Forks.

In less than an hour I was in Carlisle's office going over his recollection of the events leading up to altercation on his front lawn. Considering everything that was going on, he was outwardly calm, which was good for me. Due to the investigation, he was suspended from performing surgeries and working in the ER, and I knew he worried about his patients during his absence. Jenks has started conducting her own inquiry into the allegations and would have a full report in a few hours.

My meeting with Western didn't take long, and while I understood her job of protecting the hospital, I refused to settle. Insured or not, Carlisle's credibility shouldn't be questioned. Even though the board was pressuring for a settlement, she was willing to work together to protect Carlisle and the hospital.

A few hours later, we were back at Carlisle's house. I sat in the office the kids used for band meetings, discussing the pending suit with Jenks, Esme, Carlisle and my protégé, Avery, who flew out on the helicopter after a long court session.

"We're taking this to arbitration. It's ludicrous," I said as I reread Jenks' reports from the EMT crew on scene that evening. "There's no burden of proof. Carlisle, let's go over everything that happened that night."

Carlisle exhaled loudly as he grabbed the back of his neck. "I was on the phone with Edward. He saw James attack Bella. By the time I ran over to them, she was unconscious. I began CPR, she barely came to. Her pulse was so low and I was worried. One second later, Jasper said Edward knocked out James," he suddenly paused. "I remember I stood to go check on James. And even though I felt nothing but disgust for him, I'm a doctor and I took an oath to help those in need, but then… then I saw Jasper catch Edward. Emmett was going after Alec… Edward was bleeding. I was afraid he'd die from his injuries."

I watched Esme rub Carlisle's back as a way to silently offer comfort. "As I was checking Edward, one of the EMTs came over to assist me and the other went to James. Thankfully, there were two ambulances. But compared to Edward and Bella, James' injuries were minor," he continued. "And even if we were in the ER, Edward's injuries superseded both Bella's and James'."

I took notes for the upcoming deposition. "File a change of venue motion. I don't want this anywhere near Forks," I said.

"We really can't trust anyone here?" Esme asked.

"No, you really can't. I think there are maybe two judges who couldn't be swayed or threatened by Jane. I want this in either Seattle or Olympia."

"Aro, I want to counter-sue for defamation and slander," Carlisle said. "I'm so tired of this bullshit. Now that Bella isn't there for Jane and her cousin to knock around, they think I'm going to sit here and take it? Fuck them!"

"Damn, Carlisle who knew you had a little thug in you?" Jenks asked with a saucy grin. "Kinda sexy."

From the moment Jenks met Carlisle, she'd flirted with him, constantly making outrageous comments to make him blush. But at the moment, she wanted to distract him and lighten the mood in the room.

"Jenks, stop flirting with my husband," Esme playfully admonished.

Jenks winked at Esme. "You know I can't help it, Esme, your husband is hot!"

"Ladies, can we discuss my brother's apparent hotness at a later date and get back to the subject at hand?" I asked in a bored voice. "Carlisle, I'll file the countersuit tomorrow as well."

Carlisle nodded, his way of saying thank you.

"May I speak freely?" Avery asked suddenly.

"Of course, unless you think there's a bug in here," I said which caused Esme to blanch at the thought of someone intruding into her home.

"I did a sweep and no bugs," Jenks assured her.

"Maybe it's just me, but this feels like a distraction. We're missing something and while we're over here dealing with this she's probably making progress elsewhere to get what she really wants," Avery said.

Avery voiced what I'd been thinking since Jane visited the office the other day. She knew I wouldn't trust another attorney to handle my brother's situation, not even Avery. "Precisely why I want it out of Forks," I rebutted.

"Honestly, what could there be? No offense, but Isabella is from a small town, that's barely a blip on the map. Okay, she was worth over $500,000, but all this for cash they already have? It's not like Charlie was Donald Trump. He was a cop in a town with less than four thousand people," Jenks said.

I had committed the file on Charlie Swan to memory, and just as Avery and Jenks stated, Charlie Swan hadn't been Donald Trump, he was technically a small town cop who'd died too soon. He'd been a widower with a teenage daughter. His home paid off and at the time of his death, he'd driven a five year old Honda Accord. He'd put several hundred dollars away toward Isabella's college fund every month, gone fishing twice a month with Billy Black and Harry Clearwater, and had taken his summer vacations with his daughter.

On paper, he was your basic small town guy. But very few people know that after Charlie graduated from University of Washington, he was accepted into the FBI but quit only a few weeks before training was over and returned to Forks with a pregnant wife.

"Jenks, where's the file on Renee Swan?" I asked suddenly.

"Prior to her marriage to Charlie, there's nothing," she replied.

"Nothing?"

"Aro, it's like she appeared from thin air."

"Or used a fake name," Avery said.

I found Bella's birth certificate; her parents' names were listed. Father: Charles Swan, Mother: Renee Higgenbottom.

_Higgenbottom? _

"Jenks, dig deeper," I said, I could feel the knots forming in my stomach.

"How deep?"

"Just don't get caught by the FBI again," I said as I placed a call to my pilot. She grinned when I gave her the green light to let loose on the computer. "Jared, we-"

"Aro, just stay the night," Esme interrupted.

"Hold on," I said into the phone and covered the phone with my hand. "Esme, it's fine, we should have left hours ago."

"Please? I already have the rooms ready for everyone, including Jared," she reasoned, her blue eyes pleading. I tried to look away not wanting to get sucked into her trance. She knew it was hard for me to resist her requests.

"Fine," I muttered to her. She grinned and gave me a peck on the cheek. I informed Jared of the change in plans and that we'd all be spending the night. He was ecstatic to hear we were staying overnight, mainly because Esme spoiled him rotten.

I finally shut down my laptop a few hours later. Well, after three a.m., almost everyone in the house was already asleep. I went into the kitchen, grabbed two bottles of Heineken and walked to the patio, finding Carlisle smoking a cigarette. He handed me his pack, I lit one and took a long drag.

"What do you think she's up to?" Carlisle asked.

I frowned. "I wish I had an inkling. I just know she's making me dance," I replied.

"She reminds me of Dad," he said with a humorless chuckle.

"Yeah, it's as if Jane was under his tutelage," I said and took a swig of beer.

"He loved fucking mind games."

Our father was the complete opposite of loving and supportive. He'd encouraged my violent tendencies and constantly tried to pit Carlisle and me against each other. But the bond between us was solidified before we'd started grade school. I had taken it upon myself to protect him from neighborhood bullies and, at times, our father. Due to the constant fights, I had been suspended from school so often my grades suffered and I'd barely graduated high school.

Just as I had protected Carlisle from bullies, he'd protected me from myself when he had noticed I'd fallen in deeper with local criminals from our neighborhood. With his encouragement, I'd gone to college and then eventually law school.

"It's too late to take her out," I murmured.

Carlisle frowned. "As much as I want her gone, going that route won't solve anything."

"Don't worry Carlisle, the beast is safely tucked away," I said quietly.

He smirked. "For now."

**oOo**

I'd always hated the cliché, _'When it rains it pours'_, but today it felt as though I was walking through a fucking monsoon. The last couple of days, the press had surrounded the office and my home. The case was easily transferred to the Seattle courts, but within a week Jane had somehow caught me by the balls on my playground. As a rule of thumb, an attorney should always stay on the good side of a judge. Otherwise, he could make your life a living hell. That rule mocked me when we were assigned to Judge Alistair Brown for the malpractice suit.

_We were fucked. _

At the height of our career, Alistair and I went head to head several times when he was the District Attorney and my clientele mainly consisted of men well connected in the mob.

It was well known that Alistair and I were far from friends. If we were in the same room while at a social event, we stayed clear of each other. Since he'd become a judge, he'd made my life a living hell. I knew I had to be on top of my game when I stepped into his court room. And it didn't help I'd had a six month affair with his wife.

I arrived at the office before dawn and went over Carlisle's deposition, which I'd read so often I could have recited it from memory. Cora had made me breakfast nearly every day since I'd begun to work on my brother's case, along with an Americano from Starbucks. The Americanos alone was the reason she'd receive a fat bonus once this was over.

"Caius Wiley on line one," Cora said through the speaker.

I frowned. Caius Wiley was the lead District Attorney for the Seattle area. Over the years we'd worked on several trials, usually on opposing sides. He was actually good at what he did and completely legit.

I picked up the godforsaken ear piece I had placed on the sofa. "Good Morning, Caius. What can I do for you?"

"Morning, Aro. I just got off the phone with the State Attorney's office. They're moving The Ramsey's cases to Seattle."

"All three?"

"Yes. The State Attorney's office was notified that Jane Ramsey was trying to get a speedy trial in Forks. She's done this several times before and the ADA isn't prepared. She could easily win the case. But with the SA watching Ramsey's every move, the request became suspicious."

"The Forks DA claims he wasn't involved with the Ramseys."

"He hasn't been in it long but we were tipped off and found the paper trail to dispute that claim. He'll get a slap on the wrist, but there's going to be a serious overhaul in Forks," he said. "I heard you're the representation for Edward and Emmett."

I wanted to inquire more about the tip but I knew Caius wouldn't reveal anything.

"That's correct. They're in Los Angeles right now. When do you need them?"

"In two to three days. What about Isabella Ramsey? Do you know where to find her as well?" he asked. It was obvious he didn't read the gossip magazines, since photos of Isabella and Edward kissing at a recent concert had been popped on every news wire and blog known to man.

"She'll be here too."

"Good. I will have a trial date soon. SA is allowing them the quick date, but I'll be damned if I walk in there unprepared," he said. "Listen, I heard about your brother, how's that going?"

"It's a bullshit case, but I was able to change the venue to Seattle. We were assigned to Alistair Brown's court."

"Ouch," he muttered into the phone. Caius has witnessed several arguments between Alistair and myself in the judge's chambers. "I have faith you will convince him to throw this out. You know, it's funny, your brother operated on my sister years ago. She brought the suit to my attention and she said the lawsuit was utter shit –_her words not mine_- and felt he was one of the best doctors she'd ever had. She repeatedly stated he would never neglect a patient. I think he surprised her when he called to inquire about her health months after the treatment took place. So, if you need a character witness, she said she will be happy to come and testify."

I chuckled. "Tell your sister if we go past arbitration, I will give her a call."

"I will pass her the message. Ok, my team is ready to get started. Let me know when everyone arrives."

"Will do."

After Emmett called the other day when he'd learned about the lawsuit, I knew he was not in the right frame of mind to inform him about the upcoming criminal trial. Caius would have his hands full with unpredictable rage which always reminded me of my teenage years. It was Carlisle who talked me out of my wild fits when others were too afraid to come near me.

Instead, I made a quick call to Edward and explained they were needed back in Seattle to prepare for James and Alec's criminal trial. He said they'd be there within two days if not sooner, and would stay in my home along with Carlisle and Esme. My house was excessively large, I'd bought it when I'd been in a world where bigger was better, but how could a single man honestly use ten bedrooms?

**oOo**

For the third day in a row, I watched Caius question Isabella about her marriage and the night of the attack. It seemed as though they'd asked the same questions over and over, and after a while it became variations of the same question. When she grew tired and weary they treated her as though she was a hostile witness.

"Why are you treating me as if I did something wrong? I'm answering your stupid questions," Isabella snapped.

"Because this is what Jane is going to do to you on the stand," Caius explained. "She's going to try to trip you up, find ways to make you stumble. They want to make it seem as though you're too incompetent to answer simple questions. They want to make it as though you made this all up."

She closed her eyes as took in his words.

"Caius, give us a few minutes," I said when I noticed a tear slide down her cheek.

He nodded. "You have ten minutes."

When he left the room, Isabella covered her face in her hands, giving into the tears. Her shoulders shook as she silently wept. Tears were completely out of my realm. Even with Esme and Alice, I was always at a loss on what to do.

If Carlisle were here, he'd probably hug them.

I moved closer to the table and took the seat next to her. I awkwardly patted her head, which seemed to make her cry harder. Going against my instinct to run, I gently gathered her in my arms. I felt Isabella stiffen at first, but then she gripped the front of my jacket in her hands. Her small body continued to shake when Caius poked his head in a few minutes later.

"Get Edward," I silently mouthed to him. He nodded and left a moment later.

My Blackberry buzzed several times but I ignored the call and continued to hold Isabella.

"I don't know if I can do this," she choked out.

"Yes you can. You're doing great," I murmured. "I know it's hard but it's almost over."

Isabella shook her head. "No, I can't, I-I," she stammered.

"Yes you can. I know you can. By the time you take the stand you'll have this under control."

"That's just it! I won't! Jane has always known ho-"

I cut her off again. "Take your time and answer each question."

"Why is this so fucking hard? What if I say the wrong thing?" she asked.

"The only wrong answer is no answer. The jury needs to understand what it was like living with James. Make people understand that it wasn't a onetime incident. The photos are one thing, but your voice is so much stronger."

Edward walked into the room and I stepped back as he took her into his arms. My phone went off again and decided to answer while the couple spoke quietly with each other.

"Yes."

"Jesus! I've been trying to reach you, you're not answering text or phone calls," Cora complained into my ear.

"And you know I'm at the DA's office with Isabella," I countered.

"Judge Brown wants you and Jane Ramsey in his court room in one hour."

"Fuck," I muttered. Edward and Isabella looked at me with concern. "I'll be there." I hung up the phone abruptly.

"Is everything ok?" Edward asked.

"I hope so, but I'm needed in court. You think you two will be ok without me for a few hours?"

"Yeah, we can handle it."

I nodded, grabbing my briefcase and headed for the door. "Wait!" Isabella said suddenly. She met me at the door and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Thank you."

I winked and walked out the door.

An hour later, I watched Judge Brown look over the paperwork. Jane looked smug. I wanted to wipe that smile off her face.

"Ms. Ramsey, have you reviewed the testimonial from the emergency crew from the evening in question?"

"Yes, Your Honor, but my client feels as though he was at risk."

"And your client left the hospital when he was advised to stay overnight. Is that correct?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Then how did Dr. Cullen show negligence?" the judge asked. "Unless he has hospital equipment hidden in his front lawn or has the ability to teleport from place to place, his actions were within reason."

"But Your Honor -" Jane erupted.

"I'm not done," Brown cut her off. "One thing I absolutely hate is wasting time, and frivolous lawsuits such as this, are an utter waste of time and taxpayers' money."

"Your Honor my client w-" Jane tried to interrupt him again.

Judge Brown banged his gavel. "Ms. Ramsey, please stop interrupting me," he said, his voice raising an octave. "Because there's no proof of wrong doing, this case is dismissed."

I was stunned into silence. I no longer heard Jane's yapping. I let out an unexpected sigh of relief. I'd thought my history with the judge would do more harm than good to Carlisle case.

"This isn't over, Aro," Jane snarled as she walked out the court room.

I grinned. It was over for now. _One down and several to go._

As I waited for my car at the court house garage, I saw Alistair Brown approach valet area. "I wanted to say thank you for throwing out the case," I said. "I knew you wouldn't go easy on me if it went to trial."

"You're welcome. And you're right, I would have made you actually work for a change, but I didn't do it for you," he replied dryly. "Unlike you, I believe in the judicial system. Besides, I actually like your brother. It's not his fault he's related to an asshole."

"So you're still not over the whole sleeping with the wife thing?" I asked sarcastically.

"Fuck you, Aro," he said as his car approached.

I silently chuckled.

**oOo**

The scent of chocolate chip cookies woke me up, something I hadn't eaten in over five years. I tried to go back to sleep, but the heavenly scent seemed to penetrate the walls. I looked at the clock and saw it was a little after six a.m. Since I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, I took a quick shower and put on sweats and tee shirt.

A few moments later I walked into my kitchen as Isabella placed the chocolate chip cookies on a cooling rack. I ignored the cookies and took in her sloppy ponytail, the over-sized tee shirt splattered with brownie mix and her glazed over eyes. I doubted she'd slept since counter space held several plates of brownies, several different types of cookies, and a chocolate cake. I cocked my head when I saw the iced cupcakes on the tower-like stand. _I have a cupcake stand?_

I watched as she began breakfast preparations. She moved about the kitchen efficiently, but it was mechanical, her mind elsewhere.

"Good morning, Isabella."

She clutched her chest and took a deep breath. "Aro, you startled me. Um… good morning," she said. She handed me an oatmeal cookie from one of the cooling racks.

I shook my head. "Sorry, I try to stay away from sugary foods."

"Don't worry, it's made with Splenda."

"Just take the damn cookie," Edward mumbled as he walked in behind me and took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Thanks," I murmured. She went back to whatever she was making. I eyed the cookie as I sat at the table with Edward. He was resting his head in his hands with his eyes closed. I thought he went back to sleep at one point. The black hoodie was blocking his face. "Has she slept?"

"No, she may have gotten an hour and then she became too restless."

I nodded. "She'll be ok once the jury comes back."

The jury has been in deliberation for the past three days, and everyone was antsy. Once Carlisle's case had been dismissed, Isabella was revitalized and gave a strong testimony. Not to say it had been smooth sailing, she'd broken down several times during her four day testimony.

There were several moments I wanted to take her off the stand as she recounted her violent marriage and the night of the attack. Her tears and pain were real. Esme and Alice cried silent tears, and Rose left the court room at one point when it became too much for her.

Jasper and Leah had to remove Jake during the second day when his temper became too much. Jane tried to shake Edward, but everyone listened as he spoke about actually seeing James choke Bella, and how he felt if he hadn't intervened she would have died. Jane tried to insinuate an ongoing affair which drove James to attack her, but Edward firmly repeated they had no communication until his return to Forks.

Surprisingly, Emmett appeared to be eerily calm, which I'd been afraid was hurting the prosecution, but then he'd flashed his dimpled smile in the direction of the female jurors and one actually had to fan herself. They each held their own, not taking the bait when she antagonized them.

"Think they'll come back today?" he asked anxiously.

"Today or tomorrow," I speculated. Jury deliberation could be double edged sword, if it lasted less than a day the defense had better odds, but if it went longer than two days then a guilty verdict was guaranteed. For the first time I was on the side of the prosecution and worried they'd take more than a week and we'd have to deal with a hung jury. And testifying all over again wasn't something Isabella could take.

"I hope so, she was doing so great," he murmured. "Well, until she heard about Dad's lawsuit and then testifying. But at least that part is over."

Before I had a chance to respond, Isabella placed a plate with egg whites, wheat toast, pancakes and what I hoped to be turkey bacon in front of me. Edward's plate was similar to mine, minus the egg whites. She'd even provided sugar free syrup.

"Isabella…" I started when I felt Edward kick me under the table. "Thank you. I didn't know I had sugar free syrup."

"You didn't. I picked some up while I was at the all night market," she said as she cracked more eggs.

"Please tell me you didn't go out on your own." I'd had to beef up security since everyone arrived. Between reporters and paparazzi covering the trial and the fans for the band in general, it had been a mad house, especially after a girl was found hiding in the pool house.

Isabella rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, Edward and Felix went with me," she replied distractedly.

I followed Edward's lead and ate my breakfast in silence. I looked at my nephew as he kept an eye on his girlfriend. I never thought I would see Edward attached to someone in the same way his father was attached to Esme. The ability to willingly attach myself to someone is the one gene I hadn't received.

After we were done eating, I noticed Edward beginning to nod off. He reluctantly went back upstairs to get some rest when I promised to stay with Isabella until Esme or Alice arrived.

The counter was littered with broken egg shells, flour, chocolate and other ingredients. I grabbed a trash bag and began clearing off the counter space.

"Aro, I'm sorry about the mess. I'll get it."

"You just baked enough cookies and cupcakes to start your own bakery and still made breakfast for everyone. I think I can wipe up the counters to help out," I chided.

"You shouldn't have to. Sometimes I get sloppy while I cook."

"No need to apologize. One year while Esme prepared Thanksgiving dinner, she somehow got pumpkin on the ceiling. Ten years later we're still not sure how she did that," I said as I used a sponge to wipe the counters down. I heard her stomach growl. "Isabella, when was the last time you ate?"

"I tasted a cookie a few hours ago."

I grabbed a plate and filled it just as she did for me a few minutes ago. "Sit and eat," I ordered.

She grudgingly sat and I continued to put everything away. When I checked on her a few minutes later her plate seemed uneaten. "Isabella, please eat. A hospital visit for malnutrition is that last thing we need right now."

"Ok, ok. You're right," she murmured and began eating. I poured us both a cup of coffee and sat with her. She nibbled on a piece of toast when she asked "Do you think James and Alec will get out of this?"

I shook my head. "No," I said. "The prosecution has strong evidence against them. As long as there's no jury tampering, they'll go to prison for a couple of years."

"Caius mentioned jury tampering," she murmured.

"That's why he was so thorough during that time."

We both fell into a comfortable silence until she finished everything on her plate and even grabbed a cupcake. Emmett walked into the kitchen, still in his workout clothes. "Morning," he said, fixing a plate.

By the time he went for his second helping, everyone except for Edward was in the kitchen. I watched my brother interact with his kids and their friends, the familiar feeling of regret flowed through my body.

I could have easily married someone and had kids, but I'd refused to have children in a loveless relationship. Besides, the one woman I'd ever loved was already happily married.

The house phone rang, just as my Blackberry vibrated. "Cullen," I said as I answered my cell.

"Jury reached a verdict, they will be in court at noon," Avery reported.

I took a deep breath. "Thank you, Avery, we'll be there between eleven and eleven-thirty." I realized at that moment the once boisterous room was deathly silent. "They've reached a verdict."

**oOo**

The courtroom erupted when the guilty verdict came out. Sentencing would take place within a week. I felt as though a weight had been lifted, knowing the person who had hurt Edward and Isabella would be behind bars for at least two years. I looked over to see the young couple embrace. The happiness radiating off their faces reminded me of when Esme and Carlisle had first started dating. It was pure.

"Bells!" Jake yelled as he ran up the aisle. Isabella left Edward's arms and ran to Jake. They both tearfully clung to one another. James had repeatedly threatened to send Jake to prison in order to make her stay. He was her only family and she's done anything she could to protect him.

I understood that desire to protect your family, but I just wished she hadn't been beaten in the process. But the last few weeks she'd stepped up to the plate. Even through the setbacks she hadn't given up. Her quiet protective nature and strength made her a perfect match for Edward.

It was utter chaos when we tried to leave the court house as the press tried to get a sound bite and overzealous fans grabbed at the band members. When Edward tried to exit, it took the entire security team. I took Isabella to an empty office to wait in order to regroup with Felix.

Ten minutes later, Felix had Edward in the decoy car and I went to retrieve Isabella when I heard muffled voices down the hall. It was not uncommon for attorney and clients to have heated arguments, but these offices had been empty a moment ago.

When I walked into the room Jane had a death grip on Bella's arm who struggled to get away. "Jane, please remove your hands from Isabella."

"Stop being dramatic, we're just talking," Jane retorted.

"I don't care. Just leave her alone," I said. I was losing patience very quickly. "Or I'll have you charged with assault along with your cousin."

"Fuck you, Aro! I advise you not speak to me that way or I'll air all your dirty laundry."

"Isabella, Sam and Felix should be waiting by the elevator," I said as I eyed Jane. Isabella quickly left the room. "So, you think you have shit on me? I've been really open about who I am, unlike you and your people."

"Have you really been honest, Aro? Do Carlisle and Esme know you're the reason she nearly died and lost her baby? Do they, Aro? Do they know those precious mobsters you defended found out you were in love with her and to keep you in line they tried to kill her?" She flung the questions at me and I remained silent. "No, I bet they don't know. So stop walking around with that holier than thou attitude." She grabbed her bag and was about to walk out the room when I stopped her. She looked at me with eyes colder than my own, and that was a rare occurrence.

"You're right. Marcus Banca realized my Achilles heel was my family and went after them. And in an attempt to keep me in line while his son was being tried for murder, he threaten to hurt Esme and even tried to run her off the road. Is that what you planned to tell Carlisle? Well, I hate to disappoint you, but Carlisle knows everything. I wouldn't be able to face him unless he knew the truth," I admitted.

It was true, I'd been in love with Esme since the moment I'd met her. And out of respect for my brother, I'd never acted on those feelings, but I would kill someone in a New York heartbeat if they hurt her. Instead, I enjoyed the friendship Esme and I had been able to maintain.

Banca had caught on quickly about how much my family meant to me, but to this day, I didn't know how he'd figured out my real feelings for my brother's wife. Not even Carlisle had known I was in love with his wife until after Banca's men went after her. It was my fault she was in the accident which caused her to experience the pain of losing a child and worry about her injured daughter.

At that moment, all bets were off. Then and there, I vowed to keep my family safe.

_I popped the trunk when the van came into view. I got out as I watched the two men carry the large, laundry-sized bag and dump it into my trunk. No words were exchanged as I handed each an attaché case, fifty thousand each. _

"_I'll call you in three hours," I said as I got in my car and drove off. I was surrounded by trees, the nearest human being twenty miles away. Perfect. I heard the muffled screams coming from the back, but I ignored him. I could see the car up ahead. _

_I could feel my blood soar with anger._

_I sped up, leaving a dust cloud reminisce of a sand storm behind me. I watched as Marcus leaned on the hood of the car with his two soldiers flanking him. He looked like the cat that ate the canary, and I planned to wipe the smug look off his face. I exited the car and instead of making a move toward Marcus and his men, I went to the trunk and opened the laundry bag. A dazed and confused Antonio Banca stared at me before he could utter a word I punched him in the face. He didn't have a chance to defend himself as I dragged his one hundred and eighty pound, six-two frame from the trunk toward his father. I reached for my glock, tucked in the back of my jeans and pointed at Antonio._

"_Aro, you don't want to do this," Marcus said as we came into view. _

"_You started this. You fucked with my family. I'll fuck with yours." _

"_You should have done your job!" Marcus roared. _

"_I did my job, you dumb fuck! I told you he would be convicted and I would get him off on a technicality in appeals."_

"_That's not what I wanted! I told you no convictions!"_

"_Pop, what did you do?" Antonio asked. _

"_Marcus, you didn't tell him you tried to kill my pregnant sister in law and her daughter?" I asked. "She lost the baby. Maybe you need to know how she feels." My rage increased as I remembered Esme sobbing into her husband's arms over losing their unborn child, worrying about Alice who laid unconscious in her bed with a broken arm as a result of this accident. _

_I pointed the gun at Antonio's head. "Aro, man, I would never approve of your family being harmed. Please, man, I swear," he continued to plead. Antonio had been in charge of the family business when he had been arrested for a robbery. His father, the former boss, had stepped in until Antonio could come back. _

"_Son, he's not stupid enough to do anything," Marcus said in a cocky voice. I could see the soldier on the right reach for his gun, I fired at him. He grabbed his throat and went down. The bald soldier on the left was able to get a round out. I didn't flinch as the bullet grazed my shoulder. I pulled the trigger and two shots rang as he went down, __leaving__ Marcus unprotected. _

_I placed the gun on Antonio's temple. "Aro, I swear on my life, no one, and I mean no one, will ever touch a hair on any of the Cullens. My father had no right to react that way."_

_I stared at Antonio for a moment, pushed him aside and strode over to Marcus. With the butt of my gun I struck him across the face. It felt good to see the blood drip from his eye. He made a motion to crawl away. I pointed the gun at him. "I'm very disappointed in you today. After all, we go back a long way. I have protected members of your 'family' and put my reputation on the line. I never thought you would betray me this way." _

_I grabbed him by the collar, curled my fist and repeatedly punch him in the face. If it wasn't for Antonio pulling me off of him, I would have killed him. "Aro, please don't. I'll deal with him but I will keep my promise to you." _

_I was about to tuck the glock back into my pants when I stood over Marcus again and shot him in the knee. "Just so you'll know this wasn't a dream. Now you get to clean up this mess."_

_I numbly walked to the car, this was the easy part, but coming clean about how I felt for my brother's wife truly terrified me. "Antonio, let's get you back." _

_A few minutes later he was back in the car and we drove in silence. The prison guards, who brought him to me, were at the pickup spot as planned. "I'll be in touch. We still have to go back to court."_

I stared at Jane and I took her face into my hands. "Jane, go ask Marcus Banca why he walks with a limp and is partially blind," I whispered in her ear. If anyone walked in they would have thought we were in an intimate embrace. "Ask him who did that to him."

Jane paled when I mentioned the attack on Marcus. He'd only stated he was ambushed and never got a good look at the people who tried to take him out. That meeting led me to cease all dealings with the family. As I predicted, Antonio was released on a technicality, and stayed true to his word; he never touched my family. He did ask me to join the family as a soldier, which I happily declined.

I threaded my fingers through her hair, if this was some other woman I would enjoy the silky mass as I slightly caressed her scalp, but this was not a moment of pleasure. She yelped when my fingers tightened as I pulled her hair, her fingers clawed at my hands as she tried to break free.

"Jane the difference between me and you is when I took something, I looked the fucker in the eye. I didn't care if they had a gun pointed at my head, because I knew I would still be standing. I believed it with every fiber. Did you know at the beginning of every mob boss' career he must do a lot of dirty work? He'd kill his own mother to prove he was fearless. It wouldn't even matter if it was his legacy or not. I know it's a world you wouldn't last in, do you know why? Because you're weak, so pathetically weak. While you stood in the background, you stole and stole while trying to keep your hands clean. If you don't get your hands dirty every so often, you become a weak sonofabitch, and Jane, I'm far from weak. Listen to my words very carefully, the next time you even think about coming after a Cullen, the law will not hold me back from making you pay. The law will not protect you, Jane. Your psycho cousin is nothing compared to me. This is your last warning," I growled in her ear.

Isabella hesitantly walked into the room and watched us with wide eyes. "And to clarify, this includes Isabella. You try to touch her, hell, if you even think of her, I will end you. And I'm not talking about your career, either. This shit ends now."

I released her abruptly and walked over to join Isabella. "And Jane, in regards to Isabella's divorce settlement, a check for seven million dollars should be sent to my office within the week."

I strode without a backwards glance. I meant what I'd said. _This shit ends now. _

_

* * *

_

Ok so what do you think of Aro? He's a loose cannon and works very hard not to snap but underneath it all he's really loving. I've had so much fun developing his character.

So its that time...review time...PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!

I'm bbwraven on Twitter so come and say hello!

xoxo,

Tammy


	21. Scrappy

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers. I own...well nothing. **

Hello...anyone still here?

I want to apologize for the LONG ass delay but that's what happens when you have writer's block. But I have to give a huge 'THANK YOU' to my co-worker and friend Yvette. When I didn't think I could finish she cheered me on and constantly encouraged me, so this chapter belongs to her.

Thank you to the betas - Krysti & Wearingwords

And a special shout out to Fangmom - I'm in love with her fic and she's super awesome!

An outtake of Awakening was submitted to the Fandom Against Domestic Violence compliation.

I also started a music blog: www(.)gottapressplay(.)com - please check it out.

Well that's enough chatter from me...Enjoy!

* * *

I was exposed, virtually naked.

And yet, I was still standing.

I was drained, both mentally and emotionally.

And yet, I was still standing.

Lying in bed, with the quiet silence of the morning still lingering, the last month replayed in my head like a bad horror film. It felt as though I had run through the dark forest, but instead of Jason wearing a hockey mask, it was James was who was hot on my tail.

I was completely taken by surprise at the prosecution's 'trial prep,' which left me mentally drained before we even went to trial. They had me relive and nitpick every terrifying moment; sometimes I wondered if I was the one who was on trial, rather than James and Alec. But the hardest part was when I had to explain those incidents to Edward; the shame and guilt seemed to engulf me. But he listened and held me and never judged.

During the trial, Jane found ways to knock holes into everything I said. She claimed I was clumsy, which resulted in too many accidents. But when you're repeatedly knocked in the head, your equilibrium is rarely balanced. It takes pure concentration not to fall over, which meant I stared at my feet most of the time, due to the fear I'd totter over.

When I was on the stand, I tried to follow Aro's advice to either address the jury or the attorney in front of me. When Caius was questioning me, it was easier to focus on him. But when Jane approached, I avoided her gaze and turned my attention to the jury or the prosecution table.

"_Mrs. Ramsey, could you tell me how you obtained the injuries in this photo?" Caius asked, pointing to one of many photos Carlisle had taken during my marriage. This particular photo was a close up of my face, making the swollen red eyes, bruising on my chin, and lacerations across my neck more prominent. _

"_Um, I accidently spilled bleach on his favorite pair of jeans," I said, suddenly nauseated as the memories flooded my mind. "Before I even had a chance to explain it was an accident, he struck me across my face." _

_My throat tightened, I tried to hold back the tears and speak with a strong voice, but I was drowning. I could see Edward, his green eyes were filled with rage, and his mouth was set in a hard line. _

"_I tried to move away but he pushed me, face first, into the wall…he was screaming at me and I kept repeating I was sorry. He__grabbed me by the hair, and then pulled me into the laundry room. Before I knew it, he poured some liquid on me…I realized it was bleach. I became even more frantic when I felt a pull at my neck."_

_I paused again. Unconsciously, I touched my neck to make sure nothing was there._

"_I felt the rope around my neck," I continued. "I thought he was going to finally kill me. Then suddenly, he released me. I hit the floor gasping for air and before I could take a full breath, he kicked me in the stomach." _

_As I spoke, it felt as though the rope was around my neck. _

"_What happened after that?" Caius asked._

"_He reminded me that if I went to Jake for help, he'd press charges against him again. So, I stayed on the floor until he finally left the house. Once I got the strength, I got off the floor and went to the kitchen sink to wash my face. I was afraid the bleach would blind me and knew I was in no shape to drive," I explained._

_A__sudden commotion brought me back to the present and__I looked over to see Jake being escorted out of the court room by Leah and Jasper. My chest tightened as I began to shake all over. Like Edward, Jake had never known the details, and I knew this was getting to him. Old fears of Jake going to jail surfaced, but once I saw Aro I__knew nothing would happen to Jake. _

"_Then how did you get to the hospital?" Caius inquired and regained my attention. _

"_I tried to walk to the hospital but my vision started to blur and my stomach ached too much. I didn't think I would make it, so I was going to turn back. My neighbor passed me on the road and gave me a ride. The hospital must have called Dr. Cullen when I arrived."_

_I made the mistake of looking at James as the invisible leash tightened around my neck. I started to choke. With a shaky hand, I took a sip of water. I could hear him actually snicker as I tried to catch my breath. _

"_Mrs. Ramsey, do you remember, how long before the benefit did this take place?" _

"_Three months."_

Edward's arm tightened around my hips, bringing me back to the present as he shifted around me until his head rested on my stomach. As much as I wanted to wake him up so he could sing or talk to me, I let him sleep. When the nightmares were too much and I began to lose sleep, he never complained about being tired. He simply put me first.

Today, I planned to wear my big girl panties and allow him the luxury of sleep. No reason to wake him up for yet another crying fit. Instead, I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He'd washed it before bed so I was able to smell the Fekkai conditioner. I smiled and waited for contentment to relax me, but it never came.

After the verdict, I decided not to go to the sentencing for James and Alec. I figured they were convicted and that was all I needed, but I felt off-kilter. I felt as though I was running scared and I refused to be afraid- not anymore.

I gently eased Edward's arm off me and made my way to the bathroom. I took a long, hot shower hoping to ease the sudden aches, preparing for a stressful day. I stood in the walk-in closet, wearing nothing but a push up bra and thong, trying to figure out what I wanted to wear.

Aro had become a complete control freak over my court appearances, so I had an array of dresses and pantsuits to choose from. I decided to go with the black pantsuit and paired it with a white fitted long-sleeved button down. I returned to the bathroom to do my makeup. I usually wore pink gloss but decided to go with a red lipstick today. Christina Aguilera said her trademark red lipstick was like her shield against the world when she was having a bad day. Well today, it'd be mine. After I brushed the tangles out of my hair, I quickly slicked it into a ponytail.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I noticed Edward was awake but still in bed. He cocked an eyebrow as he took in my appearance. "Morning," I said softly as I approached the bed.

"Morning to you, too," he said. I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the lips. He grabbed me by the hips until I was straddling his lap, his morning wood pressed against me. "Why are you all dressed up?"

"I decided to go to the sentencing."

He frowned. "Why?"

"I don't want him to think I'm hiding behind Aro or you. I want him to know he will never have that kind of control over me again. I need to close this door and I want him see me actually slamming it shut," I explained as I rubbed his beard. Edward hadn't shaved since he testified last week and I loved the scruff.

He nodded. "That's understandable. How much time do I have? I can go with you."

"No, stay in bed and get some rest. I'll go with Aro and be back by lunch time."

He didn't say anything for a long moment and his green eyes were darker than usual. "You're sure?"

"Yeah," I assured him. "When I get back I will cook you a fabulous lunch."

"Babe, you know you don't have to cook for me," he replied as he traced my face.

I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch. "I know."

He hugged me to his chest and we lay there not moving for several minutes. I placed a kiss over his heart and got out of bed, smiling at the red lip mark I'd left over his heart. "What are you grinning at?" he asked.

"I marked you with my lips," I said admiring my work. "See ya in a bit."

"Bye, babe."

_My heart still flutters when he calls me babe._

I grabbed my clutch that was only large enough to hold my identification, cash and iPhone, and walked swiftly down the stairs in search of Aro. He wasn't in his bedroom or office. I was on my way to the garage when I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I eventually found both Avery and Aro at the kitchen island going over paper work. Avery was eating one of the cinnamon rolls I'd baked the night before.

"Good morning, gentlemen," I said to make my presence known.

"Morning, Bella," Avery said.

"Good morning, Isabella," Aro said quietly, eyeing my suit. "Going somewhere?"

"Yes, to James and Alec's sentencing."

There was a moment of silence before Aro spoke. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I wasn't asking for permission," I retorted. Avery cocked an eyebrow and Aro remained silent. "I can take a cab if I need to, but I'm going."

I sounded stronger than I actually felt.

The tension in the room became thick as Aro watched me with his hawk like gaze. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"No."

I heard him curse under his breath. "Fine, let's go," he muttered. He grabbed his suit jacket and exited the room. Avery silently threw out the rest of his cinnamon roll, stuffed the paperwork back into his briefcase, and grabbed his jacket, following Aro outside.

"Aro, I'll drive Isabella," Avery said. Aro nodded once and got in his black Mercedes CL600 and took off without a second glance. Avery unlocked his Escalade and helped me in before taking the driver's seat. "This should be an interesting morning."

"That didn't go the way I planned," I said quietly. "And sorry you couldn't finish breakfast."

He laughed humorlessly. "One thing I've learned over the years," he said as he raised the console between us, "Pack snacks. Never know when you'll be able to eat."

Avery handed me a protein bar and grabbed another one for him. We fell into a comfortable silence as we drove through the streets of Seattle. Before we reached the court house, Avery reached in the back for a small bottle of water.

"You're a serious boy scout," I said with a chuckle.

"Like I said, you never know where you'll be when you work for Aro."

"I would expect that from Jenks, but you're in the court house most of the time."

"Some of our clients live outside Seattle so I'm in my truck for long periods of time and I never know when I'll need to help Jenks out," he explained. I knew he and Jenks worked closely together on various cases.

"How long have you worked with Aro?" I asked. Even though Avery was my divorce attorney, I knew very little about him. I'd been so wrapped in my own little world, I'd never really had a chance to talk to him.

"Officially, since I was sixteen," he commented between bites. "So, going on fourteen years."

"Wow, that's longer than I expected, but how can a sixteen year old work for a law firm?"

"In order for me to get emancipated, I had to have a steady job lined up. The company that runs the firm's mail room hired me. I worked during the day and did my GED prep in the evenings," he explained.

"Can I ask why you needed to get emancipated?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"Basically, I didn't want to end up like my older brother and I would have if I had stayed with my mom. I would have joined the gang in my neighborhood, probably sold drugs, gone to jail or worse-died," he said nonchalantly. "I met Aro during my brother's trial, he tried to keep me on the right path, but I eventually gave into some pressure and ran with the guys in the neighborhood. I got caught robbing a store and Aro was able to get me out of it without it staying on my permanent record. But we both knew if I stayed there, I would be in jail within a year. So, I would go to his office to study or help out. I used to think the gang members were scary, but you don't know angry until you meet the Wrath of Aro."

I shuttered as I remembered last week, when he had Jane practically quivering in the corner after their conversation when the verdict was read. "I think I would piss in my pants if I'd experienced that."

He chuckled and we fell into a comfortable silence. Despite the unsettled feeling that overwhelmed me when I first woke up, I was surprisingly calm. My phone vibrated with a text from Edward.

"_Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." – August Wilson_

Tears welled up in my eyes, and before I could respond he sent another text.

_Babe, instead of hiding away from your problems, you've wrestled them head on. This alone is the reason why I'm always in awe of your strength and you inspire me. I love you –E_

I quickly replied.

_E- I'm utterly speechless & trying not to cry. Thank you for being my rock. I love you more than I can express. –B_

Avery wordlessly handed me a Kleenex. I checked to see what damage the tears had made, and thankfully it wasn't too bad, just a little puffy from the crying but that would go away in about twenty minutes.

"The courthouse is less than a mile away. You going to be ok?" he asked.

"Don't worry, those were good tears," I said with a chuckle.

As we drove, I noticed more news crews which heighted my anxiety. I took a few deep breaths, and when I heard the opening to 'Give them Hell' by American Rejects, I grinned. On the night the verdict was read, I was drunk off my ass and sung this song at the top of my lungs. I sang with my whole heart as if it was my anthem, as though the dark clouds that tried to surround me were moving away.

"Alright Ms. B, it's show time," Avery announced, pulling me back to my surroundings. I put on my dark sunglasses as I waited for Avery. Once he opened his door, I heard the clicks of the cameras. Behind the dark lenses, I watched as Avery made his way to my side of the SUV. The muted shouting began with simply the calling of my name, "Isabella!"

Once the door opened and I stepped out, questions were shouted in my direction, "Where's Edward?" Flash, flash. "Is it true you're pregnant?" Flash, flash. "Do you regret testifying against your husband?" More flashes went off. Even with the glasses, the flash bulbs were blinding. They started to swarm. Avery kept me close to his side, escorting me into the courthouse as quickly as possible.

Due to the press making a ruckus, we were rushed through security rather quickly. Seats in the courtroom were almost filled with members of the press and observers. I took a seat behind the prosecution. After five minutes, I grew bored waiting with no one to talk to, I sent Edward a text: _Wish you were here_.

Maybe coming here without him was a mistake. I should have asked him to come with me; the nervousness coursing through my body would be easier to handle. While I waited for Edward's response I sent a quick text to Jessica. Since we'd met at my birthday dinner in Los Angeles, we'd really become good friends. Lately, she'd been on location filming a movie, constantly cheering me up by sending me random goofy pictures of herself or the cast and crew. Even though she was working, she sent a one word reply: **BREATH!**

I grinned and took her advice. I was in the middle of my calming breathing exercises when James was brought into the courtroom. He was still handcuffed, his face void of expression. He abruptly stopped walking when he saw me and the sneer appeared on his face. I refused to look away and stared him down. A movement distracted him because his face went blank and replaced with a look I'd never seen cross his face throughout our marriage:_ love_.

I followed his direction and saw Victoria standing two rows behind me on the defense side. I looked back at James and the smile on his face made him look almost handsome. I felt as though I was intruding on a private moment. When I looked back at Victoria, she was looking at me, for once no malice or anger directed at me.

She turned back to James with a sad look on her face and closed her eyes as she clutched her necklace and yanked. James let out a loud bellow, screaming her name. Then he turned his gaze onto me. "You fucking whore! You did this!" he screamed. "I'm going to fucking kill you!"

And he lunged for me.

Just as James made a leap for me, Aro intercepted and had him on the ground. I was suddenly pulled back into the crowd and saw Carlisle and Edward stand in front of me, acting as human shields. _When did they arrive?_

Before I had a chance to move toward them, I felt someone grab my arm. I turned to see I was face to face with Victoria, again no malice in her eyes. Up close, I noticed she looked haggard and tired, as if she'd aged ten years since I saw her in my hospital room.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I asked.

"I'm sorry for whatever pain I may have caused you," she said quietly. "I have no excuse, just know I'm sorry."

Before I could respond, she walked out of the courtroom. It was as if someone popped the bubble around us and the noise seemed to erupt around me. I turned to see James, still spewing threats at me, continue to struggle as the bailiff tried to pull him away. It took Avery and Edward to hold Aro back, his eyes were wild and even Carlisle tried to calm him down.

Instead of going back to my seat, I ran after Victoria. I didn't see her when I first walked of the courtroom, then I saw a flash of red enter the ladies room. I walked quickly down the hall unnoticed. Just as I reached the entry way, a woman exited while speaking on the phone, oblivious to my presence.

When I walked into the four-stalled ladies room, I found Victoria bent over the sink, splashing water all over her face. I checked for legs and found none. We were alone. I grabbed the paper towel she placed next to the sink and remained quiet when she turned off the water and patted the sink for the towels.

"Looking for this?" I asked, making my presence known and held the towels in front of her.

Startled, her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly, she hesitantly took the towels from my hands. "Thank you," she murmured. I watched her in the mirror as she dried her face and her gaze finally met mine.

"Could you just tell me why?" I asked even though my insides shook. "I never did anything to you."

She took a deep breath. "Good old fashion stupidity," she said. "And it didn't help I had a coke habit, but that's just another excuse."

I was stunned into silence. I never suspected and said as much.

"I was good at hiding it, used on and off for years. But the more involved I became with James the more I used to numb myself. I knew what we were doing was wrong and being numb meant I had to continuously feed that habit."

"Who supplied you, Jane or James?" I asked. I knew James used cocaine on occasion, but he raged so often I never knew when he was high.

"It started with James, mainly when we partied in Seattle, and then Jane. She inadvertently became our dealer. She pushed it even more once she realized how badly I depended on it."

_The bitch is making me feel sorry for her. Oh, fuck that. _

"Is this where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you? Because I don't, you had a responsibility to protect people like me – not terrorize them!" I said forcefully, I even shocked myself with how much anger that coursed through my body. "And the worst part is you went after innocent people like Jake and Emmett. Tell me, Victoria, how many other lives did you destroy during your so-called drug addiction?"

I saw the tears well up in her eyes but I refused to feel bad about it. I watched as she tried to hold back the tears. "I meant what I said back there. I'm sorry for my part in all of this," she said a moment later.

"Like you actually gave a fuck," I retorted. "But I will say you shocked the hell out of me by finally making an appearance. Now that James is off to jail you finally decided to dump him?"

She remained silent.

"Come on, Victoria; tell me, where have you been the last few weeks? Helping Jane plot against me? Or are you planning to have Jake and Emmett arrested again?" I barraged her with questions and she remained silent. "Tell me something, because I need to know, did he ever hit you?"

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Once," she said quietly.

"Did he ever apologize?"

She nodded. "It happened early in our relationship, it never happened again."

"So you never feared him?"

"No."

"Interesting….there was a time I didn't fear him either. He apologized the first few times, but then stopped wasting his breath with those lies. But as time went on I noticed he got off on it. Made the sex quite uncomfortable," I said offhandedly and she went green.

"Isabella, I said once and I'll say it again, I'm sorry. I-I-I truly… I feel horrible for any pain you have suffered b-b-because of me," she sputtered and the tears were coming down faster.

I couldn't respond, the Victoria I was familiar with used venomous words to hurt me. And she was never apologetic. She somehow humanized herself right before my eyes and I didn't like it. I had no desire to sympathize with her - I needed to hate her.

"You know I used to fantasize that James would leave me for you, but I wasn't so lucky," I said as fury seemed to seep back into my veins. "If it was just me, I would say _'No worries'_ and move on. But I simply cannot forgive you, not for what you did to me, but for what you did to Jake. He didn't deserve to be thrown into jail as if he was scum. His only crime was caring about me, he was only trying to protect me and you fucking tormented him every chance you got… sorry, it's not me you need to apologize to."

She nodded as she wiped away her tears. "You're right, I do owe him an apology."

Before I could respond I heard Edward calling my name. "Bella?" Edward called again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be right out," I said in a raised voice. "Well Victoria, as interesting as this conversation has been I have to go. But the next time we talk, you will answer my questions. Got it?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, I'll tell you everything I know," she said.

When I walked out, I found Edward leaning against the wall opposite the ladies room. He was dressed in head to toe black with his sleeves rolled up and the first few buttons undone.

"You okay?" he asked as he grabbed for my hands. I looked up to see his eyes filled with worry.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I said reassuringly. "Sorry I bailed like that. How's Aro?"

Edward sighed loudly. "He's fine. I'm the one that had to be escorted out."

I covered my mouth with my hand. "What the hell happened?"

Edward groaned. "James kept going on and on about how we hid behind Aro and he was going to kill us. Bella, he fucking flipped out and no one knows what caused it."

"It was Victoria," I said. I went on to explain the events that led to James outburst and ended with my talk with Victoria in the ladies room.

"So you just walked in there all willy-nilly with no back up? It could have been a ploy to get you alone, Bella," Edward said angrily.

"Ok, hindsight is twenty-twenty," I said reluctantly. Victoria could have been leading me to an ambush and I just ran off without telling someone my whereabouts. "But I think I could have taken her."

Edward smirked. "Oh yeah?"

"You forget, I've been taking boxing lessons with Emmett," I said cheerfully and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He chuckled. "Now, how did I forget that?" he asked sarcastically. "But seriously, please don't take off like that. I nearly had a heart attack when I couldn't find you in the courtroom."

"I'm sorry to worry you," I said squeezing him to me. "I promise to be more careful."

He sighed. "Good," he said. "Let's get out of here, we have eyes."

I looked around to see people openly staring at us. Edward held me close as he led me back to the courtroom. "When I sent the text 'Wish you were here' I didn't expect you to appear out of thin air," I joked.

"We'd just parked when I got that message. Dad and I were about twenty minutes behind," he explained. "Aro called. He was worried about you dealing with the media, especially since he gave his security the morning off."

"I thought if you stayed home I could sneak in and out undetected."

"You're so cute when you're oblivious," he said jokingly. I playfully swatted his arm and walked into the courtroom. We arrived just as the judge took the bench. Alec now stood next to Jane, and James was nowhere in sight. Jane tried to delay the hearing but the judge dismissed her request.

"Alec John Ramsey, I hereby sentence you six years at the Washington Correction Center. You will be eligible for parole in three years from today and not a day sooner," Judge Greene announced. "Also, you're ordered to pay restitution for the medical expenses Edward Cullen incurred due to the injury he suffered at your hands."

"Yes!" I heard Edward mutter loudly.

"But, your honor, this is Mr. Ramsey's first offense!" Jane interrupted the judge as he went on to discuss the fines Alec had to pay as well.

"Counselor, I'm aware it's Mr. Ramsey's first offense, but your client is an officer of the court and he knows the law. Instead of talking his cousin out of the crazy scheme, he went along with it and took the law into his own hands. He went to Mr. Cullen's home with the intent of hurting someone. Mr. Ramsey should be thankful I didn't go for the maximum which is twenty years," he retorted angrily. "Bailiff, please take Mr. Ramsey into custody."

The reality must have hit Alec because he started to cry as the bailiff cuffed him and escorted him out of the court room. "Don't drop the soap, fucker," Edward muttered under his breath.

I squeezed his hand to ease the tension that seemed to radiate from his body. Through this whole process Edward's focus had been my welfare, forgoing his own emotional needs. I realized Edward needed to _'close the door'_ as much as I did.

A few minutes after Alec was taken away, James returned to the courtroom. After he sat down, the shackles still in place, his hands were a tight ball. He stared straight ahead.

"Mr. Ramsey, this morning I was prepared to sentence you to two years in prison, parole in six months to a year. And since you've been detained since late July, I also planned to include that as _'time served' _especially after the glowing letter I received from the warden of the jail," Judge Greene said.

I did a quick calculation and realized he would probably only serve three additional months. "But this morning you walked into _my _courtroom and tried to attack your wife yet again. So this tells me the time you've spent in jail has _not_ helped you in any way. So, what to do? Decision, decisions, decisions."

I giggled. I felt Edward nudge me, but a ghost of smile was on his lips.

"I say you go fuck yourself," James said loudly.

"James!" Jane exclaimed.

The judged banged his gavel. "Counselor, please control your client," Judge Greene barked.

Jane tried to calm James down in low hush tones but the more she spoke the more agitated he became. "Fuck you, Jane! I told you it wouldn't work!" James hissed. When he banged his balled hands on the table the bailiff stood closer. "She should have been dead! This is your fault!"

When he shoved Jane, the bailiffs circled him and the judge banged his gavel several times. "Bailiff, please take Mr. Ramsey into custody," he yelled over James. "Court is adjourned. Mr. Wiley, Ms. Ramsey – my chambers, now!"

It took two guards to escort James out of the court room but his parting words sent a chill down my spine. "Izzy, I should have killed you when I had a chance!" And I knew he meant those words.

Edward grabbed my hand and led me out of the courtroom. He stood in front of me as some of the members of the press that were allowed inside tried to get a statement. One of the security guards led us away from the mayhem. After a few turns, down several corridors, we reached a side entrance with an awaiting cab.

I left out of sigh of relief when the cab drove away from the courthouse. "Where to?" the cab driver asked.

Edward gave him Aro's address and I leaned back and watched the city pass us by. I was completely numb. I felt Edward's hand gently rub the back of my neck. "Come 'ere."

I eagerly went into his awaiting arms and buried my face in his chest. Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. Between his comforting touch and the drive through the streets of Seattle, I dozed off. His heartbeat thumped loudly, like music to my ears.

**oOo**

I should have been on top of the world; James was sentenced to five years in the State Penitentiary in a closed court room and I was seven million dollars richer, well more like five after I've repaid Aro. But instead of doing cartwheels down Main Street in downtown Forks, I was currently in the bed nursing a migraine.

Carlisle gave me a mild painkiller and I was just waiting for the lingering pain to go away when I felt Edward slip into bed. He went down to the studio when the tell-tell signs of a new song formed, plus the humming did not help the migraine.

He lifted the pillow off my head and gathered me closer. "How are you feeling?" he whispered.

"Better," I murmured. "The pain behind the eye is finally gone."

He placed gentle kisses on my forehead and eyes, when his lips crept lower down my neck I couldn't contain my smile. I threaded my fingers in his soft hair when his lips met mine, he tasted like orange juice and cigarettes. His hands were under my sweatshirt when I heard a knock on the door.

"Bells?" Jake called out softly.

I bit back a groan out of frustration. "Yeah, Jake, give me a few minutes," I croaked out as Edward kissed my neck.

I heard him chuckle through the door. "Ok, meet you downstairs."

"I came up to tell you that Jake was here," he murmured as he placed soft kisses around my face.

I frowned. "I thought he was spending the day at the reservation."

"Guess he changed his mind."

Fifteen minutes later I showered and changed into dark jeans, an off white ruffled camisole and mustard cropped sweater. I added four inch dark brown boots, brushed my hair and added pink gloss.

When I saw Jake pacing at the bottom of the stairs I grew worried, he wasn't usually so anxious. "Hey, Jake," I said as I came down the steps.

"Hey, yourself," he said and gathered me into a hug.

"Is Leah with you?"

"Yeah," he said hesitantly.

"What?" I asked.

"I brought someone else with me," he hedged. _Why is he being so cryptic?_

"Seth?" I asked.

"Yeah, I mean no, he's here b-but," he sputtered and his cheeks slightly flushed. "I mean, my dad is here with me."

I was suddenly conflicted, on one hand I missed Billy and on the other I didn't want to see him. It was hard to look at Billy and not think of my father without my heart aching.

I took a deep breath. "Wow, that's great," I said. "It's been a long time since he's been in the area, right?"

"Yeah, I usually meet him in Seattle for a quick weekend, but he wanted to stay in Forks for awhile," Jake explained.

"I'm sure you'll enjoy having your father around," I said. Edward must have sensed my nervousness, and grabbed my hand.

"Yeah, it's going to be great."

When we walked into the living room, Billy was sitting with Leah, Esme and Carlisle. Leah noticed us first and waved us over.

"Bella," Billy said in his gravelly voice.

Hearing his voice, I was suddenly transported back to bonfires during the summer in La Push; Jake and me over-eating hotdogs and roasted marshmallows. Harry Clearwater usually brought out his guitar and played his rendition of Bob Dylan's '_Knocking on Heaven's Door'_. As much as I'd loved those evenings, I'd also I hated them because of the overwhelming sadness that plagued my father as he drove us home.

I walked over and gave him an awkward hug. "Hello, Billy," I said. "How do you like New Mexico?" He'd moved to another Quileute reservation there.

"It's nice, but I actually miss the rain," he said with a chuckle.

"Yes, I missed the rain on occasion when I was in Los Angeles," I admitted when I noticed the wooden box on the coffee table. I had major case of déjà vu as I stared at the box. It looked like aged stained wood and stood over a foot high. The slightly rusted crown-shaped brass handles and latches proved this box was very old. My heart raced when I realized where I'd seen this box before. "This was my mother's."

"Yes."

"How did you get it? I haven't seen this since….since," I trailed off when I realized I couldn't remember the last time I saw it.

"Let's give these two some privacy, dinner will be ready soon," Esme announced before Billy could explain.

Everyone followed Esme to the kitchen. Edward was the last one to leave the room and gave me a peck on the cheek before he made his exit.

"Maybe a year after Renee died there was an onslaught of home evasions throughout Forks," he explained. "It was one of the reasons why you were at the reservation so often. Charlie didn't want your mother's jewelry to get stolen in case they decided to rob your house. He said it was part of your inheritance from your mother."

"But why didn't you give it to me when my father died?" I asked, suddenly pissed. _Another person hiding something from me? Does it ever end? _

"Like I said, it was a part of your inheritance from your mother which your father didn't plan to give to you until you were twenty-five."

"I'm surprised the Ramseys didn't know about it," I murmured.

"I don't think Charlie told anyone other than me about the jewelry box. But I do believe he planned to talk to the new attorney about it."

"Dad was leaving the Ramsey's law firm?"

Billy nodded. "He didn't go into details but I knew he'd had meetings with someone in Seattle. I figured he never had the new will notarized, otherwise they would have contacted you. So I kept the box until now."

The lingering anger I'd felt wasn't valid. I simply couldn't stay angry at Billy because his only fault was carrying out my father's wishes, unlike the Ramseys. I rubbed my fingers over the wood. At first glance the surface seemed smooth, but ridges were rough with age under my fingertips. _This is what Alice would call vintage._ At least I had something from my family that the Ramsey's could not deny me or take away.

My vision blurred as memories of tea parties with my mom and watching her get dressed for an evening out with my dad swirled in my head, but for once, sadness didn't plague me. "Thank you, Billy," I said, giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Before you were born, my wife, Sarah and I made a promise to your parents to take care of you if something happened to them," he said quietly. "When Sarah died, I was utterly lost. Your mom and dad took care of Jacob when I couldn't, helped him grieve when I could not. At one point, Jake was at your house more than he was at home."

I remembered the many times Jake stayed in our guest bedroom. Whenever he had cried, I'd tried to cheer him up with a game or telling him a bad joke. But mainly, I'd let him cry.

"And just as I started to come out of my fog, your mother died. I tried to be there for you and your dad, but I admit I wasn't much good to him," he continued. "Even though he missed your mother like crazy, he kept his head straight in order to be there for you. You were his world. And when he was killed, I shut down, I wasn't there for you the way I should have been, all I kept thinking about was the fact the three most important people in my life were taken away too soon. You and my kids should have been my first priority and for that, I'm sorry."

I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers, looking at the contrast between his russet brown and my pale white fingers. His hands were rough from years of working in construction and whittling. Jake mentioned he helped with the farming on the other reservations. He was basically a man of the earth.

_And I missed him. _

"Billy…you don't owe me an apology," I said. "I wasn't exactly easy to deal with. You reminded me so much of my dad, it was hard to be around you. And it made me miss him even more."

"I understand what you mean, because looking at you was like seeing both your parents mixed in one, but that's just an excuse, Bells. I was the adult and I promised your parents, and I let them down. That is something I will have to live with for the rest of my days. When Jake finally told me about your husband abusing you… it woke me up, but by then there was nothing I could do and we weren't even speaking."

"Billy-" I started.

"Bella, I love you and I'm so sorry I failed you. I hope you forgive me."

I launched myself into his arms and held him tightly. I took a deep breath, the aroma of old spice, tobacco and wood overloaded my senses. "You didn't fail me Billy. We were simply hurting and too fucking stubborn to fix it. One thing I've learned the last few weeks and need to remember – life's too fucking short to dwell on the past. I will always miss my parents, but having Jake and the Cullens in my life dulls the ache," I said, pulling back and looking him in the eyes. "In order to honor Sarah and my parents we have to embrace life again."

"I'll try," he murmured.

"Do it for Jake," I whispered. "He still needs you."

He smiled. "He's a good man."

"The best," I agreed. "Billy, how do you say 'I love you' in Quileute?"

"Nayeli."

"Nayeli, Billy," I said giving him a peck on the cheek and hugged him tighter. That's how Jacob and Edward found us a few minutes later.

"Everything ok in here?" Jake asked.

Billy gave me another squeeze and smiled. "Yeah, we're good, son," he answered.

"Mom said dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes," Edward said.

"I'm starved," Billy said with a grin. "Why don't you help your old man up?"

Jake came over to the sofa and helped Billy up, guiding him down the hall to the dining room where Esme was putting the final touches on Thanksgiving dinner.

Edward walked over to the sofa and took Billy's spot. "What's in the box?"

"It's my mother's jewelry box," I said gleefully.

"Really? Why did Billy have it?"

"Yeah, apparently my dad didn't want me to have it until I turned twenty-five," I explained. "It doesn't matter, I have it now."

I didn't want to wait any longer. I lifted the lid, and the scent of old wood overwhelmed my senses. The first item that came into view was my mother's pearls. Renee loved to wear different variations, sometimes long and then her single strand she wore on special evenings with my dad. She even had a vintage cameo on a pearl necklace. There was a compartment with several rings securely tucked, yet on display.

Edward opened another compartment. "Wow look at this," he said as he picked up a gold locket with an engraved crown and _'Isabella'_ on the front. He handed it to me, and with shaking hands I opened the locket. There was a picture of me as a baby and photo of my parents. Edward soothingly rubbed small circles on my back, but not even his touch could stop the flowing tears.

"Is it weird that I don't feel sad?" I asked. "As much as I miss them, I feel like I have a piece of them back."

"They never left you, Bella," he said softly. I couldn't speak but I nodded my head in agreement to his statement. "Turn around and let me put this on you."

I turned and lifted up my hair so Edward could put on the locket. Once it was latched, he placed a kiss on my neck which caused a shiver down my spine. I turned until I was facing him again, he wiped away my tears and leaned in to kiss my lips and then placed a kiss on my forehead.

I took a deep breath. "Let's go eat, I'm suddenly ravenous," I said.

Edward chuckled. "Okay," he murmured and quickly closed the jewelry box. Instead of standing as I expected him to, he stared at the closed box, his long finger tracing the craved crown, his face in deep concentration.

"I guess my mom had a crown fascination."

"I can't imagine your mother driving around with the pink Princess motif like Ace did when she was sixteen," he said with a small chuckle. "Nor do I think Renee had a Princess Diana fascination. I don't know... it reminds me of something and I can't place it."

"It's just an old box," I said with a shrug.

He frowned still staring at the box. "Exactly, this box is more than fifty years old. The lock is tarnished and slightly rusted, that's not just from a few years in the closet. It just feels… old," he said with a shrug and picked up the box and placed in the band's office when my stomach suddenly grumbled loudly. "I guess you're really hungry."

"I told you."

"Come on, you have to taste my broccoli casserole," Edward said as he tugged my hand and led me out of the living room.

"You cooked?"

"Yeah, Jasper wanted quiet to review what I wrote. Anyway, Emmett kept asking my mom to make the casserole but she didn't know your recipe. I volunteered since I knew the basics and made it," he explained.

"I'm stunned."

He chuckled. "I can cook, besides it was either I make it or Em standing outside our door like a lost puppy."

"God, I could hear him, whiny and begging," I said with a chuckle. "Well, I'm impressed."

"Oh babe you haven't heard nothing yet. I even made the yams," he said proudly.

I took a deep breath. "Are you trying to entice me with carbs? Because it's working."

At the entrance to the dining room he stood close to me. "Carbs entices you?" His voice was low and husky. "I also helped make the biscuits-from scratch. I even kneaded the dough by hand."

I could imagine his strong hands squeezing the dough and I was suddenly turned on. "Holy fuck. I think all thoughts of carbs and biscuits made me horny," I whispered. _Okay, hornier._

Edward laughed loudly. "Yeah, me too." That's when I realized he needed to adjust himself before we joined everyone. "I've never had food fetishes, but I may have to rethink that." He winked and we walked into the dining room hand and hand.

_Its official - I love Thanksgiving! _

**oOo**

In all her excitement to have her family back in Forks for the holiday, over the course of several days, Esme created one of the best Thanksgiving meals I'd ever eaten in my life. The last few years the band had been on tour, and she and Carlisle would either spend the holiday with Aro or fly to where they were playing. Even though she was exhausted, she was all smiles.

It was after ten when Jake finally ventured home with his father and Leah. After discovering Seth could play guitar beyond their expectations, Edward and Jasper convinced him to stay for another jam session. With Aro, Jenks and Avery staying the night, it was a full house, yet far from cramped.

I was on my second Tanqueray Ten and Seven-up when Edward pulled me onto the mock dance floor. "You know I don't dance," I said.

"Bullshit," he retorted. I saw Carlisle gather Esme into his arms when Jasper and Seth started to play. When Alice began to sing 'Can't take my eyes off of you', Emmett and Rose joined us on the dance floor. I nearly melted when I heard him softly sing, "_You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna' hold you so much. At long last love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you._"

I reached on my tip-toes and kissed his lips. "You're going to spoil me," I murmured.

"Silly, Bella," he said between kisses. "That's the whole point."

When I heard my favorite part of the song, I threw my arms around his neck and sang, "I love you baby. Trust in me when I say, oh pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray. Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me love you, oh baby, let me love you, oh baby..."

Edward kissed my temple and just held me close for a few moments. I looked around and wished I had my camera because it was truly a Kodak moment. I wanted to capture the way Esme and Carlisle gazed at each other, Aro actually laughing and smiling at something Jenks was saying, Rose staring adoringly at Emmett as he explained something, and Jasper teaching Seth a technique while Ace beamed with pride. This was my new life and I was going to love every minute of it.

"Do you have any assignments booked?" Edward asked suddenly.

"Only the test shoots with Rose and Gwen next week in New York." Due to the trial, I'd missed the big shoot in Chicago and had to turn down several freelancing jobs. I hadn't been in any shape to work. Thankfully, Frank said he'd meet me in New York to help me out with the L.A.M.B. test shots.

"Does that mean she gets to eat again?" he asked. Rose had put herself on restriction until after the photo shoot, which also meant the entire house was on edge.

"Yes, she can eat now, but she's determined to slim down from… well what's smaller than already thin?"

"Oh that's called 'mental'. Nothing is getting in the way of me and my burgers. So nothing else planned?"

"No, nothing set in stone. I planned to call Mike and Frank to find some gigs."

"Perfect. We have a little time before Christmas and thought you and I should take a trip somewhere."

Excitement flowed through me. "When you say 'you and I' this doesn't include your band mates, right?" I asked. I loved them dearly, but I need some peace and quiet.

"Just the two of us," he confirmed.

"Well, hot damn! You know I'm in, so where are we going?" I asked excitedly.

"Wherever we want to go. We could go to Paris or Ireland, hell, we can go to Timbuktu."

I grinned up at him. "You're serious? Don't you have a deadline for the CD?"

"No deadline. Besides, the producer I want to use says he's busy until after February. In all honesty, I need a break from my family, and this other crap. So what do you say?"

I jumped up and down like an overexcited child. "Oh, hell yeah, I'm in!" I practically yelled.

We excused ourselves from the group and went back to our room to discuss the endless possibilities from somewhere tropical to Europe, but crossed off that idea since we'd plan to spend Christmas in Hawaii. Then talked about renting a car and taking a road trip across the southern states. I honestly didn't care about the destination. We were going on our very own escapade. But all that really mattered was being with him – alone.

We'd been in bed for a couple of hours when I remembered I hadn't brought the jewelry box up with us. For once, Edward was dead to the world and I refused to wake him when I was perfectly capable of bringing the box up myself. I crept out of bed as quietly as possible, in a rare moment the house was completely silent.

Despite the dark room, I easily found the box where Edward left it on the desk. After several attempts I realized the box was too heavy to lift and would have to wait until the next morning to have one of the guys move it to the bedroom.

Curiosity got the best of me and instead of going back to bed I turned on the lights and began going through the jewelry box. I removed two compartments on the top where I found another compartment that held black jewelry pouches. I grabbed one randomly and found diamond studs. The moment I saw them I knew they were not cubic zirconia.

In fact, Esme often wore her studs that Carlisle bought years before. I reached for another small pouch and found a diamond ring this time. Oh fuck! I dropped everything and ran up the stairs, when I burst into the bedroom Edward sat straight up.

"Bella?" he mumbled but I didn't reply, I grabbed his hand practically dragged him out of bed. "Babe, what's going on?"

"You have to see it to believe it," I said in disbelief. "I was going through my mother jewelry box, you'll never believe what I found. And since I'm not jewelry savvy you're going to have to help me."

When we entered the office I grabbed the diamond ring and handed it to him. He looked at it and his eyes widened, he looked at me and then the ring again. He approached the box and started going through the contents. "Grab a pen and your camera," was all he said.

"Why?" I asked, but followed instructions.

"Because we need to take this to an appraiser and I want everything listed. I'm not the best at identifying gems, but I'm pretty sure this isn't fake." My stomach dropped. "Once we're done we'll wake Aro or my father up, one of them has to know an appraiser we can see on short notice."

"Think they can get someone on Black Friday?" I asked.

"I hope so."

While Edward created a list, I snapped two to three photos per item. We worked silently for nearly two hours and with each item I photographed only one question seemed to pop up: where did this jewelry come from? My father was the Chief of the police for a small town. There were tough times, and though we never went hungry, there was no way he could afford this.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Edward muttered. I looked up to see him pull out what looked to be velvet jewelry cases in various sizes. He handed me the largest case, my hands shook when I looked inside and quickly snapped the case shut, trying to compartmentalize what I'd just seen. "Wow, that bad?"

I could not reply and watched as he opened the box, his mouth dropped in stunned silence as he took in the two tiered necklace with dime-sized rubies, surrounded by tiny diamonds, as if holding the rubies in place. It was something fit for Princess Diana, not the wife of the Chief of Police in Forks, Washington.

"My father couldn't afford all this." There, I'd said the words out loud but it did not ease the uneasiness that crept upon me. Which left only one conclusion, and I refused to allow my thoughts to go there.

"No, he couldn't," Edward agreed. "But he knew where they came from."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Exactly what you're too afraid to say, it's possible this stuff is stolen."

_Why is he being so callous?_ "Fuck you!"

"Fuck me? Bella, even I know you're not so naïve to think Charlie wouldn't know about this?" he yelled.

"Don't you dare judge him, you didn't even know my father. So, don't act like you did! My father was too ethical, too honorable to steal," I fired back. I wouldn't allow anymore doubts about my father to plague me. Even though I was unsure about where the contents of this box had come from, I sure as hell wasn't going to let anyone defile his name, not even Edward.

"From the looks of things you didn't know him as well as you thought you did," he said in a frustrated voice. "I don't need to know Charlie to know ethics be damned when it came to you and your mother. There's no such thing as 'ethics' when it comes to protecting the person you love, Bella."

"If you already have ethics, you don't suddenly lose them, they stay with you at all times," I retorted. "So just don't go there."

Edward moved closer to me until we were eye to eye. "When you left the courtroom James made comments about you and my family that enraged me so much I felt as though I was having an out of body experience. And he kept going on and on about how he couldn't wait to finally finish the job and snap your neck, and I swear to you, Bella, I saw red. I just launched at him and during that whole time I thought if I could get my fingers around _his_ neck I could put him out of his misery. It'll finally be over," he said in a low voice, his body vibrated as though he was trying to contain the anger once again. "So if your father felt a tenth of what I feel when it comes to you then I can understand him going outside the law."

His words made my heart race so fast you'd think I ran a marathon, my vision blurred. "Edward, James was just taunting you. I don't think I could survive if anything happens to you. I-I," I started to stutter as the tears clogged my throat. I honestly did not think I could survive being apart from him again. He pulled me into his arms and murmured reassuring words.

"Babe, I just want you to know I'm not saying Renee or Charlie stole this, but I want you to be prepared for anything. Okay?"

He was right, of course. I'd been just a kid when my parents had passed away, and I'd placed them on a pedestal and never took them down. They were imperfect people with their own demons and secrets.

"Let me go get Aro," he said a few minutes later, and ran upstairs to get his uncle. While Edward was out of the room, I photographed the last few items and thought about what Edward said; he'd voiced what I was too afraid to say and too scared to admit.

As I took in everything on the table, I realized my memories of my mother were hazy; there were certain moments that were so close it was as though it had just happened yesterday. But some moments I wondered if I'd made them up, making Edward's sharp words cut deeper – I didn't know my parents.

Edward walked back in with Aro and Jenks in tow. They both questioned me about the box but I had no real answers.

"Well, I've sent enough jewelry to know this is real," Aro muttered.

Jenks sighed. "Please tell me that you didn't send anything to the current one, she's a bitch."

"We're not here to discuss my sex life, but for the record, no she hasn't received anything."

"You brought it up," Jenks retorted. That's how Aro and Jenks worked. I noticed they bickered and made crude jokes when things were tense. Some days there were more father/daughter than employee/employer and at the moment, it was a mix of the two.

"Bella, you know I've done a background check on your dad. Everything checked out there and you know most of the findings, but when it comes to your Renee, there's not much. But with this," she said pointing to the contents, "We have a new lead, once I have some answers I will give you an update."

My chest started to hurt. "How long do you think it'll take?" I asked.

She scrunched her face as she thought about it. "I wish I could give you a better timeline but let's meet again in early January."

I nodded. "January it is."

"I'll call the jeweler in the morning since we can't get this insured until after it's appraised. Are you going back to Los Angeles?" he asked.

"No, New York, but we planned a trip afterward," Edward said.

"Ok, I will keep the box in the safe at the office. It's more secured."

"Thank you, Aro."

He gave me a rare smile. "Anytime."

It was well after four in the morning by the time Edward and I made it back to bed. In our usual fashion, I laid my head on his chest, ad listened to his strong heartbeat which was strong and steady - like him. I was exhausted, but knew I couldn't sleep until I'd cleared the air with Edward.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I picked a fight because you were saying everything I was already thinking."

"I figured as much, and I would have reacted the same way if it was my family," he admitted and then yawned loudly. "Now let's get some sleep, I have a feeling we're going to need to be rested to deal with this."

I reached up and kissed his lips and then placed a kiss on his heart. "Good night," I murmured.

"Good night babe," he whispered. As I was drifting off I could hear him softly humming my lullaby.

* * *

**A/N: **So what do you think? Like, hate, or just blah? either way please leave a review!


	22. Serendipity's Big Apple

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers but I do own...really cute HHR! LOL

Hey Party People,

Remember me?

*crickets*

Yeah I'm not surprised its been _**WAY TOO LONG!**_ One of the problems is over thinking and wanting to add more than what was needed. My only excuse for the delay is my desire to write a good chapter & I hope I succeeded *fingers crossed*. **I so appreciate the support from Sabrina, Yvette & Fangmom (- she wrote the coolest reviews!) as well as my betas. **

Music wise everything from Mumford & Sons to Katy Perry got me through this chapter.

_Okay since its been so long..._

_So we left off on James going ballastic at his sentencing and Bella's discovery of her mother's jewelry box filled with more than a few costume pieces..._

Enjoy!

xoxo,

Tammy

* * *

I heard someone call out my name, rousing me from sleep. "Mr. Cullen, we're approaching the airport and will be landing soon," the flight attendant said softly in my ear. "Do you need assistance in buckling up?" she inquired breathlessly which caused my eyes to pop open, but all I could see were boobs.

I gave a terse, "No, thank you," and looked straight ahead until she walked away.

I looked down to see Bella curled in a ball with a blanket wrapped tightly around her. She used my lap as a pillow, and even though the seat was roomier then most commercial flight she still looked uncomfortable. After finding what I now deemed 'the Treasure Chest' and dealing with appraisers and insurance bureaucracy I knew I had to get Bella away from the madness.

_I was smoking a cigarette on the patio of the appraiser's office. Jenks sat in front of her computer as she spoke on her cell phone. I knew she was working on a lead but she'd been hush-hush about her findings so far. _

_Bella burst through the door looking distraught with Jake trailing behind her with a frown. I tossed my cigarette and met her half way. "What's wrong?"_

"_They knew!" she hissed. The 'they' in question was no other than the Ramseys, her soon-to-be-ex in-laws, thank goodness she would be officially divorced in a few weeks. _

"_What do you mean?" I asked._

_She took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself. "Jake said they searched his house when he was in jail. Why did they need to search his house since the fight took place at my house?" _

_Jenks ended her phone call and joined the conversation. "Why do you say that?" she asked curiously. _

"_There was no reason to check his house," Bella repeated through clenched teeth._

_We all looked to Jake and he explained how when he was in jail the police searched his home several times. "When Leah overheard Peters state he couldn't find it, she assumed it was the drugs they accused me of having," Jake relayed. _

_For the longest time Jenks remained silent and played with her bottom lip. "So, they kept Jake in jail not only as leverage for Bella to stay, but because they needed a reason to get into his house," Jenks said absently. _

"_And since the fight took place in Forks, the Elders didn't understand how they were able to come onto our land," Jake said. _

"_Fuck," I muttered. "They knew Charlie was close to Billy." _

_Jenks nodded in agreement. "Bella, did the Ramseys ever ask you about this box?" she asked. _

_Bella shook her head no. "When my dad died they did ask if anything was missing. I had to tell them several times nothing was. I admit, I thought it was odd when they had me walk through the house to make sure. I didn't get it then," she said. I pulled her to my chest and held her close. I could feel the tension vibrate through her body. _

The longer she surrounded herself with the madness the more it got to her. Thanks to Mike's new assistant, Sandra, I was able to charter a private plane which allowed us to come undetected into Manhattan a few days earlier than we originally planned. I continued to watch Bella sleep as I ran my fingers through her soft mahogany hair.

"Babe, time to get up," I whispered in her ear.

After a few seconds of confusion, she sat up and looked outside the window. "Ohmigod, we're really here," she said in awe, taking in the sight below her. Without taking her gaze from the window, she quickly buckled her seatbelt.

Fifteen minutes later, we landed at Brierfield Airport, an airport designated for private planes. A baggage handler hauled our luggage, which wasn't much, to the waiting town car to take us to the Ritz Carlton in Manhattan.

Once we arrived to the hotel, we were quickly ushered to the two bedroom suite with a bar, small kitchen and living room area, fully equipped with big screen television, DVD, and a blue-ray. Much to Bella's dismay, we were assigned a private butler to cater to our needs. Even in LA, she grumbled when a weekly housekeeper was hired, stating she could do it herself.

Our butler, Theodore, had mini breakfast buffet set up for us and began to unpack our bags. Bella bounced her leg in agitation because she wasn't the one putting away our belongings.

Even though she denied it, Bella was a certified neat freak. If I left something on the floor she cleaned it right up. My dad believed it stemmed from the years of abuse she suffered while married. One day after court, Jake and I watched Bella in awe as she began cleaning Aro's house, basically confirming my father's theory. Bella kept the house she shared with Charlie tidy and relaxed – not borderline obsessive as she was today.

Just as we finished our breakfast, Bella's phone rang. She sighed when she saw the name and I instantly knew it was Gwen. She smiled apologetically and took the call in the next room. I began to check my own messages and groaned when I saw a few from Mike. He was able to get us in the big radio station holiday concert at the end of the week. I reluctantly replied and agreed to the show. _Damn, it's officially a work week._

I found a few messages from some friends who lived in the area. My buddy John was on a promotional tour and would be in Brooklyn two weeks from now to film Storytellers. I honestly wasn't sure where we'd be in two weeks.

Before I had a chance to reply to John, I received a text from Marisol. She and her husband Rob were back in New York for the holidays and wanted to have dinner. After a few exchanges we decided to meet at Colicchio & Sons for dinner and drinks. With the arrangements made, I killed a little time on twitter reading Jake's tweets. Since he joined twitter, he and Emmett had been going back and forth with idiotic jokes and recently got Jasper involved too. It was amazing how much time could be spent with only 140 characters.

After twenty minutes, I went to check on Bella and found her in the master bedroom sitting on the bed rigorously taking notes while she spoke into the phone. I went to stand to look out the balcony to smoke a cigarette as I waited for her to finish up her phone call.

It was chilly December morning, even at this early hour the noise level should have been enough to put me on edge, but it added to already pulsating vibe of the city. Just as I was about to light my second cigarette I felt Bella's arms wrap around my waist. I exhaled a long stream of smoke, enjoying her arms around me. I learned to live with an emptiness I could never explain, but since I'd been back with Bella that feeling rarely had a chance to engulf me.

"Everything ok?" I asked and absently caressed her arm with my free hand.

"Yes, Gwen's just stressed out because she has a meeting with an important investor this week," she explained. "Since I'm already here she wants to meet up tomorrow."

"Fuck, if it's anything like the meetings with sponsors then it's not going to be fun," I said.

I could feel Bella shake her head. "I'm sorry, I know we planned to hang out but it looks like I have to work," she mumbled and squeezed me tighter.

I chuckled. "You're forgiven. Besides, I just found out we're replacing Silversun Pickups at the Z100 show on Saturday."

"Geez, we're loads of fun. Promise me we won't become workaholics?"

"For me, you and I will always come first. Yes, things will be insane when there's a new CD and tour. But always time for you and me," I said and I could feel her arms tighten around me. Mindful of the cigarette in my hand I turned get a better look at her. Despite the fact the next day would be a stressful for her, Bella looked somewhat relaxed; there was even a playful gleam in her eyes that I hadn't seen since Los Angeles. "Let's play tourist."

"Tourist?" she asked doubtfully.

"You've never been to New York and I think the best way to see it is to go into full on tourist mode. We can do tours at a museum, ice skating, go to Elis Island, the whole fucking shebang."

"It's a cute idea but it's not going to work," she with a laugh. "How are you going to do a tour when you're recognized everywhere we go?"

I stroked my beard and grinned. "With this thing I'm rarely – if at all – recognized. It's perfect. Come on, let's go enjoy the city, I have a feeling you're going to fall in love with it," I said as I pulled her into my arms.

I watched as she thought it over and knew the lure of the city was calling her. "It's so tempting," she admitted.

"Come on babe, let's go have fun," I said in a whiny voice, and when that didn't work I tried to imitate Emmett giving her puppy dog eyes.

"Don't do that!" she said with a giggle. "Okay, okay! Let's get the hell out of here."

She didn't have to say it twice; I stubbed out my cigarette, made sure I had the room key, my wallet and phone. While Bella grabbed her messenger bag, I grabbed our jackets and headed to the elevator in less than five minutes.

Instead of catching a cab, I headed for the nearest subway. "In order for you to get your full New York experience, we're taking the subway."

"Subway? Now, would Carrie Bradshaw do that?" she asked mockingly. Bella's knowledge about New York came from Sex and the City and the books she'd read. And that was simply no way to learn about this city. You couldn't read about New York, you just had to experience it.

"Remember when she was running late during that opening of the Wall Street episode?"

She laughed. "Damn, I was trying to trip you up but seriously, how do you know that?"

"One, I basically live with Ace and Rose – die hard Sex and the City fans. Two, we had to reenact our favorite scenes from that show for an Entertainment Weekly spread when the movie came out," I explained. "And Rose chose that scene and had to run like crazy in four inch stilettos." It was one of the rare times Rose was able to do a shoot comfortably. I figured it was because she was running from the camera.

We walked about five blocks before we reached the subway, I asked a few people on the best way to get to Battery Park, most ignored me but a few were nice enough to help me out. Once we got the correct information we were on our way.

I could see Bella was enjoying her time on the train. We saw all types of people from the typical Wall Street guy in an overly expensive suit to someone who looked to be a street performer. Just as our stop approached, we moved closer to the exit. I felt Bella stiffen, she looked frighten as she franticly looked around.

"Babe, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly. She didn't answer me but continued to look around the car a couple of times. "Bella?"

"I thought I saw someone... it looked just like him," she mumbled.

"Who?"

"A friend of James', but I haven't seen him in over a year," she said. "I think they had a falling out or something."

"Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No, no, he just creeped me out."

I put my arms around her as we exited the subway car and slowly made our way to the surface. I kept my eyes open for anyone out of the ordinary, but that was hard to do when you were in New York. It was what I loved the most about the city but at that moment it was what I hated the most.

Despite Bella's minor freak out on the subway, we went on to have a pleasant day. We went on a tour of the Statue of Liberty, even on a boat with twenty sixth graders chaperoned by a few parents and teachers. No one recognized me. Only time anyone approached me was to ask if I could take their picture and in return took a picture of me and Bella with our camera.

I hadn't been on a Liberty Island tour since I was a kid. Back then I was a bratty kid who didn't care about the facts. This time, it was it was fun to see my girl smile at the kids around and be awe over the statue. Liberty was more than just a tarnished piece of copper in the distance. She was the meaning of freedom and Bella was fucking finally free.

Before we exited Battery Park, we came across the gold globe, also know as 'The Sphere' from the World Trade Center. It's surrounded by rocks from the Hudson and roped off with a metal chain. Some people went over the 3 foot barrier and put up photos of their loved one.

At the very top of the Sphere, there was a gaping hole, along with various dents and burn marks. It was more than a shrine but a reminder of one of the worst times in American history. To this day my heart hurts thinking about that tragic day. And if you didn't feel anything, then you're simply not human. I could see the unshed tears in several of the onlookers, Bella, included.

After she snapped a few photos, we grabbed a cab, shook off the somber moment, and headed to Time Square to have some fun.

Bella took in everything with wide eyes, grinning from ear to ear. The beauty of New York was electrifying even during the day. Even the billboards were impressive. By two o'clock, we were both famished so I took her to T Lounge, a bar and grill I used to play during the summers while I was still in college.

"You toured during your breaks?" she asked after the waitress took our order.

I nodded. "Yeah, I mainly did it for fun. My dad was still pissed and told me to get a job, so I did," I explained. "Mike encouraged me to work the MySpace crowd and I gained small following outside school and we went with it. At the time I just wanted to prove my dad wrong and not depend on him."

"You weren't meant to be a doctor," she said softly. "But at least you're doing what you love now."

"Yes, I have a career I truly love and that's important," I said. "You can relate, right?"

She laughed. "Yeah, when I was a kid I wanted to be a teacher like my mother. I tried to emulate her in so many ways, but my dad told me to be me. He gave me my first camera and said if it's my calling then go with it."

I couldn't see her confined to a classroom. "Do you think you would have been happy as a teacher?"

She frowned. "I honestly don't know. I planned to be an English major and minor in photography. Even though my father was confident in my ability to succeed, I was honestly terrified and unsure. Hell, I'm still terrified."

"Well, it's safe to say you're extremely talented, so don't worry."

"Thank you," she said and smiled bashfully. Our food arrived a few minutes later, I looked around to see the room filling with more patrons and thankfully we weren't disturbed throughout our meal. Over all, it was a good lunch filled with easy banter, but I knew the moment I gave the waitress my credit card our peaceful afternoon was over. I noticed the servers staring at us, to the point even Bella noticed.

"So you played here?" Bella asked to reclaim our sense of normalcy.

"Yeah," I said and pointed to the darkened stage. "It was just me and my guitar, or I would jam with the house band."

"I would have loved to have seen that," she said with a small smile.

"Me too," I murmured. "But performing in places like this helped me gain a nice reputation, which led to my first big tour."

"The Virgin Tour, right?" she asked. I smiled because she remembered. I returned to Forks after I finished my short stint with _Virgin Mega Store College Tour_. I played four shows and because I was one of three unsigned artists, record execs paid close attention to my performances.

"Yeah and the rest is history," I said smiling. "Now let's get out of here, there's some place I want to take you."

"Where?"

"You'll see," I said evasively. Since we'd been in the restaurant the temperature had gone down considerably and the sky started to darken. I lead Bella away from the restaurant, we walked a few blocks but I knew the subway was too far and quickly hailed a cab for our next destination. Twenty minutes later we pulled up the black and white store front, and I waited for Bella to read the sign.

I heard her suck in a breath.

"Serendipity?" she said in awe and looked at me. "Ohmigod!" she exclaimed and lunged herself into my arms. Before I knew it, her lips were on mine. I didn't care that people stared. My only focus was on Bella.

"Surprise," I said when she finally released me.

"Surprise is an understatement," she murmured into my neck and held me tight.

"Did you think I forgot the first movie we saw together?" I asked and kissed the top of her head.

When I first met Bella, we would often see each other at Jake's. One afternoon while he and Leah were otherwise occupied, she and I watched Serendipity staring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale. As the movie progressed we grew closer until she was snuggled under my arm. I remember smelling her hair often and her hand on my chest. I just knew I couldn't do my usual moves which would have ended in sex, instead I treated her with kids gloves.

There was a small crowd of people waiting as we made our way up to the hostess and found out even though we only wanted desserts there was an hour wait to be seated. If the restaurant had less people I would have been okay, but more people were entering and I was afraid of being recognized.

I discreetly placed a fifty dollar bill over the list of names. The host didn't blink and swiftly pocketed the money. "I can have a table for you in the corner in fifteen minutes," she murmured. "It's out of the way, wouldn't want you to be disturbed by fans."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," I said softly and made my way back to Bella who was sitting on a bench nearby. While we waited, Bella gained an admirer in the little boy sitting in the stroller on the other side of her. She played peek-a-boo with him and made him giggle. His mom stopped talking to her friends and watched Bella play with her son and all I could think about was the future. Bella would be a hands-on type of mother, like both of our mothers. I could easily envision her on the floor playing with our children.

A few minutes later, we were seated in a secluded area on the second floor. The table was so small our knees bumped. Since it was Bella's first time, I thought she should choose our dessert. I watched her bite her bottom lip as she read off the description of whatever concoction caught her eye. It took her a few minutes to put in her order for the 'Forbidden Broadway Sundae' which we planned to share since the desserts were made for two people or more.

The smile she flashed me was completely relaxed and shined of happiness. I couldn't help but to lean over and kiss her lips. "Love you," I whispered.

"Love you too," she whispered and crushed her mouth against mine. The only thing I was aware of was her soft lips and I momentarily forgot we were in public. It was when I felt her hands touch my cheeks that I reluctantly pulled away because I knew my beard was scratching her. "As much as I love this beard, it hurts," she said with a pout.

"Sorry babe, don't worry it's gone as of today."

"Thank god! I miss kissing you," she said with a grin and gave me one last kiss on the lips. With our fingers intertwined we took in the whimsical yet romantic décor. It was somewhat noisy with other patrons, but we didn't mind. When our dessert came out a few minutes later, I took a couple of pictures of Bella making funny faces with my iPhone and posted one on twitter. Bella's silly moments were few and far between so I tried to capture it as much as possible. "Babe if you don't start eating I will finish this on my own and fall into a sugar coma. And it will be your fault."

I chuckled. "Would you really eat all this by yourself?" I asked and she just nodded yes. "Babe, I thought you loved me."

She swallowed. "Oh, but I do love you, with all my heart, but I've given you ample opportunity to partake in this deliciousness. Is it my fault you're too slow?"

I chuckled and dug in.

**oOo**

I seriously hated shaving; I found it to be a nuisance. But as much as I loved the unintentional disguise, it was time to get rid of it. For the simple fact that last week, after a heavy make out session, she was left with beard burn on her cheek and neck. Thankfully, she pulled away before I left a mark during our Serendipity make-out session. Prior to that, we'd peck here and there but I needed to feel the touch of her lips on mine.

As I wiped the remaining shaving cream from my face, I heard Bella's digital camera go off. I turned to find her only wearing a pair of pink and white boy-shorts while taking photos of me.

I was instantly hard.

The continuous flash brought me out of my stupor. "You're really going to put that up on the website?"

She placed the camera on the end of the counter and stood behind me and pressed her breasts against my back. "Hell no, that's for my screen saver," she said in a low voice. "Only I get to see you with a hard on."

"So you saw that?"

"Honey, the blind could see you sporting wood," she said. She placed a kiss in the middle of my back while her fingers grazed my side and crept towards the front. I shuddered when she slipped her fingers in my boxers and caressed the length of my cock.

I clutched the sink as she stroked me. Only Bella's touch affected me so much I could barely hold on and it had nothing to do with the fact I hadn't had a release in weeks. _It was all Bella._ I turned and kissed her, our tongues whirling as though we couldn't get enough of each other, which we couldn't. Her tits grazed my chest and the urgency to go further was over powering.

She broke the kiss and before I could react I felt her lips wrap around my cock. "Baby, no!" I said, as I tried to move away.

"Yes!" she mumbled against me and continued to suck.

_Oh fuck I'm not going to make it! _

I looked down and her big brown eyes were staring at me as my cocked moved in and out her mouth. It was entirely too much, her tongue swirled on the tip of my cock and I could barely breathe.

Suddenly, her rhythm quickened, taking me all the way until I could feel my cock hit the back of her throat. I put my hands in her hair, holding her head in place and fucked her mouth. I heard her moan which seemed to make my cock vibrate, my hips moving with no accord of their own.

I needed to slow down but I couldn't stop, I was powerless. "Fuck, I'm coming!" I warned and released her so she could move. Instead Bella grabbed my hips, refusing to move and kept sucking. I was lost in her movements. I felt the familiar tightening and came in her mouth. I suddenly felt weak; with my eyes closed I leaned against the sink. I didn't even open my eyes when I felt Bella press her lips against my chest and I just stood there trying to catch my breath.

I hazily shook off my stupor and pulled up my boxer-briefs. I didn't have the balls to face Bella just yet but I could hear her brush her teeth. I took a shaky breath and turned, watching as she repaired her make-up. Finally I had the courage and met her gaze in the mirror. As I feared her lips were swollen.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly. I ignored her question and turned on the faucet to splashed cold water on my face. "Talk to me."

I took my time and dried off my face. "I hurt you," I said quietly.

She frowned and looked at her reflection. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Bella, your lips are swollen! It looks like I….like," I stammered.

Her mouth dropped. "Edward don't you ever compare yourself to him! Yeah my lips are swollen, it's no different than when we have a make out session."

"Your lip is twice its normal size!" I said harshly.

She rolled her eyes. "Do you not remember the make out session at San Diego zoo when you bit my lip? That was swollen, this is nothing. If anything I just look thoroughly kissed."

"I didn't bite your lip," I protested.

She shook her head and smiled. "Yeah ya' did, in front of the tiger exhibit and I had to use the ice from your drink to help with the swelling," she explained with a slight chuckle. Bella wrapped her arms around my waist and looked at me with a serious gaze. "Yeah, we got a little intense, but not once did I feel threatened or scared. I know you would never hurt me, not like – him. It's the opposite, I feel utterly treasured when I'm with you."

I gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you too," she said. "As much as I love rubbing my boobs against your chest, I'd rather meet your friends wearing real clothes and not just my underwear. So let's put some clothes and have some fun?"

All I could do was laugh as I gently slapped on her ass and went back into the room to find something to wear. As long as Bella was smiling I was ok.

* * *

**A/N: Ok...so...please let me know if it sucks monkey balls or ok...I can take it! LOL Thanks for reading! **


	23. Connecting Hearts

**_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT but I do have kick ass Hello Kitty tattoo! _**

**_Hey Party People:_**

**_I wanted to get this out before the Breaking Dawn Premiere...yes I'm camping out - Don't judge me! *grin* _**

**_I have to give a shout out to Fangmom who listen to me whine, Krysti who has patience of a saint and my co-worker Yvette who dealt with my constant IM's abount random crap. _**

**_Now, off to have some beer. _**

**_xoxo, _**

**_Tammy _**

* * *

_**Halo - Beyonce**_

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby, I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace  
You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby, I can feel your halo  
I pray it won't fade away  
I can feel your halo _

I watched Rosalie through my viewfinder, to most she looked calm and collected. But because I knew Rose, I could tell she was about to lose it. I looked over and saw Alice too saw she was on edge. "Ok, Rose a few more shots, ok?"

She barely nodded her head in acknowledgement, she moved the faux fur coat and angled her body to the side in order to display the garment and gave the camera a sultry smile. I heard a grunt from the back of the room and she froze.

I turned to see one of Gwen's new investors, Boris, practically leering at Rose; I swear if we were not here he'd be rubbing one off. I grabbed Gwen to speak with her privately in the other room. "Gwen if you want these pictures you have to get that guy out if here. He's making Rose uncomfortable and this would be a complete waste of time and money."

"I don't even know him but someone told me to approach him since he's looking to invest his money," Gwen admitted.

"Listen, I hate to put you in a bind and I don't want to over step my boundaries but if we don't get him out of here now, Rose will have a full fledge panic attack. Sorry, her mental state is more important," I said.

"No, Bella you're right. God, I'm so mortified right now! I promised Rose nothing like this would happen," she said remorsefully. "Okay just do what you can, focus on the garments Alice and I put together."

"Will do, please just get him out of here along with everyone else. Alice and I can handle the rest," I said.

We headed back to the studio we saw Alice stand protectively in front of Rose as the investor guy stood closer than when we left the room. "Okay there has been a change in plan, we only need Camille, to stay otherwise I have to ask everyone to leave," I called out. At first no one moved, a few people smirked and continued on with their conversation as though I hadn't spoken. "Okay that was me being polite, now I just need everyone to get out," I said loudly and started shooing people out. Gwen along with her business partner went to speak with Boris and eventually got him to leave the room.

"Thank you," Rose murmured once the room was cleared out.

"You're welcome I just want you to be okay," I said. "Here's the plan we have a few more swimsuits Gwen wants us to shoot for potential add campaign as well as a few dresses. Let's get through this as quickly as possible."

We had no choice but to move quickly cause Rose and Alice had band rehearsal for the show in a couple of days. Since our 'tourist' day Edward and I haven't had any time to ourselves, he's been preparing for the show not only with the band but he planned to perform with other people.

But busy is what I needed. I've texted and called Jenks so often she resorted to sending a strongly worded text not to bother her while she worked. In all honesty, I just wanted to help in the investigation.

I needed to know why parents had this jewelry box filled with enough jewels worth more than a small third world country. The bigger question is how they obtain this box, was it stolen? Was it given to them? And if so, by whom?

I tugged at the gold locket that held a photo of me and my parents, the one thing I couldn't leave in Seattle with the other items. It was like the missing link to my family. Even though I had Jake and was taken into the Cullen family, I needed that connection to people whose blood ran through my veins.

"Bella, we're ready," Alice said interrupting my mental list.

I grabbed my camera from the work station. "Great Ace, let's get this show on the road," I said.

**oOo**

We were able to photograph five different outfits within two hours. Between Alice and Camille the hair and makeup took less time than expected, the notes I took during my meetings with Gwen paid off because I felt as though I was able to capture the look and vibe she was going for.

"Bella are you sure you don't want to come to rehearsal with us?" Alice asked.

I shook my head. "No I need to go through the frames before I present to Gwen in the morning and then head over to assist Zach with the St. John photo shoot," I said distractedly.

Zach has been a godsend introducing me to his equipment suppliers, his favorite makeup artist and hairstylist, like Camille, so there was no way I was going to let him down tomorrow.

"I don't know Bellini, I think Edward will have an aneurism if we show up without you," Rose said.

I sighed. "He'll get over it," I muttered.

"Come on Bells you can just work while we rehearse," Alice interjected.

"I tried to get stuff down yesterday but only came out with a headache. Seriously you guys, go on, it shouldn't take me too long to finish up and I will meet up with everyone for dinner," I reasoned. "I'll even wear heels if that will make you happy." Ace and Rose remained silent but shared a look and I knew they spoke with Edward. "Ohmigod is this about what happened on the subway?"

"Bella you're not worried?"

I thought about my first day in New York when I thought I saw Laurent, he use to be a close friend of James but I hadn't seen him in about a year. I figured they met up in either Port Angeles or Seattle and quite honestly I didn't care. It was one less person I had to worry about. "No I'm not worried. This building has round the clock security and I plan to hop in cab once I leave here," I explained.

"The paparazzi have been lurking," Alice equipped.

I chuckled. "I'm not worried about that, once they see you two exit the building they'll follow you and leave me alone," I reminded them with a wink.

"Yeah that's what you said the day of the sentencing," Rose chirped as she put on her leather jacket.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the computer. "That was a different set of circumstances," I said drily. "Now please get out of here so I can work in peace."

"Fine, we're going but if Edward interrupts rehearsal cause he's texting you then you will have to pay for dinner," Alice said from the doorway. "And you better pray Edward stays focused."

"Yeah, why is that?"

"Because Emmett's back and he's always super hungry after a long flight," she said saucily and walked out the door. Emmett had been in Los Angeles since the day after Thanksgiving working on something outside the band but no one is sure what it is. Either way, it was hush-hush. I was too mentally exhausted to decipher his '_Don__'__t__worry__its__legal__and__clothing__is__optional!_' comment.

Once they were gone, I put on my Pandora station and random songs by The Yeah, Yeah, Yeah's, Pheonix 1901, Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Lady Gaga filled the room. As I stared at each photo, I knew immediately the first fifty were utter crap, Rose looked stiff and frightened. After an hour I touched up a total of ten photos but Gwen had so many she could choose from and my absolute favorites did not require any work at all.

I quickly packed up my gear, took a look around the room to make sure everything was in its place, and turned out the lights. When I stepped onto the elevator I chose the play list Edward artfully called 'Bella has PMS & moody List' which housed songs from Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus, Black Eyed Peas and Alanis Morissette.

I waved good night to the guard and started walking the three blocks toward the Duane Reed on 57th Avenue. Thanks to a stressful day and pms, I had a strong craving for peanut butter M&M's and a Mountain Dew and knew I there were plenty of cabs along that street.

The studio I worked in today was located in the Meat Packing District it was a nice mix of fashion houses like Diane von Furstenberg and St. John as well as studios photographers use.

Even though the sun had set hours ago, I did not feel unsafe walking down the street alone. I took a chance and sung out loud to Black Eye Peas 'I gotta feeling' and half way through the song when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stood and knew I was being watched.

It wasn't that feeling I get when there's paparazzi around. This was that weird unknown feeling. My stomach suddenly felt as though there was a brick weighing me down. Unfortunately, it was a familiar feeling I sometimes got when I lived in Forks and believed James was watching me to make sure I didn't go to the hospital or Jake's.

I quickly turned off my iPod but kept my ear bud in to give the illusion I was still listening to the music and picked up my pace. It didn't take long to hear the footfalls behind me, whoever this person was easily kept up with my stride, I feared if I tried to run they'd catch me.

Out of irrational fear I refused to look back, my goal was to get to the store where I'd be surrounded by people. With my goal insight I started to walk faster, a moment later I heard the footfalls speed up. When I was a block away I heard someone say "Excuse me, Miss?" I refused to slow down. When I reached 57th, I jay walked across the street and quickly went inside the Duane Reed. I stayed in aisles where there were two or more people.

And then I heard it again, "Excuse me, Miss?" I looked up to see a guy in his mid to late thirties with shaggy sandy blonde hair and his eyes reminded me of aged whiskey. _This__man__was__definitely__not__Laurent._ "Um, you dropped this," he said and held up my favorite multi-color gloves that Esme bought me while I was in Seattle.

I doubled checked my bag and sure enough my gloves were missing. "Oh, thank you!" I said.

"You're welcome, my daughter always losses hers," he explained. Even though he seemed okay something was off about the situation.

"Well thank you," I said and moved past him.

"You know this isn't a safe area to be walking alone in," he advised. "Especially, if you're unfamiliar with the area."

With much bravado, I smirked. "I can take care of myself," I said, brushed pass him and walked out the store. I hopped into the nearest cab, and felt instantly better knowing I was putting distance between me and the blond stranger. I suddenly felt my phone vibrate and noticed I missed a call from Edward and he was calling back.

With shaking hands I answered the phone. "Hi honey."

"Hi babe, are you still at the studio?" he asked.

"No, I'm on my way to the hotel."

"Ok good, we're almost done here so I'll meet you at the hotel and then we'll go to dinner."

"Sounds good see you there," I replied.

"Love you, see you in a bit."

"Love you too," I said and hung up the phone. I didn't want to get into this kind of discussion with Edward over the phone, but it was something I definitely could not hide from him.

My thoughts kept going back to the man in the store, especially his warning about it not being safe to walk the streets. How did he know I wasn't from New York? I didn't think I stood out that much and I know I've never seen him before he definitely wasn't an associate of James he never came to the house. I was so wrapped in my thoughts I didn't realize we arrived at the hotel until door man opened my door. I paid the driver and quickly went upstairs.

I suddenly felt tired and weighed down, as soon as I walked into the suite, I stripped down to my underwear, and went into the bathroom to run a bubble bath. Since I had a little time before Edward arrived, I decided a soak in the tub was definitely required. I went to the mini bar and found a bottle of Riesling chilling. Perfect!

I poured a small glass, knew it was a mistake but I guzzled a glass and then poured another. By the time I returned back to the bathroom the tub was filled. There was a small radio and I found a classical music station. It wasn't my usual forte but I needed something relaxing. I placed my phone a safe distance away yet reachable distance from the tub and immersed my body into the water.

Between the wine, music and warm water my eyes began to droop. _A__quick__nap__won__'__t__hurt._

"Babe," I heard Edward whisper. I opened my eyes and found Edward shirtless sitting on the edge of the tub. "Hey sleepy head."

"Hi," I said and leaned to give him a kiss. "How long have you been here?"

"Not too long, I found the open bottle and figured you were in the tub," he said. "Rough day?"

I sighed. "Overall it was ok, nothing too strenuous. A handsy investor but we took care of it," I said. I took a deep breath and knew this next part may set him off. "It was after that has me a little freaked out."

As predicted Edward was on alert, his entire body tensed up. "What happened?" he asked.

I watched as he paced the bathroom as I told him about how the street was pretty much deserted and noticed someone following me until I ran into the nearby store. "Dammit Bella I thought you were taking a cab! Why the hell were you walking down the street like that?" he asked. I could tell he was getting agitated.

"I wanted M&M's!" I fumed. It wasn't the best argument but it I was in dire need of chocolate and I he didn't seem to understand this desire.

He stared at me for a minute. "You wanted M&M's?" he asked calmly.

"Yes," I said with a sigh. "Babe, I have some serious PMS going on and needed chocolate."

He took a deep breathe and sighed. "You and your chocolate," he said with a chuckled and leaned over and kissed me on the lips. All traces of laughter left his face as he caressed my face. "You're sure this guy wasn't that Laurel guy?"

"Laurent," I corrected. "And I'm positive it wasn't him."

Edward nodded. "I guess it's a good thing Sam is coming tonight."

This was news to me. "Why is Sam coming?"

"Mike wanted more security since we're participating in the concert and hired him to come out early with his team," he explained. "And as more artists arrive the paparazzi have been around so people know where we're staying." _Oh__the__joys__of__dating__a__celebrity._ "Maybe we should hire him for you permanently."

I shook my head. "No Edward! Think about it, Emmett has been working with me with self-defense moves and boxing, I carry pepper spray and I promise you if its dark I will make sure a cab is nearby – pms'ing or not."

Edward smirked and then his face became very serious. "Please Bella, be more aware of your surroundings," he said quietly. "I constantly fight this irrational need to protect you from any and everything but I know that's not what you need. I know you need to find your own way, as cliché as it sounds, _spread__your__wings_. But… in order for me be rational when it comes to your safety, I need you to meet me half way."

Edward looked at me with pleading eyes but I knew he was right. I knew he could be overprotective but he's given me room to breathe. Even at my worst he constantly gave me the emotional support I needed and never ask for anything in return. "I promise," I said quietly.

"Thank you," he said and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Is there any room in there for me?"

"I think we can squeeze you in here."

I watched Edward as he took off his jeans, as much I loved looking at his abs there was something about his long legs I could not get enough of his thighs, they were lean yet muscular. Thanks to Emmett and his exercise regiment, which included squats he had a nice ass.

I scooted up so he could sit behind me and once he was settled I leaned against him. Edward wrapped his arms around me and we just enjoyed the moment of being together. We talked about our day; he said the rehearsals went smoothly now that Emmett had returned.

"In fact while he was in LA he figured out what was missing for the new song."

"Which song?" I asked because I knew Edward and Jasper wrote several songs during Thanksgiving but had yet to hear any of it the new music.

"Right now it's titled 'Weak' but Alice hates the title."

"Why?"

"She thinks the title is misleading because it's a song about people perceiving you to be weak when in actually you're stronger than you look," he said. "It's a song telling people like Jane and James that they can't push people around. Think on the lines of an anthem but louder."

We sat in silence as I digested his description of the new song, it reminded me of when we were in LA and he met Stacey for the first time. He was seeing the world differently and using his voice to be heard. "Lyrically, we all agreed but the sound was off, Emmett realized we needed more guitars," he said continued.

"You and Emmett aren't enough on the guitar?" I asked jokingly but I was still digesting his description of the new song.

Edward chuckled as well. "No, it needs to be loud, so Alice will have to brush up on her guitar playing as well as brining in a session player. But we have two days to get it right if we want to play it at the concert."

"Can you do that with no CD?"

"Yes, just means we have to get our asses in gear," he said softly. "And it means it will be the start of time apart." Just hearing his say those words, it felt as though someone was squeezing my heart and I was waiting for it to restart.

In theory, I was ready for us to occasionally have time apart but the reality is I was far from prepared. _I__just__got__him__back!_ "Hey, it's going to kill me when that time comes but we'll be ok."

I couldn't reply, I simply nodded my head and Edward held me tighter. I knew this pain was partly due to the fucking pms that plagued me but I knew when he left that crazy emptiness would engulf me but much worse than last time. "Don't mind me. Logically, I know I'm just being a girl. So, blame the pms," I said softly.

Edward remained silent then I felt him lean forward and kissed my shoulder, I had to turn slightly to get a good look at him. "It's not going to be like last time. When I left last time…I…it was as if I died. I went through the motions of the life I created but I didn't begin to live until I kissed you again. For the first time in years, I felt my heart pound in my chest," he said. "And let's face it I'm a greedy mutherfucker and I love this feeling. And I can only obtain this feeling with you. You make my heart race, Bella."

I left his words sink in and like a fucking girl I started to cry silent tears. I had no words because they were exactly how I felt. I turned until I straddled his lap and kissed him.

I realized something… sometimes words are not required.

**oOo**

The day before the show I was utterly drained. Both Zack and Gwen were demanding in their own way and when I was done with them I had to photograph the band during rehearsal and recording. A few months ago, when Alice said it was a lot of work, she didn't lie and I would never complain. I was just too damn happy to complain even though I was exhausted.

When I woke up I was surprised to see I slept well pass noon. The last thing I remembered was Edward kissing me good morning then heading to the shower. Today, I knew the first round of sound checking was taking place at Madison Square Garden after a few radio interviews.

I checked my phone and saw Edward sent a text about catching a late lunch. So, I reluctantly got out of bed and took a long hot shower. Took my time to blow dry my hair and even put on a little make-up. Once I was satisfied, I threw on a pair of jeans with a black lightweight v-neck sweater and flat black lace-up boots. I tensed up when I suddenly heard a noise from the other room, but instantly relaxed when I heard Edward humming.

"Hey Gorgeous," he said when he walked into the bedroom.

"Hi yourself," I said and stepped into his arms. And just like that all thoughts of exhaustion left my mind, even though we were completely alone we always create a little bubble. I groaned a little when Edward ended the kiss. "How did sound check go?"

Edward remained silent but I noticed his gaze on my lips. I slowly licked my bottom lip and I heard him groan then he crashed him mouth against mines once again and much to quickly the kiss was over. "Sound check went ok," Edward replied softly. "Are you ready?"

I nodded. "Yeah," I replied. Edward came behind me to help me into my red cashmere coat and I grabbed my Coach pouch.

It took less than five minutes to get to the lobby and that's when I began to hear the whispers. I looked around to see several people watch us as we walked through the lobby. My initial reaction would be to hide my face in Edward's side but if we're really going to build a future the stares came with the territory. Instead, I took a deep breathe, stood straighter and kept my gaze on the exit. But the stares in the lobby were just the beginning, by the time we were outside there were several photographers snapping to get a photo. Edward squeezed my hand then guided me to an awaiting cab. I didn't relax until the taxi pulled away from the hotel.

"Sorry about that," Edward said.

I shrugged. "It's no biggie, I'm actually getting used to it," I replied with a small grin. I don't think I will ever be totally comfortable with the paparazzi but I will endure. "Speaking of the paparazzi, where is Sam?"

"Told him to take the rest of the day off, tomorrow will be insane," Edward explained.

The taxi dropped us off in an older neighborhood not too far from our hotel. The Italian restaurant seems to be a staple in the neighborhood. I felt as though I was warped back into time somewhere in Sicily. The red and white checker tablecloths, with a single red carnation as a center piece gave the place an old school vibe. And the Italian opera blaring through the speakers made you forget you were in New York.

We fell into a silence as we looked over the menu. I nearly threw my hands up in frustration when I couldn't choose between the potato gnocchi and the seafood risotto. Edward suggested I order both so we could share because he too was having trouble deciding between the chicken calzone and the lasagna.

I went into complete mother hen mode when he told me about Seth's panic attack during sound check. "Edward, you can't keep that from me? I'm responsible for him."

"Babe, he's eighteen so that makes him an adult. And it was more like a freak out than a true panic attack. He simply realized he was playing at Madison Square Garden – it happens everyone who plays that stage," Edward replied nonchalantly.

Edward hired Seth as the session player for the new song after hearing him play at Thanksgiving. Both he and Jasper were impressed and knew they wanted to hire him for future projects or at least help him get work as a guitarist. As Jasper would say "His talent should be shared with the world."

"Eighteen or not, if something happens to him, Leah will be on my ass like white on rice," I stated.

Edward chuckled. "White on rice? Have you been chatting with Jenks?" he asked.

I grinned. "Sadly, no, she's out of the country. I actually heard it from Avery," I said and thought about my divorce attorney and his odd and sometimes inappropriate one-liners. "So you think Seth will be ok?"

"Seth is going to be fine, I promise."

I cocked an eyebrow. "He better," I said seriously. "Or you'll have to deal with Leah and let me tell you that's a scary bitch."

He sighed dramatically. "I forgot about her."

We looked at each other and started laughing because we both knew Leah would go ape shit if something happened to her brother. It was simply a pleasant afternoon considering we've been busy non-stop since we arrived in town and I was anxious for the concert to be over because that meant Edward and I would be alone.

After lunch we decided to walk around Central Park, it had been snowing the last few days but coming from Forks it was perfectly normal to walk around in weather like this. But I had to admit it was colder than what I was use to, even with the heavy cashmere coat and scarf I was still chilled to the bone.

We walked to a cobblestone bridge over looking a pond, I could not contain my smile when I saw the ducks. The melting snow on the leafless tree branches made this a picture perfect moment. "You know what's missing?" I asked.

He chuckled. "What's missing?" Edward asked.

"Bread to feed the ducks!"

He laughed as he came up behind me and gathered me in his arms. "Next time," he promised. I shivered when Edward's hands touched mine because we were both gloveless. And the cold temperatures made his calloused fingertips rougher than usual. I took both his hands in mine and tried to rub some warmth back into them.

I heard him chuckle in my ear. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to warm you up."

"Sweetie, that is not the way to warm me up?"

"I would love to warm you up the other way but you keep saying no," I retorted.

"Touché," he said with another chuckle. "But if you keep this up you will chafe my hand."

"Sorry, I don't keep lube on me," I said. "I'm usually always moist."

He groaned in my neck. "So wrong."

I just laughed and eased up on the rubbing, I just needed the skin on skin contact. When I looked down the _E+B_ tattoo was visible, my heart clutched just a little bit and then I was suddenly inspired.

"Edward," I murmured softly as the idea seemed to take over my brain.

"Yeah?"

I turned around so I was facing him. "If I say I wanted to do something out of the ordinary would you trust me?"

With no hesitation he replied, "I trust you." All I could do was smile and give him a quick kiss before I grabbed his hand to find the nearest cab.

Thirty minutes later we stared at the sign, both reluctant to move from where the cab dropped us off.

"So," he started, he frowned, shook he head as if to clear the cobwebs then looked at me. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, remember that day we had that talk in the tub?"

His frown deepened. "Yeah…"

I grabbed his hand. "I didn't come alive until you returned, finding the courage to leave was because of you and I want to… get that symbolized," said truthfully.

He looked at the sign on the door and then back at me. "With a tattoo?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then let's do it," he said as he held his hand out his hand and led us into the tattoo shop.

The shop was busy, as though instead of going to a bar after work people stopped in here instead. A burly guy with a lip piercing and tattoos on his hand and neck asked if we needed help.

"Yes, could we talk to an artist about getting a tattoo today?" Edward asked.

"Do you have a design in mind?" the burly man asked.

"Yes," I said. "Do you have a pen and paper?"

He nodded. "Of course. I'm Jonah, if you have any questions let me know," he said as he reached under the counter and brought out a sketch book and pencil for me.

"This is a spur of the moment idea so getting an artist today won't be a problem right?" I asked.

"No problem," he assured me.

"Thank you," I said. I took a deep breathe and started drawing. After a few tries, I finally got it just right and handed the book to Edward. I wasn't the best artist but this was simple yet significant. "What do you think?"

Edward looked at the drawing, his face reminded me of a blank canvas just completely void of any emotion. It wasn't until he took a deep breathe I saw his Adam's apple move. "I love it," he said quietly. "This sums it up perfectly."

We walked the book back up to the counter where Jonah was waiting. "Do you think you can tattoo this on my wrist?" I asked.

Jonah looked at my drawing. "Yeah shouldn't take no more than thirty minutes," he assured me.

"Actually, we both are getting the same design," Edward said suddenly. "Will that cause a problem?"

Jonah smiled and shook his head as he walked us over to a station in the back. Thankfully, no one paid attention to Edward as we took off out jackets and got settled. Jonah came because with a trace of my drawing and placed it on my wrist, after confirming everything was okay, he began to prep my arm.

A sudden buzzing noise brought me out if my stupor. I zoned out completely because one minute Jonah was shaving my wrist and now he held a tattoo gun in his hands. I flinched when the needled touched my skin. Admittedly, it hurt like a mutherfucker but James had broken this wrist twice before, so the needle was much easier to take than it breaking.

As predicted, Jonah was done thirty minutes later. He cleaned off the excess ink and there it was my first tattoo. A heart rate showing the beats then in the middle, a heart to signify our love and then it goes back into a heartbeat. Edward came over to examine the tattoo, he never formalized words. He simply nodded and kissed the top of my head.

_We were alive again._


	24. Cracked Armor

**A/N: **

**I do not own Twilight that glory belongs to her Royal Highness Stephenie Meyer (((sigh))) I love that woman! But ****I do own a photo with the one and only Stephenie Meyer! ;) **

_Hey Party People:_

_If you're still around I want to say – THANK YOU! I won't bore you with excuses but hope to update quicker. This is an Edward POV….so enjoy! _

_Xoxo,_

_Tammy _

* * *

_**Previously on Awakening:**_

_**Bella and Edward and the gang are in New York for a photoshoot with LAMB & Madison Square Garden performance. Meanwhile, Bella is enjoying her new found freedom and to celebrate she and Edward got matching tattoos. **_

_**Now a new episode of Awakening in progress...**_

Jonah wrapped my throbbing wrist in clear plastic. "Keep this on while you walk around the city; then when you get home run the warm water over it," he instructed both Bella and I. "And get some Neosporin, it'll help keep the infections at bay while it heals."

"I think I can handle that," I said. I wanted to ask how long the pain would last but I suddenly had an image of Emmett laughing at me. Instead I decided to send a text to Jasper later; he would refrain from making fun of me.

When it was time to pay, Bella grabbed my wallet and told me it was her gift and handed Jonah her cash.

"Why are you being so stubborn?" she asked.

"I'm not being stubborn," I mumbled. "I just think I should pay for….stuff."

She smirked. "So it this a male pride thing?"

I rolled my eyes. "I was brought up to take care of the woman you love. Despite my actions in the past; my parents instilled values in us," I said.

"So Esme never pays for anything?" she asked. I opened my mouth to reply and quickly closed it. I could not come up with a retort because my mother is incredibly independent. After college she started a hand-crafted furniture business which later lead to a very successful interior design business. "Yeah, I thought so. Now stop being overly macho and let me pay for this."

I heard Jonah chuckle. "Dude, don't fight it," he advised and handed Bella her change.

She shook her head. "Keep it," she replied and handed him more cash to add to his tip.

"Thank you very much. Please come back any time," he said graciously. "Remember keep the plastic on why you walk around the city, then when you get back to your hotel rinse your tattoo with warm water."

We thanked him once again and aimlessly walked around the city for a while. Before we went back to the hotel we stopped at Duane Reed, the local drug store for the items Jonah recommended. Of course Bella had to throw in her new late night favorite snacks: Peanut M&M's.

"Your sweet tooth has seriously increased recently," I chided.

"Tell me about it," she muttered. "I need to add an additional thirty minutes to my cardio."

I rolled my eyes because a few bags of candy definitely would not hurt her figure. Hell she could get up to two hundred pounds, I would still love her!

After we made our purchases, we headed back to the hotel. I was far from tired. If anything I was finally amped up; something I hadn't felt since we accepted the gig. Lately I'd been plagued with nothing but anxiety so badly I had to call my father for advice. He speculated that I associated my injury with performing. As the week wore on the pressure seemed to squeeze the life out of me. Thankfully, Bella was busy with work and whenever she asked if I was okay I blamed it on song issues. I broke down and had my father call an associate of his and prescribed me a very mild dosage of Xanax.

I planned to tell Bella about this ongoing issue during lunch and chickened out, then we went and got the tattoos and it didn't seem right to spoil the mood. Even now that we're back in the hotel room, plastic wrap removed from our wrists and freshly rinsed, I just watched her. She was relaxed and all smiles as her fingers flew over the screen of her iPhone. Since we arrived in New York, any tension seemed to have left her body. She looked like she was ready to embrace her new life and move onto the next adventure.

Bella looked up at that moment and caught me staring from the doorway. "Jake wants to see our tatts," she said, her smile contagious. I knew she had sent him text photos of me while Jonah worked on my tattoo.

I walked over and positioned our wrists side by side. "Hold still," I gently commanded as I tried to get a photo of our tattoo; and after three attempts, Bella was able to send Jake the text. Before she went back to her conversation, I stole a kiss.

It was supposed to be quick kiss but as her mouth opened and our tongues met there was no way I could let her go just yet. I heard a muted thud where her phone had fallen. When I felt her fingers in my hair, a frenzy began - a need to get closer. There are no words; something about her fingers in my hair drives me insane. I grabbed her until she was straddling my lap. My hands inched up under her sweater, and just as I reached her bra, the phone rang.

We stopped and stared at each other for a moment. "Ignore it," I muttered and kissed her again. But whoever was calling was persistent. With a heavy sigh, I released her to grab my phone from the coffee table. My stomach dropped when I saw two missed calls from Aro. _Fuck!_

Before I could hit redial the phone rang and I answered immediately. "Hey Aro," Bella looked up from her phone when she heard the name.

"I heard you chartered a plane with Talon Air to Paris," he said in a no nonsense voice.

"Um, yeah," I said, confused. "How did you know?" I hadn't told Bella, but I chartered a plane to Paris that was scheduled to leave the afternoon after the performance. Bella was under the impression we would stay another day and then decide where to go.

"Because something didn't check out," he replied.

I frowned. "What do you mean? I've used this company before."

"Yes, and they always double check passports to make sure there would be no issues as you usually request. And we have a red flag." When I first went to the UK a roadie was detained at the airport due to his passport being suspended for not paying child support. He figured he already had a passport and he couldn't be stopped; apparently he didn't know the California State DA office planned ahead and had him detained.

"How?" I asked still confused. "It's only me and Bella."

"Yeah I know," he muttered. "One thing we never looked into was her passport because she already had one and never used it. But when you had the charter do the check, they found out she was red flagged."

"What the fuck? How?" I roared.

"Edward what's wrong?" Bella asked worriedly.

"Aro, let me put you on speaker," I said. While I changed the settings on my phone I quickly explained the passport situation to Bella. "Okay Bella is here with me and I just got her up to speed on the situation. Now how did this happen?"

"James had Victoria place it on her passport in case she tried to leave the country. The only thing TSA would see is that she is wanted for questioning in an investigation; they would hold her until someone from Forks came for her," he explained.

"What investigation?" Bella asked confusedly.

"A man named Brady Collins, someone Victoria put behind bars, is suing the state; and since he's claimed he was framed from the time he was arrested they're actually listening," he went on to explain. "Bella does that name sound familiar to you?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "He once gave me ride to the hospital and was vocal about me getting help. But he moved not too long after that so I never heard from him again."

Aro sighed heavily. "Dammit, they were making sure you had no contact with him."

"Other than Jake and Carlisle, I didn't associate with too many people. I even stopped talking to people on the reservation."

_I should have killed James when I had the chance._"If Bella wasn't apart of the original investigation, why is she listed now?" I asked. I didn't realize I'd pinched the bridge of my nose until I felt Bella gently brush my hands away from my face. Her look of worry made me refocus my priorities. I took a deep breath and continued to listen.

"When the case was reopened old flags went out; it's actually common practice, but the odd part is, no one ever spoke to her. The downside for us is the fact that Collins has new counsel and they may call her in because she's listed, and was never interviewed," Aro continued on. "Thankfully, Caius is keeping me in the loop."

"Can't we just have it removed?" I asked like a bratty child.

"Not at this time."

"Aro does this affect me flying domestically as well?" Bella asked. _FUCK! _I hadn't thought of that. "Or will I have to go straight back to Washington?"

Shit! The family meets in Hawaii for Christmas.

Aro was quiet for a moment. "As long as you use the driver's license you obtained in California. This mess is under your married name," Aro said. During our time in Los Angeles, Bella had started the process of becoming a resident of California; which meant a new driver's license under her maiden name. She had used Mike's address as her mailing address until we could find a house.

"So this is under the name Ramsey?" I asked.

"Yes, the BOL is listed as Isabella Ramsey," Aro said distractedly. "Bella I don't want you stuck in Washington while the family is in Hawaii."

"I'll be with her," I interrupted.

"No, Edward you can't miss that time with your family," Bella countered.

"Oh please, I see those fuckers all the time. You're more important!" I practically shouted back.

"Are you two done or should this 'fucker' as my nephew has eloquently stated remain quiet?" Aro asked mockingly.

"Sorry," Bella and I said at the same time.

"You're my favorite Uncle Fucker," I said lamely.

I heard Aro sigh over the phone. "As I was saying, I don't want Bella stuck in Washington. After your show, go straight to Hawaii. Jenks is refueling at JFK tomorrow morning, so going straight to Hawaii after the show should work out just fine," he said.

"What about Jenks?" I asked.

"I don't think first class on a commercial airline will kill her," Aro said dryly.

"Where is she going next? Bella asked curiously.

"I think Chicago," he replied.

"I'll take care of any additional expenses she'll occur for this flight change," I interjected.

"Not necessary, Son," he replied. "I have to go and send a message to Jenks and the pilot about the flight change."

"Again, Thank you Aro."

"Anytime." He hung up the phone before we could say more. Bella and I sat motionless as Aro's words sunk in.

"Fuck, I need a cigarette," I muttered and grabbed my cigarettes on the coffee table and went onto the balcony for a smoke. The cold air hit me but did nothing for the rage that flowed through my body, the feeling was overwhelming. Instead of lighting a cigarette as planned my body felt as though it was choking with fury. I took a deep breath and counted to ten just as I did with Bella when she was upset.

Normally, I wouldn't try to understand James or his reasons to hold onto Bella, but if you hate someone, why would you try to keep them close? That would be like keeping crazy ass Tanya around when I knew I couldn't stand her. If Bella ran why make her return? James' words would forever haunt me – _"She's dead Cullen! I can't wait until she takes her dying breath; in fact I'll videotape it for you!"_I shuddered when I relived that moment in the courtroom; what does he gain from her death? Other than pleasure, what? I could practically see him taking pleasure in hurting her.

Suddenly my stomach rolled and I could feel the bile rise, I knew I wouldn't make it to the bathroom so I vomited into the plant on the balcony. Fuck! I suddenly felt something cold touch my forehead, I looked over to see Bella crouched next to me with a wash cloth.

I felt like a fucking pansy. Weak.

I can usually handle this James shit but with the show and now the latest from your friendly neighborhood in Forks, I was slowly losing it – in front of Bella. "Come on let's get you cleaned up," she murmured.

I got up too swiftly which caused the room to spin, once I caught my bearings I walked into the bathroom. I took off my shirt, went straight for the mouthwash, and then proceeded to brush my teeth. Just to ensure that vomit smell was gone I washed my face. As I dried I looked into the mirror and to my horror I realized Bella found my prescription of Xanax. "I-I can explain!" I stuttered and grabbed the bottle from her hands.

"What am I supposed to think they are?" she asked. "Because we both know it's not vitamins. Why are you taking Xanax?"

I sighed and muttered a few curses under my breathe. "During the trial I had a few minor panic attacks; but now that we've been prepping for the concert, I've been having them more and more."

She just stared at me. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I was trying to get it under control. My dad thinks it's because my brain is associating my last show with being injured and my body isn't handling it very well."

I saw the tears well up in her eyes. "This is my fault," she whispered.

"My God! No Bella! This isn't your fault!" I yelled.

"If you're panicking about going on stage and being injured it's because you were protecting me – so yes this is my fault!" she fired back.

I shook my head. "No Bella, we've been over this; if we're to blame anyone it's James, Jane and that fucking pussy Alec! And for good measure, Ms. Cokehead herself – Victoria!" I shouted. "And here's the thing Bella, I would do it all over again. I don't give a fuck if I have a few panic attacks; as long as I know you're safe, I'll deal."

She didn't respond to my words she just turned towards the sink and filled the glass housekeeping left on the counter. She then took the bottle and shook out a pill, easily broke it in half. Her movements were efficient but mechanical. "Take half otherwise tomorrow you will be sluggish and that's the last thing you need," she said.

"I've taken it before," I mumbled as I took the pill.

"Yes but you probably slept it off the next day," she said dryly and after a moment her eyes grew wide. "But this explains why you were knocked out by nine o'clock the other night."

_Guilty. _

"I'm sorry."

She sighed. "Oddly enough, I understand why you didn't say anything, and deep down I know you're trying to protect me," she said thoughtfully, leading me back to the bedroom. "But I'm a big girl and I can handle it. So Paris, huh?"

It took me a moment to realize she abruptly changed the subject. "Yeah, I knew you'd always wanted to go and wanted to surprise you," I said sheepishly.

She sighed and crawled to the middle of the bed, unknowingly she had me mesmerized with her ass, I watched her until she was settled into the bed. "Yeah, since I was a kid. My mom…," her voice cracked. "My mom said she wanted to take me for my sixteenth birthday….wow….I haven't thought about that plan in years. Am I a geek if I just want to hang out at the museums everyday when I'm there?"

"No! Only a woman who appreciates art like I do could own my heart," I said. "When I'm able to escape the crowds I love to hit the galleries and museums."

I had a love/hate relationship with Paris; it's a beautiful city that awakened my artistic side. And as much as I loved the art, I hated the romantic setting, especially since I was alone. Jasper was usually with Alice, Rose and Emmett always paired up even when they were on a break, they were drawn together. I resorted in inviting Jake and Leah hoping they would want to hang out but they ended up getting engaged. "So….you and I have a future date in Paris?"

"Damn straight we do," Bella replied with a mischievous grin.

I groaned when I realized I had to cancel all the plans I made. "Shit I need to contact Sandra so she can start canceling our Paris reservations," I explained.

After I spoke with Mike's assistant who said she'd take care of the cancellations, she also offered to personally contact the caretakers of the house in Hawaii to make sure everything was in order for our arrival in Oahu.

When I ended the call, I realized that heavy feeling I felt earlier was gone because I felt more relaxed and knew the medication was working. Bella had left the room while I was on the phone. Instead of finding her I laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

**oOo**

I awoke when the bed suddenly started shaking; I jumped up thinking it was in earthquake; then I remembered I was in New York. I looked over to see Emmett silently chuckling at my reaction to the bed shaking. Even though I've been through several small quakes when in California, it isn't a feeling one could get used to.

"That's mature," I grumbled as I got back into bed and threw the pillow over my head.

"I'm sorry but you wouldn't wake up when I tried calling your name," Emmett said as he lifted the pillow from my head. "Come on get dressed, we're all having dinner down stairs."

I shook my head. "Em, I'm really not in the mood to get drunk tonight." Since I've been taking the Xanax I've cut down on my drinking. My dad would have my ass if I mixed the alcohol when on medication.

"I swear it will be a mellow night, trust me. We all want to be rested and prepared for tomorrow night. Listen, we're not even leaving the hotel. I made the reservation for us at the restaurant down stairs and the staff promised no one will bother us," Emmett cajoled. "Besides, it's more a celebration than anything else."

Not going outside had a certain appeal, but I would never tell my brother that; at least not right away. "And what are we celebrating?"

"Well your new girlie tattoo for one thing. Seriously, a heart?" he asked distractedly.

"Fuck you! At least I don't have a rose on my hip like someone in this room!" I reminded him. A week after his breakup with Rose, he missed a touchdown which caused the Seattle Seahawks to lose the game that week; and after a night of drinking, his teammates convinced him to get a tattoo.

"Hey, I wear that tatt very well, thank you very much," he said with an unabashed smile. "Okay in all seriousness, tonight is different."

"Different how?"

"I got the part," he said quietly.

"What part?" I asked. I knew when Emmett went to Los Angeles alone after the holidays he was doing some auditioning for film work. He caught the acting bug after we guest starred on a sitcom a few years ago. Out of all of us, he was the most at ease in front of the camera. After that, he would get small roles in Indie films; usually the funny sidekick friend role. As long as it didn't interfere with touring, I encouraged it.

"Not my usual role," he said quietly suddenly looking bashful.

I frowned and sat up against the headboard. "Okay what kind of role?" I asked warily.

"It's the lead."

"Wow, Emmett that's great! Is this for the reboot of American Pie movie you were telling me about?"

He shook his head. "No, he's a well-known actor and it's his directorial debut," he explained.

"Who's directing?" I asked curiously.

"Leonardo DiCaprio."

I sat there stunned. "You're shitting me, right?"

Emmett's cheeks turned red. "No, I'm serious; he called and confirmed less than an hour ago. Hell, I haven't even told Rose yet," he explained. He went on to tell me it was a serious drama about an American soldier adapting to life after several tours in the Iraq war. I was stunned, but at the same time I could see Emmett in the role. There are many sides to my brother and I have complete faith in him, I know he will be amazing.

"You're right we do need to celebrate!" I said excitedly. "Let me take a quick shower."

I was in and out of the shower in less than twenty minutes. I threw on a pair of jeans, a grey long sleeve button down and my favorite high top Converse. I went back to the bathroom to do something to my hair; my fingers grazed the raised scar I had in the back of my head. My hair was long enough to cover it; just touching it reminded me of that night and I could feel the anxiety return.

I took a few deep calming breaths to regain control. I knew I could easily get caught up in the brooding over the situation in Washington, but I knew I could not allow it to control my relationship with Bella. I had to remind myself to man up and not let it get to me, but sometimes I simply could not get past shit. I wanted our lives to really start, even though there was always some hurdle; I refused to be that guy I was before I was before.

I was so lost in thought I didn't see Emmett leaning against the sink as he read the label on my bottle of Xanax. I held my breath as I waited for him to say something, but he remained quiet and then opened the bottle and counted the pills.

"Bella told me about the conversation with Aro," he said when he finally spoke and continued to count.

"Everything is a little fucked up, but it'll work out." It has to workout, we can't live our lives like this forever.

"Why is there a half a pill?" he asked suddenly.

I cleared my throat. "Bella suggested that so I won't be sluggish tomorrow."

"Good idea," he said quietly. "You know you could have come to me, I have them for Alice."

I sighed. "I know but I just wanted to handle it on my own. You know I don't usually have stage fright; honestly performing doesn't scare me, but I had this overwhelming fear and I don't know why…why…" I trailed off.

"You're afraid when the performance is over you have to fight for your life again," he said in a serious tone. "Sadly, we're all aware of this feeling."

I frowned. "You're aware? How?"

"Think about it, we can do this type of performance in our sleep. Hell, you've done it drunk and stoned, but you insisted on the crazy practice sessions. Considering we constantly have jam sessions at home there was no need for it. Even Jasper has been freaking out over things; making sure everything is absolutely perfect, and when Rose and Alice no longer had to worry about the shoot, they too worried about the performance. We're all on edge, we're all scared; so when you had extra security added we didn't say 'Edward you're going overboard!' because it eased our fears that something could happen."

My heart dropped. "I didn't realize you all felt like that."

Emmett went silent again and was lost in his own thoughts. "You know after I fucked up my knee and went into an… emotional tailspin, you didn't give me any platitudes like 'It's okay, it's not the end of the world.' when it technically was the end of _my world_. Instead, you told me to man up and deal with it. When you offered me the position as the lead guitarist, I knew you did it as your way to help as I figured things out," he said.

"That's bullshit, you're way better than you give yourself credit for," I muttered.

"I admit I've gotten better, but when you hired me I was barely above average... but that's not the point I'm trying to make," he said distractedly. "When shit hit the fan you saved my ass – bottom line. I had no football career; something I've wanted since the kids in Port Angeles Prep called me _Tubba Wubba_. I was in the darkest place because my real dream died before my eyes, and doctors were telling me I was lucky I could even walk and I just wanted to die."

"You would have gotten better without me," I said suddenly uncomfortable. I hated to think about Emmett at that time, he was angry at everyone, not even my parents could get through to him.

He shook his head. "No I don't think so," he said softly. "But not just me, there's Ace, Jasper and Rose; believe it or not, in some weird way, you helped us all. And how do I repay you?"

"By playing really well?" I asked questionably.

He shook his head. "No, when the shit the fan for you, I dropped the ball – again."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"When we arrived I saw Dad was trying to revive Bella in the yard; I looked around for you and I saw you take James down who was jogging back towards us. Hell, I was mentally cheering your fighting skills. I took my eyes off of you for five seconds, I swear only five seconds,and when I looked up again you were falling down," he explained, but when he looked at me I could see his eyes were glazed with unshed tears. "If I had kept my eye on you, Alec wouldn't have used your head for batting practice. I fucked up Edward. When I should have been there to help you, I wasn't. And I will never forgive myself for that."

Emmett and I had never talked about that night. I never dreamt he felt guilty about something he had no control over. "Em, you couldn't have known what the fucker was up to," I said. "If you and Dad hadn't taught me to fight, I wouldn't have been able to fight James. You're the best brother a guy could ever have. I never once thought you let me down – _not once. _Please believe me when I say you didn't let me down, I swear."

I saw the tears roll down his cheeks as he simply nodded.

"Listen, let's go celebrate your new accomplishment," I said encouragingly. "I'm sorry I stressed you all out over my weird fears. I honestly was trying to hide and not burden anyone. They're irrational, I know. So, let's go celebrate your new venture and our show tomorrow night."

I pulled my brother into a tight hug and walked out of the bathroom and gave him a moment to collect himself. By the time I put on my black blazer, Emmett re-emerged from the bathroom looking refreshed as if the stress of our conversation didn't seem to weigh him down. I grabbed my wallet, phone, room card and we made our way to the elevator. Emmett told me to hold off telling everyone about the movie until Mike arrived. I just nodded in agreement. Mike was the one who talked the casting director into seeing Emmett, so it was only natural to celebrate with him.

Everyone was talking amongst themselves when Emmett and I arrived to the table. I took the empty chair next to Bella. She reached over and gently squeezed my hand.

I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and then whispered in her ear, "Sorry I worried you, I'm okay."

"You always tell me not to bottle things up, so start practicing what you preach," she said with a sassie grin.

"Touché," I murmured and gave her another kiss. A moment later I see Mike is shaking hands with Emmett and he begins to greet everyone at the table, when suddenly a feminine hand covered Bella's eyes.

"Guess who?" she asked in a sing song voice.

"Jessica?" Bella replied and I looked over my shoulder to see Jessica made a surprise visit. Bella jumped out of her seat and gave Jess a big hug. This was the first time they had seen each other since we were in Los Angeles. Despite the distance, they had remained close; a friendship that had flourished during the trial. "Ohmigod, what are you doing here? I thought you were still filming!"

"We wrapped up early, which allowed me to clear up some stuff and come for the show," she explained. "Plus, I wanted to be here to support Emmett."

Bella frowned. "What are you supporting Emmett on?"

Jessica looked to where Emmett and Mike were speaking and then back at Bella. "He hasn't told you guys?" she asked.

"Told us what?" Bella asked worriedly.

"Bella, it's not what you think and Emmett will explain in a moment," I intervened.

"You know what this is about?" Bella asked.

"Yes, I just found out a moment ago."

"What's going on?" Bella asked curiously.

I shook my head. "No, this is Em's deal, you have to wait for him," I said and quickly turned to Jess. "And please don't say anything to the girls because I don't think they know either."

"Okay, my lips are sealed," Jessica said and went on to say hello to everyone.

"Fine! But you owe me cookies for this!" Bella said as she took her seat.

I threw my arms around her shoulders and brought her closer to me. "Trust me when I say you're going to want to wait for Emmett and his big reveal."

"Fine, but you still owe me."

"Why do I have the feeling you just want cookies?" I murmured in her ear.

"I want something else but the cookies will do," she retorted with an arched eyebrow. My eyes went directly to her lips, soft and pink just thinking about the color pink made my dick twitch in the worst way. I had to start counting to one hundred in order to regain control because lately I've wanted nothing more than to throw her on the table and fuck her until she forgot her name.

The rest of dinner was filled with our usual banter and plenty of laughs; especially from Jessica , who was sharing what had been going on behind the scene on the set of her last movie with George Clooney. I was feeling good and I knew it had nothing to do with the Xanax. I was with my family and most trusted friends; most of all, I was with my girl.

We were waiting for dessert when three bottles of Dom Pérignon arrived at the table. After everyone was served a glass, Emmett stood up,"I know you're all wondering why I begged you all out for dinner tonight, especially to a classy place like this," he said and gestured around the room. "After the holidays I went to Los Angeles, and it was not just to surf like I told you all; it was to audition for a movie role."

Alice frowned. "Em, you were auditioning when we were in LA last time, what's so special about this one?"

"Before the trial I had an audition and bombed," Emmett started to explain.

"And they called you back?" Jasper asked.

Emmett laughed. "Yes, but not for the role I originally wanted; in fact, it's the lead for a serious drama."

The table exploded with questions, he went on the explain the promise of the film, his new diet regimen, etc. But when he told them that Leonardo DiCaprio was the director, all the girls had this dreamy look on their faces.

"And I get to be there," Jessica said with a sly grin.

"What?" Jasper asked.

Emmett and Jessica grinned at each other. "Jessica will play my love interest," he replied.

"Ohmigod!" Bella screeched.

I stood up with my glass. "Let's raise our glasses to Em and Jessica; I can't begin to say how happy I am for you both and I know you're going to kick some ass on this project," I said. "Cheers!"

As the night went on, other performers came into the restaurant for dinner. People would stop by and say hello. Some I had seen all week, others had just arrived earlier today. Emmett and Mike decided it was a good time to make the social rounds. I decided to settle the tab even though Emmett arranged the dinner. There was no way he was going to pay for his celebratory evening. When I saw Jasper and Alice sneak off a few minutes earlier, I knew it was safe for me to make an escape. After a quick search, I found Bella at the bar talking with Jessica and Rose.

I slipped into the barstool next to Bella, she smiled when she saw me, but it was her '_I'm drunk'_smile. "Having fun?" I asked.

"Yes!" she exclaimed way too loudly and threw her arms around me. "I was just showing the girls our new tattoos!"

"Oh really," I said as I tried to keep her steady.

"Let us see," Rose said reaching for my arm. Both Jessica and Rose gushed when we did a side by side.

"I love it," Jessica remarked. "I think it's great you two have bonded like that."

"Thanks," I said, I could feel a blush coming on. "I better get her upstairs."

Mike and Emmett had just returned as I was saying my goodbyes when I heard Bella gasp, then grab my arm tightly. We turned to see her staring at the entrance of the bar. "Edward, I think I've had too much to drink. Do you see a tall black man with dreads behind that woman?" she frantically asked in my ear.

I looked at the entrance again and saw Katy Perry and her fiance Russell Brand, followed by one of my ex-lovers, Rhianna, walk through the door. For once, it wasn't Rhi's long legs that held my attention, I was focused on the man behind her instead. "Yes," I answered. "Who is he?"

"Laurent."

* * *

**AN: **

**So if you feel so incline….please, don't forget to leave a review….if not…then no cookies for you! ;) **

**As you know I read more than I write and enjoying this new WIP 'A Little Magic' by GeekChic12, please check it out! **

**Catch me on twitter bbwraven please say hello! I'm friendly….99% of the time!**


	25. Enlightenment

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight but it owns me...most days.

Hey Party People,

Again sorry for the delay! I won't bore you with excuses but I hope people are still around….

(((crickets)))

Yeah okay, I understand, I would have bailed too.

But for those of you who stuck around I want to say THANK YOU!

And I want to give a big shout out to Yvette & Krysti for dealing with my wishy washy ass. Also, I wrote an Awakening Outtake for the **Fandom4Twifang** compilation and will be posting in November.

That's all for now….

_Last time on Awakening..._

_Mike and Emmett had just returned as I was saying my goodbyes when I heard Bella gasp, then grab my arm tightly. We turned to see her staring at the entrance of the bar. "Edward, I think I've had too much to drink. Do you see a tall black man with dreads behind that woman?" she frantically asked in my ear._

_I looked at the entrance again and saw Katy Perry and her fiance Russell Brand, followed by one of my ex-lovers, Rhianna, walk through the door. For once, it wasn't Rhi's long legs that held my attention, I was focused on the man behind her instead. "Yes," I answered. "Who is he?"_

_"Laurent."_

* * *

**Epov**

I looked at the entrance again and saw Katy Perry and her fiancé Russell Brand, followed by one of my ex-lovers, Rhianna, walk through the door. For once, it wasn't her long legs that held my attention; but, the man behind her did. "Yes," I answered. "Who is he?"

"Laurent."

Fuck! When we first arrived in New York, Bella thought she saw him on the train but hadn't seen him since. "Mike, Emmett... I think we have trouble," I said and nodded towards Laurent. I quickly explained who he was, yet not sure why he was here.

I started to walk past Rhianna when she grabbed my arm. "Hey, you're not even going to say hello? What the fuck?" she asked jokingly. She and I were never exclusive, we scratched an itch from time to time.

"Sorry, I need to talk to someone," I said my gaze on Laurent.

"You know Laurent?" she asked.

I looked at her to see her gaze was focused on Laurent as well. "No, not officially. You know him?"

"I couldn't sit at home and wait for you," she said as she batted her lashes seductively, but I refused to take the bait. "I'm just kidding you know. My old body guard got a better deal protecting the Jolie-Pitt crew, so Russell recommended him. This week is basically a consulting gig to see if I want to add him to my security detail on a permanent basis."

Before I could respond I saw Bella stumble towards Laurent. "Bella," I called out but she ignored me.

"So I wasn't hallucinating, you are here in New York," Bella said shakily.

"Guilty," he replied with a sarcastic smile. "Unlike you, I'm here on business."

Bella scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Business?" she asked with a slightly slurred voice. "Does this business include reporting my whereabouts back to Jane?"

Laurent chuckled. "If Jane is still keeping tabs on you, I can guarantee the information isn't coming from me," he replied.

Bella put her hands on her hips and swayed a little. "Oh really?" she asked skeptically. "So it wasn't your guys who followed me the other night."

Laurent frowned. "No, my men and I have been busy with adjusting to my client's schedule," he said. "I admit I followed you on the subway because I was shocked to see you in New York. But I didn't follow you after you got off at Battery Park."

Bella shook her head as she took deep breathes; I didn't have to be next her to know she was beyond frustration, it oozed from her body. She anxiously ran her fingers through her hair; then she looked up at Laurent. I only saw the years of pain, frustration and anger in her eyes. "She's about to blow," Emmett said from behind me, and that's when I noticed her balling her right fist; without another word to Rhianna, I made my way over to Bella and Laurent.

"Liar," Bella yelled and pushed an off guard Laurent with all her strength. Everyone in the room turned to look at her and Laurent. "You're a fucking liar! You tell them to leave me the fuck alone! And if they don't stop, so help me God, I will sue them for harassment."

By the time we reached Bella, Laurent's men surrounded her as though they were going to pounce. I wedged my way between the guys who stood over her, but Bella was oblivious to them since her focus was on Laurent. "Back the fuck up," I snarled. It didn't matter that he was closer to six foot five and outweighed me by twenty pounds of muscle. But there was no way I was going to allow him to push Bella around.

"What are you going to do?" the guy yelled in my face and then pushed me.

I pushed him back. "Touchez-la et je vais vous foutre en l'air si mal votre propre mère ne sera pas en mesure d'identifier votre corps," I said in a low voice. The guy eye-balled me, but I wasn't intimidated. "Try me, I have nothing to lose."

My gaze never wavered; not even when I heard Emmett and the other guy yelling at each other in French. To those watching it may seem as though Emmett was going to lose his cool soon, but I wasn't worried about him because I knew he could handle himself.

My main concern was an irate Bella who seemed determined to get to Laurent. "Bella, come on honey let's go" Rose said coming to my rescue and tried to coax Bella away.

"No, Rose! I have to make them stop!" Bella screeched. I knew it was partially the alcohol, but it was also years of built up frustration.

"Gérard! Léon! Statif vers le bas! Elle n'est pas une menace!" Laurent yelled and his men reluctantly backed down.

"I know sweetie and we will. But right now let's get you upstairs," Rose said firmly and from the corner of my eye I could see her lead Bella away.

"I apologize for the behavior of my men."

"I don't know what game you're playing, but leave us the fuck alone. Like Bella said, if this keeps up we will sue you for harassment," I said, my gaze never wavering. He gave me a slight nod and I walked away. Emmett and I found Rose, along with Jess sitting on over-sized chairs in the corner of the lobby with a distressed Bella. Jess noticed me first and gave a small wave; Bella looked up, jumped up and ran into my arms.

"Hey," I said softly in her hair.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," she mumbled into my chest and held me tighter.

"You're just stressed out," I reasoned. "Come on, let's get you to bed." I thought about what transpired the last ten minutes and wondered how we could have gone from having a great time to dealing with this Ramsey shit - again.

We were waiting at the elevator bank when Laurent approached us. "What do you want?" Emmett barked. "You guys can't take the fucking hint? Leave her alone." At this point, if my brother unleashes his anger; I don't think I had the strength to stop him.

Laurent held up his hands defensively. "I just want to talk," he said. "Please, Izzy."

Bella stiffened at the nickname, stepped out of my arms and faced Laurent. "Fine but don't…don't call me that name," Bella said as she stumbled over her words. During the trial Bella explained how she hated being called 'Izzy' and how it made her skin crawl; because that's what the Ramsey's called her. "Isabella is fine."

"Thank you Isabella. I know you have no reason to believe me, but please believe me when I say I'm not in contact with James or Jane," Laurent said. "I know it was wrong of me to follow you on the subway, but I just wanted to see if you were alright."

Bella eyed him skeptically and then nodded. "Okay, fine, I'll let the subway go, but what about when I was in Los Angeles?" she asked. "Was that you?"

Laurent had the audacity to look sheepish. "Yes, I was keeping tabs on you while you were in Los Angeles," he admitted.

Bella's shoulders sagged. "Why?"

Laurent sighed. "Money. Basically, I fucked up my reputation and my business in Chicago," he started to explain. Chicago? "I was desperate for cash. And with the amount of money Jane threw at me; it was enough to start over here in New York, but I told her it was the last time and not to contact me again."

"Great, so she's sending someone else to watch me," Bella said in a frustrated voice.

"It looks that way," Laurent said distractedly, his gaze focused on her chest. Before I could say something he reached for Bella's locket and inspected it. "This is….a beautiful piece of jewelry."

Bella frowned. "Um, thanks," she said irritability.

Laurent simply nodded, then smiled and said, "Isabella, it doesn't matter who Jane sends to watch you."

Bella and I shared a look. "And why is that?" she asked tiredly.

"You did the one thing she tried to prevent…. you set yourself free," he said cryptically.

"I don't understand," Bella murmured tiredly.

"Despite all my wrong doing, I had one goal."

"A goal?" Bella asked sarcastically. "Let's see, was it to see if I would have a broken limb or just good old fashion bruising. Or was there a bet to see if I would die in my sleep from internal bleeding? Please enlighten me on this precious goal."

Laurent looked pained from her questions.

"Answer her," Emmett said.

"Isabella, believe it or not, my goal was to keep you alive. James wanted you dead, and at one point he and Jane had a plan to make it look like an accident. When Victoria caught wind of their plan, she called me immediately. You don't understand how hard we worked to make them change their minds."

"Yeah, James has made it perfectly clear that he wanted me dead; tell me something I don't know," Bella replied sarcastically. "Why did you even try?"

"Cause I felt responsible," he murmured softly.

"But not responsible enough to help me escape from that hell."

Before he had a chance to respond, Rihanna called out for Laurent. "I'll be right there," he told her and turned back to Bella. "I'm sorry, deep down I knew I should have done more, but I never said I was perfect. Please, Isabella, just remember...you're free now, that's all that really matters. Just….live."

We were left there stunned because what he said didn't make sense. "What that fuck was that?" Rose asked breaking the silence.

"I'm not sure," I said.

Bella rolled her eyes and swayed. "I'm free?" she asked. "No shit Sherlock."

"Let's get upstairs," Emmett said quietly.

As we all entered the elevator I realized Mike wasn't with us. "Where's Mike?"

"He's talking to management – damage control," Jess replied.

The ride up was daftly quiet until Bella announced she wanted to hurl. "Lord, that girl can't hold her liquor," Rose muttered.

"I don't think mixing champagne, wine and tequila was a good idea," I replied dryly and rubbed Bella's back. "Babe, try to hold on a little bit longer." Thankfully we made it to the suite without incident. After Bella paid homage to the porcelain Gods, I helped her clean up into a fresh pair of pajama's and then into bed. Once I was sure she was asleep, I went to the bathroom to pick-up Bella's discarded clothes and shoes off the floor and placed them in the bag designated for our soiled clothing when I noticed her locket on the floor.

I stared at the locket she found in the jewelry box a few weeks ago; it was her most treasured item. If Bella had been sober, it would have never ended up on the floor. I opened the locket and stared at the photo of Bella and her parents, particularly Renee. As a baby, Bella favored her father, but as an adult, Bella was almost a carbon copy of Renee. I pray our children take after her because I looked like a weird bird until I was twelve.

When I closed the locket I turned it over to look at the back - a crown. It seemed as though it was a running theme when it came to this unearthed box; more like the never ending story. With no other information, our minds ran wild; were Charlie and Renee jewel thieves who hid out in the Pacific Northwest? According to Bella that was unlikely, but the items found were seriously upper class, damn near royalty items. Yeah, Bella was a princess of a distant land. I placed the locket on the nightstand and went back into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

But sleep did not come to me; even though I was exhausted and needed to rest for tomorrow, but my mind would just not shut down. I tend to be like this when a new song forms in my head, but this time there was no music; not even a melody. I thought about taking the other half of the Xanax I took earlier, but knew that would not help me in the morning. After what seemed like hours I started to drift off to sleep when I awoke suddenly.

I turned on the lamp, looked at the locket I left on the night stand again. "Oh fuck," I muttered. Numbly, I walked over to the closet and searched my suitcase for the small bag where I kept my rings I use to cover my finger tattoo. Once I found the bag, I pulled out the ring I usually wore on stage; it was a clunky silver ring with the Cullen crest.

The crown wasn't a motif, it was a family crest.

I grabbed my phone and went into the living room of the suite and placed a call.

"Hey Sexy, miss me?" came through the phone instead of a standard 'Hello'.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Do you ever get tired of flirting?" I asked.

"No, I have to practice for when I meet Jay-Z, so he'll leave Beyonce and runaway with me," Jenks said teasingly.

"Beyonce may be a sweetheart, but she will cut you if you mess with her man."

"Oh please... I can take her," she scoffed. "As much as I love hearing your sexy ass voice I know this is not a shoot the shit kind of call. What's up?"

I went on to fill her in on the situation with Laurent from the moment Bella saw him to what transpired this evening, as well as the man who followed Bella from to the drug store the other evening. "Wait, someone was following her?" Jenks asked flabbergasted.

"Yeah, but she said it was nothing, he just returned her gloves," I said defensively.

"That's not the point, Edward! We're dealing with people who have openly tried to kill her and will take anyone down in the process i.e. your dumbass. Did you at least make Sam aware of this situation?"

"Yes, she now has someone with her at all times." Expect when she met me for lunch; I wasn't about to get my ass handed to me again. "Wait there's something else."

Jenks sighed heavily into the phone. "Okay, what else?"

"The crown on the jewelry box and her locket, it reminds me of a family crest."

Jenks was silent for a few moments. "I was thinking the same thing," she admitted. "Especially since I've been here…..it's obvious this jewelry belongs to someone with Kennedy status." And that was not the Swan family, they were your typical middle class family.

"Is there any way to trace a crest?" I asked not wanting to state the obvious.

"It will be hard; it's not like back in the day when it was a calling card," Jenks disclosed. "I'll look into it but I need to get more info on this Laurent guy. I don't like the fact I'm headed blindly into his backyard."

"Me too, just be careful," I said worriedly.

"I will, I'm actually about to head to the airport to make my stateside flight," Jenks said.

"Night. Have a safe flight," I said and clicked off. Exhausted, I crawled back into bed with Bella and sleep finally claimed me.

**oOo**

I sat on the floor as I tried to concentrate on my breathing and mentally silence the chaos that surrounded me. But my concentration was broken when I heard Bella mutter, "What the fuck?"

I opened my eyes and found her holding my Starbucks cup, it was obvious she snuck a taste and it was not what she expected. "That's called lemon tea with honey," I replied as I got up from the floor.

A frown marred Bella's beautiful face. "I was not expecting that," she said with disdain. "I thought it was an Americano, where's the coffee?"

Bella looked around the tiny dressing room for a coffee pot. It took all my concentration not to grab her and throw her on the couch and have my way with her. She was wearing a bluish-grey corset with ruffles that gave the illusion of an hourglass shape and jeans that fit her ass like a glove.

I was instantly hard. Down boy, down!

I chuckled at not only her face of disgust, but also my sexual frustrations, which was my own fault. "Sorry I don't drink coffee before a show," I said. "And here I thought you knew all my pre-show habits."

"Well that little tidbit wasn't in the memo Alice handed me," she said dryly.

"It helps soothe my throat. Besides, I felt as though I've been straining my vocal cords so I thought tea & honey would help."

She instantly felt my forehead. "Are you getting sick?"

I shook my head. "Babe, I'm not sick."

A knock on the door interrupted us and Mike stuck his head in the door. "Okay Gaga set is almost cleared and they'll be ready for you in five minutes."

I nodded. "Thanks Mike." I took a final cleansing breathe and put on the green tee shirt my mom sent over with her new logo for her new business venture simply called 'The E Collection'. It went well with the black jeans and I added a black hoodie.

As Bella and I walked to meet up with everyone else, I found Emmett and a very pale Seth in the corner talking. "He's nervous," Emmett explained. This was Seth's first show outside of few Pow Wow's at the reservation.

"It's going to be alright; if it gets to be too much, go in the back with Ace or to Em's side," I advised.

Seth just nodded jerkily and we proceeded to the staging area. In order to shed some of Seth's nervousness while on stage, we decided he would play in my place for most of the songs. I noticed Ace was just as pale as Seth, jittery at the same time; then again, this re-occurrence after a long break was normal before a show. Rose was amp holding her sticks and Jasper was just Jasper; one would think he just woke up and had no energy, but I knew when he hit the stage he was completely different.

We gathered around in a circle and put our hands in the middle. "Dear God, please don't let Emmett split his pants…again," Jasper started in the group prayer. It wasn't a prayer per say, but a way to lighten the mood. "And God, if Edwards starts to cry, make sure his mascara doesn't run; and please, God, please don't let Ace try to crowd surf again….it was hard to find her last time. And Lord, don't let Rose sing 'You Outta Know' because she has PMS and angry at men again. And God, this is serious, please don't let Seth throw up on stage, the cleanup will be gnarly."

We all agreed and murmured Amen. "Let's have a good show everyone!" I said.

"Cullen," Ace, Emmett and I shouted!

Rose and Jasper smirked at each other. "It's all about the Hales bitches," they replied in unison.

Bella and Seth looked at us oddly, but all I could do was shrug; even our parents didn't understand our preshow rituals. "Well that was interesting, but why didn't the others send a 'prayer'?" she asked with air quotes.

"Thanks; because everyone else says something about their sex life and Jasper and I can't handle that."

"And why didn't you chime in?"

"Because he'd only say 'Don't fuck up' and then walk away," Alice chimed in and hurried towards that stage area.

"I better get out there. Have a good show," she said and gave me a kiss.

"Thanks, I'll be the one holding the mic," I said sarcastically to her retreating back.

"Really? Well I'll be the one with the camera," she said over her shoulder.

"Hey," I said. "Just so you know, you're not the only one with a camera out there."

She turned around with her hands on her hips. "Yeah, but I'm the one who's ass you'll be checking out from the stage," she retorted loudly. Of course she was right, my eyes rarely strayed from her ass; and to prove her point, she slapped her ass as she walked to the press pit. Lord, don't let me get a hard on before I hit the stage.

"Damn baby!" I heard a roadie call out even started whistling to get her attention.

"Hey!" I yelled and walked towards him. "That's my girlfriend!"

"Edward, let it go man," Seth said as he tried to pull me back.

"Man, I was just kidding," the roadie said and tried to back away.

"Do it again and I will have your ass thrown out. I don't give a fuck who you work for!"

"Edward, calm down," Mike said suddenly in my face. "I will handle it - you get on stage."

I just nodded at Mike and walked back to the edge of the staging area. I took deep breathes to calm myself down. Despite the stage being practically dark, I was able to see the roadies assist Emmett and Jasper strap on their instruments. Rose sat at her drum set doing last minute arm stretches and Alice seemed dazed, but I knew she was just preparing herself.

I looked over at Seth who looked as though he was going to vomit. "Don't worry Seth I won't let you fuck up, just concentrate on the music. Don't think about anything else."

"Okay, how long does this nervousness last?" he asked anxiously.

I smiled. "I wish I knew….Madison Square Garden has always scared the fuck out of me," I admitted.

"Then why do you keep coming back?" he asked nervously.

"You'll see," I said cryptically. The handlers came back for Seth and placed him across from Ace. The crowd began to go crazy when the curtains rose and Emmett immediately went into 'Forget You'. After a few bars I stepped out onto the stage and all I could think about was the last time I sang this song. It was the day Bella walked back into my life. That ache I felt this time was different; there was no drowning feeling, but the strong sense of regret still plagued me.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.

Overall, it felt great to be in front of an audience. I could feel their energy as we played our popular songs; and much to my surprise, some sang along to one of our B-side songs we rarely play. For once, I was able to see people's faces as they sang along. Some had their eyes glued to me, while others sang with their eyes closed. It was odd to interact with the fans so closely because I normally had a guitar strapped to my chest, but it also gave me time to check on Seth who kept up with Emmett and Jasper beautifully.

The anxiety I felt this last week was gone. I have to admit, my father was right when he said it was a minor case of PTSD. And now that I was back on stage, I knew I had nothing to fear. Like I told Bella – I would take a hit on the head again if it meant she was safe.

I saw Bella from the corner of my eye on occasion. She continuously snapped photos from the press cage up front; there were moments we'd make eye contact and I'd send her a little wink. Last time I performed at the benefit, my only goal was to get Bella to safety; but today she was not only safe, she was mine.

Due to time constraints; onstage banter between Emmett, Jasper and I was cut down, but Emmett was able to entertain the crowd as usual.

"I want to thank everyone who came out tonight. All the funds from tonight's events will go to various charities that desperately need your help," I said as I removed my hoodie. I knew I had sweat stains; but, performing came with a price. "This will be our last song of the evening."

A collective boo was heard throughout the arena. "Before we go, how about a brand new song?" I asked; I could not hide the grin when I heard the collective cheer. Damn I missed this.

My heart raced as it usually did when I presented a new song to an audience, I took the electric guitar from one of the roadies and watched as another brought out a drum and placed it behind me.

While the techs plugged in my guitar and set-up an additional drum into the amps, Emmett and Jasper brought a blushing Seth to the front of the stage. "Not sure if you all noticed our friend in the back with Alice, his name is Seth," Emmett said as he introduced Seth.

"And ladies in case you were wondering, he's eighteen and single," Jasper told the crowd. The whistles and catcalls made Seth turn beet red.

Emmett looked over and signaled that I was ready. We took our positions again. "This next song is for anyone who's ever been bullied or had people think you couldn't handle something," I said into the mic. "This is called Weak."

_You think you know me_

_You think you have me figured out_

_Don't believe everything you read_

_Just cause there's a man guarding me_

_Don't mean I can't take care of me_

_I'm far from weak_

_I'm not the man you believe me to be_

_I'm far from weak_

_I can handle anything on my own_

_Cuz I'm far from weak_

_Like being shot in the head_

_Actually left for dead_

_I got up; I will never accept defeat_

_You tried to push me down_

_You tried to mentally drown me_

_But you never got the best of me_

_I'm far from weak_

_I'm not the man you believe me to be_

_I'm far from weak_

_I can handle anything on my own_

_Cuz I'm far from weak_

_Don't read into the magazines_

_Remember you don't know me_

_I have a few tricks up my sleeve_

_You can try to knock me down_

_You can try to knock me around_

Emmett, Seth and I wailed on the guitars. When I wrote the song, I wanted the sound to be loud just looking at the crowd I knew they were enjoying it. As I played my last chord, Seth and Emmett continued on, it was a borderline battle but it blended perfectly. I quickly unstrapped the guitar and positioned myself in front of the drum kit. Just as Emmett and Seth's solo faded, the stage went dark just, before the crowd could react the spotlight shown on Rose for the finale. She pounded on the drums in a hypnotic rhythm, when I felt the spotlight hit my face I started beat that matched Rose. With each beat, I thought of beating the shit out James, each tat-tat was me punching him in the ribs all over again. I looked over at Rose who was biting her bottom lip as she continued to play, she gave me the signal she was ready to end since I obviously lost count. When I dropped the sticks I grabbed the mic in one hand, and stood on the amp in front of me to end the song, in the true anthem fashion.

_(Do you hear me) I'll never accept defeat_

_(Do you hear me) I'll never accept defeat_

_(Do you hear me) I'll never accept defeat_

_(Do you hear me) I'll never accept defeat_

_But just know_

_Don't under estimate_

_I'm far from weak_

"Thank you and good night."

The stage went black; as childish as it was, this was my fuck you to James song. I felt as though I purged myself and the weight had been lifted. The Ramsey's may have caused a road block in my life, but I'll be damned if I let them ever think they got the best of me or Bella.

Like Laurant said - she's free.

* * *

**A/N:**

Okay so...what do you think?

_Please leave a review!_

I'm on twitter: bbwraven

_Translation:_

Edward: Touch her and I will fuck you up so badly your own mother won't be able to identify your body

Laurant: Gérard! Léon ! Stand down! She is no threat!


	26. Truly Madly Deeply Awakened

**Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Twilight but if I did I would have a kick ass house in the Hollywood Hills. ;)**

_Hello Party People!_

_Wow I did NOT expect this chapter to take so frigging long! I will admit it was ready to be released when I decided to add to it which completely messed with my flow of writing. At one point this chapter was almost 12k….that's A LOT! then I decided to take out 3k. I want to thank Krysti and Yvette for really dealing with me and being my cheerleaders. Thank you to everyone who sent a message/review._

_If I take a while to post is because I just want to give you a good story….I'm my own worst critic._

_Thank you for sticking around!_

_xoxo,_

_Tammy_

* * *

"Aloha, welcome to Hawaii," the greeter said as we exited the plane and stepped onto the tarmac. She placed an orchid lei on both Bella and I.

We both murmured "Aloha."

A moment later, a silver Range Rover pulled up in front of us; the driver then stepped out to greet us. "Welcome to Paradise Swan," Rachel said. "Hey Cullen!"

"Ohmigod Rachel!" Bella exclaimed and ran over to hug Jake's older sister. "What are you doing here?"

"Cullen didn't tell you? I'm the new estate manager," she explained.

Bella grinned at me. "No! Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded.

I shrugged. "I just found out myself before we left New York," I admitted. People don't realize Emmett and my parents exclude me from the day to day happenings of the North Shore estate. They own it and I just stay there during the holidays. "Could we continue this on the road? I'm dying out here."

"God, you're a baby," Rachel teased. "Can't take a little humidity? For some reason I thought you were tougher than that."

Once the luggage was stored in the back, Rachel drove us to the North Shore. Despite being exhausted after the long flight, I couldn't help but share Bella's excitement as she took in the island.

When we reached the tip of North Shore Bella let out a small gasp. "Beautiful, huh?" Rachel asked.

"Breathtaking," Bella murmured. "And I thought Forks had beautiful greenery. It now seems subpar compared to this."

"Wait until you see Inspiration Point, that's Heaven on Earth," I said, Rachel nodded in agreement.

"Now I see why you rarely come home Rachel," Bella said.

"This island is the perk of being married to a Marine," Rachel replied. "But I don't go back to Forks mainly because Dad is in Arizona and we usually meet up there. This year my husband was supposed to be on leave from Christmas to February, but his deployment was unexpectedly extended."

"You should have gone to La Push for Christmas," Bella said.

Rachel groaned. "Trust me, I tried. But buying a plane ticket any time after Thanksgiving is just ridiculously expensive," she replied.

"I'm so sorry Rachel, is there anything we can do?" I asked. As much as my family drove me nuts, there was no way I could not be with them during the holidays.

She shook her head sadly. "No, compared to some people – not seeing my family isn't bad. Plus, some of the families on the base are getting together to have a big dinner party."

"Well if you change your mind, please come by and spend the day with us," Bella offered.

"Thanks, but the last thing you need is a Marine's wife all weepy during your dinner."

"Just think about it," I said. Rachel nodded, but I could tell she was sad. Not only was her husband fighting in the war but she also could not find the comfort she needed from family. The rest of the ride to the Ohana Manor was virtually silent as we were all were lost in our own thoughts.

The beauty of North Shore was the tight knit surfing community which was widely known for its intense waves. Surfers from across the globe came here to battle the waves. Oddly enough, it was also the beach version of Forks. Instead of work boots, jeans, and flannel everyone is wearing swimsuits, flip-flops and board shorts. The tiny community had a corner market, typical Hawaiian working families and there was also a small police station.

Originally Emmett and some frat buddies bought the place on a whim. They would come to surf during their breaks. When the others couldn't keep up with the upkeep and mortgage payments, Emmett went to our parents for help. Every year since then we come here to celebrate the holidays. To this day I'm thankful my brother was too stubborn to give up the house.

As we approached the Manor I noticed the unusual amount of vehicles and even a news van around the area. "Rach, why is it so crowded?" I asked.

"Semi-Final Winter Surfing Tournament," she replied.

I frowned. "I thought that was over."

"That's because you usually show up a day or two before Christmas Eve, you're a full week early. This area should be clear by tomorrow evening."

"Should we go to a hotel instead?"

Rachel glanced at me through the rearview mirror and flashed me a smile. "Don't worry handsome, the house is ready and all eyes will be on the surfers in the water," she explained. "And as an added bonus, I was able to stock the cabinets and refrigerator – so you can be the hermit you've always dreamt of being."

I rolled my eyes and playfully flipped her off. The Black family was sarcastic by nature but loyal to a fault. "Great, I was already making a list of things we needed from the store. Really glad Emmett decided to hire you," I replied appreciatively.

"Thanks, and be sure to tell my new boss he will be lost without me."

I was about to doze off when we pulled into the Manor. After helping Bella out of the SUV, we followed Rachel into the house. Bella let out yet another gasp when she walked through the door; her eyes were set on the back wall, which was made of glass giving you a full view of the Pacific Ocean. From the outside, the Manor seemed like a modest size beach house but once you stepped inside, you realize the house overlooks three additional bungalows down the pier. The neighboring houses were clustered together which created a little cove.

"This is beautiful," Bella said shockingly.

I wrapped my arms around her and asked, "Think it'll be hard to relax here?"

She turned to face me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Honestly, I don't know if I'll be able to leave."

"Now there's a thought," I murmured against her lips and gave her a quick peck. Bella then caught my bottom lip with her teeth. She pulled my face down and deepened the kiss, her tongue dominating mine. When her hands went into my hair, my dick got hard. aned against her mouth and pulled her closer.

In the distance I heard someone clear their throat but we ignored them. "Damn! Jake wasn't kidding! You do realize I was still in the room, right?" Rachel asked.

We broke away and grinned at her. "Sorry, we tend to zone out sometimes," Bella said shyly.

"Yeah the ocean air does that to us," I commented in a serious tone.

"Yeah, it's the ocean," Rachel said sarcastically. "Okay I'm going to head out. Edward, I left the keys on living room table."

Her words brought me out of my Bella-stupor. "What about the keys to one of the vehicles?" I asked. The Jeep was the only thing I contributed to the house.

"Your Jeep has been gassed up and in the garage. You'll find the keys attached to yourset of house keys," she replied. "Later this week I'll work on having the other vehicles ready before the rest of your family arrives."

"Thanks Rachel, you're a lifesaver," I said and gave her a hug.

"Just remember to tell Emmett that," she reminded me as she returned my hug and then went to say goodbye to Bella. "And I left you a little 'Welcome to the Hawaii' treat in the fridge. Ta ta kids, see you guys tomorrow."

As soon as she closed the door Bella and I eyed each other for a moment; then I turned and ran towards the kitchen with Bella on my heels. Once I reached the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator door and found our prize.

"Kool-aid?" Bella asked cynically.

I laughed. "Kool-Aid? Oh no my love, Kool-Aid wishes it was this good. This is POG Rum Punch," I said and grabbed champagne glasses from the cabinet. Technically, a mug would have worked just fine, but I wanted Bella's first POG Rum experience to be memorable.

"What's POG?"

"Passion fruit, Orange and Guava juice. It's a staple here," I explained and poured our drinks. "Cheers baby."

The grin that lit her face made my heart flutter. "Cheers," she said cheerfully and we clinked glasses.

We both downed the glass of juice and I poured us another. "Ok we have to be careful. These drinks may taste like fruit juice, but the rum will sneak up on you and knock you out," I warned.

Bella grimaced. "I'm barely recovering from my last hangover, really not in the mood for another."

At the mention of Bella's drunken night, it reminded me of my conversation with Jenks, which I had yet to share with Bella. Yesterday morning she was barely functioning and we had had a very hectic day with absolutely no time alone.

As we finished up our drinks, we decided to take a walk down the pier. The cove was quiet, mainly because of the Semi-Finals happening a mile up the beach. Due to the fact we were still in the clothes from New York we didn't step into the sand. I was instantly reminded my mother promised to ship the trunk of clothes we packed before we left for New York.

For a long while we didn't speak, I took a deep breath and decided it was time to confess.

"I spoke to Jenks the other night."

Bella frowned. "Really? Does she have a lead?" she asked anxiously.

"No, um, I called her."

"When?"

"After the run in with Laurent the other night."

She rolled her eyes. "Laurent is not a good reason to bother Jenks. From what I remember he's not going to bother us again."

"She needed to know, and with her in Chicago…..it was better she was aware in case she came across one of his allies."

"Shit, I didn't think of that," she admitted.

"Yeah neither did I until she said something about being in his backyard."

Bella frowned again. "If you didn't call about Laurent, then why did you call her?" she asked.

"Because of that," I said as I pointed to her necklace.

"My necklace?" she asked as she touched her locket.

I nodded. "Yeah, not so much the necklace but the crown etched on the back.….it just got me to thinking…"

"Thinking what?"

"That damn crown is…everywhere and it got me thinking... it's not just a crown, it reminds me of a family crest."

"A crest?" she questioned. "But my family doesn't have a crest."

"I know," I said with a slight nod. "It may not be the Swan family crest, but it belongs to someone."

Bella gripped the railing as she tried to stay composed. "My memories of my family are unraveling," she choked out. "And memories are all I have left..."

"This does not change your relationship with your parents. They loved you and that's the most important thing. If they did steal those jewels….then this must have been the last thing they took because they lead a quiet and modest life in Forks. And that does not change what they were to you."

"What would you do if it was your family?" she asked as she wiped away few tears that escaped.

"One word - Aro," I said with a chuckle. And then I realized she had no idea what I was talking about when a look of confusion washed over her face. "Are you saying you haven't heard about the Cullen/Mob connection?"

"Real mobsters like John Gotti?" she asked, her eyes wide open.

I nodded. "Yes, real mobsters. I knew when he was younger he ran with a rougher crowd," I explained with emphasis on the word rougher. "And apparently Dad helped him get away from that life but he never lost contact with them. In fact they were his clients when he first opened his firm."

Her mouth dropped. "Really? Wow…..that explains so much. He's never mentioned it, then again, it's not exactly something you can just blurt out in a conversation, yah know?"

I shrugged. "He won't talk about it – especially if one is his client. When I was in college I found out he was linked to several big mob cases when I was younger. And whenever other attorneys try to lure me away, they bring up the mob connection."

"Like you would turn your back on your Uncle because of his job," Bella retorted hotly and then closed her eyes as her words sunk in. "Because you would never turn your back on your family."

I shook my head. "Never. One thing I know about my Uncle - he would never knowingly hurt us. His public reputation is vastly differently from the person I know. Aro is like a second father to me and I would trust him with my life."

"I get it," she murmured softly.

"Good," I replied. "No matter what's uncovered, remember your parents loved you wholeheartedly - hold onto that."

"I will. Thank you."

I gathered her into my arms. "You don't have to thank me love; I will always be here for you when you need me."

**oOo**

"Oh, hell no!" Bella yelled from the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I continued to rummage through the few items of clothes and sandals we had stored at this house. After our talk on the beach Bella and I came back to the house for breakfast and began to settle in.

The bathroom door opened and I looked up to find Bella in the skimpiest red bikini known to man. "Ace or Rose?" I asked dryly.

"Surprisingly, Rose," she muttered and turned around to give me a full view of her ass. "Do they not believe in clothes that actually cover their asses? Geez, it's like being naked all the time." I closed my eyes and let out a quiet moan as I envisioned her naked on the beach, which caused my cock to press uncomfortably against my jeans. "Are you ok?"

I open my eyes to see Bella watching me over her shoulder with wide not so innocent eyes. "You said that on purpose," I muttered.

"I'll never tell," she said in a sing song voice.

"You're bad," I muttered. "Okay since we're not having any luck with this stuff, why don't we head into town and get some items to hold us over?"

"Are you sure? Isn't that a waste of money?"

"No, plus we can leave a lot of stuff here for our next visit," I reasoned. At that moment - I realized I no longer thought about my life in the terms of 'me'. Lately it's been 'we' and I loved it. That's a status that I want for a long time.

Bella nodded. "That sounds like a good idea. Let me change back into my jeans."

After hours of traveling and with the humidity, I knew she would be uncomfortable in jeans. Even I changed into a pair of khaki color board shorts and a white v-neck tee shirt I left from our last trip here. Luckily, I found what looked like a sundress I had seen Rose wear before. "Why don't you put this on?"

Bella took the pink dress and eyed it skeptically. "This might work," she murmured. "But first I need to get out of this piece of string."

A few minutes later we were on our way back to Waikiki. And I was shocked when Bella suggested going to the Gucci store. After parking the Jeep I followed her into the store, where she bypassed all the swimwear to check out the handbag section. After twenty minutes of browsing, nothing seemed to have caught her eye. "Sorry no offense, but you don't seem like the Gucci type. If I was to pick any designer for you it would be Marc Jacobs," I said.

"You Sir are correct."

I frowned. "Then why are we here?"

"I figured I would get Alice's Christmas gift now, that way I don't have to worry about it later. You know kill two birds with one stone."

"Christmas gift?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah you know that Holiday most of the world celebrates by giving gifts to family and friends in the name of the Lord," she replied sarcastically.

"Cute," I said. "I just didn't realize Gucci carried items under twenty-five dollars. Well, maybe the key fobs but that's no fun."

Bella laughed. "Why would Alice want a key fob? She sent me a link to the photo of the bag she wanted."

I laughed. "Oh my God... Ace is good."

"What are you talking about?" she asked with a frown.

"We have a rule when it comes to Christmas presents. Any gifts exchanged cannot exceed twenty-five dollars. And...if you go over the limit you have to explain why you've gone over. For example, shipping, taxes, etc."

"What?" she screeched. "Are you serious? Since when?"

"Yeah for years. Ever since Ace bought the family motorcycles using my Mom's credit cards when she was fourteen."

Bella burst out laughing. "Okay you have to tell me, how did she pull that off?"

"She pretended to be my mom's intern," I explained. "So my Dad came up with the limit rule. I will say, having a limit has made for some interesting gifts."

"You mean Alice tried to dupe me into getting her a fifteen hundred dollar gift? So glad we talked about this!" she said gleefully. "Dammit….I already purchased some gifts and they were definitely more than fifty dollars."

"Don't worry, you're allowed this one leeway since it's your first Cullen Christmas and all. And FYI... if you want to spend more on me...I won't stop ya," I said with a smirk.

Bella laughed. "Cheeky bastard."

"Yeah but you love me," I said as we walked out of the store. The shopping area around Oahu was intense; people all over the world stop here to get the latest fashions or items only found here on the island and Japan. It was not uncommon to see people with suitcases to hold their packages. We walked a few blocks until we found a local swimwear store that catered to both men and women.

Fortunately the store wasn't crowded; it allowed Bella and I to freely browse around. If I saw something I liked I would grab my size, not bothering to try it on. I figure if it doesn't work for me, then my father or Jasper could wear them.

"What do you think of this," Bella asked holding up a white bikini with blue flowers.

I closed my eyes and took a few breathes. "Yeah that's nice," I choked out.

"Nice?" she questioned. "If I wanted 'nice' I will get the Hello Kitty one piece. I was going for maybe hot, sexy….hell cute would be better than nice." Irritated she put the suit back on the rack and went to the shelves that held long board shorts.

Way to go Cullen! You just insulted your girlfriend.

I walked up behind her and pulled her back to my chest and wrapped my arms around her. My heart ached when she stiffened at my touch. I moved her hair to the side and placed a kiss on her neck. "Babe, I didn't mean it like that. You can wear a paper bag and you would still be the hottest woman in the room. I'm doing everything within my power not to take you in that dressing room and fuck you against the wall," I explained. "And I really don't want to reconnect with you for the first time in a dressing room. Just sayin'."

"Really?" she asked cynically.

"Yeah, really," I said and went and picked up the discarded suit from the rack. "Try this on. I already know it will look great." Bella eyed me for a moment and reluctantly took the suit and went into a dressing room.

"Would you like a bottle of water?" I turned to see the sales girl smiling at me while holding out a bottle of water in my direction.

"Thanks," I said taking the bottle.

"You can go into the sitting area if you want."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, you're lucky, it's usually dead around this time and this way your girlfriend can model the bikini's for you," she said with a wink. She led me to the sitting room which was located just outside the dressing room. It held a three way mirror and a couch. "Now, enjoy the privacy while you can. My name is Kai and if you need anything please give me a holler."

"Thank you, Kai, I really appreciate your help," I said and then I remembered a bikini I thought Bella would look good in. "Could you grab the bikini, the turquoise one with the ruffles on it….it's on the mannequin near the cash register?"

"You got it! Be right back."

I walked towards the dressing room where Bella was changing. "Babe, how does it look?"

The door opened and Bella stuck her head out. "Not bad," she murmured.

"Let me see," I said and pushed the door wider.

"Edward! Someone could see!"

I rolled my eyes. "The sales girl said no one else is in the store right now, so we have this area to ourselves," I explained as my eyes raked over Bella's bikini clad body; which resulted in all the blood being rushed to my head – the other head. "Just as I thought – fucking hot."

Bella eyed me skeptically.

"Looks good on you," the sales girl said from behind me. She handed Bella the bikini I chose, as well as several others. "Your boyfriend thought these would be a good choice for you. Let me know if you need anything." As she walked away she gave me a knowing wink and gave us our privacy.

"Did you put her up to saying that?"

"No, she's just telling the truth," I said as I kissed her cheek. "Now go change I want to see them on you!"

Bella shook her head and I headed back to the sitting area. I started flipping through the discarded US Weekly from a couple of months ago. There was a photo of me and Bella at a restaurant in Los Angeles; she's laughing hysterically at whatever I'm telling her and my hands are moving animatedly. Even though the photo is a little grainy you could see the happiness radiating off her.

The opening chords to the Black Eyed Peas 'I Gotta Feeling' came through the speakers. Just as the chorus started Bella emerged from her dressing room wearing a yellow crocheted bikini. The bottoms were modest enough and tied at her waist. She walked hesitantly towards me, looking a little embarrassed. "Come on turn around."

I could see her cheeks flush as she did a little twirl around in front of me. "So…," she asked hesitantly. "Think I should get it?"

"Oh hell yeah," I said, my voice cracking like a kid going through puberty.

She smiled triumphantly and walked back to the dressing room. No matter what the style was - each bikini made me hard; she even modeled a nude color tankini, which made my dick stand at attention. When she finally came out in the turquoise I almost lost my load. On the mannequin it looked somewhat tame and innocent but on Bella it was a mixture of sweet and sexy.

This woman is going to kill me.

I placed a magazine over my junk so I wouldn't scare Kai whenever she walked in to assist Bella with sizing or recommendations. Thankfully she was professional enough to ignore the four hundred page Vogue magazine lying across my lap.

"I have just one more," Bella called out.

One more? Yeah, Bella is trying to kill me.

I closed my eyes as I tried to gain some reminisce of control when one of my b-side songs started playing, but then it suddenly stopped. "Sorry about that!" Kai said as she came into the sitting area. "I completely forgot it was on this playlist."

I chuckled. "It's okay."

"I'll be back," Kai said with a grin on her face and quickly left the room.

I took a deep breath and I turned to see Bella standing there in a black bikini. The halter top pushed her boobs together, giving her eye catching cleavage. Instead of the typical string ties, the bottoms were held together by three jeweled chains. The cut was high, which seemed to showcase her newly toned legs. Emmett was definitely going to receive the best birthday gift known to man for training Bella.

"Kai suggested this one," she said. "What do you think?"

I swallowed and tried to conjure the proper words. "G-g-ggood," I stuttered, cleared my throat and tried again. "Um, fuck, wow." I closed my eyes again.

As I tried to gain some reminisce of control yet again, I had to openly laugh when the familiar beat of 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails started playing. It felt like everyone was conspiring against me. I never thought my desire for Bella could increase; but sometimes, like at this very moment, I was absolutely consumed. The irony of this song is not lost on me.

"I've always loved this song," she murmured. A small smile appeared on her lips, she walked towards me, slowly swaying her hips as she sang along. By the time the chorus started Bella removed the magazine from my lap and straddled me. Instinctively I grabbed her hips and my breathing became uneven.

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_I want to feel you from the inside_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god_

Yeah, I want to fuck her until she forgets her own name but, as much as I wanted to lose control with her, I knew I had to hold back. She's seen and endured so much violence these past few years, I really don't want to scare her during our most intimate moments.

"This song just makes me….so…," she trailed off softly against my lips. When our lips met her hips started to grind against my erection. Her hands fisted my hair as she brought me closer, I moaned because I was so close to the edge. In order not to embarrass myself in public I broke the kiss. My breathing was shallow and Bella took full advantage and kissed my neck. "You're so hard…..all you'd have to do is undo your pants, take off my bottoms and we could ease this ache."

And dear God, I wanted relief. "Not….here. Soon," I promised.

Her cocky grin turned into a pout. "Spoilsport."

The music was suddenly changed to Jason Marz and Kai came running into the room. "Sorry we have customers so I had to change the music. And Edward it looks like they may use the other dressing rooms, so you'll have to leave the area," she said apologetically.

I know for a fact that I had never told her my name but I sure did appreciate her allowing me some private time. "Thanks Kai. Please ring us up for everything Bella tried on, as well as this….gem she's wearing," I replied.

"Great! I will have everything ready for you at the cash register," she said and exited the sitting area.

"Damn I wanted to give you a lap dance," Bella said as she got off my lap.

I groaned at the image. "I'm putting that on the list," I muttered.

"List?"

"Even though we haven't officially consummated the relationship, it doesn't mean I don't think about doing certain things to you."

She smiled and nodded. "Good. And don't forget to add sex in a dressing room. You planted that seed and it's not leaving anytime soon!" Bella said as she walked into the dressing room. I shook my head and tried to take my mind off my sexy girlfriend; or I'd have to steal that magazine to cover my crotch on the way out of the store.

**oOo**

I was on edge today. I felt like a caged animal, and for once it had nothing to do with James or Jane - it was Bella and her fucking pink bikini. There wasn't a thong going up her ass, her suit was actually quite modest. She donned a dark pink bikini top with flowered boy shorts and was I borderline obsessed with the way they molded her ass. Since she was lying face down, she undid her top to avoid tan lines. Of course this caused my dick to twitch like a thirsty man in the desert searching for water.

Sweet Baby Jesus.

But it wasn't the suit she was wearing, it was simply her. Once Bella's alter-ego, the vixen, made an appearance at the bikini shop, there was no stopping her little flirty outfits and suggestive looks that were slowly breaking me down. There's no denying it, I've enjoyed the cute little outfits she had been wearing. Every single one of them.

I enjoyed them so much that I would purposely wake up at dawn each morning to surf. I'd return completely worn out and exhausted but then I'd catch Bella stretching with no bra and I'd get hard again. I have a strong feeling Bella knew I was going insane and was constantly testing me on how far she could push me. I knew I was in trouble, especially when I saw that devious smirk of hers.

The alarm on her phone went off indicating it was time to turn over. "Did you have fun in the water?" Bella asked her voice husky from her nap under the sun but had yet to turn over.

"Yeah," I admitted truthfully. Last time I went surfing in Los Angeles, Emmett and I got in a huge fight. He tried to give me pointers but became impatient when I didn't follow his directions to the letter. Surfing was the only thing I dreaded about coming to Hawaii. "Micah gave me some good pointers."

I had this sudden need to touch her, which was often these days. I gently trailed my fingers, skimming up and down her back. Two days under the Hawaiian sun and I could already see her skin darken from pale porcelain to a nice peach. Sadly, I knew the tan would make her scars more visible, but they did not take away from her beauty.

Oh dear Lord I'm hard again.

"Good," Bella said as finally turned, stretched and scooted closer to me. "I knew you could do it."

I chuckled as I put my arms around her. "Next we'll get you out there." Bella refused to even try and surf.

"Maybe I'll have Rachel or Meg teach me," she said quietly. I stared down at her in amazement.

"Really?" This was a complete one-eighty from that last time we discussed her surfing, even in LA she refused.

"Yeah, why not? It's something I've always wanted to try."

Before I had a chance to reply I heard my name being called. For a moment I thought it was someone from the paparazzi but it was, Megan, one of the pro surfer's renting one of the bungalows on the property.

"Hey Meg," I said looking up at her; it was odd - if this was last Christmas I would have found a way to get her into bed, but now I felt absolutely nothing for the stunning beauty.

"I know you're trying to stay incognito so no one will know you're already on the island, but I think Bella has been cooped up for too long," she explained. "A little tour around the island would be fun."

Megan was right, other than the pros staying in the bungalows we haven't interacted with anyone else. We kept to ourselves and stayed in our nook of the beach only venturing to the nearby store when it was necessary. Bella looked excited about the possible tour. "Yeah, we're down," I said. We agreed to meet in twenty minutes, it gave Bella and I enough time to shower and change clothes.

We hit the Polynesian Cultural Center, it was admittedly a very touristy spot but it was a fun place to visit if you're able to get on the grounds. We then drove to Laie Point, despite the wind it was still one of my favorite spots on the island. "Why does this look familiar to me?" Bella asked absently.

"If you saw the movie 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' then this was the spot they filmed the cliff diving scene," Colby explained.

"I so remember that scene!" Bella exclaimed happily and went on to shoot from various spots on the point. "Have you ever been cliff diving?" she asked me.

I laughed. "Yeah," I said with a laugh. "It's how I met Jake."

She frowned. "I thought you said you and Jake met at a party which led to you two getting caught for underage drinking."

I nodded. "Correct; one weekend Jasper and I saw a few guys from the reservation jumping from the highway. Finally a month later we got the courage to approach them about participating. Jasper was so pumped and just jumped – no fear! I on the other hand needed a drink or three. After I did it a couple of times, we had more drinks to celebrate."

"Of course more alcohol is exactly what you needed," she said sarcastically.

"Well, yeah!" I said with a laugh. "So when we saw the police lights, everyone scattered. Jake and I were beyond fucked up. We tried to run but we kept falling over, which is why Charlie was able to catch us so easily. Our parents made us stay overnight to teach us a lesson."

Bella tried to hide her laughter as she listened to the story; she smiled big instead. "Do you know to this day, Jake has never given me the full story?" she asked. "Was my Dad really that bad?"

"It's obvious you never had to deal with your dad when he was in Chief mode. I can honestly say Charlie scared the shit out of us. Especially me after he reamed me out with the 'You should know better cause you're older' speech. After that night, we were on our best behavior from there on out…..well in Forks anyway. But in Port Angeles, we were complete troublemakers," I said. "That was the only time I had contact with Charlie."

She was quiet for a moment. "Yeah Jake was an angel – at least for a while," she said softly. "I completely forgot you went to the prep school in Port Angeles." Most people forget we migrated from Alaska to Seattle to be closer to my Uncle Aro. After a couple of years, my father was offered another position in Forks. Emmett and I met Jasper at Port Angeles Preparatory; and by the time my parents made the official move to Forks, we simply didn't want to leave our friends.

She went on to take more scenic photos when she asked Colby to take our photo. The wind started to pick up, but I wasn't quite ready to leave yet. I stepped closer to the edge of the cliff and from the corner of my eye I could see Bella was doing the same. "When was the last time you went cliff diving?" she asked.

I grinned when I remembered the last time I went cliff-diving. "A few hours before I met you."

Bella looked at me with big eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah, Jake and I went early that morning and he was trying to get rid of me that day," I said. "He knew you were coming over and he was always against us meeting."

Bella let out a chuckle. "My boss let me out early and I went straight to the reservation."

"I'm very glad she did," I said quietly as I lifted her off the ground and her legs wrapped firmly around my waist.

"Me too," she murmured as my lips met hers.

"Okay lovebirds it's time to come up for air," Colby mocked.

I flipped Colby off without ever breaking our kiss. Even the sound of the camera going off didn't stop us. And once again we were in our own little world and everyone else ceased to exist. "So if I would have arrived a little sooner I could have gone diving with you," she said when we ended the kiss.

I nodded. "Want to make up for lost time?" I said sprinkling kisses along her face but kept my eyes open to gauge her reaction.

"Now?" she asked excitedly as I continued to nod my head and kiss her face. "Fuck yeah!" She jumped out my arms and started emptying her pockets and removed her phone and of course I started doing the same. I called Meg and Colby over and asked Colby to record the moment. Meg quickly had us put our phones, my wallet and Bella's jewelry in her tote bag for safe keeping.

To give us momentum, I moved us about five feet from the edge and we took off running. Before we got to the edge she grabbed my hand and we jumped off the edge. As soon as we hit the water we were separated, it took me a moment to swim my way back up to the surface.

When I looked around I didn't see Bella. I did a complete three-sixty and still did not see her. My heart staggered with a sense of dread and I went back under to search for her. When I ran out of air and resurfaced, Bella still had not come up. I looked up and saw Megan and Colby frantically looking as well. Before I could go back under, Bella resurfaced behind me with a joyous look on her face and I felt my heart restart.

"Ohmigod, that was awesome! We have to do that again!" she exclaimed as she closed in the distance between us, since my legs could barely kept me afloat.

I was simultaneously relieved to see her, yet at the same time scared shitless that something had happened to her. She was my world and I don't know how I would've survived if something had happened to her. "Baby, you scared me," I muttered and held her close. "What happened?"

"I haven't swam in the ocean in a while and the current is a little stronger than in Washington," she said apologetically. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

I felt like a total dumbass, Bella hadn't really been in the water since we arrived on the island. And the only swimming she's done has been in the pool either when we were in LA or at Aro's house during the trial. "Don't apologize, I'm just happy you're okay," I assured her and guided her towards the shore. "So you really had fun?"

"Are you kidding me? That was fan-fucking-tasic! Now I understand why Jake does it so often," Bella said excitedly. "Definitely have to do it again! Only next time, I want to go when the current isn't trying to take me out to sea."

I had no doubt this was only the beginning. "Your potty mouth turns me on," I groaned and pulled her in for a hard kiss against her lips.

**oOo**

When I opened my eyes something felt off, I laid in bed trying to place the feeling. I knew it wasn't a bad feeling but I felt as nervous as a priest in a whore house. Sadly, it was a common feeling lately. Since cliff diving, our week had been filled with hikes to Diamond Head and the waterfalls in Manoa Falls. We took a helicopter right to Maui for snorkeling and then to Kauai for nature walks. The island hopping became necessary whenever we felt as though someone was watching us or when we ran into fans.

I could hear Bella humming in the bathroom; she sounded happy, and this in essence made me happy. A few minutes later I entered the kitchen and I was momentarily dazed; to anyone else it was just a pretty girl cutting fruit, but to me she looked and was absolutely breathtaking.

The flirty turquoise skirt swirled with black and gold print paired with a bikini halter top against her tanned skin made my cock instantly harden. I backed out of the room and grabbed her camera. Bella rarely took photos and this is one photo I had to get. I'm no photographer, but I was able to capture Bella candidly, smiling as she hummed and danced to Micheal Franti's 'Say Hey, I love you' on the iPod dock.

My dick twitched when she took a bite of a strawberry. I was just thankful I was able to capture that image; and I planned to make it my screensaver as soon as I could upload the pictures. Like a stalker, I watched her for a few moments and thanked God I had her back in my life.

As cheesy as it sounds - I needed her like the air that I breathe.

Since she was still unaware of my presence, I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She let a little sigh out and then leaned against my chest.

"Good morning," I whispered into her hair.

"Morning, did you sleep well?" she asked.

I moved her hair to the side with a full view of her neck. She smelled like the ocean and flowers. "It was good until I realized you were no longer in bed with me. It's our last day of freedom, let's go back to bed," I said and kissed her neck.

She moaned and then tortured me by wiggling her butt against my crotch. "I would love to laze around, but I need to get some things done for the luau tonight," she said regretfully. "I should be done in an hour, and then I'm all yours."

"Fuck the luau," I muttered. "You're not missing much – just a pig in the ground."

A soft giggle erupted from her mouth as she continued to chop the fruit. "Well it's new for me and I'm excited! Sounds completely different from a pow wow," she said. "Now be a good boy and go eat the breakfast I prepared for you – it's in the oven." With a final kiss to her shoulder I grabbed the plate and sat at the table to eat.

Bella fluttered around the kitchen chopping and preparing God knows what for the luau with a soft smile on her face. On occasion she would catch me watching her and give me a wink. I knew I should offer to help, but knowing Bella, she would decline my offer. So, I did the next best thing and washed the dishes as she cooked which earned me a peck on the cheek. It was a completely domestic moment and for the first time since I woke up, I was completely at ease.

By late afternoon the party began in the cove. The remaining surfers, as well as the cove locals and their children mingled. Usually children shied away from me; so I was dumbfounded when a little girl with wild curly hair tugged on my shirt asking to be picked up. Promptly there after, she fell asleep on my shoulder. This moment garnered plenty of awe's from those who were standing nearby; it also attracted more kids requesting I play with them. Whenever Bella wasn't by my side I kept an eye on her as she laughed with the people she befriended while on the island. Knowing she was relaxed and happy allowed me to just hangout.

Everyone gathered around as Mekila, the cove's oldest resident, began to tell the tale of how her ancestors came to the island of Hawaii. I was so entranced in her story I tuned everyone out. I almost jumped ten feet in the air when Bella nudged me to get my attention and then whispered in my ear, "I stand corrected, this is totally the Hawaiian version of a pow wow!" she whispered with a grin and I nodded in agreement. A few minutes later the pig was pulled out of the ground and food was served buffet style.

As I was going for a second helping I felt a shift and knew I was being watched. I looked around to see if a member of the paparazzi was within range and found no one. A few moments later I saw a few new faces who were discreetly trying to take a photo of me with their phones; and once a few bold party goers asked for a photo, more requests started coming through. It was Micah who put a stop to it. At this point I was done and went to search for Bella. At first I could not find her and grew a little agitated; it's not like she's locked under house and key, but I wanted to make sure she was o.k. I sighed a sigh of relief when I found her assisting one of the mom's at the kid's table.

Instead of disturbing her, I grabbed a couple of beers and found a quiet spot to watch the crowd as well as keep an eye on Bella. I was on my second beer when she found me; she sat next to me in the sand. "Want to go back to the house?" she asked.

I nodded. "Sorry, I don't mean to spoil your fun, but I feel like too many fans will tweet my whereabouts," I explained.

"Don't apologize, babe. It was bound to happen," she said. "Did you have a little fun? I know the kids have become attached to you."

I laughed as I thought about the kids who demanded piggy back rides. "The kids were surprisingly fun," I said. "Seriously, everything was great, and still is good. You look like you were enjoying yourself as well."

Her smile was as bright as the sun. "I am!" she exclaimed. "I didn't think I would without Ace or Rose with me, but everyone has been so fun."

"I'm glad," I murmured and gave into my need to kiss her lips. When we broke apart she laid her head in the crook of my neck.

"I love this," she murmured.

"What?"

"Just you and me," she replied. "I miss everyone, but at the same time I love the quiet."

"You forget I've traveled around the world for the last few years with them. This is the longest we've been apart. So I'm loving this quiet time!"

"Do you miss them?"

"No," I replied and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I like being here with you."

I could feel her smile against my chest and I held her a little closer. There's no question I love my boundary crossing, outspoken family, but I did not really miss them this week. We were abnormally close, but it was nothing in comparison to the closeness I've developed with Bella. Even though I tried to distance myself - there was an anxiousness I felt when she wasn't near. And - she could make my heart skip a beat from a simple smile, which leads to that urgency I've tried to restrain.

After a few minutes we said our goodbyes to our hosts and walked back to the house hand in hand. Right before we walked in the door, I kissed her hand even though it was still entwined with mine. While Bella busied herself with our desert, I grabbed the gift I had for her from my suitcase. On my way back to the side patio area, I grabbed my guitar and started playing random songs. From where I sat the luau was still in view but it was quieter.

As the sun began to set, the sky changed from vibrant blue to a beautiful mix of red, blue and gold. It was utter paradise; I've been here many times over the years but this is the first time I've honestly seen it. The song "Awakening" popped in my head and the line,

_'Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain, We're awakening, Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain, We're awakening, Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep, About a dream, we're awakening'_

That was Bella and I….we were awakened and I never wanted to fall asleep again. "I like that song," Bella murmured, startling me. She had changed into the black bikini with a pink cover-up wrapped around her waist. I nodded unable to speak. "Will you dance with me?" she asked sheepishly.

"Um, yeah," I said, surprised. I laid my guitar across a chair as she stepped back into the house, and a moment later I heard Beyonce's 'Halo' coming from the outdoor speakers.

"When she played this song last week I had wished that you were next to me, but you were backstage prepping," she said softly. After my performance with the band, I had to stay backstage because I joined Beyoncé on stage to perform a rock version of 'Sweet Dream'. Bella and Frank Zacks were in the press pit the rest of the show.

"I wished I was with you as well," I said and pulled her closer. Our bodies swayed to the beat, Bella was doing a little number with her hips that drove me insane. When the music switched to Savage Garden's 'Truly, Madly, Deeply,' Bella's fingers caressed the back of my neck and my heart fluttered again. I smiled when she started to sing along softly.

"Are you trying not to laugh at my singing?" she asked.

"No, I love your singing."

Bella pulled back and met my gaze. "Wow, you must love me if you love my singing!"

I chuckled. "Will you win a Grammy? No, but you sound happy and that's all I care about." Bella started to sing again and I joined her. Her smile was bright and there was no denying she looked absolutely beautiful. I stopped dancing, cupped her face and looked her in the eye as I sang the next line.

_And I want to stand with you on a mountain_

_I want to bathe with you in the sea_

_I want to lay like this forever_

_Until the sky falls down on me_

I tried to convey how much she meant to me with those few lines. All in all, I felt every word; she was the one I wanted to be with. "I love you so much, sometimes it hurts. You are such an amazing and courageous person…..you inspire me to be a better person. I cannot imagine my life without you – we tried that and it was an empty life. I know we've talked about one day having kids or throw out vague comments about the future here and there, but I want you to know I am committed to you and to our future," I told her. "I know you have a lot going on, but I want you to know I will support you no matter what and…I…I…." I trailed off when the tears suddenly sprang from my eyes.

"Edward?"

I took a deep breathe and noticed a weird sense of calm flow through me as I got down on one knee. I pulled the ring I had tucked in my pocket; Bella's eyes grew wide as she viewed the black pearl and diamond ring. She made a squeaky noise and I took her trembling hand into mine. "Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Her mouth opened and closed several times like an adorable guppy. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" she screamed a moment later.

My fingers shook as I slid the ring onto her perfect finger. "A perfect fit."

Bella stared at her hand with dazed eyes. "All I was trying to do was give you a blowjob, I was not expecting a ring," she said offhandedly and then turned beet red when I laughed. "I'm still in a daze so I have no filter. Sorry for the crudeness." Her bluntness was one of the things that first attracted me to her when we first met a few years ago.

"God, I love you Isabella," I murmured.

She cupped my face and pulled my face down to her. "I love you more." Her kiss was intoxicating, filled with passion and promise. We didn't break apart until I heard someone clear their throat. I looked over to see Megan and a couple of women from the cove unabashedly watching us as they held some dishes.

"Sorry to interrupt, but things are winding down and I wanted to make sure your stuff was returned before it got too late," she explained.

"It's okay Meg," I assured her and helped relieve some of the items in their hands. For the next twenty minutes people came over to return items they borrowed as well as said their good-byes due to early morning flights. Megan and Bella made plans to meet up when she returned to Los Angeles.

After everyone finally left, Bella went back into the kitchen to put away some of the dishes. I watched her for a few moments then walked behind her and placed my hands on her hips, she threw me a sexy grin over her shoulder. She didn't stop dancing which made me harder; I shouldn't be so turned on but I was. Her ass was firmly pressed against my dick; my board shorts and her thin skirt was all that separated us. My hands glided over her ribs until I cupped her tits...fuck I could play with them all fucking day. Despite all the yoga, Pilates and boxing, Bella's boobs didn't shrink. I could feel her hard nipples puckering against her bikini top.

She let out the sexiest moan when I kissed her neck. My dick was undeniably hard as I pressed into her backside and I flicked her nipples. I could feel her shutter against me; her breathing became unsteady. I reached under her skirt to find her juices already flowing down her thighs. When I moved my fingers underneath her bikini bottom and grazed her pussy she clutched the counter top to stable herself. I pulled her closer and pushed two fingers inside of her and proceeded to fuck her with my fingers. Bella reached blindly as she grabbed my shorts. "Edward," she panted as she came.

I kissed her lips and pressed my raging hard on onto her back. My knees almost buckled when I felt her fingers slip inside my pants; I had to stop her before she stroked my cock. "No, I'm o.k.," I lied.

"Baby you're far from o.k.," she whispered and distracted me with another kiss. A guttural moan escaped my lips as I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. I gently placed her on the bed, my fingers softly traced her face. The need to touch was overwhelming.

She was mine.

Bella intertwined her fingers in my hair as she pressed her lips against mine. Her tongue swirled with mine as I untied her bikini top and began to massage her breasts; her nipples were so hard. She whimpered when I broke the kiss to indulge in my need to suck on her breasts. The animalistic need flowed through us as she brought my head closer.

I leaned her back on the bed and kissed a trail of lust on her stomach before I removed her skirt and bikini bottom. I spread her legs wide and positioned myself between her legs. Her scent filled the room and called to me. "Oh my God Edward," Bella whimpered.

"Cum for me," I murmured against her wet mound and I licked her pussy as it was the fountain of youth. She squirmed and bucked against my face. I held her hips and knew she was cumming again.

Bella's panting filled the room as she recovered from her orgasm. I gently placed kisses all over her body until I reached her plump lips, I didn't kiss her immediately, just slowly caressed her until I met her gaze. Her eyes were filled with unbridle desire. Without breaking eye contact I kissed her on the mouth knowing she could taste herself.

She was going to be my wife.

Mine.

No matter how many women I had been with, they never could hold a candle to Bella.

Mine.

My Bella.

With her hands at my waist she tugged at my pants. Once my pants were removed, Bella reached between our bodies and began to gently stroke my cock. Even though the pre-cum made her movements easier and felt damn good, the ache was just too intense.

She frowned when I gently removed her hand. "Give me a second," I whispered. Because I was conscious of my weight I leaned on my forearms giving her more room but she hooked her legs around me as if saying not to move. I reached between us to grip my cock and started to stroke her pussy as I looked into the eyes of my future wife.

My wife.

With my hands gripping my cock, I pushed the very tip against her swollen lips. "Edward?" she asked cautiously, yet her eyes were filled with excitement.

"You're mine Bella," I whispered.

"Always."

My heart accelerated as I pushed my cock slowly inside her. I was fighting the need but the urge to thrust hard and fast was overwhelming. I knew with all my heart I loved Bella, and connecting with her was overwhelming. Bella's thrust met mine as I looked into her eyes. "Let go baby," she murmured. The need to become one ran through my veins and with each thrust I was reminded that this was not the same as it was before – it was better. Her pussy was warm and tight and I never wanted to leave.

I thought tasting her was mind-blowing; but there was nothing like feeling her walls around my cock. With each thrust my senses were going into overload. When I saw Bella bite her lip, I came undone. I intertwined our fingers and thrust harder. "Close," I grunted.

"Cum baby, cum. I'm ready."

With one finally thrust I came inside her – I was finally home.

I was with my soul-mate.

_My life._

* * *

Thanks for reading! So what did you think?! Good? Bad? Meh? If you want to contact me on twitter I'm bbwraven. I'm usually talking about music or nothing at all.


	27. Awakened Reality

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, that honor belongs to my Queen...Stephenie Meyer.

Hey Party People,

**crickets**

Well for those who are still here...

Sorry for the delay. As usual I over thought this chapter and once I shaved...1500 words it flowed! Hope you like it! And I mean it when I say this...THANK YOU FOR READING! It truly means the world to me. Have a great weekend!

Until the next episode...

xoxo,

Tammy

* * *

**Crossfire**

_And tell the Devil that he can go back from where he came_  
_His fiery arrows drew their bead in vain_  
_And when when the hardest part is over, we'll be here_  
_And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear_  
_The boundaries of our fear_

-Brandon Flowers

Crashing waves are considered a soothing sound and I usually would agree, but when your bladder is full it is the most aggravating noise in the world. I tried to block it out and was almost successful until Edward's arms tightened around my waist. And I knew I couldn't ignore that full feeling anymore. I reluctantly opened my eyes to a half sunlit room; our clothes and blankets littered the floor.

I could not hold back the smile as I thought about Edward's proposal and him _finally_ making love to me. The proposal came out of left field; I assumed he'd wait until after my divorce was finalized or had a house. At the rate my divorce was going, I thought we'd have a house first. I slowly crept out of bed and went to the bathroom to relieve myself.

When I returned to our room Edward was still in a deep sleep. I grabbed the shirt he wore last night off the floor and went downstairs to get my phone, that was still charging on the kitchen counter; I grabbed it and quickly snapped a photo to send to Jake with a message that simply read: Shhhh don't tell... :)

**Jake**: OMG is this what I think it is?

**Bella**: YES!

**Jake**: Holy hell! Tell him he better call me when he wakes up! I have to have the brother talk with him.

**Bella**: LOL oh puleeze! You're the first to know so keep your trap shut!

**Jake**: Really? I'm the first? Before Ace?

**Bella**: Yes even before Ace. I will tell them when I see them but I wanted you to be the first to know.

Instead of a text Jake called. "Hey Bells."

"Hi Jake," I whispered. "So what do you think?"

"Honestly I'm so fucking happy for you, I truly am. And I know Cullen makes you happy. I didn't want to say it through a text," he said. "I'm just so happy you're happy."

I giggled. "I am truly happy. I never knew I could be this happy."

"I know. I'm just glad you're taking a chance on what you truly want."

"Its scary but worth it."

"I agree," he replied. "Tell Cullen to call me when he gets up."

"Why? For this brother talk?"

"Hell yah! I'm not making the same mistake twice. He needs to know if he doesn't treat you like his fucking Queen I will break all his teeth," he said.

"Jake," I hissed.

"No, I'm serious," he interrupted. "It needs to be said."

"Jake," I tried again. "You know Edward would never be like that."

"Logically I know this, but there's a side of me that will always worry," Jake said quietly.

"You're being irrational... but I understand."

"I love you Bells."

"Love ya, Jake," I said back. "And remember..."

"This is a secret," he finished. "Well hurry up and tell. I'm too happy not to blurt it out to Leah."

I giggled and we said our goodbyes. I knew Jake would always have my back just as I knew Edward would always be there for me.

I quietly entered the bedroom to see Edward was still knocked out; after the night we had I was not surprised. I removed the shirt and slipped carefully back into bed. I was still tired but no longer sleepy. I rolled onto my back and thought about what kind of wedding I wanted to have, I knew I wanted something small.

But not in Forks. I shivered at the thought of getting remarried out there.

It was a moot point to plan a wedding when you're still married; but a girl could dream. I raised my hand up towards the sunlight and stared at my ring.

"Do you like it?" Edward asked his voiced still husky and his beautiful eyes pensive.

How could he not think I'd love it? "Like it? No, I love it! It's beautiful," I replied and cuddled next to him. I loved the skin to skin contact; my body always felt alive next to him, but now it's at a whole new level of crazy this morning. "But you do realize you went over the twenty-five dollar limit."

He chuckled softly. "Actually I didn't spend a dime."

I frowned. "Not to sound ungrateful but did you get my ring from a swag bag?" In New York everyone who performed received a nice swag bag with some nice designer trinkets and other freebies.

"Oh Lord no!" he assured me. "It was my mother's."

"This was Esme's? Was it her engagement ring?"

"No, not her engagement ring…..actually I think she said Alice is getting that one day," he said absently. "My dad presented my mom with a piece of jewelry with our birthstone when we were born. When Emmett was born she got a necklace, with Alice it was a bracelet and with me she received a ring."

This was his mother's ring, this ring was even more precious than I realized. "Why did you give it to me?"

"I wasn't looking for a ring per se, but when I did come across engagement rings nothing said – _'Bella'_. Thankfully, you're not into bling so I didn't feel pressured into getting the biggest diamond, but at the same time I didn't want to get a gumball ring."

"I would have been happy with a gold band."

"I know, you're actually very easy to please. But I said if I give you something it would be a ring that represented 'us' and this ring always popped in my head," he explained softly as he took my hand in his and stared at the ring he placed on it last night. "When my Dad gave mom this ring it was to represent the life they created together. And we are going to create something beautiful together – I know it."

My heart thumped so wildly I thought it was going to explode from my chest. Just when I didn't think I could love this man more he proved me wrong. I knew the future would have some bumpy roads – far from perfection but perfection was overrated. I threw caution to the wind and kissed him. For once he wasn't hesitant or cautious, he met my lips and we went with our instincts. Our bodies came alive with each touch and caress. A nip here and a peck there had us panting. I groaned when Edward fingers met my slick mound, my body pulsated with need. As if he understood, he removed his hand and replaced it with his cock.

I'm addicted to this feeling. I'm addicted to this man.

**oOo**

"Give me the green light. Give me just one night; I'm ready to go right now, I'm ready to go right now," I sang loudly along with John Legend as I cleaned the bathroom in the bungalow Edward and I were going to use the duration of our trip. Technically it was already clean because Rachel had a cleaning crew in here the other day but I still felt the need to wipe the bathroom down. Edward said it was my OCD in full effect but I like to believe I was just being thorough.

The song was abruptly cut short indicating an incoming call, when I saw it was Jenks I answered immediately. "Jenks! How are you?"

"Hey Bella, I'm good," she said cautiously.

I took a deep breathe because I knew she was not calling me unless she had new information. "So what did you find?" I asked and walked out of the confining bathroom.

Jenks cleared her throat, "I found a cancelled check from an insurance company for the ruby choker."

"Are you sure it's the same choker?"

"Yeah a photo was included in the report."

I felt as though I was punched in the gut. "So it was stolen?"

"It appears that way. The person who made the claim passed away about fifteen years ago. Thankfully his son is still alive and I left a message with his personal assistant."

"Why?"

"I'm hoping he can offer some insight on the thief but I was told he will be out of the country until the first of the year."

"Jenks, do you have a time table of when the necklace was stolen?" I asked.

"Let's see," Jenks murmured. "According to the police report the necklace was taken during a Valentine's Day party and reported to the Insurance agency on February sixteenth."

"What year?"

"1984," Jenks replied. My heart pound against my chest, I could barely breathe and no words were forming. "Bella please don't freak out on me, we don't know if they were involved. I spoke with the lead detective and he's willing to share his files. He said he would FedEx them to Seattle, so I should have them in a few days."

"I'm trying not to freak out but it's hard, you know?" I said softly.

"I know and I wish I didn't have to give you bad news before the holidays."

"It's no biggie just a day in the life of Isabella Swan," I said with a humorless chuckle and ended the call. Like Edward said it doesn't matter who they were before. The image of my mother may be a little tainted but it will never change my love for her. And I refuse to give into tears. In fact I decided to tackle making the bed.

"Need any help?"

I turned to see Rachel in the bedroom door way. "No, I got it," I said as I spread the fitted sheet over the bed which kept popping up from opposite direction. Normally making the bed would be a relaxing task but I was so wound up I wasn't making much head way.

"Okay," she said drawing out the word and eyed me skeptically. "Well, I brought the last of your suitcases and left them in the living room."

I nodded distractedly not really paying attention to what she was saying. I wanted to calm down before I spoke to Edward about my phone call with Jenks. I did not want to breakdown, yet again, about this damn box.

"Hey what's going on?" Rachel asked but I shook my head not ready to talk about it. "Listen, I know I'm not Jake or Edward but if you need to talk, I'm here for you. Come on talk to me, I'll be your therapist."

I giggled because that's something Jake would say to me. "I'm being silly. I just received a call from the private detective I recently hired."

"The one you hired to look into your mother's past?" she asked. I cocked my eyebrow at her question. "Jake told me a few weeks ago, when he said my dad finally gave you the box. If you don't mind me asking, what did they say?"

So I told her about the cancelled insurance check Jenks found. "At this point I don't know if my mother was even named as a suspect, but with the choker sitting in my mother's box….as you can see...this looks bad."

"Renee Swan…...a thief?" she asked dubiously. All I could do is nod. "Sorry that doesn't fit the woman I knew."

"I agree, but I was just a kid. I knew her as my fun and not quite normal mom; not….a cat burglar who steal jewels in the middle of the night."

Rachel let out a soft chuckle. "I'll say it again – doesn't fit. I don't see Charlie harboring a fugitive; the law was too embedded in his blood. Besides, I remember when I first met your mom…..sorry, Renee a thief - it's simply laughable."

"What makes you think she wasn't involved?" I asked curiously.

"You want me to be truthful or shall I sugarcoat it?"

"Just tell me."

"First let me say, I loved Renee," Rachel said as she eyed me carefully. "But when I first met her – I couldn't stand her." I remained silent as I absorbed her words and told her to continue on. "I don't know how to explain it. Renee was a nice woman but she was…..for lack of a better word…..uppity."

"Uppity?" I've never in my life heard my mother described as uppity. Free spirited, hippie-ish, even absent minded but never uppity.

Rachel nodded. "Like I said she was nice but she had an air about her that made my mom nervous," she said. My mom made Sarah nervous? After a moment of silence she apologized for her words.

"No, don't apologize. I'm just stunned, it's not how remember her."

"No offense but everyone puts her on a pedestal – you, Jake and my Dad, hell all of Forks. But Renee had her faults and because no one wants to speak ill of the dead they will not talk about when she first arrived in Forks. No one talks about how she looked down at us; like our homes and food were not good enough," Rachel explained.

"So you're saying she was a snob?" I asked disbelievingly, anger slowly seeped into my veins. How can Rachel claim to love my mother in one breath and this make her sound like this obnoxious hateful person the next?

Rachel nodded. "In a word – yes. She knew absolutely nothing about house cleaning or cooking. Charlie asked my mom to teach her how to do small tasks like laundry. But whenever we went over there she was too weak from morning sickness to do anything. So my mom and I would clean and leave."

As quickly as the anger began it evaporated as I digested Rachel's words. "Are you saying you and Sarah became her…..maids?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes, if you would have seen her you would have thought she was the first woman to experience morning sickness," she said. "But when Charlie caught wind of what was going on he went ballistic. In fact he stayed and supervised when my mom would teach her stuff. Once she let go of…..of her hoity-toity ways, she was great and learned quickly. Well except cooking, the woman couldn't cook to save her life."

My mother was the_ poor little rich girl_. It was common knowledge my mother could not cook and my father was not much better. I would get tired of eating at the local diner and use to beg Sarah to teach me, but I was not allowed to cook anything unsupervised until I was around ten.

"One of the last times Renee, my mom and I were together was when they helped me get ready for the spring formal. Renee took me shopping for a dress – her eye for fashion was _unreal_; especially to a small town girl like me. But to 'spruce' up my dress she let me borrow a few items from the box. I'd seen it over the years but never actually opened it. She just said it'd been in her family for years and when I asked about her family, she shut down."

Her family? My mom always said her parents were dead. "Did she ever say where she was from?" I asked suddenly. Jenks main problem with her investigation was the lack of a beginning, my mom just appeared on paper but she had to have started somewhere.

Rachel shook her head. "I want to say the mid-west, maybe Chicago but I could be wrong," she said and then looked at her watch. "Sorry I have to get to the airport to pick up the Cullen's. I hope I was able to help."

"Yeah, you gave me a lot to think about," I replied offhandedly. Once Rachel left I quickly called Jenks back and relayed our conversation.

"Chicago? I have a feeling we're on the right path….a long winded path but heading in the right direction. Okay, I'm going to make plans to head back to Chicago after Christmas," Jenks replied and then quickly hung up before I could get in a word edgewise. Suddenly I was numb and desperately wanted to run to Edward for comfort but I didn't. I knew he would give me whatever I needed, but I had to pull it together.

I took a deep calming breath and concentrated on Rachel's words. My parents were not thieves and this was a comfort, my dad believed in the law and the system. So many questions raced through my mind. How did the jewels come into her possession? If she didn't steal the jewels then why was the choker reported stolen? Did my Dad know about the report? With each question I was accompanied with a seed of doubt. The numbness began to fade and the tightness in my chest grew.

For the next half hour I kept myself occupied by putting away our belongings and organizing our clothes. As I stared at Edward's boxer briefs in my hands, it hit me...I was about to become Edward's wife – a real wife. With James I was everything from a punching bag to a body he fucked when he was angry at his mistress. When James bought the house we share he never asked my opinion about anything, he even chose the vehicle I drove. I was never a wife. Never loved or wanted – I was more an unwanted obligation.

Before I could shake the memories off, that old fear seeped through my veins; which sometimes happened when I thought about my old life with James. My hands started to shake…. I quickly shoved the boxer briefs into the drawer. Out of habit I quickly looked over my shoulder to make sure he was not lurking in a corner and quickly left the room. I know my life with Edward will be different, much more fulfilling. In the short amount of time we've been back together, he has given me so much of himself emotionally without complaint. And has become one of my biggest cheerleaders as I found my voice. My opinion mattered – I mattered. All week Mike had been sending Edward lists of houses for sale and we'd pour over the information writing down what _we each wanted_.

I don't need a lot, just a place we can just be together. Like this bungalow, it was the average size of a one bedroom apartment and it was perfect. I didn't need a ten bedroom home – I just needed Edward.

When I entered the house I was on my way upstairs to look for Edward when I saw him sorting dirty clothes while on the phone in the laundry room. This was the first time I'd ever seen him touch his laundry. When we were in Forks, Los Angeles and Seattle there was either a housekeeper, Esme or myself to do this chore. I unabashedly watched as he placed the colored clothing in the washer and then accurately measured the liquid detergent.

Edward did not notice me watching him until he was about to walk out of the laundry room. He cocked his head my way and mouthed 'What?" then grinned at me. I felt the familiar fluttery feeling hit me in the pit of my stomach along with that desire that made my lady bits throb excessively.

"You," I mouthed back and gently pushed him back into the room. I stood on the tips of my toes and kissed his neck. "I want you to fuck me," I whispered in his phone free ear. I took great pleasure in watching him let out a small moan and then bite his lip.

His breathing became labored. "Um, Ben I will have to call you back," he muttered and ended the call before Ben could respond. Edward's lips met mine and it felt as though I hadn't kissed him in days when it had only been less than three hours. I reached into his pants and stroked his hard cock.

Edward lifted me onto the washer and reached under my dress and yanked off my underwear. I heard a rip but was not sure it if was my dress or my underwear... all I could think about was him inside me. "Please Edward," I moaned.

In the most animalistic moment Edward slid his cock inside of me and fucked me hard against the machine. It was as if we were trying to become one. His lips devoured mine. My fingers were in his hair, slightly yanking, making him groan more which made him grab my hips firmly and then fucked me to oblivion. As if we were in sync we came together.

"God baby we keep this up we're going to break something," he muttered as he kissed my neck and slowly pulled out of me.

My legs felt like jelly when my feet hit the ground, if Edward hands weren't gripping my hips I would have melted right there. "We'll replace it. I would hand over my life savings in order to have more moments like that," I responded.

"I wasn't thinking monetary...more like limbs," he said amusingly. Edward's phone beeped alerting of a text message coming through. He muttered a few curses as he read his messages. "Alice said they will be leaving Maui in about thirty minutes."

"I thought they were flying with your parents."

He shook his head. "No, to deflect from the paparazzi; a group either flies in days apart or one takes a boat from Maui."

I silently nodded. This was my new life, strategic planning vacations to avoid prying eyes. The more time I spent with Edward outside of Washington the more I was able to see how hard it is for him to have a normal life. He attended 'Hollywood' type parties not so much because he enjoys them; it was more to maintain connections. His family vacations are key to his normalcy and I wanted to help him create a home so he won't always feel like he's 'on'. "Okay, then I better get changed again and start on breakfast."

Edward suddenly groaned.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry thinking about you naked again," he said sheepishly.

"Tell me about it, I saw you sorting laundry and I lost it."

He gathered me in his arms. "Hmmm so being domesticated does it for you?"

"Well….can you do more than laundry?"

"I have you know not only can I do laundry but I can do dishes and mop as well."

I suddenly had a full visual of Edward mopping the kitchen in nothing but a pair of tattered jeans and I felt that familiar pull in my belly. "Fucking Christ on a biscuit – my nipples are hard," I admitted.

"Woman, you're killing me!" he moaned and gave me a hard kiss. "I don't think we should shower together or we'll never finish up."

I nodded in agreement and with one last kiss I ran back to the bungalow to shower and change into a light pink cotton maxi dress, adding the turquoise bracelet and choker Edward bought me when we were in Los Angeles. I could not stop the smile when I glanced at my engagement ring again.

Even though his family had accepted me as his girlfriend, I wasn't sure how they would react to our news. After years in a hellish marriage I deserved to be happy; and if they did not want to support me, then I would deal with it.

I was mixing pancake batter when my phone alerted me to a new text message from Rachel.

**Rachel:** On our way back…..have snacks….they're pretty drunk and I think stoned.

I giggled and snorted when I read her message. When I first moved in with the Cullen's I found out Esme was a closet stoner. She would usually partake after a stressful day with a client or upon completion of a piece of furniture she was building; it was then I learned to have small treats nearby. Thankfully I baked some brownies yesterday and just cut up a half a pan into tiny pieces.

"My parents are here," Edward said fresh from his shower ten minutes later. He donned on a white V-neck tee and khaki board shorts and he was bare foot. Damn even his feet turned me on. I shook my head knowing I had to control these thoughts; because lusting after one's fiancé in front of his parents would just be weird. "And the boat is set to arrive in twenty minutes."

Before I could respond Rachel came through the door with Esme, Carlisle and Aro. "Look who I found," she said with an odd smile on her face.

"My babies!" Esme exclaimed when she saw us.

"I see Mom was on the party plane," Edward said and gathered his mom into a tight hug. "Hey Mom."

Esme cupped Edward's face and stared at him with blurry eyes. "How's my pretty boy?" she asked and tilted her head side to side as if to get a good look at him. "Carlisle, Carlisle! Edward had sex! Look, Look!"

Edward's eyes bugged wide and his face turned beet red. "Yep, he looks way more relaxed and Bella looks like she won the lottery," he slurred in agreement. Honestly, I felt like I won the lottery, Edward is an amazing lover. Our first time was horrible and sex with James was painful and mechanical. "But please tell me you were not having sex in our bed." It took all I had to contain my laughter and I could hear Rachel snicker loudly.

"Could we please not discuss this?" I asked, mortified.

Aro gathered me into a bear hug, similar to something Emmett would do. "Oh Isabella, discussing and embarrassing each other about their sex life is the Cullen way. Welcome to the family," Aro said playfully as his gaze lingered onto my ring. Yep, Aro was definitely drunk, he's only playful after drinking way too much. No matter what, he was always sharp. And right now, he was as sharp as ever.

Carlisle and Esme also gave me big hugs and ventured to look around the house. "Oh my god Rachel – you did this?" Esme inquired as she took in the Christmas décor.

"Yes," she said nervously.

"This is beyond my expectations," Esme murmured as she looked around the living room. Rachel created a Hawaiian Christmas wonderland. If I didn't watch her put everything together I would have thought she hired someone professional to put it together. "It's perfect."

"Thank you, Esme. That means a lot coming from you."

"Are you sure you're not an Interior Designer?" Esme asked impishly.

Rachel laughed. "No! I received lessons on Christmas décor from the best – Renee Swan," she said smiling.

I did a double take and I noticed Aro's eyes zoom in on her. "My mother taught you about decorating?"

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, that was her favorite holiday. The one time Charlie allowed the meticulous tendency to run rampant."

I was trying to digest this bit of information when the side door opened. "Hey Family! Miss me?" Emmett yelled as he walked in.

Esme ran into the arms of her oldest son with a school girl glee; the way she was cooing you would think it was months rather than weeks since she's seen her kids. Alice, Rose and Jasper followed behind and the hugging and hellos started all over again. The quiet Edward and I had all week was definitely gone, but I didn't mind because it meant the family was back together. No matter how much Edward complains he loves being with his family and I will do everything in my power to keep that look on his face.

**oOo**

A rapid bang on our bedroom door woke us up the next morning. "Wake up! Wake up! Let's eat then open presents!" Alice yelled. Edward was smart enough to close and lock the bedroom door because everyone had access to the bungalows, well except the bedrooms.

"Go away!" Edward yelled back but I could see a smile ghosting his face.

"Wake up you sex fiends!" Rose shouted. "If I have to be up – so do you!"

I groaned and snuggled against Edward. "Let's pretend they're not here," I murmured against his side and fell asleep.

A loud bang suddenly woke me again. "Mom wants to open presents before we head to the base," Emmett said loudly. Edward and the band had planned a small show at the local Marine base for the stationed soldiers and families who could not get away for the holiday. Edward said usually he was so exhausted by Christmas he was barely awake for festivities with his family_. "I feel like a douche for not doing this before. Yeah I was tired but it was nothing compared to what they have to go through," Edward said, when he began planning the event._ When he shared his idea with the family they were more than willing to help out.

"Our presents are labeled under the tree – GO AWAY!" Edward yelled.

"Seriously if you don't come to the main house quick Ace is threatening to cook breakfast! Listen, I love that girl but not enough to endure her cooking!" Jasper pleaded through the door.

"Jazz I thought you liked my eggs!" Ace cried.

"Sorry sugar but I usually have to throw up after I eat your food," he admitted mournfully.

"They're not going to stop and the thought of Ace cooking makes my stomach turn," Edward said as he rubbed his eyes. "We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

With a sigh I reluctantly got out of bed, I heard Edward moan and I turned to see his desired filled eyes take in my naked form. It still amazed me that I was no longer shy when I was alone with Edward. Once in the bathroom I took a quick shower and was in the main house within ten minutes. When I walked in and stifled a giggle at the sight before me. Esme, Carlisle and Aro looked like death warmed over. Aro looked pale and sick and Carlisle was fairing no better as he had his head down tucked into his arm while Esme kept rubbing her stomach as she kept drinking her water.

When I arrived on the island I was completely hung over so I still had some of the 7-Ups and Sprites in the refrigerator. I grabbed a few cans and removed the water. "Water is a natural detox, it'll bring up all the toxins up in your body. Drink the soda and only soda today and you'll need to eat something with some acidity," I stated and gave them each an Extra Strength Tylenol before went into the kitchen to start breakfast.

"I still can't believe they were so fucked up last night," Emmett said as he chopped fruit which reminded me about Emmett's strict diet. He had to lose lots of muscle for this movie role and planned to make him a special omelet packed with protein and vegetables.

Edward laughed as he stared at his parents and uncle. "I think this tops your college graduation party," he said to Emmett as he began to place bacon on the pan.

"Yes, I think you're right," Emmett said with a laugh. "But not as bad when I was drafted; I wonder what brought it on this time."

"Who knows, they're so weird sometimes," Ace said as she snacked on a carrot. "So is anyone going to mention the new ring Bella has been sporting?"

I smiled and groaned simultaneously. Yesterday we were saved from discussing the ring due to the fact everyone proceeded to get drunk and catch up, the drinks were flowing and we just enjoyed knowing we had a secret a while longer. At one point in the evening Carlisle wanted a jam session and Alice went straight to the upright Steinway that was in the living room and the guys brought out their guitars. Aro, Rose, Esme and I watched with glee with an occasional moment when Rose would join in.

"Yes, I've been very curious about this ring but I was trying to be nice and not bombard you with questions. Well nice time is over - spill!" Rose demanded.

I looked at Edward, he only smiled and winked and proceeded to wash his hands. "Um…well it's a gift."

"Some gift," Emmett said without looking up from his task and Jasper just chuckled.

Edward just smiled and he dried his hands. "I asked Bella to marry me and she said yes," he said as tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. The look in his eyes made my heart race with anticipation and wished we were alone again. The spell was broken when we were engulfed in hugs and squeals which I think came from Emmett.

"Why is there so much noise coming from this kitchen?" Carlisle asked solemnly.

"Daddy, Edward asked Bella to marry him and she said YES!"

Carlisle just nodded. "Yeah I already knew that – I saw the ring," he replied softly. "Congrats Bella welcome to the family."

"Edward proposed?" Esme shrieked. I had not seen her standing behind Carlisle during the entire exchange. She came barreling into the kitchen and hugged both Edward and I, her hangover momentarily forgotten.

Carlisle came over and congratulated us. "The moment I don't feel like ass then I will give you a proper Cullen welcoming but right now I'm trying not to hurl," he whispered in my ear.

I could only laugh because this was so not Carlisle, for once he needed to be mended instead of the other way around. "It's okay Carlisle. As long as we have your blessing, I'm okay."

"Oh Bella, you had my blessing the moment I saw his tattoo in that hospital bed," he said earnestly.

Tears sprang into my eyes and I hugged him tightly. Carlisle was the one who saw me at my worst, he was a constant pillar of strength even when I ignored his advice. "Thank you!" I whispered back and discreetly wiped my tears. "Let me get you another Mountain Dew and something to eat – trust me you'll feel better."

"Thank you," he whispered and gave me another squeeze before he turned to congratulate his son. With a joyful heart I turned back to the stove to prepare breakfast, everyone helped to create a lovely Hawaiian Christmas breakfast.

**oOo**

I sat quietly on the couch next to Edward with a constant smile on my face as I watched the Cullens exchange gifts. With the price limit gifts made the holiday normal, very similar to when my parents were alive. Since there was not a lot of money gifts were never extravagant, they were thoughtful and meaningful. My mom once gave me a plastic heart necklace that I loved. A year later when I lost it on a field trip, which happened to be a year after she died, it left me depressed for days. The gifts today were just like those moments, sweet thoughtful gifts.

"The gift to Bella was more than the allotted budget because it's from Carlisle, Aro and myself," Esme said and handed me a small unwrapped jewelry box with just a bow. "Welcome to the family."

My heart raced, I lifted the box and found the Cullen crest attached to an antique white gold bracelet. "Isabella this crest was created by our great-great grandfather to symbolize love, honor and family," Aro said. "We protect our own."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat; instead ended up clearing my throat several times, and still no words had been spoken by me as of yet. Edward gently squeezed my knee and that's when I noticed the leather cuff he was wearing also had the crest. When I looked across the room everyone, including Jasper and Rose had the crest in the form of a cuff, bracelet or necklace. Aro and Carlisle were the only ones who wore rings.

Carlisle walked over and crouched down in front of me, his blue eyes clear and serious. "This bracelet symbolizes your place in this family, not only as Edward's future bride but simply as Isabella Swan," he said softly. "Not only do you have Jacob but you have us as well. Officially welcome to the family." I understood the meaning behind the simple words, which were strong and fierce. The tears I tried to hold back spilled down my face.

Once again I cleared my throat and tried to find the right words but again I was speechless. Instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on for dear life. Moments of the past few years flashed in my mind of Carlisle patching me together, encouraging me to run, and going beyond a doctor/patient relationship and his unwavering love. "Thank you, I wish I had something eloquent to say... but Thank You, Thank You and Thank you for welcoming me into your beautiful family," I whispered in this ear. "But most of all thank you for….everything."

When I untangled my arms from around Carlisle's neck, Edward sat forward with the bracelet in his hands and effortlessly clasped it around my wrist. I hadn't felt a part of a family since my parents were alive. Jake tried to fill that void, but it was a hole too wide; yet he did ease the ache. "FYI, I will never see you as my sister," he said flippantly and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Good cause I'm not into incest."

Before he could respond I was gathered in my second group hug of the morning. Edward was still within my sight as Jasper, Rose and Alice came to give me a hug. Emmett with a wide grin grabbed me by the waist, lifted me off the ground and hugged me tight. "Being in this family means you never fight a battle alone and we will always be by your side," he whispered in my ear in a serious tone. "Got it?"

I nodded and he gently put me back on my feet. "I mean it," he said and then winked with his usual dimpled smile. When it comes to Emmett - never let the jovial personality fool you, deep down he was a serious person, he so loved his family above all else.

Esme gathered me into a tight embrace, no words exchanged. When I first moved in with the Cullen's she was often my rock. At the beginning I would simply sit with her as she built furniture and some days she would let me vent. She never judged, just listened. Another pillar of strength when I desperately needed one and I always appreciated her.

When Esme released me I noticed Aro standing off to the side. "Well Isabella we've come a long ways since the first time we met," he said reflectively.

I frowned. "I remember that meeting…..I didn't like you," I said drily. When Aro threaten me in that hospital room, I was tempted to run him over in my wheel chair. Despite his often cold demeanor I've warmed up to him. As Edward reminded me his public persona was completely different from who he really was. He was a fierce warrior in a time of battle and I could not be more grateful he was on my side.

Aro nodded but I could see his lips twitching. "Good - then I did my job," he said and gathered me into a hug. By all accounts Aro was not a hugger but I was pleasantly surprised by this gesture. "Would you like to open my gift?"

I pulled back and flashed my bracelet at him. "Hello this is why we're hugging it out."

He gave me one of his rare smiles. "Yes, but I got you something else."

"Ohhoo, someone is going over the allotted budget," Emmett scolded.

Aro rolled his eyes. "Technically this didn't cost a thing," he said and handed me a letter size envelope. When I removed the contents, my heart stopped for a moment and eagerly looked to the bottom of the page and I felt a resurgence when I saw the signatures at the bottom.

As if he knew I felt Edward grasp my hand. "Ohmigod, is this final?" I wheezed and my gaze went back to the paperwork in my hands. I wasn't sure what I expected to find when I opened this envelope but my divorce decree was not on that list.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

"My divorce papers," I whispered.

Edward grabbed the papers out of my hands and looked them over. "Aro, this really finalized with the court?" he asked shockingly.

Aro arrogantly gave the signature Cullen smirk. "Yes, Judge Grey loathes Jane and eagerly finalized before the holidays. Otherwise you would have had to wait until February," he said gleefully. Glee and Aro don't usually go together but at this moment he looked like a kid in a candy store. But Aro did the one thing he promised me in that hospital room – he took down the Ramsey's.

My mouth dropped open and in my head there was a chant: Freedom! "I'm truly and utterly free."

Edward's eyes widened and before I knew it, he grabbed me and kissed me hard on the lips. I knew my pending divorce bothered him to a degree but even though he asked me to marry him, he really wanted this part of my life to be over. And it finally was.

"I wish I could tell you I had a helping hand in all this, but in reality his new attorney asked if I would come to the prison so he could sign the papers. He did make some amendments to the divorce settlement."

I frowned. "What do you mean? I got my settlement, he doesn't owe me anything."

"And that's what I told him but he said he wanted to be rid of everything, so he signed the house and all the cars over to you as well."

A chill went down my spine as I thought about the house I shared with James, it was the house of pain and I wanted nothing more to do with it. "Can I take a bulldozer to it?"

"You want to tear it down?" Edward asked.

"Yes, if I could with my bare hands but I'll settle on a bulldozer."

Alice came over with a tray of champagne. "I figured Cristal was required for this moment," she said with a grin and held her glass high. "Okay everyone raise your glasses – to my favorite Uncle, thank you for going beyond the call of duty for our friend and newest family member. And to Bella thank you for being brave when fear ruled your life. And because of that bravery my brother is actually happy and acts like a responsible adult; that alone deserves a huge thank you. But...it's your bravery and courage that makes you an amazing person and we love you. To Bella!"

"To Bella!" everyone cheered. Alice's words overwhelmed me so much I could not stop the tears from flowing. Edward gently wiped the tears from my eyes, and held me close; there was nothing like hearing his gentle I love you in my ear.

* * *

A/N: So...what do you think? Leave a comment...please! LOL But seriously, thanks for reading!


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